Written February 3, 2010

Now we learn, that study may have been mishandled. Let's face it, the scientific community has never been on the same page about it, primarily because autism is such a mystery. The news story Fox 5 ran February 2nd reports the man in charge of the study claiming to link autism to vaccines... allegedly paid for kids' blood samples and fudged findings in other ways as well. My question is: Even if that's true in this particular study, does that really extinguish the possibility of a link entirely?

My sister, Dr. Priscilla Bade-White worked with autistic children for over a decade, got her doctorate in school psychology, and has written several textbook chapters on autism. I asked her what she thought about this latest controversy. She says first and foremost there are several medical studies looking at autism, and not just it's possible link to vaccines only, but how vaccines can interact with certain children with specific conditions. Take celiac disease, or gluten intolerance or other gut problems. There are some studies that suggest, children with those conditions may be more susceptible or at higher risk of autism if vaccinated. (Keep in mind, this is my brief, layman description of one such theory.)

However, she also points out that there are a lot of parents of autistic children who swear by it. They swear their child was one way before vaccinated, and totally changed after. So who do you listen to when science is still in the works and the jury is still out? I say our guts.... and talk to your doctor about your concerns.

One thing you can do, is what my sister described as asking your physician for "an alternative vaccine schedule". It's what I did with my children, only it wasn't called that back then, and frankly it was kind of frowned upon, but apparently it's more widely accepted now. So, if you are nervous or unsure, that's one option that's changed fairly recently.

I have a nephew who is autistic and he is a sweet, little gem, with his own set of gifts. It's my hope, the medical community can get on the same page, so we can unwrap what's going on inside him and so many other children.

Until then...we journalists will continue to do some digging of our own. Watch for updates...tes...

   In the midst of our victory dance for making it through another year together, in love and entact, I felt a pang of sadness wash over me.  I'm not sure why, except all the faces of those who won't be facing 2011 streamed across my mind like a ticker tape:  My Uncle Duane, Elizabeth Edwards, Chelsea King, Amber Dubois.....

   Then...the faces of those they left behind sat there on the menu in front of me, as I pretended to be focusing on it.  And I thought how incredibly difficult that night must be; facing a new year without those they love.  Crushing really.

   A new year, generally means a new slate, full of hope and potential.  But for these people, it must feel like a vast ocean of unchartered waters.  The life they new is changed and the life in front of them unrecognizable.  I feel for Elizabeth Edward's children.  I feel for the King Family, Amber Dubois' parents and friends...and of course my Aunt Sherri who lost the love of her life this past summer.

   And as I clinked my champagne glass with my husbands to mark our 16 years together, I suddenly realized how precious every second has been.  Then I went home at 12:05am mind you...eager to kiss my kids.

   No matter what transpires in 2011, I hope it happens in very good company.

VIDEO: Great Gift Ideas  From babysitters and nannies, to hair stylists and teachers, we have so many people to give back to.  And let's face it, it's typically up to us moms to make and mark that list off.  It can be a daunting task.  That's why I called on styleyourlifeblog.com's Jennifer Rosson to do some leg work for us.

  From a new California company offering a Netflix for children's books type service, to tapping into a mom and daughter boutique in Encinitas called Rustic Rooster, for great gift basket ideas...she really came through.

  I hope it helps you with all of the people who have been "nice" this year...so you can be a little "naughty" and ...

     TAKE A NAP!!!  Ha.

   In the course of our dialogue I listened to her disappointment in both parents.  I listened to her pain.  I listened to her growing up too fast.  It was hard to hear.  But what I also heard, was an epiphany echoing in my own head.  It came to me this past year, on more than one occasion when I was beating myself up over being a less than stellar parent:  "Parents are just people".

   It doesn't sound very dramatic I know, but for this perfectionist, it was a big step toward self-acceptance.  It's been a philosophy I've adopted for myself as a parent, so I can forgive all my mistakes and shortcomings when it comes to raising my kids.  I know this may come as a shock, but I'm not perfect.  Yep...it's true.  And when it comes to being a mother, I am even farther from that mark.  My children deserve a lot better mother than I am, but they got little old "me" instead.  So...we're all just going to have to deal with that.

   You might think I'm being too hard on myself...and what the heck does all this have to do with that teenager I spoke of?  Well, they go hand in hand.  Because during our half-hour huddle over the phone, I told her she's learning something most of us don't realize until we're middle-aged and trying to overcome our own childhoods.  That "parents are just people"...and people make mistakes, even when their hearts are in the right place.  (It's just unfortunate, our kids often pay for them.)

