Intuitively Yours by Nan O’Brien

He's Gone And My New Companion Is Guilt

on February 8, 2010 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dear Nan,

My husband Joe and I were married for 23 wonderful years. He was a smoker and died of lung cancer several years ago. He ended up in hospice at the end. I stayed with him all the time but one night I was so tired I went home for a good night's sleep. He died while I was gone. I am angry at him for smoking and feel guilty all at the same time and I can't stop being mad at myself for leaving him that one night. Is he mad at me that he died alone?

Thank you,

Roberta

Dear Roberta,

First, I am sorry for your loss and I understand your anger. Addictions, whether smoking, alcohol, drugs, or compulsions, are challenges for both the person who has it and the person who lives with the person who has it! The guilt you are feeling is also very common. I speak with people almost everyday who have gone through a similar situation.

I am hearing several things Joe wants you to know. First, please know that he is absolutely fine. He is not angry with you. He has regret for the actions that cut your soul contract shorter than it was supposed to be and wants to take ownership for his addiction now, as he was unable to admit or take responsibility for it when he was in physicality. Joe's failure and refusal to address his smoking problem (which he is telling me continued even after his diagnosis) was rooted in fear, which is ironic since it was ignoring the problem that caused his fears to come true, not his actual addiction. The irony is not lost on him in Spirit as he reviews his life. He acknowledges your anger and seeks your forgiveness.

Secondly, souls such as your husband who pass from illness choose the time they depart this world. He understood you needed your rest. He did not want you to bear witness to his actual passing, as he knew it would be very traumatic for you. You were so attentive, so loving, and he appreciates your telling him it was ok to go. He also hopes you understand that when you left and told him you would be back in the morning, he knew he could stop holding on. You showed you were willing to take care of yourself, and that's when he knew you would be ok.

The process of grief is unique to everyone, so take your time to process through it at your own pace. But please, Roberta, do not complicate the process by feeling guilty. You did the right thing, and I can assure you he knows that.

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint: Perhaps one of the most challenging situations we can face is the loss of a loved one. Any issues that are unresolved would seem to remain unresolved because of the distance death seems to create, and yet this is not true. Our loved ones continue to be a part of our daily lives, even if they do so from a different perspective. There is no negativity in Spirit; they are not angry at us. The closest feeling to negativity is guilt and/or regret, such as Joe has, and they alway want to address this feeling with us from Spirit.

Guilt about who was with a loved one - and who was not - when he/she passed is often a source of great pain for those of us left behind, yet as souls we choose the time we depart (unless the death is due to the mechanism of free will/free choice, which I'll talk about in another blog). There is no need to feel guilty. If Joe had thought it would be good for Roberta to be by his side as he crossed over, he would have waited until morning to do so.

Sometimes, it is the perspective of death that can give us the greatest comfort. Our loved ones are not gone, not some place far away, they are close; they are with us. It is only the way in which they are with us that we need to understand. Death is not a brick wall that separates us, it is a two-way mirror that sometimes obscures our view.

In coming months, I will talk more about death, dying, and communicating. For now, those of you who have carried a mantle of guilt about not being with someone who died as Roberta has, please know it is time to set it down. The peace you seek is within and is based on understanding and perspective of life, not out of reach in the clutches of what appears to be the finality of death.

Until tomorrow, I am,

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net.

For more information about my work or my nationally-syndicated radio show, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

The Nan O'Brien Radio Show - 02/06/10

Nan O’Brien

on February 7, 2010 3:28 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

LISTEN HERE TO THE LATEST PODCAST OF THE NAN O'BRIEN SHOW

Click on the links below to listen to Nan's online podcast stream.

1st Hour 9pm - 10pm EDT 2nd Hour 10pm - 11pm EDT 3rd Hour 11pm - 12am EDT

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Looking at Life: Slings and Arrows

Nan O’Brien

on February 6, 2010 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

No matter how much we care about our family, our friends, there are times that the relationship you would never expect to have a problem, does; and we become separated from our loved ones by a difference of opinion or slip of the tongue as definitively as if we were two pieces of land on opposite sides of a gaping ocean.

It is a scary place to be, feeling distanced from someone we have shared the intimacies, the insecurities, of who we are at the core. It is even worse when there is a grain of truth on the tips of the arrows of hurt that we all possess - but seldom shoot - normally having enough self-control not to intentionally inflict pain on those we love.

