The Sun Sentinel's Russell Small offers this:

I have finally found an excellent use for Facebook – other than catching up with people I haven’t seen in 20 years.

Our son, whom I won’t name, heads to college soon and is down to only one important house rule: If you’re gonna be getting home later than 2 a.m., call and leave a message saying you’ll be out late and you’re okay.

One recent Thursday, my wife woke up at 4 a.m. (we won’t get into the reasons here) and saw he wasn’t home. She raced to the car, went to look for him, and they crossed paths as he was arriving home.

A week later, the wife wakes up at 6 a.m. and discovers, again, no son at home. She calls his cell phone; no answer, and no callback after her message was left. She calls all his friends’ cell phones; no answer there either.

Now she’s really beginning to panic. Wandering the halls, wondering what to do, she discovers that once again, he’s left his computer on (Electricity? We pay for that?). This time, the online DSL is running and his Facebook page is right there on the screen.

So the wife sits down and types a posting: “To all [our son’s] friends: [Our son] did not come home last night. He still is not home. He does not answer his phone or return calls. His friends aren’t answering their phones either. His father and I are worried sick. If you have seen him, please tell him to call home and tell us he’s all right. Thanks.” She signed her name.

A half-hour later, our son calls. “Do you know what you just put me through?” he barks into the phone at his mother, who picked up.

“Do you know what you put us through?” my wife answered. Her response was a bark magnified a dozen times.

“All my friends are phoning me to tell me to call home.”

“Good,” she answered. “At least they can get through to you.”

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What do you say, what do you do, if your child says he or she wants to change their gender?

If it takes a famous person like Chastity Bono to openly go through the process to create dialog, that's great. But not everyone is so lucky to have a built in fan-base, financial reserves, good connections. And not everyone is an independent adult.

Your questioning child still depends on you.

It's a complicated issue for those on the outside looking in.

But "complicated" doesn't even come close to describing the process for the individual going through it. How does he or she even begin to articulate it to others?

Think about this: a female wants to transition to male (F2M). Would that person want to be with females (straight) or other males (gay)? Conversely, would a male, transitioning to female (M2F) want to be with males (straight) or other females (lesbian)?

Is it even that simple? I think not.

Several articles and blogs have discussed one family where the parents are letting their 8-year-old son openly live life as a girl.
Here is one report.

For more insight, read this account of a woman whose son came to her and said "Mom, I need to be a girl."

Lots of organized information is available.

In this post Transproud helps parent navigate the reality that their child just announced they have a gender conflict.

The Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network is a voice within the school community to ensure a safe environment to GLBT youth and create open discussion.

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Today's guest blogger is The Kid, Cindy Kent's son. He's a good guy, and a busy one.

In between participating in South Broward High School's Summer BEACH program and finishing the rest of the day in martial arts, he took a few moments of his free time to jot down these notes, mostly because his mom made him. But for the record, after the task, he said he enjoyed it and he's up for being a guest blogger in the future.

Whew! Done with the middle school legacy, time sure goes by fast. In middle school I matured a lot, I also gained a ton of knowledge, friends and life skills.

Too bad not too many of my friends are going to my high school. I am lucky if ten of my friends are going to my high school. Most of my friends are going to South Plantation High, only because they want to be with their friends that are going there.

I am going to go to South Broward because I am really interested in marine science and they have a great marine magnet program. I really do care about my education and want to become successful.

I am going to be a freshman and have to start all over again as I work my way up to "The Top Dog."

As I am going into 9th grade I really do hope I can continue to do as well as I have done in middle school. I am an A and B student NO C's. I'd say that's commendable, and I am not over-complimenting myself.

Math is definitely my weakest point. The only grade I got in it this whole year was a B, still a good grade though, right? I even got an A in Spanish every quarter except the third quarter.

High school shouldn't be any harder as long as I continue to keep up with my assignments. I will surely be going into high school with a positive attitude!!!

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We've been following the story of nine teenage South Florida students and one teacher who have been quarantined in China because they were seated in close proximity to a man who had swine flu symptoms on their plane.

It seems some of our readers were surprised, not because the Chinese were so worried about swine flu, but because teenagers were touring a foreign country without their parents.

"Who in their right mind would allow their CHILD to travel to China?" wrote one reader who calls himself (or herself) "Alrighty Then."

Alrighty then, who would? If the tiny bit of research I've done is any indication, study abroad programs are plentiful and often welcome teenagers. Adults chaperones accompany them, but the majority of children participating are not accompanied by their parents.

I don't know that there's a right or wrong answer here. I saw one site that featured a study abroad program in Spain that welcomes children as young as 5.

I'd draw the line there. No way am I sending a 5-year-old to Spain, or any other country, without me or my wife. It's tough enough seeing your child off to his first day of school for a few hours. Shipping him off to another country for a few days or weeks? I can't imagine it.

When is a child old enough to study abroad? And how much does it depend on the destination?

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Our children completed another year of school. But that doesn’t mean they’re any smarter about online safety.

Just because its summer vacation doesn’t mean rules are on vacation either, especially when it comes to kids and their online Internet activity.

Some kids are going to find they have a lot of time on their hands because many parents can’t afford to send their child to camp, or for other reasons simply choose to have the kids stay home. Other kids looked for summer jobs but didn’t get one.

TV, playing video games and surfing the net will fill a lot of that time. Facebook, MySpace, e-mail, Twitter, online games and draw people into communities online --with total strangers.

My son will be pretty busy with a marine school magnet program and martial arts. But he does go online. I’m pretty confident though, he’s very safety savvy. He’s extremely diligent about the sites he visits.

He implemented programs to protect his data. He does not veer from his usual book marked favorites. He runs software that prevents random sites from popping up. He does not use Facebook or MySpace. He only rarely e-mails family members and friends.

In fact, I’ve learned a lot of online tips from him. We are constantly sharing information about something we’ve learned.

When he first started going online, I constantly repeated these safety tips – and they’re good for anyone of any age:

1. Never give out personal information like your name, telephone number, address, e-mail, or school name.

2. Be cautious: people you chat with online may not be who they say they are.

My top two tips can be found at

Mcgruff.org

What rules and safety tips have you and your children discussed and implemented?

Add your ideas to the list of safety tips with your comments.

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Take a big deep breath - and a bow - you survived another year of school.

You helped the kid with their homework.

You drove them everywhere getting the kids to and from.

You behaved during teacher conferences.

You were the science project cheerleader. You fed the kids, made sure they had clean clothes to wear to school.

Let the fun begin.

We started last night with a huge cookout and sleepover.

It is a great way to say "good job," to the kids and pat ourselves on the back too. (We always like a party!)

How is your family celebrating the end of the school year and the beginning of summer?

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"Power 96, please."

They jump into the car and, without saying hello, request their favorite radio station. Or at least the station they want to listen to at this particular moment.

I may not hear a word from them for most of the 20-25 minute trip home, save an occasional request to change the station. But I'm lucky this time. Often, I remind myself, they jump in with iPods attached to their ears. And their phones are always on, sending text messages as quickly as they can receive them.

I'm no better. Checking e-mail on the Blackberry, looking to see whether someone I'm following has said something interesting on Twitter, even checking my Facebook updates at times.

No, I can't point a finger at them without three fingers pointed right back at me.

As a stepfather, I don't have a lot of rules that are identifiably mine. But there's one thing I insist on: The gizmos are not allowed at the dinner table. That's my rule, one I am not shy about enforcing, with a gentle but visibly annoyed, "please put that away while we're eating."

I don't have to imagine what it would be like without these gizmos. Like many of you, I need only remember.

Remember when phones in the house had cords? When, in order to be on the phone, you needed to be in a particular chair?

I love the gizmos. I do. But they're supposed to connect us to each other, not disconnect us from each other.

Resistance is NOT futile! Has anyone managed to do an effective job of unplugging? I could use a few tips, if you've got 'em.

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I am obsessed with the Palin family, so I'll be sure to read the upcoming story in GQ magazine about Levi Johnston, father of Bristol Palin's baby.

According to New York magazine, which got an advance copy, Levi is an inscrutable type who likes to hunt and fish and "may or may not" be looking for a job. He and Bristol have been exchanging "flirty" text messages and are in regular contact.

Since I posted yesterday about Bristol's silly abstinence campaign, I had to check out what Levi's latest statements are re abstaining from sex, now that he has a five-month-old boy. He told the Early Show: "I don't just think telling young kids, you can't have sex, it's not going to work. It's not realistic."

Love the contrary messages from the confused teen parents! Keep it up, kids, this is fun!

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I had to look at the lead of this Miami Herald story several times yesterday to make sure I was reading it correctly:

A 15-year-old Hialeah boy who had a months-long romantic relationship with a teacher at his religious school must end the affair, a Miami child welfare judge ordered Wednesday.

Where do we begin?

It was a religious school. It took place over months. A judge had to order them to stop!

Is there a loophole in the statutory rape law that I'm not aware of, one that says it's okay until the judge orders an end to it?

As you read further into the story, you can see why the judge felt a need to step in:

The mom, Hialeah police say, consented to her son's affair with 32-year-old Maria Guzman Hernandez, and allowed the couple to travel together for a weekend getaway at Disney World.

At the hearing, the mother's attorney, Roberto Villasante, said she is disputing some of the allegations against her by DCF and the police.

''She is in disagreement with some of the items in the affidavit,'' Villasante said, ``particularly certain knowledge she had of what was going on.''

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Is there a parent out there who believes Bristol Palin is a role model?

Somehow, the 18-year-old daughter of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin has gotten a job promoting abstinence through the Candie's Foundation, which seeks to prevent teen pregnancies. Bristol has a 5-month-old boy now.

She had previously told Fox News that abstinence wasn't realistic. Now she says: "It's a hard choice, but it's the safest choice and it's the best choice."

What was the Candie's Foundation thinking? I can't imagine any parent saying, "Be like Bristol Palin." Looks like more of a publicity move for this foundation than rational thinking on who would be a good teen role model.

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The cell phones go on their chargers in the kitchen at 10 p.m. on school nights. Period. Or else. Or else… what?

I feel strange answering that question. Turn off the phones or I’ll, or I’ll, or I’ll tell you to turn them off AGAIN, this time in italics!

They’re not impressed.

“It’s 10:15. Time to put the phone away,” I say.

“I will,” each one responds.

Will? What’s this “will” garbage? I didn’t ask them to put it away later. I told them to put it away now.

Or else…

And I’ve got nothing.

Discipline is a challenge for any parent of any teenager. And while this isn’t a scientific or comprehensive social poll, the experts on stepparenting seem to agree that the challenge of disciplining teens is magnified for stepparents.

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Will people do just about anything to get on TV?

I'm thinking of the Palm Beach County moms who appeared on "Oprah" recently to talk about how they handled their 14-year-olds' love affair.

Lisa LaPlume, mother of Pierce, and Beth Greene, mother of Courtney, went on the show with the kids after LaPlume responded to a query on Oprah's Web site: "Parents -- need help talking to your kids about sex?" The show took up the question, with the help of sex therapist Dr. Laura Berman, of whether the teens were ready to get into bed.

LaPlume admitted she had bought condoms for them, which apparently drew lots of criticism from the audience and the Web. Ultimately, the teens did not have sex and are now "friends."

Can you imagine airing this personal family drama on TV? Shows me that people will gladly humiliate themselves for their 15 minutes of fame.

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My 9th-grade daughter is about to dissect a pig in biology class.

I remember dissecting a frog in high school and learning a lot about anatomy by picking through its body. But for some reason, the idea of dissecting a pig has made me a sudden animal-rights activist.

In our computer-assisted age, it seems so antiquated to be killing animals for high-school dissection purposes. There are excellent Web sites, such as this one, that my daughter's bio class used to dissect a computerized frog.

There's probably no comparison between the real thing and the computerized version. But I say save the real animals for medical students.

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I was thrilled when my 15-year-old daughter told me her language arts class would be reading "Romeo and Juliet."

Finally, some real literature! A short respite from the FCAT essay-writing and fill-in-the-correct-answer obsession!

Unfortunately, my joy was shortlived. She told me she could hardly understand a word. She said she would blank out until the teacher translated into modern English.

I got out my college Shakespeare text and reread it myself. And even I had difficulty getting through it. In our age of e-mailing, texting and Twittering, Shakespeare seemed dated and foreign.

How depressing. "Romeo and Juliet" has drama, teen lovers, sex, priests, poison and death. We could learn a lot from the silly family rivalries that prevent the pair from going public. Shakespeare's final line still holds true: "For never was a story of more woe/Than this of Juliet and her Romeo."

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Are you Superman? You know, invincible? Able to withstand pain and injury, maybe whiz around the world and turn back time if you screw something up and hurt someone unintentionally?

Rocky Kaller wants to know. He’s 17, got his driver’s license last year, and has already shown considerable common sense about an issue that affects us all: people who text while they’re driving.

Are you one of those drivers?

I am. And I shouldn’t be.

Ordinarily, I’d be afraid to make such a confession. Who wants to admit they’re doing something so obviously dangerous and avoidable? My older stepdaughter takes her driving test in a couple of months. What kind of example am I setting?

