Dear Nan,
My mother passed away seven years ago and my elderly dad now lives with my sister in another state. Ever since my mom died, it feels like I am an outsider in my own family. On the phone, my dad talks on and on about my sister and her family, but never asks about me or mine. They plan family occasions on holidays and I hear about it afterwards. Now, my dad is turning 80 and when I spoke to my sister about co-hosting a party for him, she informed me she had already made all of the arrangements and I should be getting my invitation in the mail soon and she hoped I could attend.
It was bad enough losing my mom, but now I feel like I have lost my entire family, too. I didn't realize how much my mom was the one who kept me connected. How does she feel about the situation? What should I do?
Thanks, Nan,
Erika
Dear Erika,
We choose our parents, so you chose both your mom and your dad, but the reasons are different. You journeyed with your mom to enjoy this lifetime together, I can feel the intense friendship between you that is beyond mother/daughter. You and your dad, your sister, are making the journey to work through some issues. The reverse reasons are why your sister came in, creating a spiritual diamond of connections. That's not to say that your mom didn't love your sister or that your dad doesn't love you; don't hear that. But energetically, there does seem to be a large divide in the family, a choice made by all of you in this dance we call life.
Your mom is aware of what has transpired and while I am sure it is difficult to watch you in emotional distress, she knows that ultimately her leaving first will propel you to have to deal with the issues between you, your father, and your sister. By her stepping away, you must now choose to embrace the lessons or run from them. This is always your choice, but one is the more right choice than the other, and I'm sure you know which that is. ;)
Try not to take the comments and slights too personally, and recognize that regardless of how they act toward you, you must act with self-integrity. Do not allow their negativity or the feelings of negativity that are prompted by their actions to rob you of the spiritual opportunity to grow or gain in your understanding and life lessons.
Nan
√ ∙ Checkpoint:
Soul contracts within families can be tricky. We often feel closer to one parent or another; one sibling or another. Yet, we choose our families and there are only two reasons we do so: To enjoy or to resolve. Once we recognize that the connections we have within a family are driven by soul choice and energetic similarity, it takes the sting away from what can appear to be favoritism.
For example, if I share a life lesson with someone, I will feel more at ease around that person, our energies will be harmonious. Familiarity then, even if it is on a soul level, lends itself to comfort. The reverse is also true. When the lessons and/or energies are different, there is a dissonance on a soul level that is easy to feel, but hard to pinpoint or describe. When the balance shifts in a family dynamic, such as with Erika's mom passing, the discord can increase - but, so does the motivation to work through the uncomfortableness.
If you find yourself in the same position as Erika, the best thing you can do for yourself is to embrace the uncomfortableness. Recognize the possibilities for growth, but acknowledge the self-imposed limitations of others to do the same. In short, if you take the spiritual high road, you will have done your soul's part. It is then up to the rest of the family members to choose to embrace their growth or not, but ultimately you cannot take ownership or responsibility for their willingness to do so.
Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien
Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net.
For more information about me and my work, please visit www.NanOBrien.com. 
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