But, how many times, in anger, do we find ourselves rooting in the back of the closet of our minds, for that one comment, that one reminder, that we know will wound another as swiftly and accurately as if we had drawn the bow? And, how many times do we feel those words slip from our mouths, as we likewise feel the bile of regret?

Sometimes separations in our relationships come in the form of silence; of feeling alienated; of feeling you can't resolve an issue because there is no clear-cut right, no clear-cut wrong. So, you say nothing; do nothing; because, truly, you believe there is nothing that can be done. We are afraid to make things worse, so we stay silent. We choose inaction out of frustration of not knowing what to do. We create stories in our heads of what others are thinking, why they did what they did, or chose what they chose, and then we respond to those stories as if they were real. This can be as destructive to others, to ourselves, as screaming at the top of our lungs. Inaction is a choice; complacency is a choice.

So, what do you do when confronted with either of these situations? How do you put down the arrows? How do you move forward when fear, guilt, or complacency are so overwhelming, you don't know where to start? How do you stop making a difficult situation worse from adding the bricks of guilt and regret to the load you already carry on your back?

Recognizing that when we come to this physical world, we attract others into our lives either to journey - to share, to grow - or to resolve, is the first step in gaining perspective. We do not come to this world as perfect beings; and even as we learn and grow, we do not leave this world as perfect beings, either. We can only ask of ourselves that we do our best; or, if we know we have not, then we can only forgive ourselves for our imperfections - or forgive others for theirs - and be willing to move on.

Our relationships will ebb and flow over time, as surely as the currents of the oceans. We need to take a broader view of life, of relationships. We need to start from the premise of best intention and God's grace. And we need to be willing to say "I'm sorry" and "I love you" when other words fail us.

The key is growth - learning from our choices; learning from the choices of others that affect our lives; and always seeking to live in truth and in integrity, with the certain knowledge that there is no problem without a solution, even if the solution is found in Spirit and not during our physical existence.

We are not alone. We are on a journey of discovery of self and soul growth; and while there are times in your life that may be difficult, even heartbreaking, you can withstand and face the slings and arrows because you are truly shielded with the armor of love - that of the love of God; love of others; and love of self.

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

For more information about me and my work, please visit www.NanOBrien.com

Warning! Warning! Danger, Will Robinson!

Nan O’Brien

on February 5, 2010 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dear Nan,

I am writing because I don't understand how to handle a situation about my five-year old daughter, Amber. Starting about six months ago, every time she is visiting with someone else, like spending the weekend with my parents or my husband's parents, I am almost in a panic that something is going to happen to her. My friends tell me I am over-protective and that I need to let go. I know it's irrational, but I can't change how I feel. Can you please help me?

Thanks,

Joanna

Dear Joanna,

As a mom of four myself, I understand how your heart can feel conflicted when your child is away from you. However, the level of fear you are experiencing, and your awareness that the feeling is irrational, does seem to be something beyond a typical mother's concern for her child.

I disagree your feelings are a result of being over-protective. My sense is that you and Amber have experienced being mother and daughter before, and that in your prior lifetime something happened to Amber when she was not with you. The fact that this fear only began a short time ago relates to the age at which it happened in the past lifetime. It's as if your soul has drawn a correlation between being a mom to Amber and the trauma of what happened to her before. Your soul is trying to warn you of harm; the problem is, the harm is behind you and not ahead of you.

Knowing that this sense of impending disaster is rooted in a past-life experience may help you by giving you a logical reason for your feelings, an alternative to the belief this is a premonition of harm to come. It would also be helpful for you to prayerfully ask that what is behind you stays behind you; and that you be free to embrace and enjoy the experience of being a parent to your daughter in this lifetime, since you did not have the opportunity to do so before. Once your soul sees that Amber is healthy beyond the age of her past-life trauma, that should also calm down some of the fears.

Sometimes, looking behind you clearly can give you clarity looking forward!

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint: When we experience irrational fears in a lifetime and cannot point to a reason why we have them, it's a strong bet that the root cause is found in a past lifetime event. The fears can be about others, such as Joanna's feelings about her daughter, or they can be for ourselves. For example, a person who drowns traumatically in one lifetime may be afraid to swim in the next. A person who has died from falling off a cliff may be afraid of heights, or even specifically avoid mountains or cliffs, even if being in situations around other heights is ok.