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This hurts.

Read this today in MassLive.com:

SPRINGFIELD - Hundreds of people filled the Alden Baptist Church Monday for the funeral of Carl J. Walker-Hoover, the 11-year old boy who hung himself last week after complaining of bullying by classmates at the New Leadership Charter School.

"Our prayers are that this crisis will make Springfield a better community," said the Rev. Hugh A. Bair, who delivered the eulogy that capped the 2.5-hour service.

"The name calling must stop; the bullying must stop," he said, resulting in applause from the overflow crowd.
...
His mother said he suffered taunts and threats from other students who made fun of him, insulted the way he dressed and called him gay since he began attending the school in September, Walker said. Read the rest here.

I had a very difficult time reading this article because it’s so senseless and painful, to know people can be so unenlightened and cruel.

I am sorrowful for the mother, for young Carl. I'm sad for all of us. In the death of this 11-year-old boy, a victim of harassment and bullying, who hanged himself, we're all victims, regardless of our sexual orientation.

There are untold numbers of victims in this case: Those who fear coming out about their sexuality; those who fear helping; those who have LGBT friends and family members. Those who just want to ask questions.

This month, a local church is hosting a workshop that many people can benefit from.

Riviera Presbyterian Church is hosting “Gender Identity and Our Faith Community,” a public workshop from 1p.m. to 4 p.m. Sunday, April 26.

This is Riviera's promotion about the event:

Do you know what 'gender identity' means to you? Have you ever wondered what struggles transgender people face? Do you have questions about where our ideas of 'appropriate' gender expression stem? Do you feel called as a person of faith to stand with those who are marginalized, but are not sure how to advocate politically from a religious voice? If you answer yes to any of these questions than we have a FREE workshop for you!

Please join Riviera Presbyterian Church on Sunday, April 26th from 1 pm to 4 pm for a moving discussion on 'Gender Identity and Our Faith Communities' sponsored by the Religion and Faith Program at the Human Rights Campaign. We will be joined by HRC staff member and transgender educator, Allyson Robinson, who will lead us from acceptance to advocacy on issues of gender identity and LGBT equality. This workshop will challenge us, liberate us, and help us grow as a community committed to justice for everyone.

Address: Riviera Presbyterian Church, 5275 Sunset Drive, Miami. The free workshop is open to the public. RSVP: Phone: 305-666-8586. E-mail: rivierachurch@bellsouth.net. Website.

There are resources all over the country as well as locally.
Volunteers and experts are dedicated to getting the word out about nonviolence, LGBT issues, mentoring and more.

Pridelines Youth Services

YES Institute

Parents, Family and Friends of Gays and Lesbians

Compass Community Center, Palm Beach.

Gay, Lesbian Community Center, Fort Lauderdale.

There are many opportunities to embrace, to learn, to understand issue that surround sexuality and gender orientation.

People of all ages can learn a thing or two –and they should. It’s OK to reach beyond what you know, beyond your comfort zone.

Sometimes that might mean hearing what you don’t want to hear. It might be being with folk that aren’t like you.

But nothing is quite like making yours and your child’s world bigger – through understanding and knowledge.

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Its' a no-brainer, really.
When you acknowledge the spirituality of others, you learn more about yourself. You gain insight.

That's what we told The Kid when we explained why we were hosting a Passover dinner in our home this week.

Our guest list included Jewish people and Christians. We invited friends, neighbors and co-workers to a "Gentile Passover". Everyone was touched by our invitation. One said she had been thinking about what she would do this holiday.

We made Matzo Ball soup, from scratch; and roasted chicken and lamb. Our neighbor cooked a brisket.

All of us, including The Kid and his friend, listened as one of the guests explained the meaning of the opening plate and what the food on it signified.

Everyone brought something to the table.
But the main courses were inclusiveness, love, respect and friendship.

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Anyone raising a teenage boy, listen up. There are fashion trends, and there are stupid ideas that will get you shot - by a thug or by a cop.

The belt buckle you see here is an example of the latter: The Monroe County Sheriff's Office sent us a news release about a 17-year-old Stock Island boy who was on the business end of a deputy's pistol because he was wearing a belt buckle that looked just like a gun. There's a little more to the story, but fortunately the teenager was sharp enough to follow instructions and the deputy was careful enough to refrain from firing his weapon.

But whose brilliant idea was that gun-shaped belt buckle?

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My almost-15-year-old is about to get her driving permit, and I am extremely nervous.

Traffic deaths are the leading cause of death for teens. But as every other parent of a teen knows, it's not necessarily your kid who will be the bad driver. It's everyone else, especially here in South Florida.

I was surprised but impressed with the difficulty of the questions on the permit test. A sample:

If you receive 12 points within 12 months, for how long will your license be suspended? (30 days)
What is the maximum speed limit for passengers on a two-lane highway? (70 mph)

Not that knowing these answers will help her make split-second decisions. I've found that a big part of driving is not only those quick judgments but letting go of the ego and not caring if someone cuts in front of you and speeds ahead. I still think most 16-year-olds don't have that maturity.

The Dori Slosberg Foundation, based in Boca Raton, has started a campaign targeting teen driving deaths, including a Safe Teen Driver Awareness Week April 20 to 25. Click here for some tips on how to keep our teen drivers safe.

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"When a family's fortunes decline, the spending can be hard to justify."

We're pretty interested in this locally, and wondering if it's been happening in our area (Broward, Palm Beach and Miami-Dade Counties). The question is, with all the talk and experience of a recession, are youth sports taking a hit? A decline in enrollment? Unusual strategies to keep the operation afloat? If you're in a league or run a league and want to weigh in on this, leave a comment or contact SunSentinel reporter Nick Sortal.

This ran today in the Chicago Tribune, our sister newspaper up north...

By John Keilman | Tribune reporter Chris Labeots' fledgling basketball career might well have been saved by an installment plan.

The Hoffman Estates 8th grader is built like a bouncer, but his game is more finesse than muscle. With high school ball in the hyper-competitive northwest suburbs less than a year away, he figured he needed a summer with a travel team to improve his skills.

But Labeots' dad, Jim, is without full-time work and couldn't manage the $875 fee. So team director Tony Reibel extended an offer he's been making a lot lately: He let the family pay in affordable chunks.

"Chris wouldn't be able to play without that," Jim Labeots said.

Sports are practically a birthright for kids in Chicago's suburbs, where playing fields, swimming pools and gymnasiums teem year-round with young athletes. But as the recession tightens its chokehold, parents are being forced to consider a bitter sacrifice.

From baseball to soccer to hockey, many organizations are reporting a significant drop in the number of participants as families slash their discretionary spending. Some parents have lost jobs; others worry they'll be next.

"People were scared before, but now they're really scared," said Stephie Arkus of the Glenview Stars Hockey Association, which was anticipating a small decline in registrations.

In response, youth teams are coming up with creative ways to keep costs down and help out the newly broke, hoping to keep children active even when their parents' finances crumble.

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When I was in school, we never had a "Pull Up Your Pants Day." Never needed one.

But today, Plantation High School made such a designation.

Seems the trend of young men wearing pants barely above the hips began in the 1980s as a way for gang members to indicate they'd spent time in jail. It caught on as way to show "coolness," independence and defiance.

Broward County public school officials stated their mission in this news release:

“In an effort to reach out to young men and increase their self-esteem and self-image, school administrators and teachers are following President Barack Obama’s call to, 'Men of America – Pull up Your Pants.'"

The program included community leaders, mentors, and alumni handing out belts donated by WalMart to students. Guests attended a luncheon with students involved in the Mentors for Tomorrow’s Leaders Program, followed by a forum and panel discussion facilitated for students and staff. My colleague Gregory Lewis wrote about the event here.

It’s good to put a spotlight on what many people see as a negative message, and the behaviors that accompany it. It was clever and wise to create this program off of current events. Hopefully kids listen.

Rod Hagwood shares his fashion sense on the matter here.

And DetentionSlip has his take on the issue.

Still, I’m a little disturbed – students are rewarded by the attention of good people for what is essentially dressing badly.

When I mentioned the designated day to my son, he said, “Wow, that’s good, because to dress that way is so lame.” I asked him what he meant by that. “Kids don’t even know what that means,” he said. "It’s just stupid. They don’t know why they are even wearing their pants like that.”

Let me be clear, my son has lots of friends who wear their pants low.

I’m thinking now, which is dangerous.

I should give a few community leaders a call and ask them to go have lunch with my son.

They’ll recognize him by how well-dressed he is – he wears his pants around his waist. And he's never gotten any attention for following the rules. That would be nice for a change!

But instead of donating a belt, (he has one, and uses it) maybe they could hook him up with a new backpack — a few zippers are busted on his old one from carrying lots of school books and folders.

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Did a Miramar teacher overreact this morning when he had a 17-year-old student arrested for chest bumping him?

According to our article by Macollvie Jean-François, the teacher ordered the male student to go to class, and the student ignored the instruction. The teacher repeated his instruction and approached the teen, and the student responded with the chest bump heard ‘round the county.

Now the teen is charged with one count of battery.

Good.

I say this, admittedly, not knowing the full details of what happened. I can imagine a scenario in which the teen felt threatened by the teacher’s behavior and responded in a self-defensive posture. So yes, I can imagine the teacher possibly being in the wrong here. Then again, I have quite an imagination.

Easier to picture is a teacher giving a simple instruction and being ignored by a rude teen with an obnoxious sense of entitlement who thinks it’s okay to try to intimidate an authority figure whose only job is to make sure the kid has a decent shot at a better life. It shouldn’t take courage to tell a kid in a school to go to class.

I agree with the notion that chest bumping is not the same as taking a swing at someone, but it’s not as innocuous as responding with a nasty attitude either. I call it an act of pre-violent defiance. A kid willing to bump your chest is ready to do worse, and he should be dealt with accordingly. At first glance, I commend this teacher for responding with restraint and having the presence of mind to call school officials and the police rather than react in a way that would get the teacher arrested!

The teenager has been suspended, and police and school officials are reviewing surveillance tape of the confrontation. It’s a shame they have to, but it’s a good thing they can - for everyone's sake (including the accused student's). In the meantime, my gut as a parent is to stand with the teacher on this one. We should be teaching our teens to respect their teachers, not to threaten them with words or other means of intimidation.

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We did what any parent must eventually do – we cut the cord.

Only in this case, we canceled the cable service for television. It’s very liberating - we aren’t tethered to it anymore.

Admittedly, it’s more of an adjustment for us rather than The Kid. We adults had become lay-a-bouts. We’d be the ones to mostly say, “wait, after this show I’ll [fill in the blank: help you with your homework; cook dinner; clean the house; put out the fire, etc.]

The Kid does lots of other things already. His withdrawal symptoms will be much less than ours. He plays video and board games, card games; he reads and practices Tae Kwon Do; hangs out with his friends and does his homework.

But I think us big people will survive too. This week, one of us focused more on graduate course homework and the other did more housecleaning.

Though the true catalyst for disconnecting from pay television and switching to rabbit ears was driven by cutting expenses, we’ll gain so much more than loose change. We already have, we’re re-connecting with each other.

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What’s wrong with a few drinks during Spring Break? Plenty if you’re under-age.

And youth ages 14 to 20 have lots to say about it in the Florida Department of Business and Professional Regulation’s 2009 “Why Not?” Spring Break Video Contest.

Participants submitted videos on why they choose not to make alcohol a part of spring break plans: It’s unsafe, is the prevalent theme.

Using YouTube.com and SchoolTube.com, the initiative provided peer-to-peer communication through the Division of Alcoholic Beverages and Tobacco’s education and prevention efforts. The partnership also incorporated the Department of Education that encouraged educators throughout the state to share the contest with students.

The emphasis is a good year-round topic: after all, we have holidays, weekends and summers too!

Make it a family time moment when you check out the 30-second spots at MyFloridaLicense.com.

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All this talk about "sexting" has me concerned.

A recent article on SunSentinel.com tells the stories of several Central Florida teens who have been labeled sex offenders because they shared naked pictures of their teenage ex-girlfriends over their cell phones.

Where to begin?

While I have been concerned about my teenage stepdaughters and their fondness for various gizmos (the iPod, the cell phone, the digital camera, the cell phone with the digital camera), it hasn't occurred to me that they might take pictures that might come back to haunt them.

Yes, I am concerned about the difference between stupid kids sending inappropriate text messages and predatory criminals exploiting children to satisfy their lusts. They are, in my mind, separate issues. The predatory criminals are a law enforcement issue. To a greater extent, the kids being stupid kids - well, that's a parenting issue.

I honestly don't think our kids recognize the permanence of these digital photos. Back in the day (you remember back in the day, right?) we had film, and we had to take the film out to be developed, and you knew a stranger's eyes would see each and every image you shot. Casual, personal nudie shots, while not unheard of, were far from normal. At least, the potential for embarrassment was very real.