   I'm a person, who happens to be a parent.  I do my very best, with what I'm equipped with.  I will probably never feel it's good enough for the sweet little beings I brought into this world...but through that philosophy, I've decided to let them "get to know me" for who I am, and not just who I wish to be.

   When I lose my temper (I'm 100% Irish), I apologize and tell them I was wrong and mishandled the situation.  When I over or under react we talk about what may have been the better choice.  I tell them often "everyone makes mistakes, even me."  I try to be as open as I can, about how I too..am a work in progress.

   It's my hope, that by accepting my imperfect self, and allowing them to know all of me...they can forgive and embrace all my idiosynchrasies and love me unconditionally, warts and all. 

   And through this new philosophy...that perfect love is the only perfection I seek anymore.  I hope my little teenage friend can find that too.

  When first asked, I fired off the typical "fine" knee-jerk reaction answer.  Then I thought, I should be totally honest, so I paused for moment then responded:  "Hugs & Headlocks".  Meaning my kids get along great (for a time) then undoubtedly, someone ends up in a headlock screaming bloody murder.  And that just about sums up the dynamics of their relationship.  (And as I beckon back to the day when I lived with my three siblings - that just about wraps up our relationships too.)

   I made the well-intentioned mis-step of telling my son that we had our daughter as a gift for him, because we never wanted him to be alone in the world.  Now when he's angry, this heartwarming tale gets spit back in my face with: "She's the worst gift ever!" 

  For my daughter's part, she told us the other night she didn't "want him to exist."  I said, "That might be a problem, because he's already here."

   But even after all these exchanges, the two will toddle off to sleep in the same room together every night...either in his bunkbeds or her trundle. (They are 10 and 8 years old.)  It's the cutest thing I've ever seen - when the "bickermans" go off to bed.  It's hysterical.

   Like I said..."hugs and headlocks" - and you never know which one you're going to get.

   My first one started by accident.  My daughter (my real life Holiday Barbie) was born just a week before Christmas.  From that year on, I've put the kids in matching Christmas pajamas (they get on Christmas Eve) and take a photo.  Then I frame it in a holiday frame (always on sale in the weeks after Christmas).  After years of doing this, I have a darling exhibition of holiday photographs I garnish with garland and candles for all to see.  In my opinion, it's one of the showstoppers in the house every year when I dig them out of storage.  Not to mention a meaninful timeline of their growth...

   Another favorite, that's also on the inexpensive side, souvenir ornaments on the tree.  Every year when we decorate it's like a trip down memory lane.  Each ornament represents a trip we took together and we get to relive it together.  There are always funny anecdotes that surface.

    I also put holiday themed flannel sheets on all the beds, which are both cozy physically and emotionally as the chilly nights leading to Christmas come and go.

  Collecting nutcrackers is another holiday tradition that continues to build.  They're one of my passions as a former ballerina that I've passed onto my kids now, and they seem to really like it.  We don't go for the authentic ones of course, that would be too costly...but the ones from Target at $12.99 do just fine in setting the seasonal mood, as well as, give the children a chance to express their own personalities.  They come in everything from football players to hula girls...so you can imagine their sophisticated collectibles!

   For all the holidays, but Christmas expecially, I've started a holiday library for the kids...and they're the suppliers.  Each year, I take them to a local bookstore and they get to pick out one book for the holidays...now we have a slew of them.  And everynight leading up to Christmas the kids pick one or two out and we read them together.  It's like Christmas morning early when we open the box every year and remember all the stories from previous years!

   We also always use an advent calendar, make one of those 10-buck gingerbread houses from Michael's, go to the Hotel Del to see the decorations and ice skate, and try to TIVO as many holiday movies on tv to watch together. 

   It's a wonderful time - and you can do it on a dime... and you'll feel richer for it.

   So Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays....from Hanukkah to a Happy New Year..and the Kwanzaa in between!

   During our parent teacher conference, this was a topic I tackled with fervor with his teacher.  I want to be helpful, but because of my own "type A" personality, I tend to just "do" instead of "teach" sometimes.  I asked his teacher if I should just trust when he says he doesn't have homework and let him potentially crash and burn if he isn't being totally forthcoming.  Or do I continue to check his classroom calendar nightly - therefore, virtually spoonfeeding him into getting his material done and in on time?

   It's perplexing.  I want to set him up for success, not failure (though we tend to learn more from the latter.)  And, I desperately want him to have and hone some organizational skills.  Like I said, he'll be headed to middle school next year, where he'll be changing teachers and classrooms every hour, so out of sheer survival he'll need to be with it.  I'm afraid my little absent minded professor might get overwhelmed...