Why does this happen? The soul is trying to protect you from harm, not interfere with your ability to function in this world. It is saying, in effect, "Don't do that! Remember what happened the last time? Stay away! Stay away!" which is intended to help you. The problem is, we do not have a conscious awareness of the prior situation, so we are left with the strong feeling of "don't" or "fear" without knowing why, and that only creates more problems!

We all have things that invoke fear in us, but when the fear is irrational and specific - and when it is so intense it gets in the way of how we function or relate in this lifetime - then a past trauma is often the reason. Through prayer, meditation, and the conscious awareness of the source of the fear, you can do a lot to reduce and even eliminate the irrational block in this lifetime. Be proactive and work toward reprogramming the message, vested in the now and not in the past.

Until tomorrow, I am

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net.

For more information about my work or my nationally-syndicated radio show, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

How Do I Journey Toward Life, When My Son Took The Highway To Heaven?

Nan O’Brien

on February 3, 2010 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dear Nan,

My son Jayson took his own life on April 5 this year. Grief, guilt and shock have since overwhelmed me and my remaining children, as well as Jayson's grandparents and girlfriend. I have so much guilt as his Mom and the fact that I did not take him seriously when he told me he wanted to die. I feel that if I could have hugged him and talked to him and told him how much I love him, he would not have followed through. I can come up with all kinds of reasons or excuses about not listening to him, and I come back to the same conclusion, I should have listened, I should have done more. I am his Mother, the one person who needed to take care of him and look out for him. Please help me, tell me my son is ok where he is now.

Thank you,

Cindy

Dear Cindy,

First, I am sorry for your loss. No words can convey the pain from a child's death, and the additional burdens of guilt and regret you carry from the circumstances of Jayson's passing must make it seem unbearable.

First things first. Your son is more than ok, he is at peace. In Spirit, regardless of the "how" a soul arrives there, there is only goodness and understanding. There is no pain, no sorrow, no negativity. The closest energy to "negative" in Spirit is guilt or regret, but only in the context of feeling these emotions to learn and to grow. So, even though Jayson was overwhelmed while in physical form, I can assure you that he is no longer in distress.

The guilt that comes from losing your son to suicide is understandable, but it is misplaced. As hard as it is to embrace, no one can take ownership or responsibility for someone else's life lessons, or decision not to learn them, as the case may be.

You cannot take on the responsibility for Jayson's decision. He made the decision out of free will/free choice, and while you can rage against his decision, you must face that it was his decision alone. The burden of guilt and regret will only add to the pain of the situation, robbing your family of not only Jayson, but you as well. Sometimes the only strength we can rely on in this situation is not to add to the pain by the loss of our own lives. Think about it, Cindy: If you stop living, even if you are physically still in this world, then the devastation of Jayson's death will have claimed more than his life, it will have taken yours as well. If you cannot find it in your heart to continue to live for yourself, remember that you have other children who need you right now. Let that love be a source of your strength. Their sibling is gone; do not compound their grief by the loss of their mother as well.

Reaching out to others who have gone through the same loss can sometimes help. I encourage you to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. It's free, confidential, and available 24/7.

In closing, you WILL see your son again, and you will also have the opportunity to complete the soul contract of mother and son again, too. Your time with Jayson is only postponed until the next lifetime. In the meantime, he truly wants you to LIVE. THAT is how you honor your son!

Nan

　

√ ∙ Checkpoint:

The issue of suicide is a complicated one, both from a physical perspective and a spiritual one. On the physical side, the guilt, regret, and/or anger of loved ones who are left behind is mixed in with the loss and, in most cases, the wondering why our family member or friend made the decision to end his or her life.

The spiritual aspect can become particularly complicated when a person's religion condemns not only the action of suicide, but the soul of the person committing it. This deepens the fear, the pain, and the guilt of those left behind.

Step back from that perspective and see things in a different way: It is a simple truth that we are either in physical form or spiritual form; we are either here or there. The main part of our existence is spiritual. Our physical lifetimes provide the opportunities to live, grow, and evolve as souls. As souls, we are imperfect. We learn from our right choices, but we also learn from our "not right" choices. Suicide is one of many "not right" choices, and each soul who has taken this path will have learned the rippling consequences of the decision to take his or her life after transitioning to Spirit.