Not anymore. Now these images can be deleted with the touch of a button. The problem, of course, is that they can be copied just as easily. And forwarded. To e-mail boxes. And cell phones. And next thing you know, that photo you took just for your boyfriend is making the rounds at your school. Or worse. Ask Vanessa Hudgens. The High School Musical star was mortified in 2007 when her nude pictures surfaced on the Internet. And she's not one of the "bad girls" of Hollywood. She's the one our teens are watching, and the one whose error in judgment we need to explain.

So what can we tell our kids about the dangers of "sexting" (not from a criminal law point of view, but from a healthy childhood point of view)? Read on for some tips from the National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy.

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Who doesn’t want their kid to be adventurous?

We want our young man to brave his new world, make it bigger, and try new things. He's turning 14 years old in a few weeks.

We want him to actually visit family – in other states – for extended periods of time: a week, a summer month, a holiday - without us along.

It's all good stuff – he should spread his wings.
.
Only, should he spread his wings alone – that is – fly solo?

Independent Traveler.com , basically tells a horror story of a child flying unaccompanied by an adult.(There is a happy ending) The article goes on to give advice and some things to consider when booking a flight.

Just about every commercial airline website addresses the issue of a minor flying solo. They post their policies and provide tips.

There are websites, such as Forms4Parents.com where I can purchase a form and fill it in with detailed information. I can include instructions, identification and contact information.Then I can tuck the paperwork into The Kid’s pocket and keep my fingers crossed.

I can pack him off with a cell phone.

I know, I know, but this is also an emotional decision.

Do I hop on the plane and fly out with him and at the end of the visit, go out and come back with him?

Maybe I just ought to let him visit family via Facebook, from the safety of our own home.

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Some of you believe that until a teen-ager is 18, the parent is in charge. Well you're wrong. Florida schools allow kids to make one of the most important decisions in life -- the decision to be a high school dropout -- at age 16.

And apparently Broward's dropout rate is not necessarily something to brag about when you're trying to sell your house to someone from outside the area. The rate of graduations is 69.7 percent, compared to the state's 75.4 percent.

Here's the latest dropout data, including school by school dropout rates. Download file

The school board did what school boards do when faced with something this terrible: They convened a task force. Someone from that task force spoke at last month's Broward County's High School Council. According to the draft minutes:

The risk factors or predictors of dropping out are well known and include being over-age, behavior problems, poor attendance, low performance on standardized tests and grade retention. Minority groups are overrepresented in the dropout statistics.

The Council is talking about dropouts again this month. Their meeting topic is "Entering High School & Exiting With a Diploma.'' That's depressing. I have much higher hopes for my own son, who enters high school this fall. Exiting with a diploma I assumed was a no-brainer. Guess I was wrong.

If your kid is in middle school, you're welcome to attend the Council's meeting. It's on Thursday, March 5, from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m. at Plantation High School, 6901 NE 16th St. (graduation rate 71.4 percent).

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The news breaking today is that Chris Brown and Rihanna have reunited. That's according to People magazine.

Once again, the two superstars are, whether they intend to or not, sending messages to teens about what's proper behavior and what's acceptable. That's the price that comes with being a role model.

I think my stepdaughters are pretty sharp about what they would allow, but I also think some pretty sharp people have nonetheless been the victims of domestic violence. So we intend to have another talk with the girls about the boundaries they should set in their lives.

In the meantime, I don't envy Chris Brown or Rihanna. They're private pain is a public discussion, and that is one of the prices of fame.

By taking Chris Brown back, Rihanna has told the world either that he's innocent or that she's forgiven him. If he's innocent, that's great. If she's forgiven him, then she's taken a huge risk. It's a risk that's hers to take, and hers alone. I can't judge her for it.

I'm not an expert on domestic violence. I just interview them from time to time. And they tell me that episodes of violence are often followed by apologies and promises to change, and then by an attempt at reconciliation. After that, it can only go one of two ways: either the violence doesn't happen again, or it does - and worse.

If this was indeed an abuse case, then for Rihanna's sake, I can only pray that Chris Brown proves himself worthy of her trust and forgiveness.

Anyway, that's what I plan to tell my kids. What do you plan to tell yours?

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On other SunSentinel.com blogs today:

Cell phones are great for emergencies and as a way to stay constantly connected to your child. But children may abuse the privilege by browsing the Web too long, sending out too many texts or talking on the phone too much, all of which could run up your bill depending on your plan.

Want more control? Check with your carrier.

For instance, AT&T recently added a new feature to its menu of wireless parental controls. It allows parents to put more parameters around a child’s use of the mobile Internet. They can set a monetary limit or a megabyte or gigabyte limit for mobile Web browsing for the month, as well as set time of day restrictions on mobile Web use.

Read the rest on Consumer Talk with Daniel Vasquez

Working parents might shudder at the notion of a four-day school week for their kids, but I actually think it could be a good idea for high school students.

But only for high school students.

For elementary and middle school kids, it’s a terrible idea.

That’s because having a permanent free day during the workweek would be too nettlesome for working parents, who’d have to scramble for child-care alternatives.

But a four-day week for high school kids, who are older and more independent, could be a money-saving idea that has other benefits for society.

Of course, it could also lead to trouble, if kids don’t have anything productive to do.

Read the rest in Mayo on the side, the blog of Sun Sentinel columist Michael Mayo.

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A coworker sent me this link to a Chicago Tribune article with a disturbing observation. Remember the accusation that entertainer Chris Brown beat his girlfriend Rihanna? Well, it turns out some teens think she had it coming. I’m not kidding. Here’s the beginning of the Tribune article:

Ed Loos, a junior at Lake Forest High School, said a common reaction among students to Chris Brown's alleged attack on Rihanna goes something like this: "Ha! She probably did something to provoke it."

In Chicago, Sullivan High School sophomore Adeola Matanmi has heard the same.

"People said, 'I would have punched her around too,' " Matanmi said. "And these were girls!"

As allegations of battery swirl around the famous couple, experts on domestic violence say the response from teenagers just a few years younger shows the desperate need to educate this age group about dating violence.

Their acceptance, or even approval, of abuse in romantic relationships is not a universal reaction. But it comes at a time when 1 in 10 teenagers has suffered such abuse and females ages 16 to 24 experience the highest rates of any age group, research shows.

***

I heard the rumors, too. It didn’t take long for them to pop up. My stepdaughter came home from school the day after the allegations were made public and let my wife and me know exactly why Chris Brown beat Rihanna (a talented entertainer in her own right). And while she didn’t say Rihanna deserved it, she might as well have. After all, so the rumor went, what Rihanna gave Chris Brown was worse than the beating he gave her, wink wink.

First, my wife and I explained that schoolyard rumors are usually best left in the schoolyard. Only two people witnessed whatever happened, and it’s not likely that one of them called up a friend at Cypress Bay High School to spread the word.

But the bigger lesson, the one we hope stuck, was that violence in romantic relationships is unacceptable. I could tell my stepdaughter with near certainty that Rihanna didn’t deserve it because no one deserves to be beaten like that. I don’t care what she did. If you’re a man, you don’t hit her. Maybe you'll yell or scream or get loud in the heat of the moment. But you do not get physical (unless self-defense is an issue, which may happen but is certainly not representative of abuse cases).

I know some men (and some women) can explode if the wrong buttons are pushed, and without a doubt, it’s unwise to intentionally push those buttons. But I want my teenage stepdaughters to know that it is never, ever right to let a man strike them.

Erica Herman, director of social change at Women in Distress, succinctly shot down the notion that victims of domestic violence provoke the attacks against them. "Domestic violence is about power and control," she said, addressing a different rumor about the Brown-Rihanna altercation. "He didn't hit her because he was angry. He hit her to gain control."

We don’t know what happened. In our family, we hope Chris Brown is innocent, and we hope those pictures of Rihanna that surfaced on the Internet were faked. But if they’re authentic, then someone hurt this woman. And if it was Chris Brown, then he should pay. The shame of this whole thing is that our family is fond of this talented singer, dancer and actor. He’s a heck of an entertainer – I’d bet he could get a standing ovation at a cemetery.

But if this charge sticks, then he’ll have gone from Chris Brown to Bobby Brown, from undeniable talent to disgraced has-been (if only in my eyes). No, I wasn’t expecting perfection out of him. But I was expecting him to refrain from beating his girlfriend. I don’t think that’s much to ask at all.

If you’re a victim of domestic violence or of violence in a romantic relationship, you didn’t have it coming. You didn’t ask for it. It's not normal and it's not your fault. And there are places you can turn to for help. If you’re in immediate danger, call 911. If you need counseling in Broward County, call Women in Distress at 954-761-1133. In Palm Beach County, call Aid to Victims of Domestic Abuse at 1-800-355-8547.

Elsewhere, call the Florida Domestic Violence Toll-free Hotline at 1-800-500-1119 or the National Domestic Violence Toll-free Hotline at 1-800-799-7233.

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Every once in a while, technology/programming/computer gurus come up with something that a teen-ager would not find cool. It's about time that happened, after we were subjected to XBox 360.

That new thing is here, I think. It's called Google Latitude.

You enable it on a cell phone and it tells you where the cell phone user is, via Google Maps. It's advertised as a way to track your friends' movements.

Um, yeah. I certainly do consider my 13-year-old son to be my "friend,'' and yes, thank you, I'd LOVE to track his movements!

To me it sounds like a higher-tech version of the good old house-arrest ankle bracelet. If your kid walks out the door, you can find out. Like a good ankle bracelet should, this one would tell you the coordinates of your child's location, so you can apprehend him or her immediately.

I went to the website, and had it send a text message to my son's phone. You have to have permission from your child to set their phone up as a homing signal. But really, folks, is "permission'' really necessary from someone who relies on you for nourishment?

I don't spy on Creed. But I like to know where my friends are, especially, say, two hours after I drop one of them off in western suburbia at some kind of "church festival.''

Is that way too 2009 of me?

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What’s on your refrigerator?

Those drawings, homemade cards and magnets, yep - it's art. Our refrigerators serve as that hallowed Wall of Fame, the Living Museum for our child's creations. Every one of us has kids - and our kids are naturally gifted artists!

We alone possess their unique, original art - drawings of the family pet, a sunset, monsters and dinosaurs, fantastical worlds and perfect profiles. Masterpieces all.

Yet, we want all the world to see. It's time to share with the rest of us Moms and Dads.

Honor your toddler or teen: From the humorous to the serious; the whimsical to the introspective, bring it on - "hang" it up on our virtual family kitchen refrigerator.

We'll shuffle through those treasured toddler drawings and scribbles and the sophisticated draftings and renderings your teenagers create.

Then we'll post photos of their work each week. Here's how:

Take a photo of your child's art work and upload it to Refrigerator Art.

Once submitted, approval of the art can take up to 12 hours.

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Wow, homework is a hot topic.

We’re only looking out for our kids’ interests, from many points of view.

My last blog entry This just in: Kids assigned too much homework? elicited a lot of reaction from South Florida parents.

Eliza felt strongly that teachers are overly micromanaged: “We tie teachers' hands and continually lower the bar for our kids regarding their education.”

And Julie presented another perspective: “Yes, they need to learn discipline to enter the workforce, however, do adults spend most weekends and evenings doing work? or do adults go home from work and golf, ski, hike, go to movie, etc? I work full time, but I don't work every night for 2 hours and every weekend for 6 hours.”

Somewhere in the middle is balance - and truth. An elementary school student bringing home two hours worth of homework begs the following questions: Why? What happened in class that day? Does the student have difficulty paying attention? Is it really class work that was not completed? Is it really a 30-minute assignment but you are having trouble keeping your child on task? Maybe there is some fessing up to be done.

And teachers just might possibly appreciate the guidelines. I’d love to hear from some. Is every homework assignment graded? What's the value in giving homework - it's just more work for you too.

I agree trips and getaways are tricky to plan when there is homework to be done.

So, what grade would you give the Broward County School Board for this initiative:
Broward County School Board sets homework limits.

What do you like about it, what would you change?

[UPDATE:] Take a look at today's March 20th story by Akilah Johnson: Education Debate Bringing home too much work?

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Let me get this straight: parents are complaining about the amount of homework their children are assigned.

Apparently the Broward County School Board is expected to vote on homework guidelines that instruct instructors to: provide increased academic challenges in a more coordinated assignment of homework and projects. Oh – and none over holiday breaks and weekends. It will become an actual policy. We paid taxes for this discussion!

I think teachers have their [home]work cut out for them on this one. I see more teacher-planning and staff meetings ahead. I guess teachers will have to add some teacher planning days to the school calendar. The more the better - that would be one less day of homework assignments, per planning day!

Of course I think most students can handle the homework load they get.

Parents overbook their kids in after school programs like dance, sports, clubs, etc.

Sure, some kids, maybe many, many kids have the drive to do 1,483 things after school. How many of those things include chores – that’s homework too.

But, what happened to the reward system? How about telling your future ballerina or football star that school matters?

Kids need to communicate what’s on their plate and plan. We do it as parents in the big-people’s world, and they’ll be a part of that one day.

Not too long ago, it was proposed that students get paid to attend school and do their school work. Wow!