   Then again both my brothers made it through school...how hard can it be?  I laugh, but it's true.  I never met two bigger clowns.  The only thing is, they were really smart.  So, they were smart enough to do what they had to, to get by.  Those are hardly words to live by...but, it does provide me some comfort (as well as, a chuckle.)

   "No child left behind" ...it's not a policy, it's my plan of action!  Now, only if I knew what to do.

   There was a time that being dissatisfied with life was just another facet to my personality.  I always wanted more, something different, or what I perceived as better.  And I was driven to prove (and maybe just to the "universe") that I was worthy of these things.  In retrospect, I think it was a cocktail of immaturity, low self-esteem and being a child of abandonment.  Showing an absent parent all they've missed can be a big motivator.

   That was me then.  This is me now:  Everynight as I walk up the stairs of my house after broadcasting another 10 o'clock show, I slowly breathe in each and every photograph lining the walls as I make my way up to the soft sounds of my family fast asleep.   It is my meditation, my moment...and for those few seconds every single night of the week, I bask in gratitude.  And without a doubt, it's my children who changed me.

   All those smiles ranging from infancy to childhood to those long gone, represent all the joy in my life.  You can't walk up those stairs without smiling yourself, as so many special memories come flooding back.

   So as I prepare my dips and drinks to contribute to the Thanksgiving spread, I hope each and every one of you can give thanks for all you have.  Even in your darkest hour and very lean times, there are things to give thanks for...like you.  As country music great, Dolly Parton says, "if you want to enjoy the sunshine, you have to put up with the rain." 

   So grab an umbrella and hold on.  Happy Thanksgiving!

   Within minutes of our 911 call, paramedics arrived and were strapping my Dad to a chair to get him down the stairs and onto a gurney and into an ambulance.  In no time, we were at Sharp Memorial off the 163 and in a emergency treatment room.

   Like well oiled pinballs, medical technicians and nurses swirled around us in chaotic precision, registering, testing, prepping him for diagnosis.  The staff seemed endless.  It was sciatica... and powerful painkillers were his best option to be even the least bit mobile.  We were relieved to say the least.

   For me, it was mostly because "one of us" as in one of four children happen to be with them during this scary episode of complete immobility.  It became crystal clear in that moment today, how important that is.  After watching my aging grandparents be treated like they were forgone conclusions at hospitals, I felt strongly about being an advocate for them.  Lucky for us, Sharp didn't treat them like old people, they simply treated them, and treated them well.

   Nonetheless, more and more of us are becoming members of the "sandwich generation" as my girlfriend puts it, where we are taking care of our own children, as well as, helping our parents.  Like a freight train, it hit me.  We are entering a new era here, and as much as I needed them growing up.  They need me now.

   So, as I prepare for my last newscast of the day at 9:31pm, my mother heads to bed for a more restful night sleep and my Dad slumbers in a vicodin fog safely in our guest room.  I realize it was the best way for all of us to end the day.

   Together. 

   Isabel Cruz, a local restaurant owner and author of a delicious cookbook:  "Isabel's Cantina", had some truly useful and applicable advice on how to generate some healthy choices night after night with minimal effort.  It's worth a look and so are her restaurants:  Barrio Star, Isabel's Cantina, The Coffee Cup in La Jolla...

   Enjoy...and I hope her guidance helps you as much as it's helped me.  The sauces alone will rev up your nights - maybe even make them spicier!

   I loved art as a child and I am finding I enjoy it just as much as an adult.  This particular lesson is about "value" of color.  We played around with tints and shades adding white and black respectively to our primary color.  I of course, chose purple.  (My signature color since my violet shag carpet back in the day.)

   For my lesson, I painted a still life of a lovely tea pot (not really) with mulitple patterns on my tablecloth, drapes and wallpaper to utilize all my homemade values of color.  It got the job done, but it's hardly a work of art...it's art that was worked on or even worked over.  Nonetheless, my darling daughter and son this morning were proud of me when I showed it to them.  More than once they exclaimed:  "Mom, that's really good!" 

   Now I know for sure what "beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder" truly means. I'm their Mom and at their tender ages of 8 and 10, I'm still somewhat heroic.  I will miss that when it's gone.

   Next stop, the classroom...where I'll attempt to pass along my limited knowledge of the value of color.  I think I already know the value of seeing yourself through your children's eyes... that's a timeless masterpiece.

