Dear Nan,
Two years ago, my sister-in-law's 21-year old son was killed in a tragic car accident. We were not very close, really just got together at family cookouts and holidays. I am not very close with his mom either.
About two weeks after he passed he visited me in my dreams. In the dream visit, he was about eight years old. He and I were in a mall. He went into a photo booth and insisted I take his photo and he kept pulling on his ear. I got the message that he wanted me to tell his mom that he was OK and had his ear back. Nan - he lost one of his ears in the accident! It was very real - and then I woke up.
I called his mom the next day to describe my dream visit and I felt badly because she did not receive the news very well. She said she just could not believe that her son would come to me instead of her.
Did I do the right thing calling her? And, why did he come to me instead of her?
Thanks, Nan,
Donna
Dear Donna,
I believe you that your nephew came and visited you - and it would not surprise me if he came again. You are very intuitive and open, so it is easier to reach you than to connect to his mother. This is one of the reasons he chose you and not her. She would have thought it was just a dream; you knew the difference between a dream and a visit.
I also can sense that his mother is still very guilt-ridden and full of regret over the accident, as they had had some words shortly before his accident. They had somewhat made up by the time he passed, but there was still tension between them. He does not want her to feel this way, as he can admit from Spirit that she was actually right and he was wrong.
The message about his ear being ok is particularly important as well, since his mother has replayed the accident over and over in her head for the last two years, and the horror that led to his losing his ear is like a knife through her heart. He wants her to know he did not suffer in the accident. God lifted him out before the impact and he witnessed what happened from being outside his body vs. inside. She needs to know that, too.
Even though your husband's sister did not appear to have received the news well, I do think her heart rang true when you shared your news. At her stage of grief, she could not give you what you would have liked, but I can assure you that you did make a positive difference. You honored the role of messenger; what happens from there is up to her.
Nan
√ ∙ Checkpoint:
When a loved one dies, our pain can act as ear plugs and blinders, keeping us from hearing and seeing - even that which would help us through our loss. The pain can overwhelm us; so, we become de-sensitized to what is around us in order to function and to survive. The grief process is thus about awakening from the numbness. It is a lonely and singular journey, dictated by our life lessons; life energies; and primarily, our life choices.Our loved ones in Spirit can see how we are literally drowning in our sorrow and reach out to help. They interject their life force into our physical world to let us know they are there in many ways. They blink lights. They leave pennies. They move familiar objects. They tilt or push over photographs. They visit us in the dream state. On and on, they let us know they are alive and well, just merely in a different form. But in order for us to elicit any comfort from these efforts, we need to recognize them for what they are.
If a relative or loved one cannot allow the message to come through because his or her pain and grief is so great, the loved one in Spirit will reach out to someone who is a bit removed from the situation, who can hear the message, such as Donna's nephew (above). It is not that he chose to bypass his mother for a distant aunt; it is that he could not reach his mother through the front door, so he came in the back door via his aunt. Instead of resenting the messenger in this situation, the focus needs to be the message.
Sometimes, the willingness to hear and see beyond the five senses, while unfamiliar and even a bit scary, is the quickest way to move toward healing and peace. Our loved ones want to help us - but they can only help those who help themselves.
Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien
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Nan - Thank you so very much.