As with Cindy, if a loved one's suicide has touched your life, then it will be all the more imperative to resist the natural tendency to remain on this Earth but yet give up on life, too. This action adds to the negativity, adds to the wrong action, and adds to the burden of guilt of our loved one in Spirit. Our loved ones in Spirit are at peace; and there is not one who is there - whether from suicide or not - who wishes to be defined by his or her death. It is the moments of joy, of happiness, of silliness, of brilliance, of accomplishment, that our loved ones want us to focus upon.

We honor those who are no longer living in physical form by embracing our existence here to the fullest. Move forward from this day and choose to live! There can be no other alternative.

Until next time, I am

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net

For more information about me and my work, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

"Life" Is Many Boxes Of Chocolate

Nan O’Brien

on February 1, 2010 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dear Nan,

I am 24 years old, am a little nervous to email you because I am at a point where I don't think anyone can understand my jumbled emotions.　My father had a brain aneurysm very near the time of my birth, which left him mentally and physically disabled.　I didn't even meet him until I was 15 (on a Father's Day).　He didn't know who I was.　That was the first and last time that I saw him.　He passed when I was a senior in high school.　I have always felt a void in my life. God is amazing at filling that void, but there's just always an emptiness where I thought my dad should be.　I would like to know if he knows who I am and if he sees me.　Is he proud of who I am?

Thank you for taking the time to read my email.

Callie

Dear Callie,

My heart reaches out to you over your life situation. It must have been confusing as a child to come into this physical existence in the circumstances you describe. The limitations of the physical body can seem, at times, cruel. I'm sure there were many times you asked yourself, "Why me?" and this would be understandable.

Yet, through your pain, through your loss, it is clear that you found faith and have maintained it; that you recognize there is a Higher Power at work in your life; and for this you must give yourself more credit. Not everyone in a hurtful situation such as this would be so grounded.

I would ask that you take your faith a step farther, and understand that your father is now able to be a parent to you in ways he could not be when faced with the constraints of what his body became following the aneurysm. In Spirit, your father is actually less limited in his communication with you than when he was in his former physical form. He can visit you in your dreams; he can surround you with his love that will feel to you like a blanket laid around your shoulders when you are hurting or upset; and when you speak to him, whether out loud or in your thoughts, the bond of father and daughter will be the vehicle to deliver your messages to him, and likewise, his to you. Trust what you hear in response, it is not your imagination.

As to whether he knows who you are, sees you, and if he is proud of you - of course, my dear! Yes to all three questions! Actually, when he was still in physical form, due to the severity of the disability, his soul was able to step out and watch from above. He is sharing with me that he understood your shyness on the day you met, appreciated your gentleness, and loved your red dress. He heard you when you talked of the special book that seems to have significance to you both, there are memories attached to the book. He also loves it that you have his eyes and his smile. He saw much of himself in you that day.

In closing, Callie, know that the soul contract between you and your dad remains intact. Many years from now when it is time for you to transition to Spirit, you will know your father again. In the meantime, he is very much a part of your life. He's not missing anything, his love reaches you across the physical barrier that now only seems to separate you.

Love & Light

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint:There are two ways to view "life." One is the period of time from birth to death. The other is our soul's total existence, which includes the times we are born into, and depart out of, physical existence.

If we view living as only our physical existence, then situations such as Callie's seem unfair, unjust, and random. This is contrary to the Laws of Spirit. Living - life - is balanced. We see this in nature. Think about it. How could it be that all around us is balanced, except for us? The simple answer is, it could not be. Life is much broader, with soul contracts between us that are fulfilled, sometimes interrupted or postponed, but ultimately come to fruition, in this lifetime or the next.

When a soul is trapped in a physical body that does not fully sustain it while in our world, such as Callie's father or even those suffering from mental infirmities such as Ahlzheimer's, the soul can reach beyond that physicality while still in our world by "stepping out" of the body, and in this way can still view life, albeit from a different perspective. Their role may seem to be diminished in our lives, but the absence of the person pro-actively in our lives will ultimately lead to opportunities for growth for those around that soul. It can be a harsh lesson, but nonetheless, the opportunities for growth are there and a part of a soul's life lesson.

Remember that the love between souls survives and surpasses physical limitations and death. Life seen in this context is thus, ultimately, balanced.

