February 2010 Archives

   There is nothing like a sudden death to immediately recalibrate your life or at least make you ponder it.  And news, that one of our son's Little League teammates lost his adoring father to a sudden heart attack this week, has done just that.  It sparked an emotional conversation between my husband and I about how we're spending our time.... or rather how we should be.

   We all conduct our lives as if we have infinite amounts of time to spend with our husbands, wives, children, friends and family.  When in reality, it can disintegrate in a moment.  The same amount of time it takes to blink...and that's it.  Game over.

   I've had some experience with this, when both my beloved grandparents died an hour a part on the same day, from separate illnesses.  It was as if one of the richest, most rewarding and loving parts of my life simply fell into the ocean, much like a sand castle disappears with the wash of one wave.  It was instantaneous.  And it was so hard to wrap my brain around and even harder for my heart.

   But unlike this 9 year old boy, I was an adult and my grandparents had been given a wonderful and lengthy life, in which they watched all five of their children grow up.  This little guy will no longer have his doting father showing up at every activity he participated in, no matter how small...ever again.  It is the very definition of heartbreak.

   What do you say to this little boy?  What is it we could come up with that could possibly provide some tactile comfort?  It is hard to imagine.  And how do we as parents talk to our own children about loss, when we don't want to face the possibility ourselves?  Truthfully, we are all so ill-equipped to deal with death.   And frankly, "preparing a child" for the off chance they could lose anyone close to them, let alone a parent, would rob them of the carefree disposition they are so entitled.  So...we try to deal with the aftermath...a gut-wrenching post game, if you will.

   When we told our son this morning about this "loved by all Dad" from Little League...he simply remarked:  "That's really sad."  It most certainly is.  And also, a very real, very vivid reminder that none of us are guaranteed we'll 'round third base...and make it home.

   Hug the ones you love....and hold on tight. 

   I think parents have to applaud a job well done by Loreane Chapell (Tomlinson).  A divorced single mother, who raised her son Ladanian and two daughters basically on her own.  A situation that undoubtedly made LT wise beyond his years ...and "man of the house" at a very early age.  I for one, am fascinated at how she instilled such integrity, fostered such greatness, and raised such a good guy without a male role model in the house.  (She's written a book about it "LT and Me" if you're so inclined.)

    I say this with confidence.  Despite recent "double life" revelations involving such world class athletes as Tiger Woods, I am convinced LT is the real deal.  Some of that comes from my personal encounters with him, "behind the scenes" access if you will to his personal and professional life, his down to earth wife LaTorsha, and my own kids' interaction with the future hall of famer. 

   We had the unique invitation to spend a New Year's Eve celebration with Matt and Vanessa Wilhelm (a former Charger and all around good guy) at their beautiful Poway home several years ago. Unexpectedly, LT and his wife showed up.  (He was often hesitant to attend such parties, due to the spectacle that was always sure to follow.)  He was/is so big, popular, and beloved, a small entrance was/is hard to come by.  Needless to say, it didn't go unnoticed that night either.

   There I was with my two children and one of their heroes, in the same room.  If ever there was a Kodak moment this was it!  But how could I ask, when all this guy wanted was to enjoy the evening as a private citizen with his wife and friends?  I'll tell you how.  You look at your kids and realize you're willing to do just about anything to make them happy, including making obnoxious requests.

   So, I apologized upfront and asked to take a photo.  And this Sports Illustrated Cover boy, graciously, quietly, and happily said "sure" and posed several different times throughout the evening.  I was so impressed at how accomodating and congenial he was in the face of my unbridled enthusiasm that bordered spastic.  Our collective admiration for LT only grew that night. 

   (In fact, when you take a look at the photo, soon to be posted, you'll note, LT would have made a great "Governess".  He's a natural with kids!  I emailed this photo out to friends and family saying "We finally found a sitter for New Year's Eve!"  As you can imagine, we got some great responses.)

   I am now grateful more than ever for that special memory.  And as we bid farewell to the running back who saw the endzone more than most of us see the restroom, I can't help but reflect on a pro athlete who got it right.  And for that, he will be deeply missed by San Diego parents and kids alike.  And as he enters a new chapter of his life, including fatherhood, I'm certain the "man of the house" won't be letting down his newest little fan either.

   Good Luck LT, LaTorsha...and Baby Tomlinson.