Now, we’re asking the teacher to be considerate of weekends and holidays. How much of that valuable time will the kid spend in front of a TV, text-messaging friends, e-mailing and playing video games? Please.

I’m wondering: while we’re asking teachers to be so considerate, think I could get a couple over to my house to wash a few windows?

[UPDATE: The Broward County School Board approved today new homework guidelines that urge teachers to assign academically challenging work while also being considerate about not assigning too much homework over religious holidays and weekends.

While the policy is careful not to assign time limits for homework, the district's guidelines suggest 10 minutes of work for each grade level. So a first grader would get an assignment that takes about 10 minutes to finish, while a high school junior's total homework load would take 110 minutes to complete.]

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Just a few years ago, I vividly recall seeing the hordes of teen-agers loafing around at Sawgrass Mill's Oasis area, and declaring, "I would never let my teen just go hang out at a mall.''

I felt the same way about the teens loafing at Riverfront complex in Fort Lauderdale. "Who drops their kid off with no money and nothing to do but bother people?'' I would say.

Life has a way of providing answers. Now my son is 13, and it's all become crystal clear to me.

On weekend nights, all the brats of Broward County congregate in public places like movie theaters and malls. Parents drop them off, or the kids ride county buses to get around. Or they walk or ride bikes.

I grew up in rural Iowa, and then rural Oklahoma. So I don't have experience with teenagers in urban settings.

What should their curfew be? Creed is only 13, but when I made him come home at 11:30 p.m. from some kind of carnival that was going on out west, it seemed he was leaving the entire teen population of Broward behind.

What kind of county is this, where kids stay out till midnight or later doing nothing?

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My son was born a week and a half ago. My feet haven’t quite touched the ground yet, but I’m back at work and still trying to take stock of how much things have changed.

Shortly before Leo was born, I asked readers for a bit of advice. The feedback was good and profound. A reader named Cathy wrote, “There's a good line from a Steve Martin movie...there's no way to be a perfect parent but there are a million ways to be a good one.” I liked that. A personal friend told me to remember “the days are long, but the years are short.” Very, very true.

The two pieces of advice I have are not nearly as profound, but I hope they help more than one dad-to-be out there. Here it goes:

First, learn to swaddle the baby. You’ll mostly need this skill on night two, when the baby realizes his change of environment is permanent. He’ll feel a little more secure if he’s in that snug environment. It’s likely the nurses and other hospital staff will be able to help you with this, but you’ll be proud to be able to do it yourself.

Second, assuming you’re going to be spending a night or two in the hospital with your wife, do yourself one favor. Bring an air mattress. The sofa bed you’ll be sleeping on is not fit for human backs. True, you’ll be so tired those first two nights that you will manage to sleep anyway. And your discomfort is nothing compared with what your roommate will have just endured, but still.

I hope you weren’t expecting anything more profound. I don’t have it, yet. I can tell you that I feel so much closer to my wife. I feel closer to my stepdaughters, too. I don’t share a blood relationship with Kay and Pax, but my son is their brother, and that cements us as a family. From the day I married their mom, I promised Kay and Pax that I would love them as my very own. But how could I have known what that meant? I didn’t have a child of my own until a week and a half ago.

Now I have three, because I understand now what that promise meant.

Everyone is different. I can’t tell you that you will become closer to the members of your household. I can’t tell you that your relationship with your wife will become deeper and more meaningful. That’s not advice. It’s been my privilege to experience, and it is my wish for you.

My advice? Learn to swaddle. And bring an air mattress. Your back will thank you.

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Oh boy!

And I do mean oh, Boy!

It’s about The Kid’s hair. He’s got that grooming thing going on now. And, I must say, he looks pretty dapper!

In the morning getting ready for school, we hear him thinking out loud: “Which gel today? The one that makes them want to run their hands through my hair? Which cologne?" Then we hear humming. Water running, straightening the collar; another quick glance in the mirror – lights off and he’s out the door.

"Bye," he calls out with a smile. He heads to the bus stop, a spring in his step. This is one confident and happy guy.

For those totally overwhelmed and baffled parents and teenagers, KidsHealth offers lots of tips and advice on personal hygiene.

In the meantime, we’re going to have to rearrange a few shelves in the bathroom, to make room for his stuff.

What fashion raves and grooming obsessions is your teen going through?

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I can vouch for the influence parents have over their communities.

When I was way too young to remember, my dad was on the front lines of the civil rights movement. He represented white people pushing for change, he represented his faith as a Presbyterian minister, and ultimately, he simply represented his family.

Recently, one of my brothers found this clip about him from an old 1961 edition of Jet Magazine. He was quoted, “Let me tell you of several incidents when Jesus was caught in the act of sitting-in,” said Henry Warren Kunce. I cannot begin to express my pride!

So it’s not a stretch for me to see the value in National Parent Leadership Month that honors and celebrates parents for the vital roles they fill in their homes and communities.

But, not everyone has the opportunity to take on a mission like the one my dad did.

Still, other issues are just as noble, like Prevent Child Abuse Florida. For many, it’s a cause way too close to home.

The organization engages parent leaders in developing program strategies and public awareness materials through its Florida Circle of Parents program, to prevent child abuse and neglect through mutual, self-help parent support groups.

Based on shared leadership, mutual respect, and inclusiveness, the free, confidential and non-judgmental groups are open to anyone in a parenting or care-giving role.

There are 54 groups throughout Florida.

Find a Florida Circle of Parents support group in your area.

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Well, here goes everything.

If all goes according to plan, the next time I report in this space, I will be a biological father for the first time.

I've been a stepfather for the last 19 months, but it's not the same thing. I wasn't there for their births, for their first words or their first steps. I didn't see them off to school for the first time ever, and I missed maybe 100 dance recitals and performances. I've done what I can, screwed up plenty, tried to understand and tried to get them to understand.

I feel as though I have evolved so much in the last two years. I'm no longer the clueless bachelor stepping into fatherhood, but neither do I feel ready for what's coming in just three days. This tiny little boy is about to show up and change everything I've ever known.

Can I confess to being nervous? (Could I possibly deny it?)

One of the things I hear all the time from parents is that they wish they knew then what they know now: about parenthood, about being a father, about life, about children, about what makes a marriage strong...

Well, you can't go back in time, but you can throw a little bit of your hard-earned wisdom in my direction.

So let me have it. Give me one piece of advice, a piece of advice you wish you'd had before you became a dad for the first time.

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Two teens are here at the Sun Sentinel today, shadowing me in my job as a reporter. I asked them to give parents advice on dealing with teen-agers.

High schoolers Famishia Williams and Kelsey Dean

KELSEY DEAN, 17, WESTERN HIGH SCHOOL in Davie

"As far as advice for parents of other teens, give us space, but not too much. We're still learning. We will make mistakes.
Don't brush us off as children, but don't assume we know what we're doing all of the time.
Overprotection and underprotection can cause rebellion. And even if you're doing everything right, we'll criticize you anyway. It's how we get our point across.
Also, don't undermine a teenager's problem; it might seem irrelevant to you, but to us, it probably means the world, at least for the time being.''

FAMISHIA WILLIAMS, 17, NORTHEAST HIGH SCHOOL in Fort Lauderdale:

"Communication is key. When dealing with teen-agers, especially girls, it's important not to simply assume that you know exactly how they feel and what's going on with them because you've "been there before.''
It's important to do more listening than talking because honestly, we want nothing more than to express the way we feel and tell parents everything that's going on in our lives without being judged.
Most parents feel uncomfortable with talking to their teens about certain subjects such as sex, love, drugs and other things that are important to us. Parents have to sometimes cross that line dividing parenting and befriending. Parents have to come out of this dictative mindset and talk to teens. That 'my house, my rules' cliche is becoming a bit overrated.
Children are tired of being silenced. It's time to listen.''

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One thing I hadn't prepared myself for as a parent was having an in-house critic analyzing everything about me.

I open my mouth occasionally while chewing, I don't keep the living room clean enough, I have bad hair days, I've been known to drink out of the orange juice container, and sometimes I eat with my fingers instead of using a fork.

All of that has gone happily unnoticed for years in our household. By now, my spouse has learned to look past my flaws because he knows I will never admit them. Thus, there's no point bringing them up.

And then Creed turned 13. Suddenly I have another set of eyes on me. It's like being on reality TV, where every mistake I make is fodder for discussion.

If my husband and I argue, I no longer walk away feeling victorious. Now I have to hear, "Why did you say that to Dad?''

I'm still trying to get used to this new arrangement. Kids walk around oblivious to the world for so many years, and anything that does snag their attention can easily be smoothed over with a parent's white lie. ("Of course that's not beer in my cup! They don't allow beer inside movie theaters. It's Sprite.'')

Right about this age, you're finally seeing the results of your consistency in the first dozen years.

If you didn't consistently impose homework requirements and academic standards, you'll be lost at this point. If you were off-and-on about your child keeping his room clean and his bed made, don't try now. If you didn't consistently show through your own behavior the kind of character you want your kid to have, you can't really start in the teen years.

So in some ways, the incubation is over, and the hardest work is done.

But in another respect, after a dozen years of correcting your child's behavior and pointing out their mistakes so they can reach their full potential, the tables get turned on you. Better hope you have nothing to hide.

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The first time I heard of Amy Juergens, she was speaking directly to me about the need for parents and children to be open when it comes to talking about sex.

Amy is the protagonist of “The Secret Life of the American Teenager,” an ABC Family series (Monday nights, 8 p.m.) about those crazy, promiscuous kids and all the trouble they get into – including 15-year-old Amy’s unplanned pregnancy. My younger stepdaughter, 13, has started to get into the show.

Tacked onto the end of each episode is a PSA featuring Amy, lead actress Shailene Woodley, telling parents not to assume their kids are having sex just because they ask about it (and telling teens not to assume their parents don’t care if they don’t bring up the subject). Teen pregnancy is preventable, she reminds viewers.

Splendid.

I don’t know yet what to make of this show. Its creator is Brenda Hampton, who was also responsible for the long-running, family-friendly WB series “Seventh Heaven.” I’ve seen two episodes of “Secret Life,” not enough to form an opinion, but enough to form an impression – it’s making teen pregnancy into bad sitcom fodder, and it’s sugar-coating what happens next in a way that can’t be undone with a well-meaning PSA.

In last Monday night’s season premiere, Amy married her boyfriend, who is not the baby’s father. Now, I’m not going to say that such things never happen. I’m sure they do. But it’s not reality for most teen mothers. In fact, according to stayteen.org (the Web site Amy sends kids to at the end of each episode), fewer than 8% of teen mothers end up marrying the baby’s father. I doubt a statistic even exists for the infinitesimal number of teen mothers who marry someone other than the baby’s father before the child is born.

When parents split, Dad doesn’t smugly set up an apartment in the garage. One parent actually leaves the house. Divorce is ugly. Teen pregnancy is agonizing. People get hurt. True friends reveal themselves and, unfortunately, so do false friends. And most of the time, it’s not funny.

And yet, there’s something about this production that keeps me from dismissing it or selling it short.

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Our readers appear to be torn over who should be blamed for the sex scandal at Glades Middle School in Miramar.

It's important to note that not all facts on the case have been revealed. Here's what we do know:

Three 7th graders have been suspended and face expulsion for alleged "inappropriate sexual conduct." The school district on Wednesday used the word "perpetrators" to describe the three students (two boys, one girl). A short time later, police issued a news release indicating there were others involved in the case who were described as "victims."

School district spokesman Keith Bromery said Wednesday that two teachers were reassigned as part of the investigation because the behavior is alleged to have occurred in their classrooms.

And that's one part of the story that seems to have parents upset. To put it delicately, what exactly was this "inappropriate sexual conduct," and how could it have taken place in a classroom without a teacher noticing? The more serious the misconduct, the harder it is to believe a teacher didn't notice it.

So how serious was it?

Meanwhile, other readers who are responding to the story think we should be blaming the parents of the three suspended students. Teach them right from wrong, they argue, and we won't be reading about sex in the classroom.

That may be true, but it doesn't account for teenage rebellion. I mean, if Franklin Graham could go through a period of rebellion (despite the efforts of his father -- a preacher named Billy whose name you might recognize), how can anyone automatically blame the parents when teens go astray?

"Not only do kids rebel -- kids need to rebel," said Jaclynn Faffer, chief executive officer of Ruth Rales Jewish Family Service in West Boca, which runs a hotline for teens who need counseling.

Unfortunately, she said, sometimes teen rebellion can go too far, particularly when parental influence is outweighed by other factors. "Once kids are entering adolescence, peer groups have much more influence than parents," she said. Add to that a pervasive media and the Internet, and the job of keeping kids in line becomes more difficult for even the most involved parents.

Not that Faffer lets parents off the hook: "There is still the reality that parents need to spend time with their kids, talk to them, open a dialogue. And that needs to start at a young age."

Other readers are blaming school administrators, the principal and even the alleged victims, who didn't begin reporting the incidents until last Thursday.