   It was a patriotic feeling trying to describe "out loud" what I was doing there and why it was so important.  As we left holding hands, I felt proud to be the one illustrating this incredible right we have to choose.  I think I had forgotten, given all the division and discourse across the country. 

   As a member of media, I have grown so weary of sensationalized minutia in place of intelligent conversations and problem solving.  I have never liked bickering - it's just white noise.  Perhaps that's the white that lies between the "red" and "blue" we've been told we are.

   All that being said, it was an honor to tell my daughter about our right to vote, something so many countries can only covet in their dreams.  It was a good reminder of what we have, instead of what we aren't and that the freedom to think for yourself is the greatest freedom of all.

   I talked about the difference of America, comparing our elections to the kings and queens she hears about in her fairytales all the time.  And how they order everyone what to do. 

   Thank goodness that's where dictatorships in our country remain, in the pages of fairytales.  And thank goodness she still believes in princesses.  It's good to be 7. 

   In any case, my poor little Spidergirl didn't get to "trick or treat" this year, instead spent the night in bed with her sick mother, her sick uncle on the couch and an Aunt who was chugging gingerale in hopes of "keeping it together".

  But I have to say, I was SO proud how she handled this huge disappointment.  And if you remember what Halloween and candy meant to you when you were 7, you know I'm not overstating when I characterize it as "huge."  She hasn't complained once or even whined.  She literally just took her medicine. 

   It wasn't the Happy Halloween we were all looking for, but it was one to remember. I mean, we had a haunted house with lots of frightening looking people in it - so I guess that''s one way to do it.

   (Hope this ghost doesn't get you!)

   Today, I hit both the kids' Halloween soirees at school, brought my 2 and 3 year old niece and nephew dressed as superheroes to the shin-dig, saw two versions of the toilet paper mummy contest, candy-corn bingo where my daughter itched to yell "Jack-O!" and something that resembled the Canadian national sport of Curling with pumpkins.  It was high-octane Halloween entertainment (and they didn't even have candy yet.)

   The morning was just as hectic.  When my daughter put on her costume to wear to school (that I ordered a month and a half ago from Costume Express - a true time saver), it became very apparent she had a growth spurt. It was snug.  The mask though, was like a tourniquet. So, there I was scrambling to find my sewing kit that would be eligible for the Antique Road Show by now, while brainstorming on how to literally expand her mind, by lengthening the strap on her mask.

   My sister, who is visiting, suggested I find some fabric.  Do I look like someone who has extra fabric hanging around?  Then she remembered she broke her bra strap on the drive over from Phoenix (don't ask me how, I didn't), and we could use that.

   With the clock ticking toward the morning bell, I feverishly cut and stitched a bra strap to the Spidergirl mask she had to have, all before having a sip of caffeine.  Talk about scarey.  Not only did she trot off to school with a bra strap wrapped around her head - but the little buckle made it adjustable.  "Project Runway" here I come!

   Halloween was a much lower key production when we were kids.  I think I was a gypsy five years running.  My husband was a hobo every year.  That way our parents could slap on some of their old clothes and jewelry on us, send us on our way... and have time for a cocktail.  .

   Now that's the trick and treat I could really get on board with! 

   Happy Halloween to all the parents out there...helping to create "sweet" memories come Sunday.

   Not only was I at work when this hack job went on, I failed to notice it for 48 hours.  That's two breakfasts, 4 carpools, two nights of storytelling and one giant blockhead (that being me.)  My husband thought this was funny.  He lightheartedly chuckled and said "Don't all kids do this?"  I said "Yes, but typically the parents notice."  He chuckled again.  He is much more forgiving of our blunders...I have that inherent Catholic guilt my side of the family was raised with.

   Nonetheless, that little scoundrel of ours also hid her new "do" by combing her bangs dramatically to the side, so it looked like it was tucked behind her ears.  Clever little devil isn't she?  Of course when I busted her she teared up, said she was sorry and I had to revert back to a Lamaze technique to talk myself down.  I think I was more upset that I didn't know and she hid something from me.  It was a first.   I suddenly realized she cut more than just her bangs, she cut another apron string.

   Since the whole beauty parlor experiment, she's adopted a new phrase:  "Everyone makes mistakes, right?"  She says it often, while endearingly looking into my eyes each time for approval.  I am quick to give it to her and tell her I will always love her no matter what she does (or looks like.) 

   Then I admitted to cutting my own bangs in 8th grade.  And without skipping a beat, she revised her argument:  "Then it's your fault, I have your blood."

   Future defense attorney.