   I had the unique pleasure of both working and "working out" (I say this very loosely) with a couple of Padres players today for an upcoming "Anchormom" story.   Pitcher Chris Young and his counterpart, catcher Nick Hundley to name names.  Fitness Quest 10 Trainer, Todd Durkin put us through what I like to call some "Mr. Miyagi" type exercises.  I reference the 80's flick "Karate Kid", and more specifically actor Pat Morita's character, because we were catching flying playing cards at one point, to test our hand-eye coordination (or maybe just to resurrect my big brother's favorite card trick:  "52 Card Pick-up").  I'm leaning toward the first notion.

   After my brief physical, "Gilligan-esque" interaction with the pros, I turned the tables and turned the mic on.  I wanted to pick their brains about what they really think about recent "pro athlete scandals", their mistakes and missteps on and off the field.  And thankfully, they were open and cadid.  But then, my Mommy gene kicked in.

   It dawned on me, as my son enters his latest little league season and will pitch for the first time... I had one of the best in the game right in front of me.  So, we began a conversation parent to parent...not athlete to reporter.   I asked Chris Young how to help my son contain his emotions on the mound (his little chin quivers everytime he walks someone) and make him understand what happens between his ears, will be the difference between success and failure?  Really, with anything he attempts in life.

   At 6 foot10 inches tall, Young turned, and literally gave me advice from the top.  He said, "Tell him to think about the next pitch.  The last one is behind you.  All you can do is focus on the next pitch."  Perhaps, a life lesson lies in there as well.

   Later, as I was driving home and thinking about how this man with the million dollar plus arm, lit up while talking about his own daughter and baby son due this summer, it occurred to me, this giant of baseball actually sees eye to eye with every other parent.  He's crazy about his kids.  And when I told mine, I talked to Chris Young about him and his pitching...it was Mom who hit one out of the park this time.

   Go Padres!  And stay tuned for my "Unsportsmanlike Conduct" story...the first week of March.

   What can I say, the consumate planner (moi) was out planned, out manned and out maneuvered this Valentine's weekend.  And it both pains and pleases me to say, it was by my own husband.

   I am a Valentine baby, so my husband has the added pleasure/chore of having to mark both.  Add to that, he proposed on Valentine's Day, so it's a big couple of days for us.  Now, many men remark he's a genius since he's managed to cram them all into one occasion.  I prefer to think of it as "romantic".  Hey, it gets me through.

  Anyways, since I love to plan, and even plan to plan, I planned on being disappointed because I didn't think my husband planned anything for the big day.  I never planned on eating my words.  Nonetheless, I happily washed them down with a champagne toast Saturday night when a limo pulled up and whisked us away with two dear friends for a night of fine dining (no crayons or paper tablecloths in sight) and a nightclub to follow.  (Can I just say, I can't remember going to a second location in about a decade? Sad, but true.  I have a carpool in the morning to consider!)

   Needless to say, we had a great time.  I don't know if I was more giddy from the bubbly or from the effort my husband put into the night.  It was so thoughtful, which to me is everything.  Because I am a firm believer that "love" is a verb.  It is something you do.  And, I couldn't help thinking to myself, how wonderful that my daughter, who can't keep a secret to save her darling little life, witnessed the limo driving up screaming: "Mommy, don't look outside, there's something out there waiting for you!"

   She saw her Daddy, treat her Mommy like a princess...which is exactly the kind of treatment I hope she expects.  And my son, witnessed how a man can make a woman feel pampered and appreciated.  And everyone deserves that once in a while. 

   And whether the pocketbook can afford it or not, there are a hundred different ways to do it.  From filling up a gas tank to filling up a tub with bubblebath...there's not shortage of all the little things you can do to say I love you...but, let's not forget the grand gestures either.  Kids REALLY see those ones.

   So, to all the Valentine haters who say it's the greeting card and flower industry's way of doubling their profits and nothing more.  I say this:  You have 364 other days to feel like nothing special...why not? 

   Happy Valentine's Day....

   I was standing outside my exercise class this morning waiting to go in, and for my "WILL" to go in, to kick in, when I couldn't help but overhear some ladies in a deep discussion.  From what I gathered, having not properly caffeinated myself just yet, they were venting about today's youth and students: high school, college and otherwise.  I think some of them were teachers, or retired educators and certainly, all of them were parents. 

   As the conversation continued to ping pong between the four, breaking only for the quick sip of a water bottle or iced coffee... suddenly, one of them said something so powerful, it actually woke me up.  One of the women was talking about her child when she said:  "He was complaining his teacher gave him a C.  I told him, she didn't GIVE you a C, you EARNED it." 

   Had I been a comic strip, the bubble over my head would have said "Whoa..."  It is a statement I will never forget.  (And frankly, I plan to steal it!)  I'm always struggling to find the right words to impart upon my children about having a good work ethic.  Like most parents, and certainly the aforementioned ladies from my exercise class, it is a constant battle these days to combat the affliction called "entitlement".