Blame the perpetrators? Blame the victims? Blame the teachers? Blame the parents? Blame the school?

We know the old saying: it takes a village to raise a child. Is the whole village, then, to blame?

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By Cindy Kent

We were sitting around the breakfast table recently when my 13-year old son asked why doctors give out free condoms to kids .

And what adult wouldn't jump at the chance to display their deep wealth of knowledge on any given topic -- especially sex?

So almost simultaneously we both answered, "Because kids your age are having sex."

"Why?" he asked.

"Because they love.....loving," I said. I was trying to avoid being graphic. But my son caught the error.

"Oh come on, " he said. "Even I know at this age it isn't love."

Wow! He's good. Darn, the conversation is going to end before it gets started!

"You're right, " said the other wizened adult in the house. "But for some, it might feel like love to them."

That doesn't make it right, we all agreed. We talked about how risky it is - that there is a lot wrong with young teenagers being sexually active. (Trust me, there are a lot more discussions ahead.)

As he and his friends discuss sex, he is pretty well armed with sensible information.

The only true test will be over time, how he manages, processes and puts into practice the things he knows .

In the meantime, he can take a quiz: Sex, do you know your stuff? on About.com: Teen Advice.

For parents and their children, there are quizzes, articles, blogs and advice. Questions children have about sex are headlined as topics. I took the Sex, Do you know your stuff ? quiz and passed. Whew!

The idea is not to turn your child away from getting answers and having discussions with you. But if you find you are at a loss for words when the big questions come, or you think you child would appreciate the additional information then check out "Let's talk about sex, for the first time" and "Why do adults make such a big deal about teens having sex? "

Discussing sex on our son's level is powerful and beneficial to him. We hope he'll keep that line of communication open always for a wonderfully fulfilling relationship in the future .

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I recently filed an article for SunSentinel.com about MySpace safety. Here's how it started:

Do you know who all your kids' friends are? Do your kids know?

Attorney General Bill McCollum is betting they don't, and that's just one of the challenges parents and children face when it comes to Internet safety.

"I go into a school and ask a class full of children whether they have MySpace pages," McCollum said. "They all have them, from sixth grade up. And I've never been to a school where there wasn't at least one student with more than 400 'friends.'"

Parents and children need to view friend lists on social networking sites with suspicion, McCollum said. "They call these people friends, but they don't know them."

Read the rest of the article here.

I'm a little bit worried about the amount of time our girls spend on MySpace, but mostly grateful that they both had the wisdom to set their pages to private so that they can only be viewed by their friends. The real issue, as far as I see it, is the fact that they have hundreds of MySpace friends.

McCollum's warning struck a chord with me as a parent, and I remember asking the girls if they personally knew everyone on their friend list. They insisted they did, but I have a confession: I didn't follow through. I didn't sit with them and go through their list, profile by profile, to make sure they knew everyone they were befriending. Should I? Would you?

I did want to pass on something helpful I stumbled on: The Kim Komando radio show put up a decent MySpace dummy page showing potential safety issues raised by the posting of private information. If you click on that banner above, it'll open that site in a new window. You may be surprised at how easy it is for your kids to post information that makes them vulnerable.

There's something else on that site, too: a "Ten Commandments" for kids online. It has you and your kids promising communication and cooperation when it comes to Web surfing.

Novel concept.

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Say this for the wholesome teens of Disney’s “High School Musical” franchise: there are worse things they could do.

At first glance, there’s not much difference between the halls of East Side High and those of Rydell High, the school attended by the students of “Grease.” Each school has impossibly bubbly teens who break out into song with little warning. And somehow, everyone knows the words to every song, along with the accompanying dance moves.

But the similarities pretty much end there, especially if you’re a parent. I think if my mom and dad had really listened to the lyrics of the “Grease” soundtrack, they would have banned it from my house. Oh, sure, “Summer Nights” was harmless enough on the surface (although when Danny said “She was good, you know what I mean,” I didn’t). But did you ever listen to the lyrics of “Greased Lightning”? How on earth did we get away with playing that song and dancing to it in the presence of our parents?

Ah, but in the late 1970s, Grease really was the word, wasn’t it? It had groove. It had feeling. It had… well, it had a little bit more than young children should see and hear, no? Because Grease really wasn’t a high school musical. It strikes me that Grease was produced in the 1970s for people in their 30s who were in high school during the 1950s. With a wink and a nod, it mocked truly clueless adults along with the unrealistic expectations of wholesome perfection. We all knew what Troy Donahue wanted to do. And when Rizzo was in trouble, we worried with her.

What was the message of Grease, anyway? Was it that you need to be a floozie (or just look like one) to get your man or to fit in? Or was it that you need not be ashamed of your sexuality?

And what is the message of High School Musical? Looks to me like the message is to be true to yourself and to your friends, and have a little fun in the process. They are a wholesome bunch, aren’t they? Even the villainess of the piece, Sharpay, ends up being so darned nice when all is sung and done.

The world of High School Musical is an innocent one, a world free of cynicism, a world that almost screams, “please, let kids be kids just a little while longer!”

Here’s the big difference: HSM is for people looking forward to high school. Grease is for people looking back on it.

Or maybe I’m just thinking too hard. As a stepparent to two teenage girls, I hope you'll forgive me forgive me for applauding HSM a little more than Grease. At least while my girls are still kids.

Go Wildcats!

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Teens who are more comfortable talking about their problems electronically might prefer this new counseling service offered by the Ruth Rales Jewish Family Service in West Boca.

Teen Talk offers professional therapy for troubled teens no matter where they live. They can communicate by e-mail (markc@rrjfs.org) or phone (561-852-3333 or 800-393-5397) with a licensed clinical social worker.

The site is cited in the November issue of YouthToday, a national newspaper for people who work with kids.

It's a great idea. How many teens make an appointment with their school counselor when they have a problem? Or ask their parents if they can talk privately with a therapist? This way, they can remain anonymous and unload on a professional who will make sure they get quality help in a style they're comfortable with.

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A recent study by the RAND research organization shows that teenagers who watch “sexy TV” are more likely to become sexually active and pregnant.

I know what you’re thinking. “Duh.” Ok, well, that’s what I’m thinking.

My wife and I are pretty lucky. Her daughters, 15 and 13, are still thrilled when an all-new episode of Hannah Montana airs on the Disney Channel. But we can’t kid ourselves. When it comes to trying to maintain a family-friendly atmosphere, we are outgunned, outnumbered and out of our minds if we think they’re not going to be bombarded with words and images of sex.

I mean, they’re into hip-hop. Hello!

A movie came out a couple of weeks ago called “Zack and Miri Make a Porno.” Granted, the ads for the flick didn’t air on the Disney Channel. But they did air during the World Series. So now our girls know that if they should live platonically with a male roommate and find themselves low on cash... Aw come on, guys, we have to sit through these commercials during a baseball game?

But really, who has to go to the movies for this stuff, anyway? Whether it’s “Desperate Housewives” or “Two and a Half Men,” “Gossip Girl” or the revamped “Beverly Hills 90210,” our television sets just ooze sex.

Was it that bad when I was growing up? I saw a guy in a leather jacket snap his fingers and have a half dozen girls flock to him thoughtlessly. Was that lust? Or parody? How about a constantly-on-the-make man living with two women? Love, exciting and new?

Somehow, as racy as things were in the late 1970s and early 1980s, those shows seem so tame in comparison to what we’re getting today. What happened, anyway? How did we get from Potsie looking at a girlie magazine and picturing "a sweater on that" to Rachel letting Ross know it's okay (only to learn it was a juice bottle), and from there to "OMFG" in an orgasmic ad campaign?

And you know what scares me? In 25 years, we’re going to be amazed at how tame “Sex and the City” and “Gossip Girl” were.

Solutions? I can only think of one: If my kids are getting their values from television, television isn’t the problem. I am.

Time for us parents to step up. We need to be filters, and I don't just mean blocking their eyes from the things we don't want them to see. We can manage that to a certain extent, but if you want to know how successful you'll be at keeping these things from your kids, ask yourself how successful your parents were keeping them from you.

What I'm thinking is that if we as parents can establish right from wrong, if we can let our kids know what's appropriate and what's inappropriate, what's safe and what will hurt them, then they'll process the images they get according to the values we instill in them.

Somehow, I think they’ll respect us for it.

Failing that, we can always try keeping our kids in a bubble. I doubt that'll work, though.

Sigh. Anyone know where I can find “Little House” reruns?

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The girls shrieked one of those high-pitched, make-an-appointment-with-the-ear-doctor-to-make-sure-there-was-no-permanent-damage kind of shrieks. The kind that tells you you’re watching a scary movie with a couple of impressionable teenagers a few days before Halloween. And you live on the ground floor muuuuhahahahaha.

This particular film, if you want to call it that, was “Vacancy,” starring Luke Wilson and Kate Beckinsale. It’s charming family fare about a lovely young couple who learn the motel they’re staying in doubles as the set of a snuff film, and they’re the stars of the next movie in the series.

You know, the kind of movie you want to watch with impressionable teenage girls.

It’s not the worst horror movie I’ve ever seen, but definitely not the scariest.

Yes, I did ask myself (and my wife) whether this movie was too intense for the girls. This wasn’t exactly a Disney flick, and some of the violent scenes were pretty graphic. Aren’t they too young for this stuff?

Well, I saw John Carpenter’s “Halloween” in theaters when I was 9. I saw “Mother’s Day” and “An American Werewolf in London.” I was 15 when “A Nightmare on Elm Street” was released. Oh, and can’t forget “Dawn of the Dead.” Caught that on video back when video was new.

All before I should have been allowed to see R-rated movies without adult supervision.

Aside from messing me up for life, the movies did no lasting damage to my psyche.

So should I worry about the movies the girls are seeing?

Yes, for two reasons. First, I want to make sure they can handle the images being thrown at them. Second, and more importantly, the stuff being passed off as “scary” these days simply isn’t. There hasn’t been a really scary movie in theaters since “The Sixth Sense,” and even that isn’t scary once you realize what it’s about.

Now, the original “Halloween” was scary, and I had to explain that to the girls the other night. This movie was scary because it seemed so possible. There was nothing supernatural about it (until later movies devolved into a sort of self-parody). And even then, the notion that you could kill the bad guy and still have to fight him was fairly new to audiences.

Today’s scary movies aren’t scary. They’re gross. “Saw.” Please. They should change the name to “Saw that Already.” Look at “Vacancy” again and ask yourself, how original is a movie about an isolated motel where bad things happen? Anyone? Anyone? Hitchcock? Beuller? Frye?

I know, I’m being as snobby as the generation right before me, the people who think “Rosemary’s Baby” is a horror movie rather than (as I see it) a sure-fire cure for insomnia.

Whatever. The point is… okay, I have no point. It’s Halloween this week. To each his own chills.

Boo.

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I wrote an article a couple of weeks ago about a fired Seminole Police Department officer accused of molesting his daughter.

The night I wrote that, I was having dinner with my wife and stepdaughters, and we were taking turns talking about our day. When it was my turn, I suddenly became tongue-tied. Incest between a father and a teenage girl is not something I was prepared to discuss with two teenage girls. I was reduced to a kind of vague, abstract, “a man did a bad thing” summary.

Is it possible I did a disservice to the girls and to myself? By tripping up over a difficult subject, did I send a signal that sensitive topics are off-limits, making it less likely the girls will feel safe talking to me about other sensitive topics? Well, it’s more complicated than that, as my wife points out. And there’s nothing wrong with showing some sensitivity.

In working on a follow-up article about where victims can turn for help, I also decided to look for answers about discussing the subject with teenagers and other children.

“Parents should be able to have the comfort and ability to have a conversation about a tough subject, and this is a tough subject,” said Timothy, one of the Helpline advisers for Stop It Now, a Mass.-based non-profit that seeks to prevent the sexual abuse of children. “That lets them know you’re approachable, that it’s okay for them to bring it up.”

Deborah Donovan Rice, executive director of Stop It Now, expanded on that point: “I find the best way to approach this topic is in the context of a larger conversation about how we express ourselves sexually,” she said.

Good point. And good stuff on the subject of abuse at www.stopitnow.org.

Timothy (the telephone counselors on the Helpline, reachable at 1-888-PREVENT, don’t disclose their last names) points parents to another site, www.advocatesforyouth.org, for advice on talking to children of all ages about sex.

The one tip that seemed to recur in my own search for advice is that the conversation has to be age-appropriate. You may want to talk about good touch-bad touch with the younger ones while being more candid and mature with teenagers. The bottom line is that they need to know they can talk to you.

This isn’t a conversation I’m looking forward to. But if the opportunity should arise, I think I’m a little better prepared.

You should be, too.

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There was an old man who lived next door to my sister's house when I was a teenager. I don't remember his name - let me call him Sal, just for kicks. He was a nice man, and we were on friendly terms.

"You're a good kid," Sal said of me once, "when you're sleeping."

In our north Bronx neighborhood, we often blasted music from our stereos out the window so everyone could enjoy the sounds. Thriller was all the rage then. We had Beat Street and Jam On It, Ghostbusters and Purple Rain, Roxanne, Roxanne and The Fat Boys are Back.

