Dear Nan,
My sister, Sonya, is weighing heavily on my heart. She alienated herself from the entire family except me and now she has left me too. I don't understand what is going on with her and I am HOPING that you can tell me that she is ok. I am so afraid that she isn't.
Thank you so much Nan for your time,
Christie
Dear Christie,
Your sister was the sibling who was always "different" in your house. Even though I feel your home was filled with love, she felt unloved. While the rest of the family seemed to see the glass half full, she lived in a world of not only half empty, but worried the container would drain away on its own. She was/is fearful, angry, and resentful, without any of you really understanding why.
Growing up, you were easier for her to relate to because you always tried to be the referee in the house, making the peace between parents and siblings and/or siblings and siblings. Your non-confrontational manner made you a safe person for Sonja to allow in, to the degree Sonya could allow anyone in at all. She is very, very guarded in her ability to emotionally connect.
This emotional wall stems from a life lesson that includes trust and abandonment. The trust component is not only about trusting others, but trusting self. Because your family is close and well-meaning, there can be times when it is also overbearing. Sonya does not have the skill set to maintain her own identity or be sure she is making her own decisions when everyone continues to try to "help" her, putting aside for the moment that she didn't ask for the help.
The best thing you can do right now is leave her alone. Sonya needs to figure some things out on her own right now, and once she does, she will be grateful that she can still come to you. Let her know the door is open, but don't try to yank her through it! Just remember to let her come to you on her terms, not yours or the family's, if you want to create an equal, healthy relationship.
Nan
√ ∙ Checkpoint:
We choose the significant people in our lives, including our parents and siblings. We do so for one of two reasons. One, we have much to share with that soul and we choose to be together in our lifetime through a family relation. Two, but for the fact we were related by family or blood, we'd never have anything to do with that person and we have something to work out. In this situation, we bind ourselves to one another for a lifetime to ensure we have plenty of time to figure things out!It can quickly become complicated within a family when the reasons we are bound are both for the pleasure and for the resolution of an issue. Family members align according to those who want to be together and those who need to be together. This disparity accounts for accusations (real or imagined) of favoritism among parents and children, or even between brothers and sisters. We gravitate toward those who share our energy and we clash with those who don't. We try to explain the differences through genetics or environment, but the major reason will be the life path/life lesson of those who choose to journey together.
Sometimes just knowing that there is a reason we do/do not connect can give us patience when dealing within a family, especially when we do not get along with (or do not understand) a family member. Respect for - and acceptance of - the energetic differences are powerful tools to bridge the gaps and build understanding, all toward achieving the soul's life goal to learn and grow from the experience of journeying together.
I'll save what happens when only one soul honors his/her contract for another day. :-)
Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien
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