   So many kids and so-called grown ups today, have an enormous sense of entitlement instead of a sense of personal responsibility.   They feel somehow the world owes them, instead of they owe something to this world, as in a contribution.  I feel that's the backbone of raising a good person.  Someone who is willing to work for what they have, work toward their goals and dreams, and work on enriching the relationships in their lives. 

   To me, it's all about the effort.  And when you put that in, no matter where or when you cross the finish line, you're a winner.  But, if you feel you're entitled and feel it should be given...trust me, you'll be bringing up the rear, because you're acting like one.

   Here's to the ladies...who reminded me it's okay to eavesdrop once in awhile, you might just learn something.  I'm entitled, right?

      When I first introduced you to my dog, Barkley (named after NBA great Sir Charles), he was a mere puff ball of black fur.  Now, he is a 7 month old toddler, with the intellect to match and the body of a compact car.  He's over 90 pounds.  And as my 9 year old son so eloquently puts it:  "He takes poop towers." 

   Now, unfortunately his size isn't all that's huge.  His vet bills are growing by leaps and bounds as well.  As we speak, our version of "Clifford the Big Red Dog", is coming out of recovery.  Apparently, burnese mountain dogs can have shoulder problems due to their rapid growth, and Barkley is no different.  He's also having his manhood "altered" if ya know what I mean.  (Don't want to invade my boy's privacy too much.)

   So, as he comes out of anethesia and gets ready to wear the "cone of shame" (reference to the movie "Up") we're waking up to the fact that this particular member of our family is ridiculously expensive!  He is by all accounting the "bionic dog".... as in 6-million dollar dog.    And this was the year we were going to buckle down and save.

   But what do you do?  From the moment you bring a pet into your home, you reliquish all good sense, because you fall in love.  I guess I just didn't realize I'd be opening up my wallet as much as my heart.  But how can you put a price on a big loveable oaf like Barkley?  You can't!!!  Sadly, our vet doesn't feel the same way.

   "The moment" of Superbowl 44 for me, wasn't when Peyton Manning was picked off by Tracy Porter, and he ran it in for that pivotal touchdown (though that was awsome!)   It was the money shot of quarterback Drew Brees and his 1-year-old son, Baylen... confetti pouring down, Brees' eyes stung with tears.   It was so moving to witness such a personal moment and professional triumph...on such a public stage.  I teared up for sure.

   As a parent, we can all relate to what that must have felt like for Brees.  He literally held everything he ever dreamed of in that singular moment.  His son, his trophy...his college sweetheart and wife, Brittany.  It is rare we truly "get it all"....and more importantly, know the very moment we do.

   Before he was this superstar "Saint", I sat down with Drew and his wife for an interview when they were newlyweds and new to the NFL.   We chatted on their new couch, in their new home in San Diego.    They seemed almost gitty over their new life.   Brees had that glow of an up and coming quarterback with the wind at his back.  He was the back up quarterback then, to Doug Flutie and I asked him what it was like to be so popular.  He was quick to point out "Everyone loves the backup quarterback,"  knowing full well, when you're "the guy" people expect results and if they don't get them, they turn on you.

   And, in short, that's what happened to him in San Diego.  The Chargers saw him as expendable, with Phillip Rivers standing by as their future.  Drew was cut loose, he injured his shoulder, his prospects were few and unpromising.  The Saints picked him up and in turn, he picked them up.  It was a match made in underdog heaven.  And as I pointed out to my son sitting on my lap during the Superbowl:  "He was written off, ya know...only Drew decided to write his OWN story...and you can too".

   It is the classic tale of believing in yourself, playing for something bigger than you (a battered New Orleans) and not giving up.   It turns out Hurricane Katrina met her match, in "Cool Brees".

   My heartfelt congrats.

     If you're like me, when you heard there might even be the slightest chance that children's vaccines could lead to autism, you gave serious thought to what you could be pumping into your child's body.   I know with both my kids, I spread out all their vaccines, even though doctors and nurses encouraged me to just get them over with at once.  I wasn't comfortable with that.  Aside from the study that claimed there could be a link, I just felt it was an awful lot of "stuff" to be putting into such a tiny body.  Add that to the fact, that I'm extremely sensitive to medication (I get every "rare" reaction or side effect listed on the label) I just didn't think it was wise considering they have my DNA.

   Now we learn, that study may have been mishandled.  Let's face it, the scientific community has never been on the same page about it, primarily because autism is such a mystery.  The news story Fox 5 ran February 2nd reports the man in charge of the study claiming to link autism to vaccines... allegedly paid for kids' blood samples and fudged findings in other ways as well.  My question is:  Even if that's true in this particular study, does that really extinguish the possibility of a link entirely?

   My sister, Dr. Priscilla Bade-White worked with autistic children for over a decade, got her doctorate in school psychology, and has written several textbook chapters on autism.  I asked her what she thought about this latest controversy.  She says first and foremost there are several medical studies looking at autism, and not just it's possible link to vaccines only, but how vaccines can interact with certain children with specific conditions.  Take celiac disease, or gluten intolerance or other gut problems.  There are some studies that suggest, children with those conditions may be more susceptible  or at higher risk of autism if vaccinated.  (Keep in mind, this is my brief, layman description of one such theory.)

   However, she also points out that there are a lot of parents of autistic children who swear by it.  They swear their child was one way before vaccinated, and totally changed after.  So who do you listen to when science is still in the works and the jury is still out?  I say our guts.... and talk to your doctor about your concerns. 

   One thing you can do, is what my sister described as asking your physician for "an alternative vaccine schedule".  It's what I did with my children, only it wasn't called that back then, and frankly it was kind of frowned upon, but apparently it's more widely accepted now.  So, if you are nervous or unsure, that's one option that's changed fairly recently.

   I have a nephew who is autistic and he is a sweet, little gem, with his own set of gifts.  It's my hope, the medical community can get on the same page, so we can unwrap what's going on inside him and so many other children.

   Until then...we journalists will continue to do some digging of our own.  Watch for updates...

   Aside from "pocket change" and a "change of clothes", I can't think of any other scenarios when the word "change" doesn't strike fear or cause some kind of discomfort.  Oh wait, "diaper change"...but you get my point. 

  Change is scary, but yet it's the only thing in life we can truly count on.  It's always in motion.  Take our change of seasons.  They mirror our lives.  Sometimes we are in a dark winter, holding on, until spring breaks.  Or watching our lives literally change in front of us like the leaves change color.  And yet, no one really addresses "adjusting to change" as a life skill.  And, isn't it?

   Imagine for kids what change is like.  By nature, we cling to stability....in their case: their mothers and fathers, teachers, buddies, even their schools, clubs and teams.  So, when any of those players change, it reshapes their little worlds.  And, it can be very unsettling to say the least.

   My son for instance, has great difficulty in new situations.  He has to muster all his courage to go into a situation where he "doesn't know anyone" and it's so painful to watch him go through it each time.   And we work really hard as parents to help him clear this hurdle when it surfaces, as it does time and time again.  I just wish he didn't have to "jump" it EVERY single time and it became a natural reaction.  But how does one teach that?  Especially when you haven't exactly mastered it yourself?

   All I know, is that I think it's critical children are armed with the ability to adjust, adapt and not to fear change.  Otherwise, you're handicapping them, because life is always going to be re-shuffling the deck.

   Perhaps the first change, is to have a "change of heart"...and just embrace it.  Like my Grandma always said:  "This too shall pass..."  And as I'm learning...sometimes way too fast.

   This past Friday, I embarked upon a trip I haven't taken since I was a Senior in High School.   I went whale watching off the coast of San Diego.  This time, it was with my 7 year old daughter on a first grade field trip.  I have to say, my maturity level hasn't changed much, nor has the trip...but, what a different experience to see it through her eyes.

   It's always fun to get out on the water (I am a commercial fisherman's daughter and have always loved being on the bow of a boat), and it was a beautiful, clear day.  The bay was teeming with activity, most of it Naval.... from overhead helicopters buzzing by, the tarmac roaring with planes taking off from the Air Station, sea lions lazily sleeping the morning away on various buoys.  We even watched a human chain of sailors reload a nuclear submarine.  And that, was all before we left the bay!

   But the most fun, was watching my daughter and her little friends clutch the railing, taking it all in.  I was so proud as a parent, that just by living here, we can offer this to her.  What a gift for both of us.  My childhood field trips consisted of sweating in the blazing Arizona sun at some western shootout, nibbling on a sandwich I hoped wasn't spread with salmonella by lunchtime.  (Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of my "wild west" roots, but 5 years in a row?)

  So, this was heaven.  And earth's most beautiful creatures did show their heads. (Check out my video).  We spotted a couple gray whales and several dolphins...but, I was really referring to the kids.  Everything through their eyes is even more remarkable, more stunning and certainly in full living color.  So, the next time I complain about my property taxes, I will tap this boatload of wonderful memories with my daughter...and be glad I dropped anchor in San Diego.