I was the nerd of the bunch, of course, occasionally blasting Thompson Twins and Neil Diamond songs, but that's a whole other story.

Our neighbor couldn't stand it, but also couldn't do very much about it. His complaints were gentle and good-hearted, and they fell on ears plagued by the selective deafness of adolescence.

So long ago.

Today I live with two teenagers. I can't name the bands or the songs that blare out from their music systems. It's a lot of thumping, and I can barely make out the words. I often can't tell the high-pitched instruments from the shrieks of the performers playing them.

I hear these noises coming from the kids' bedrooms as bedtime approaches.

Hey, Sal, about that apology I owe you...

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It's hard to believe there are still public schools that ask teens to sign pledges that they will be virgins until they get married.

According to a study by Columbia University, 88 percent of teens break these pledges. It's clear these vows are made under pressure and do not work.

At the Open House at our high school last week, I was shocked to hear my daughter's health teacher say she was inviting one of these abstinence programs, called Be The One, into her classroom. And yes, she said when I asked her in an e-mail the next day, they are going to ask the kids to sign the pledge.

The national teen pregnancy rate is going down, but it's not because of abstinence programs funded by the federal government. According to the Guttmacher Institute, the rate is going down because kids are getting more savvy about contraception.

So that is what health classes should be teaching. As for me, I told my daughter she does not have to sign the pledge.

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I'm not sure I want to start reading books about horrible teen-agers just yet. My son is a fresh teen-ager, turned 13 this summer. But he's still a good kid.

For those of you already trying to decide what size cage to purchase for your teen, you might want to read a Weston mom's account of how she handled her daughter.

Sue Scheff turned her ordeal into a book called "Wit's End: Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-Control Teen." She also does parent consulting now, I guess you could say. In other words, she turned her trials as a parent into a career.

I sure hope my trials as a parent do not provide me such a rich experience that I will spend the rest of my life telling other parents how awful it was.

Apparently this Weston lady was a single mom in the 90s when her daughter "embraced disturbing friends, beliefs and behaviors.'' Ultimately, she sent her to a residential treatment facility, which made things worse, Scheff says.

Beyond writing a book about it, Scheff also founded Parents' Universal Resource Experts (P.U.R.E.), to help families who have at-risk kids. She's been on national TV news shows and in newspapers and on talk radio. She has a website here.

Like I said, I haven't read the book and am not sure I want to jinx myself by doing so. But if you're already suffering, it's another source of info.

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My 14-year-old is clamoring to get her learner's permit next year.

But I am hesitant. A 15-year-old does not belong behind the wheel, even with a parent next to her.

Will we be able to resist the pressure? A new recommendation is giving me support. The Insurance Institute for Highway Safety is asking states to change the minimum driving age to 17 or higher.

New Jersey is the only state where 17 is the driving age, and there are a lot fewer teen accidents there. According to cbsnews.com, there were 18 teen driving deaths per 100,000 in New Jersey in the 1990s, compared with 26 per 100,000 in Connecticut, where the driving age is 16.

I know I can give my daughter lots of rules about driving that go beyond the law, such as restricting the hours and how many people are in the car. But the problem is not her; it's the other drivers on our crazy South Florida roads.

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Would you make your teen get married if she got pregnant?

We got an uncomfortably close view of this type of very personal teen drama when the pregnant Bristol Palin, 17-year-old daughter of Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin, and her "fiance," Levi Johnston, took the stage at the Republican convention last week.

I couldn't take my eyes off this young couple and kept wondering how their "engagement" came about. Were they going to get married anyway? Or is it being forced upon them for political expediency?

Studies show about half of teen marriages end in divorce within 10 years, compared with 24 percent of adults who marry after age 25. So Bristol and Levi are likely to have a failed marriage on top of a baby in their teen years, not to mention immaturity issues (you probably read about Levi calling himself a "f----n redneck" and saying he didn't want kids on his MySpace page).

What are your thoughts on this shotgun marriage? Are Bristol and Levi doing the right thing?

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I love it when obnoxious, virtually unknown, foreign, painfully unfunny music awards show hosts tell me how to vote. Love it even more when they tastelessly mock the Jonas Brothers for the unspeakable crime of being virgins, especially when my stepkids are watching.

So you can imagine my wife and I had a blast watching the MTV Video Music Awards last night. My first thought when I saw the host, British comedian Russell Brand, was, "Who the devil is British comedian Russell Brand?"

Then the nitwit started talking, representing himself as a member of the global community and begging the U.S. to elect Barack Obama president. Now, I'm not going to declare my political leanings here, but I am going to recall something I observed four years ago: U.S. Americans really, really don't like it when foreigners tell them how to vote. If they did, President Kerry would be seeking his second term right now. In urging a vote for Obama, Russell Brand did as much to further the cause of John McCain as 10 Alaskan governors could hope to do.

Not content to have one foot in his mouth, Brand actually did the unthinkable. He kept talking. He targeted VP nominee Sarah Palin and her future son-in-law (in a bit that could have been a lot funnier than it was), then the Jonas Brothers (in a bit that wasn't even mildly amusing). Somehow, he worked a couple of "master of your domain" jokes in there, just to make sure parents were as uncomfortable as possible if they were watching with their younger teens.

"He's making me mad," my 13-year-old stepdaughter said. "He's making fun of the Jonas Brothers."

My wife and I looked at each other with a hint of relief. Turns out a 13-year-old girl, admiring the talent and wholesomeness of a trio of young men, actually proved to be smarter than a self-appointed representative of the global community. Bravo, kid.

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I've been puzzling over my feelings about John McCain's choice for his running mate for several days now, as more details about Gov. Sarah Palin and her family life come to light. Like many women my age, who came to adulthood in the era of Gloria Steinem, Ms. magazine and the ERA, I have been waiting for the day when I could vote for a woman for president.

As the mother of daughters, I look forward to seeing them live in a world free of sexism, where they can truly be anything they want, including president.

With some chagrin, I'll admit that I've caught myself thinking that a mother of five might have more on her mind than running a country -- particularly when one child is a handicapped baby, one is headed off to war and one is pregnant as a teenager. She also has a bad ex-brother-in-law and a potential son-in-law who claimed on his MySpace page to be a "f--ing redneck."

Well, sheesh. If that was my family, I'd want to run off on the campaign trail, too.

Palin's daughter is a poster child -- literally -- for why abstinence-only messages don't work on teenagers. The hunky boyfriend trumped mom's message pretty thoroughly, didn't he?

Lucky for Bristol it's only a baby and not HIV disease, sterility-inducing clamydia or any number of other serious venereal diseases that can be the consequence of unprotected sex.

The public reaction to Palin's teen-pregnancy revelation makes me laugh:"Oh, well, this happens to millions of families. The American people will understand."

Uh, not really. Most parents of 17-year-olds do not, in fact, have to deal with pregnancy. It's neither normal nor common, thank goodness. It is, in fact, a problem. Bristol Palin, like Jamie Lynn Spears before her, is no role model for my two teenage daughters.

I'm sad that the Grand Old Party couldn't find a more qualified woman with a little less baggage to put forward as their vice presidential candidate. Call me elitist -- I'm sure someone will -- but I think Sarah Palin sets back the position of women in this country by decades. It's just too easy to look at her and think: "This is it? This is the best women have to offer?"

Thank goodness there are plenty of women and mothers like me who know that it is not.

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Do they even call them jukeboxes anymore?

Kayla stepped up to one of those gizmos at a restaurant the other day and scrolled through the music selection. She didn't want to play anything. She just wanted to see what they had. She returned to our table with a self-satisfied grin.
"They have Chris Brown, but no Jonas Brothers," she said. It's because the Jonas Brothers are lousy, she reasoned.

Lately, Kayla and Paxtynn have been locked in a battle of the fans. Paxtynn, 13, enjoys the Jonas Brothers. Kayla does not share her enthusiasm, which is fine. What irks me is that Kayla cannot seem to allow Paxtynn to enjoy her fandom in peace. Why would anyone like the Jonas Brothers when Chris Brown is so much better?

Oh, please. Since when do other musical acts have to be bad in order for the one you enjoy to be good?

Could you imagine Billy Joel fans hating on Elton John fans?

"'Daniel' is boring. 'Piano Man' rules."

"'Piano Man'? More like 'Piano Loser.'"

Chris Brown is a fun entertainer. The Jonas Brothers are fun, too. There's room in our house for both their CDs and both their posters. And, dare I say it? It's possible to be a fan of both, kids.

Not me, of course. I mean, why would I be a fan of Chris Brown or the Jonas Brothers when Linda Eder and Lea Salonga are still singing?

Don't know who they are? Why not? What's wrong with you?

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There is no good reason that high school starts each day at 7:28 a.m.

Anyone with teenagers knows how difficult it is to rouse them out of a deep sleep at 6 or 6:30 a.m. That's because their puberty-loaded body clocks have shifted, not letting them fall asleep until 10:30 or 11 p.m., according to the Mayo Clinic. Studies show teenagers need at least eight, and preferably nine or 10 hours of sleep a night.

Obviously, it's impossible for them to be alert and performing at their maximum when they're sleep deprived. But local school districts refuse to change the schedules, citing after-school jobs, extracurricular activities and bus driver complications. Give me a break! What's more important?

Middle school start times around 9:30 a.m. are similarly absurd. Many kids I know, just out of elementary school, have to leave their empty houses and walk themselves to the bus stop because their parents have already left for work.

Can we do something about this? How can we get the school districts to take a serious look at this?

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Some college presidents believe 18-year-olds are mature enough to make rational decisions about how much to drink.

More than 100 have lent their support to the Amethyst Initiative, which theorizes that the drinking age just encourages those under 21 to binge and break the law with their fake IDs. If 18-year-olds can vote, enlist in the military and serve on juries, they say, why can't they order at a bar?

Some big-name universities have signed on, including the presidents of Dartmouth, Duke, Ohio State, University of Maryland and Syracuse.

Do you think the drinking age should go down to 18? Or do you think the higher age prevents car accidents and stupid decisions?

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Know what I hate? A lot?

Pictures people take of themselves. Arrogant. Self-centered. Vain. Look at me! I'm waiting on line for a movie. Look at me! I'm sitting in a car. Look at me! I'm outside the lion's cage at the zoo. Can't see the lion. Can't see the zoo. But look at me!

Can't stand it.

In my day (yeah, I said it), we took pictures of OTHER PEOPLE. Get it, kids? That's why the viewer and the lens point in the same direction. Oh, you don't have viewers anymore, do you? You have "preview screens." You can see the results as soon as you're done and delete the pictures you don't like.

We didn't have that. We had to use FILM, and we didn't see how the picture looked until after it was developed! None of this "wait, look at me! Oh, that came out bad, let me take another picture of me and another picture of me until we get it right." We wouldn't dare waste expensive film on the off chance a picture we took of ourselves would come out right.

If God had meant for us to take pictures of ourselves, He'd have given us invisible arms!

Sigh. Remember when pictures were taken on special occasions? Family vacations, holidays, visits from long lost friends and relatives? Even standing on line at a theme park or the DMV!

Now, being on line at the movies is a special occasion that requires a picture. Being on line at McDonald's rates a pic. Heck, you don't have to BE anywhere! Being ONLINE is enough of a reason to have your picture taken by you for you. Click!

How do I look?

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"Why don't you like spaghetti sauce?" Kay asks the question with a hint of disdain. You expect her to follow it up with, "What are you, stupid?"

What can we say? Pax is a fussy eater. She doesn't like pasta sauce so much. Yeah, I find it frustrating that she doesn't like it, especially after I've worked my "this-is-the-only-thing-I-can-cook-with-confidence" magic on it, but she doesn't like it. Okay, I've come to terms with that.

But Kay has gotten into the habit of asking, with attitude, why people have personal preferences -- particularly if she has strong feelings about something.

"Why don't you like that sauce?"

"Why don't you like this show?"

"Why don't you like that music?"

The translation always seems to be: "I like it, so if you don't, something must be wrong with you."

Why? Why? Why?

I know younger children have a habit of asking why about everything, but that's curiosity. Why is the sky blue? Why are leaves green? Why do we sleep at night instead of daytime? Why can't we see stars when the sun is out? Why is Paris Hilton famous?

You know, reasonable questions.

But on matters of personal taste, the "why" question as it's being asked lately... well, to me, it borders on rude. Pax shouldn't have to defend why she likes or doesn't like a particular food (or musical group).

Why does this bug me? And what should I do about it?

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I was accepting the fact that my 11-year-old will get her first cell phone in the next year or so, but a new warning is giving me pause.

The director of the University of Pittsburgh's Cancer Institute, Dr. Ronald B. Herberman, told his staff last week they should limit their cell phone use because of the possible risk of cancer. He said children should only use cell phones for emergencies because the phones' electromagnetic radiation could affect their developing brains.

Although lots of studies have shown no link between cell phones and cancer, cell phones have not been around long enough to study their long-term effects. I have a feeling we aren't going to like what we hear 20 years from now about these toys that have become so important to us.