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net

For more information about me and my work, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

The Nan O'Brien Radio Show - 01/30/10

Nan O’Brien

on January 31, 2010 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

LISTEN HERE TO THE LATEST PODCAST OF THE NAN O'BRIEN SHOW

Click on the links below to listen to Nan's online podcast stream.

1st Hour 9pm - 10pm EDT 2nd Hour 10pm - 11pm EDT 3rd Hour 11pm - 12am EDT

Looking at Life: Big Bad Wolf

Nan O’Brien

on January 30, 2010 12:56 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

When my oldest daughter, Elizabeth, was in first grade, she won the coveted role of the Big Bad Wolf in her class's version of the Three Little Pigs. At six years of age, she had already been dancing for three years at a local studio. For weeks before the afternoon show, she leapt and crouched, twirled and strutted, her hands raised in a fearsome gesture as she practiced blowing down the pigs' houses by more than the hair on her chinny-chin-chin.

The day of the school play came and I sat next to my mother and father, along with other proud parents and grandparents, as well as the entire elementary school. As the young teacher stood and addressed the crowd, a respectful hush fell over the students - and my heart began to pound. I wanted her to remember her lines, not that she had ever had a problem with them. I wanted her to be confident on stage, not that she had ever been shy or uncomfortable in front of an audience. I wanted her to enjoy the experience and have fun, though I needn't have worried about that.

At some point after the curtain went up, I realized I was holding my breath and clutching my hands in tight fists. The moment came for Elizabeth to make her appearance and she danced boldly to the center of the stage, whirling and twirling a perfect Wolf Dance, which she had choreographed herself in our living room the night before.

While I trembled, she glowed; while I recited her lines in my head, she delivered them with panache. And when she turned her back to the audience and wiggled her safety pinned wolf tail with unfettered enthusiasm as she made her exit, the entire auditorium erupted in appreciative laughter and applause.

Thoughts of that special day flew through my mind when she was offered the opportunity to attend Victoria University in Wellington, New Zealand. In that one moment, I lived a lifetime of memories: The years of dance recitals and play rehearsals; giggles as we snuggled on Saturday mornings; girlfriends, boyfriends, laughter and tears; long talks - sometimes because we were close, and sometimes because we had just argued. But, no matter what, ending up hugging and my feeling proud of the young lady - and then, the young woman - that she had become.

All of these moments seemed to be tied up in a bow with that one phone call, from her beginning as the Big Bad Wolf until the moment she would step out into the big, bad, real world for herself. And with that one little step on the elementary school stage, a lifetime of embracing her gifts had begun.

So, for those of you this week who are seeking direction of where YOU need to go and what gifts you need to embrace, remember that it only takes a first small step to set things in motion, and you don't always see where you'll end up. No matter what, head toward what you love doing and the soul's joy WILL give you the right direction. And while you're at it, with everything you've got, don't forget to giggle - and wiggle - YOUR wolf tail at those who are merely watching.

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

For more information about me and my work, please visitwww.NanOBrien.com.

Did My Father's Tears Means His Heart Was Tearing, Too?

Nan O’Brien

on January 29, 2010 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dear Nan,

In January of this year my father passed away, That very morning he mentioned that he was with us only for some time. After which I got panicky so I was taking him for a check up but he collapsed. Why was he crying looking at me before he died? Had he seen death to tell us it was coming? What does one go through before death? I am always guilty that I should have asked him why he felt he was going to die.

Nina

Dear Nina,

I am sorry for your loss, my dear, but please do not feel guilty! Your dad lived a very full, independent life! While you feel that had you been able to take him to the doctor sooner, he might have survived, this is not so. Your dad's time was his time. In essence, he lived on his own terms - and what you need to know is that he died on his own terms, too.

Your dad was a very intuitive soul, so it does not surprise me that the day he passed, he had a sense of his soul contract coming to completion. When our loved ones know their time is coming, it is not uncommon for them to give us a "heads up." It is as if an internal clock goes off and on a soul level, the person recognizes that the transition to Spirit is about to occur. It is not a bad feeling, it is more of an awareness, a knowing, a sense of acceptance and contentment from a very deep place.

Your father's tears were not for himself, they were shed for you. They were a reflection of your sadness, your pain, at the realization your time to share this physical existence was about to come to an end. He knew your heart would be heavy, and there is regret in his energy that he could not communicate to you that he was at peace, but he was physically unable to do so.