But it's also become almost impossible to raise a kid today without giving them a cell phone. Even if you tell them not to use it too often and to use a headset, they are going to do what they want when you're not nearby.

What kind of limits have you placed on your kids' cell phone use?

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At first I wasn't sure if arming my teen-ager would be a good idea. I pictured him sawing off the end of his new BB-gun rifle and shoving the weapon into his shorts, jumping on his bicycle and
riding towards some kind of stand-off with Plantation police.

But putting trust in teens, scary as it might feel, can actually build a sense of responsibility in them. I think kids rise to expectations. And you have to set them very high.

So, yes, we bought Creed a BB-gun for his 13th birthday. We also bought him a few pistol-style air guns that shoot plastic BBs and are less powerful than the rifle, in case you "accidentally'' shot someone with it.

I think most boys had a BB gun at some point in their youth, and I wasn't going to deprive him. Even I spent quite a bit of time as a teen shooting BB guns. I was on a BB-gun shooting team with other kids whose parents worked at Oklahoma State Penitentiary. We were taught to shoot by convicts, so I guess you could say we were trained by experts.

But there was a kid among us, Jimmy Cook, with a glass eye -- the result of a ricocheted BB. Creed has heard about him 1,000 times. So Creed wears his gun goggles.

So far, no one has been seriously injured.

I told Creed he could shoot lizards. He was horrified. That's when the teen came out:

"Mom, I don't shoot lizards! I'm not a monster like you!''

OK. Guess I'll have to dust off my trigger finger and take care of those lizards myself.

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"Oh, j/k."

What? I was befuddled.

"J/k."

My wife stepped in to translate. "Just kidding."

You know, that's where I draw the line. I completely sympathize with the mother in those commercials who can't get straight answers out of her daughter and her mother because they speak in text message abbreviations.

"IDK!"
"My BFF Rose!"

So one of the girls said something and was mistaken. What does she say? "Oh, sorry, my mistake"? No, that would be accurate. "My bad"? I got used to that one quickly, for some reason, regardless of the torture it does to grammar.

"J/k."

Just kidding. No, I wanted to scream! You were not just kidding. You were wrong, you were mistaken, you misunderstood something. I might be able to stomach the text abbreviations in actual conversation if the abbreviations made sense. But she wasn't just kidding.

So, here's my solution: when they speak to me or text me, it's proper English only. That means "was," not "wuz." Really, "wuz" is not an abbreviation. It takes just as much finger work, so no excuses. And if they insist on communicating using abbreviations and alterations that take a degree in linguistics to sort out, I'm taking their phones away and burying them in the backyard.

J/k.

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I wanted to believe. So did my wife. So did the girls.

But when a modeling/talent agency told us our girls had been “chosen” to be represented, and all you have to do is pay $500 per child plus $40 a month (per child), forgive me, but I got skeptical. My journalist’s instinct, dormant through the early steps of the process, kicked in when the modeling agency started asking for fees up front. One Google search later and I was on the phone with my wife telling her to get out, with the girls and with her money.

If you’re about to enroll your child in a modeling or talent agency, do your homework. I’d have to do a little more journalism homework myself before naming the agency in this space. From what I’ve been able to gather, agents are supposed to get paid when they find work for you. When they start asking for fees up front, start sniffing. If there’s any hint a bovine has been to the bathroom, run.

I did, and I trust the girls may someday forgive me. But not on Friday evening. Not at first. And who can blame them? Seemingly nice people were telling them they have what it takes to be a model. They were on the brink of being discovered, and these nice people were going to help.

“They’re cheats,” I said after their mom pulled them out and tried to explain my reservations. “They’re not going to help you. They just want your money.”

“You don’t know that!” they each replied, and they were right, in a sense. I was going by my gut, by a few web sites in which people who had dealt with the same agency warned other prospective customers to head for the hills.

I realized, with too little tact, that in their eyes I was not protecting them – I was doubting them. I was doubting their beauty, I was doubting their talent, and I was doubting their marketability as models. None of that is true, but it is what they were feeling. A dream was within their grasp, and I yanked it away from them. I felt an ache in my heart. It has not gone away.

But if they’re going to be serious about modeling, acting or dancing professionally, we are all going to have to realize that there’s hard work and investment involved. No one’s going to knock on our door and hand us the opportunity of a lifetime.

Worst of all, there will always be people and companies out there eager to exploit our hopes and dreams.

I know I made the right decision. If the people we were dealing with are running a legitimate agency, they weren’t acting like it. And maybe I’ve only been a “father” to these girls for a year, but I’ll be cursed if I’m going to let some vultures break their hearts.

I’d rather have them angry at me.

If You've Got The Look, Look Out! Avoiding Modeling Scams

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I was talking about the election with my daughter Beth the other day, and she said: “Well, all the Republican kids in my class are completely looney anyway.”

You cannot let a sentence like that fly by without a follow up. “Really?” I said. “How are they looney?”

This is a paraphrase, but it goes something like this: One boy, whose redeeming qualities include a love for baseball and a straight-A average, says he hates McCain almost as much as Obama and Clinton. Because McCain is too liberal.

But that's not what makes the boy crazy, according to Beth. He's crazy, she says, because he thinks the war in Iraq is a good thing — and he says that it would be OK to draft people to build up the Army.

Ha, she says, scoffing at him. “I know him. He’d be the first one across the border to Mexico if he got drafted. He’s not going to fight and risk getting himself killed.”

But that’s nothing compared to one girl in her class, a spoiled brat whose parents seem to give her every possession she wants despite her frequent detentions and skipping class enough to be at risk of failing eighth grade even though she makes 5s on her FCATs.

She says that women do not need to vote and that all a girl really needs is to marry a rich man. Women should not work, she says, and they don’t need any rights because their husbands will take care of them.

Well, how can everyone marry a rich man? Beth rightly wonders. “It’s crazy.”

That it is. I can only hope that these two kids do not represent our future.

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This Mother's Day is, for me, proof that teen life does not stop for anything – especially not me.

Daughter No. 1 is spending the night with her best friend because they have a big night of watching Supernatural on the TiVo. This is because they have spent the past week in technical rehearsals as crew for the Fort Lauderdale Children's Theater production of Seussical and studying for AP exams, and thus were unable to watch their favorite CW show.

Daughter No. 2, the thespian in the family, has roped me into working at the Seussical character brunch on Sunday, so that she can be there to perform as a character. If you go -- and I highly recommend it as a great, inexpensive Mother's Day outing -- you'll see her as Alice in Wonderland. (Horton and the Cat in the Hat will be there, too.) Let it be noted that I signed up to help at the brunch before I knew it was Mother's Day.

In the afternoon, both girls will be in the play. Then they'll help strike the set and head off to the cast party. I figure I'll see them sometime around 9 p.m.

So, instead of lounging around the house reading the New York Times all Sunday morning and eating breakfast cooked for me by my daughters (who actually can cook), I will be serving food to other moms and not seeing my own kids.

The day gets better after the brunch, though. My husband has promised me lunch at my favorite sushi restaurant. The kids have rides to the cast party and home again, so I am saved from the interminable carpool.

After all those years of hovering like Horton over his egg, this might be the best Mother's Day yet. Once the morning is over, I get to rest, relax and pretend I have no kids.

Martini anyone?

More ideas on how to spend Mom's Day.

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I was helping my 14-year-old daughter to get her sheets on her bed in the few minutes before a friend came over to visit.

I picked up a piece of paper that was stuck between mattress and headboard, that looked like it could be trash, but to be sure, I glanced at its contents.

BIG MISTAKE.

This set off a firestorm of protest. Paper snatched from my hand, quickly wadded and thrown away. Defiant glare.

Truthfully, I didn’t have time to process the contents, and caught only one name, which I am now sworn by the bonds of motherhood never to reveal, for fear of losing all connection to my child forevermore.

This note was a note to herself, she later explained, in which she essentially was reinventing herself and saying what she might be like if she could be someone else and who she might pretend to have as a boyfriend. I don’t know if that’s true or not, but it’s her story and she’s sticking to it.

I did not mean to invade my daughter’s privacy. But this incident did remind me how powerfully teens react to the mere perception of a privacy invasion, even when there is nothing at all to hide. What’s interesting to me, though, is that Beth will tell me who she’s on IM with. She’ll even tell me about the contents of her conversations sometimes.

What’s the dif? “Well, that’s a safety issue, Mom,” she says. “I know you’re just trying to keep me safe.”

Well, amen to that.

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Last week I asked whether parents were to blame in the beating of a teenage girl at the hands of six teens.

There was a healthy discussion about individual responsibility, parents' roles in raising children, the amount of violence in society and media.

I want to thank everyone who spoke out about what went wrong in the case, and who may be to blame.

Now I think we should commit ourselves to improving the lives of one un-related child.

I intend to help nurture a friend's teenage son. He's well-behaved and a good student, but as we saw in the Lakeland case, being "good" isn't always enough.

I challenge you to share your time and sensibilities with a child -- be it formally (through groups like the Boys & Girls Clubs) or informally (taking a neighbor's child under your wing).

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Our 16-year-old daughter, a vegetarian, has recently read the book The Omnivores Dilemma, by Michael Pollan.

This New York Times bestseller opened her eyes to food additives, including high fructose corn syrup, MSG, hydrogenated oils, artificial colors, flavors and sweeteners. Pollan, a science and food writer who has conducted tremendous research into where our food comes from, suggests a mantra we should all live by: “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.”

By food, he means food that would be recognizable to your great-great grandparents in the 19th century. Food that comes from real plants and animals that are fed what nature intended for them to eat.

Abby vowed on Easter Sunday that she would no longer eat any bad food additives. Her chocolate bunny remains unopened. She printed a list for my reference from the Center for Science in the Public Interest, a group of liberal, activist scientists concerned about our food supply .

Meanwhile, daughter No. 2, who will eat meat and has no compunctions regarding high-fructose, multicolored “food,” gets insanely painful migraines of unknown source. The neurologist’s recommendation: No food additives. No peanuts. No chocolate. No caffeine. No hard cheeses.

And my husband has slightly elevated blood pressure, so low-sodium for him.

I challenge you to walk in my shoes for just one trip to the grocery store. Try reading the labels on everything you buy. High fructose corn syrup is everywhere: In crackers. In jelly. In waffles and cereal. In strawberry cream cheese. Artificial sweeteners are in almost anything labeled “low” or “no” sugar. MSG is in packaged soups, taco seasoning, salad dressings and lots of mixed spices. You’ll see long lists of things that turn out to be benign vitamins in bread, but then there’s BHA or BHT. There are sulfites in bacon, sausage and frozen turkey and chicken products.

Sodium is loaded into soups, canned vegetables and almost every prepared food. Cold cuts have all kinds of complicated-sounding preservatives. Tuna has traces of toxic metals such as mercury which might trigger migraines.

Do you know how hard it is in the 21st century to sustain yourself on a 19th-century diet?

We’re managing so far. But even with the no-additives diet, our younger daughter has been sidelined with a migraine for the past two days.

I guess I really am going to have to take that no-peanuts edict seriously. But what do you put in a lunchbox for a kid who cannot eat cheese, peanut butter, cold cuts or tuna?

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The video clip is hard to watch. A teen girl being punched, slammed into a wall, taunted to fight back.

The Lakeland, Fla., beating happened March 30, and was released to the media on Tuesday.

The six girls, ages 14 - 17, have been arrested and may face charges as an adult.

According to news reports, the victim was lured to the home for the beating, to be aired on YouTube, after allegedly posting an offensive remark on a MySpace page.

This horrific beating begs the question: Who's to blame?

Should the parents of these alleged bullies be held accountable? Was the victim in the wrong? Is the media to blame?

Let's start talking about how we can prevent our kids from being the victim or bully . . .

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Two stories in the Sun-Sentinel this week provided openings for me to continue the conversation about sex with my two daughters, ages 14 and 16.

My older daughter brought the first story to my attention at 7 a.m. over breakfast on Wednesday. I was barely awake and very glad that I am certain of my message to her regarding sex, so I didn't have to think too hard.

"Ohmigod," she exclaimed. "Fifty percent of teens are sexually active?" That was on the jump of the story that, rightfully, had the news in the lead: That a fourth of teenage girls are infected with common sexually transmitted diseases.

I don't know if my daughter was thinking she needed to get with it, or if she was stunned that so many of her friends and acquaintances are having sex. But it gave me the opening to tell her, again, that I don't think sex at her age is advisable. That's partly because she could get a disease, as this story quite clearly shows, but also because sex should be between two people who care deeply about each other and are committed to their relationship.

It's not something to take lightly, I tell my children. And preferably, they should be old enough to be at least considering marriage before they start having sex.

But, I always say, if they do decide to have sex, they need to use a condom every time. And they should also be aware that even condoms are not 100 percent effective against all sexually transmitted diseases. Only abstinence is.

I didn't really want to have that conversation at 7 a.m., so my daughter got a shortened, somewhat sleepy, version. And then, today, another opportunity appeared on the Sun-Sentinel's 1B, a story about teens trying to convince other teens that the danger of contracting HIV is real.

This opening was even easier: "Sex can kill you."

I don't really want to frighten my children into never having sex, but if my frequent talks about it helps to keep them safe, then I've done my job.

So far, so good. What's your strategy for discussing sex with your children?

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My husband asked me when I am going to have "The Talk" with our three girls.

I told him talking about sex with our teen and pre-teens is an ongoing conversation that I don't schedule. I usually wait til they ask questions, something is going on in the news, or the mood strikes me.

I wasn't surprised to find out I am not initiating these conversations often enough. A study in the current issue of Pediatrics says repetition and depth are the keys to making your kid feel comfortable talking to you about sex.

"Adolescents whose sexual communication with their parents involved more repetition felt closer to their parents, felt more able to communicate with their parents in general and about sex specifically, and perceived that discussions with their parents about sex occurred with greater openness than did adolescents whose sexual communication with their parents included less repetition."

I am guessing that our many rides in the car will be a good place to get these conversations going. The Eliot Spitzer embarrassment is probably a good place to start. It definitely will be messy, but I am going to take the plunge.

Do you have a strategy for talking to your teen about sex?

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Families have their own rhythm, their own cadences. They can speak to each other in ways outsiders can’t really relate.

When an outsider becomes a family member, as I did eight months ago, he quickly learns that the family language only bears a passing resemblance to his own.

I knock on the older girl’s bedroom door.

“What?” she calls out. It’s an impolite, get-lost kind of yell to my ears, regardless of whether she intends it to sound that way.

“Try again!” I yell through the door.

“Yes?” she replies, this time striking a you’ve-reached-Kay-how-may-I-help-you? tone.

That's more like it. The first response sounds like I have some nerve knocking on the door. The second strikes me as more polite. I'm happy.

The next morning, I knock on the younger girl’s door.

“What-ah?” she yells. When did the word “what” gain that extra syllable, anyway? “What-ah?” Sometimes-ah sounds-ah like you hear those-ah, old-time preachers-ah.

“Hey, I’m just checking to make sure you’re awake and getting ready for school. I don’t deserve the attitude.”

“I’m not giving you attitude!”

I love that. I get the attitude and the denial.

What I don’t get is that she’s telling me the absolute truth. She really doesn’t mean to be giving me attitude. Just like I don’t mean to sound like a holier-than-thou persnickety know-it-all who’s constantly correcting them.

They would know that if they spoke my language, and maybe I’ll go a little easier on them when I learn their language a little bit better. The good part? They’re comfortable enough with me that when they speak to me, it’s in their language.

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I have always thought that 16 was too young for a kid to drive a car, but I was surprised to read this week that a lot of Americans agree with me.

The New York Times reported on Monday that the percentage rate of licensed 16-year-olds across the country dropped from 43.8 percent in 1998 to 29.8 percent in 2006.

The pattern is similar in Florida, according to a Sun-Sentinel story last November. Sixteen-year-olds make up 40 percent of teen drivers, down from 60 percent in 1991.

Wow. That just blows me away. Because I don't know any parents of 16-year-olds here who have told their kids they must wait until they are 17 or even older to drive.

There were multiple reasons offered by the Times as possible explanations. The number of drivers ed programs in public schools appears to be dropping due to budget cuts, and parents may be hesitant to spend the money on expensive private driving lessons.

The price of insuring a driving teenager also is exploding. Parents have become more willing to drive their kids around. And teens are more willing to stay home, the theory goes, because of diversions such as the Internet and video games.

It will be interesting to see if this trend trickles down to our car-dependent culture here in South Florida. Do you impose, or plan on imposing, any driving restrictions on your teen?

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It was a bad Monday morning. It started when my older daughter blatantly and repeatedly refused to do something I had ordered her to do: Wear her contact lenses to school.

Of course this went nowhere. Everyone knows that ordering a teen to do something she does not want to do is a very good way to ensure that it won’t be done.

It makes no sense to me why the girl will not wear her contact lenses, which she must have in order to play water polo. She has astigmatism, so the lenses take some getting used to. It’s not like your typical nearsightedness that can be corrected in an instant. No. When you have astigmatism, your eyes need time to adjust to the glasses or contacts. Then you see 20-20.

Besides, she looks great in her contacts. She has beautiful eyes, with think dark eyebrows like Brooke Shields. But my daughter is not a primper. It took six months to convince her to keep her hair brushed.

I’m her mama. I want my girl to look beautiful when she goes to school. So I nag. And sometimes I just lose it. What 16-year-old girl does not want to look pretty going to school, for heaven's sake?

Also, on a practical mothering note, I want her eyes to adjust to the lenses so that she can see while she’s treading water, fighting defenders and having a ball thrown toward her head. Call me crazy.

I certainly felt crazy this morning as I was lecturing at my daughter all the way to school over something as trivial as wearing contacts.

I really hate it when I’m like that. Usually our drive to school is much more fun. We listen to music together and talk about friends. Or we discuss something we read recently, or maybe the work she has to do for her classes. I like that 20 minutes most days.

Today I made her cry. When she said, “Mom, will you just let me finish my sentence?” I said, “NO!” And then, regretting, “yes.” She said she will wear the lenses three days a week. OK, I said, but it needs to be three days in a row.

It’s a start. Maybe if I can get her for three days, she’ll make it four. We'll see. We have to get one day first.

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I started calling my older step-daughter “Seven” a few months ago.

In the Star Trek universe, Seven-of-Nine (called Seven by her crewmates on the starship Voyager), was a human who was assimilated by a race of cyborgs and spent most of her life connected to them through cybernetic implants. I picture my kid with a cell phone on one ear and an I-Pod in the other while holding a digital camera to take a picture of herself, or maybe a video of her declaring: “Actual human contact is irrelevant. Resistance is futile.”

What I wouldn’t give to unplug all the gadgets, hide the batteries and try to engage her in an honest-to-goodness, face-to-face conversation.

But then I remember.

I remember my first home computer, and the hours I’d spend on it trying my hand at programming (I was no darned good). I remember handheld football games from Coleco. I remember video games that left me glued to the TV set seemingly for days at a time, with occasional breaks for food and such. Oh sure, I balanced it by cracking open my books to do my homework. But the point is the same. And when I started talking to my high school friends on the phone, it did seem for a while that I was spending an awful lot of time doing it.

Maybe the kid’s reliance on gizmos catches my attention because I didn’t see her phase into it one gadget at a time. Maybe I’m right to sound the alarm that over-reliance on these things is a tad anti-social and, occasionally, a little more than annoying. Maybe I am, as they say, pointing three fingers at myself whenever I point a finger at the kid for doing pretty much the same thing I did at her age.

Or maybe it’s not such a big deal after all.

Maybe resistance really is futile.

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Maybe Heath Ledger's accidental death will count for something.

Maybe it will make some of the 2,500 kids each day who try a painkiller to get high for the first time to decide not to. Most kids who try painkillers do it because they think it's a "safe" high, according to a new study from the Office of National Drug Control Policy.

Or maybe Ledger's death will wake up the parents who stock painkillers and sedatives such as those that killed him-- oxycodone, Percocet, Perodan, valium, Xanax -- to keep a lock, and an eye, on those drugs.

Just two days after Ledger's death, the Office of National Drug Control Policy -- the folks responsible for "Parents: The AntiDrug" campaign -- launched a new national campaign to teach parents about teen prescription drug abuse. Because parents' medicine cabinets are where the drugs are coming from.

There's lots to be alarmed about, not the least of which is that prescription drugs are easier to get, cheaper and more dangerous than the only drug teens use more than prescription pills: marijuana. You can find the entire study here.

So what do you think? Will Ledger's death make a difference? Do you think teen prescription drug abuse is a big deal?

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First, it was Jamie Lynn Spears. My kids, ages 13 and 16, were as appalled as I was. Their conversation centered around the dysfunction of the Spears family.

Then came Juno, a delightful movie about a pregnant 16-year-old whose personality is so cool, who wouldn’t want to be like her? Except that … she’s pregnant!

So the talk we had about this movie was a little different than the Zoey 101 talk. I could see that my daughters really liked Juno. And sure, it’s admirable that she had the baby and gave it to a rich woman who desperately wanted a child. But I felt compelled to explain that not getting pregnant in the first place would really be the admirable thing.

It must be on the brain these days. Last week, in a meeting with students who write for our teen newspaper, Teenlink, one of the students asserted, with not one bit of doubt, that one in three high school girls gets pregnant.

Uh, no. Our youth editor and I corrected her. That is not true. “Oh, yes, it is,” she said. “It’s just that most of them have abortions.”

Where do kids get this stuff?

In truth, the evidence regarding teen pregnancy and sexuality is mostly good news.

The rate of abortion is at its lowest level since 1974, according to the Guttmacher Institute, respected by advocates on both sides of the abortion debate for the accuracy of its research.

The teen pregnancy rate has been steadily declining, too. It is about 75 pregnancies per 1,000 girls ages 15-19, again according to Guttmacher statistics, as reported by the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy. That’s 7.5 per 100, less than one in 10 – still too many, but not even close to 1 in 3. Thank goodness.

The teen birth rate did increase last year for the first time in 15 years, from 40.5 births per 1,000 girls ages 15-19 to 41.9 births per 1,000.

But even with that increase, there’s evidence that teens are waiting until they’re older to have their first sexual encounter. The birth rate continues to decline for younger teens.

So, I guess messages like the one I continually send to my teenage daughters is getting through: Wait. Don’t have sex until you know that you are ready, preferably not soon.

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Tonight my older daughter worked out for two hours at our local gym, which we joined at her behest a few weeks ago. She exercises every day now, often for more than an hour.

Most parents, I think, would be proud of any child with this level of commitment, and I certainly am. But this turn of events has defied all expectations I ever had as a parent for this child. I think maybe an alien invaded her body.

She is good -- even great -- at many things, but sports are not among them. In all my years as her mother (now numbering more than 15), she has never taken more than a passing interest in anything physical. I once enrolled her in yoga classes to help her get some kind of physical activity in her life. She hated it and ultimately refused to go.

I certainly never expected this child to join a sport in high school, much less decide that she would work to be good at it.

Rather than pursue an enterprise at which she might be naturally talented, she's turned her back on almost every activity in high school save -- get this -- water polo. Water polo. An aggressive game of strength, endurance and power. It's a lot of fun to watch, and, apparently, pretty fun to play, too. She wants to be in the game.

But I wonder, will her years of lethargy and distain for sports eventually overwhelm her nascent sense of athleticism? Will she ever be good enough to play a varsity sport, even if she does keep working out for an hour a day?

Will she at some point realize that if she gave the same effort to something at which she most likely does have real talent, she might go farther?

Or am I wrong altogether? Has she found something within herself that not even those closest to her ever imagined was there?

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I had a couple of laughs this week from e-mail press releases I received as the editor of South Florida Parenting.

The first one offered tips for parents of college graduates about how not to help with their children’s job search. Good grief, I thought. Can this be right?

Companies like Merrill Lynch, the press release informed me, “now host Parent Days for the over-involved parents of summer interns, and Ernst & Young sends copies of offer letters to the parents of its recruits.” The release proceeded to explain that parents should not attend job interviews with their adult children, nor contact the company to check on benefits, nor follow up on behalf of their child after the interview.

O. … K. That does give the term “helicopter parent” a whole new meaning. My husband accuses me of hovering sometimes, but I can assure you, my kids will have to get their own jobs. Just as they have to do their own homework and take their own tests and write their own essays.

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I can’t say I wasn’t warned. But I was not prepared.

High school is exhausting. It is one constant carpool. A whole calendar by itself. And it changes weekly. Daily even.

No wonder parents of 15-year-olds plead with their child to hurry up and get that driver’s license.

Lots of parents told me that I’d want my daughter to drive when she was 16. I scoffed. Have you seen the way people drive in South Florida? What sane parent would let their baby behind the wheel in this jungle?

I had a similar reaction back when I was struggling with a newborn and toddler at home when a well-meaning friend told me that I might as well get used to it, because it gets worse in elementary school.
How could it be worse? They’re in school all day.

My friend was right. The school wanted all kinds of time from me, and then we had the afternoon activity shuttle almost daily.

But we got used to that, limited the activities to keep us all sane, and life went on.

Now high school has put the activity shuttle on hyperdrive. High school activities determine our weekend schedules and rule our lives.

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The Good: They turn 16 and become even more self-sufficient.

The Bad: That means driving.

My wife and I have had several debates over what are appropriate driving rules for our kids, and I have yet to have met a parent who hasn’t wriggled with how much responsibility to allow their teen.

Well, here’s our rules. I’d love to hear yours.

* For the first three months, no radio and no passengers. (And we encourage our kids not to ride with anyone who hasn’t had their license for six months, although realistically they pull this one off and we really wouldn’t know.)

* Turn off the cellphone. (This beats the “don’t-answer” rule, because it’s too tempting to peek at caller ID when the phone is ringing.)

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