Rest assured that your dad was ready to pass and was not fearful in the least. His faith was strong, and he knew where he was going! I can assure you he made it safely, and he is quite vibrant and alive as a soul now, no longer having the constraints of what his physical body had become in his older years.

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint: Physical death is not a wall, it is a sheer curtain. The distance between "here" and "there" is much less than we are taught; much less than you can imagine. When our loved ones cross over, they watch over us with the same love that they had for us in this world - death does not end the life force nor the love that is so integral to our life force, our very existence, on this physical plane.

Our loved ones in Spirit are also free from the physical limitations that we have in this world. They do not labor under conflict, pain, or even illusions of self. This enables a soul who had a difficult time in our world admitting he/she was wrong to be able to do so. In Spirit, our loved ones are free to think, reflect, learn, grow, love, and protect us. They reach out to us. They continue to be there for us, to listen, to support us in our growth and understanding.

There is no negativity in Spirit, the closest emotions to negativity are guilt and regret. Sometimes a soul in Spirit will experience these feelings, but only as an outgrowth of the reflection when a soul has acted hurtfully to another. The feelings are, then, useful tools for growth and accountability.

While death is a part of our lives, it can nevertheless be a struggle to accept. With the understanding that life is much larger than your present physical existence, the characterization of life takes on a different meaning, and that can aid in your ability to heal and move on. A critical part of doing so is to give yourself permission to define your loved one by his or her life, not by his or her death.

Let your healing begin today. And rejoice in life - here and there.

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net.

For more information about me and my work, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

How Do I Herd The Black Sheep In My Family?

Nan O’Brien

on January 27, 2010 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dear Nan,

My sister, Sonya, is weighing heavily on my heart. She alienated herself from the entire family except me and now she has left me too. I don't understand what is going on with her and I am HOPING that you can tell me that she is ok. I am so afraid that she isn't.

Thank you so much Nan for your time,

Christie

Dear Christie,

Your sister was the sibling who was always "different" in your house. Even though I feel your home was filled with love, she felt unloved. While the rest of the family seemed to see the glass half full, she lived in a world of not only half empty, but worried the container would drain away on its own. She was/is fearful, angry, and resentful, without any of you really understanding why.

Growing up, you were easier for her to relate to because you always tried to be the referee in the house, making the peace between parents and siblings and/or siblings and siblings. Your non-confrontational manner made you a safe person for Sonja to allow in, to the degree Sonya could allow anyone in at all. She is very, very guarded in her ability to emotionally connect.

This emotional wall stems from a life lesson that includes trust and abandonment. The trust component is not only about trusting others, but trusting self. Because your family is close and well-meaning, there can be times when it is also overbearing. Sonya does not have the skill set to maintain her own identity or be sure she is making her own decisions when everyone continues to try to "help" her, putting aside for the moment that she didn't ask for the help.

The best thing you can do right now is leave her alone. Sonya needs to figure some things out on her own right now, and once she does, she will be grateful that she can still come to you. Let her know the door is open, but don't try to yank her through it! Just remember to let her come to you on her terms, not yours or the family's, if you want to create an equal, healthy relationship.

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint: We choose the significant people in our lives, including our parents and siblings. We do so for one of two reasons. One, we have much to share with that soul and we choose to be together in our lifetime through a family relation. Two, but for the fact we were related by family or blood, we'd never have anything to do with that person and we have something to work out. In this situation, we bind ourselves to one another for a lifetime to ensure we have plenty of time to figure things out!

It can quickly become complicated within a family when the reasons we are bound are both for the pleasure and for the resolution of an issue. Family members align according to those who want to be together and those who need to be together. This disparity accounts for accusations (real or imagined) of favoritism among parents and children, or even between brothers and sisters. We gravitate toward those who share our energy and we clash with those who don't. We try to explain the differences through genetics or environment, but the major reason will be the life path/life lesson of those who choose to journey together.

Sometimes just knowing that there is a reason we do/do not connect can give us patience when dealing within a family, especially when we do not get along with (or do not understand) a family member. Respect for - and acceptance of - the energetic differences are powerful tools to bridge the gaps and build understanding, all toward achieving the soul's life goal to learn and grow from the experience of journeying together.

I'll save what happens when only one soul honors his/her contract for another day. :-)

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien