November 2009 Archives

Our Soul Contract Expired, But I'm Still Paying On The Loan

on November 20, 2009 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dear Nan,

My husband and I have been married for fifteen years and we have three children. He has always had a temper and yelled a lot, and it is getting much worse. Actually, we never really were right for one another, but I focused on raising my children. I have stayed with him for the last five years pretty much only because of the children, but now I'm not sure if this is right anymore. If I leave him, will my children be ok?

In desperation,

Lori

Dear Lori,

It seems you have already made the decision that it is right for you to leave your husband, but the conflict rests with whether what is right for you is also right for your children. The short answer is yes. They not only will be fine, they knew coming into this physical existence that they would see their parents divorce in their lifetime. Please allow me to explain:

The longer answer is connected to the soul contract between you and your husband, and the key is your feeling you were never right for one another. Oftentimes, a couple feels almost compelled to marry and have children, even when one - or both - know it isn't really right. This indicates a soul contract between the husband, wife, and the children. Children choose their parents. If the children have a contract to resolve with the parents, the parents may elect to marry and allow those children to come in. On a soul level, once the children are born - i.e., once the soul contract is over between the husband and wife - the spouses realize they no longer want to be married, which is actually because the purpose of the soul contract is over.

On a physical world level, it is important to remember that if you are miserable because you are staying in a marriage only for the children, they will know it, and you then make them responsible for your unhappiness. This is not fair to the children. You must also realize that children will imitate what they see as a means of learning. By staying in this marriage, you are teaching them, by example, that your marriage is what marriage is supposed to be. Would you like your children to have what you have had?

Please do not misunderstand, I think that many couples can work out their problems through commitment and counseling. But for those couples who honestly know and believe that the relationship between husband and wife cannot be saved, it is not damaging to the children to be raised in two loving homes instead of one unhappy home.

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint:One of the hardest decisions an adult can make is whether to stay or go in a marriage, even without children. I understand how having children can make it that much more difficult. You do not want to break up the family unit. You do not want to subject the children to having two different residences. You wonder if you will ever meet anyone new who will love not only you, but also your children as you do. You wonder if it isn't better to stay in a bad marriage vs. not being married at all. These doubts or concerns keep many husbands and wives in marriages long past the true "expiration date" of the soul contract to be together.

Spiritually, it is either right for both spouses to be together or right for both spouses to be apart, but it cannot be right for one and wrong for another (even if during a break-up the soul who is left doesn't understand at first). You cannot have a soul contract that is unequal, the purpose behind the relationship will always facilitate the growth of both - even if the growth is learning what you don't want! Learning what not to have in a relationship can be very valuable. It often leads to a healthier relationship with the soul who comes next, a soul you may have missed but for the opportunity and growth that breaking up with the first soul brought.

As with many facets of our lives, choosing to live in faith that all things have purpose, all things are for a reason, can help us see with clarity. It can also help us understand that the purpose behind a marriage - and the recognition when the purpose is done - is often the children who are born to the marriage.

Until tomorrow, I am

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net.

For more information about me, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

My Relationship Headed South - Should I?

Nan O’Brien

on November 18, 2009 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dear Nan,

I am writing you because I feel like I am at a crossroads in my life. I have divorced my ex-husband because he was not a very good person. I am thinking of moving to South Carolina with my 13-year old daughter to start over and I would like to know if that is the right thing to do. Also, I'm wondering about whether I will ever have a good relationship, or if I'm just one of those unlucky people who will never find someone.

Please help me!

Sarah

Dear Sarah,

You have "completion" in your energy as a life lesson, so I am sure making the decision to leave your husband was not an easy one! Your energy of completion tends to keep you from embracing change. I first want to assure you that you made the right choice to leave, as the fear of being alone does seem to be causing a bit of "what if" in you.

The move feels very positive to me, though I would also like you to explore North Carolina vs. South Carolina, particularly in the Asheville area, which resonates with your spirit.

As for being "unlucky" in love - not at all! You are merely in the process of learning how to be in a relationship with self, which is very different than being alone. Once you learn how to give to self without guilt, a new relationship will begin that is based on want and not need. The speed with which that happens is all up to you - how quickly are you willing to embrace the relationship with you? That will control the outcome, not luck!

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint: After our relationships come to an end, it is natural to want to move forward at some point into a new relationship, but many of us feel thwarted to do so. After my second divorce, I was essentially alone for ten years, and I confused the notion that being alone was the same as being in a relationship with me. I made up every excuse in the world not to do for me - my four kids had to come first, I didn't have the time, I didn't have the money. But the truth is, I simply didn't know how to meet my own needs, even though I was terrific at taking care of everyone else! Sound familiar?

Attracting situations into your energy dealing with self-nurturing arises most often when "balance" is a part of your spiritual lesson plan. I also see balance lessons in people who want to be in a relationship and/or want to be in a healthier relationship. We tend to think that it is better to be with someone, anyone, than to be alone. We also tend to think that it is better to be low maintenance and to expect less, not wanting to be demanding.

But the reality is that if you don't know how to meet your own needs, how can you expect someone else to? And if you don't think you are good enough to devote time, energy, and resources to, why should anyone else? Think about it - the way in which you allocate your time and energy in your life right now...how's it been working for you so far?

If your life seems constantly overwhelming and out of control, if a healthy relationship seems to elude you, then the first step forward is a big step backward! Step back from trying to do too much. Step back from trying to be all things to all people. Step back from trying to "save" the people around you. You cannot take ownership or responsibility for others' life lessons. You must choose YOU. You must be in a healthy relationship with self before you can be in a healthy relationship with anyone else. Again, there is a BIG difference between being alone and being in a relationship with you!

In truly embracing the spiritual concept that self-nurturing is not selfish, you will have learned the lesson of balance that is critical to living a healthier, happier life.

Until tomorrow, I am

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net.

For more information about me, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

Did My Dead Husband Leave Me All Over Again?

Nan O’Brien

on November 16, 2009 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (8)

Dear Nan,

My husband Marc passed away in June 2007. At times I sense he is with me and I get a feeling that I've been with him during my dreams. Lately it seems as if he has stepped back a bit. I wonder if he has any special messages for me at this time. Thanks so much Nan!

Sincerely,

Jill

Dear Jill,

First, I'm sorry for your loss. I can feel that you are a young widow which carries unique implications for the future in terms of family and future relationships. I'm sure it has been a very difficult time for you juggling widowhood and motherhood to your young children.

As to messages: It is particularly important to Marc that you know he is now once again vibrant, as his passing occurred when his body could no longer support the amazing spirit he was. He also is now able to do his "racing," the significance of which he assures me you will understand. And, he "appreciates the heroic efforts" you have made toward his family, even if your overtures have not been received as warmly as they deserve. Do not feel you need to continue to be quite so...heroic. (smile)

Marc's activity in your dream state is even more than you realize, as you sleep with such exhaustion that I do not feel you recall your dreams regularly. In time, this will be a common mechanism to feel connected to him, which will be a tremendous source of comfort.

That said, the reason in your wake state that you do not sense him as much lately is the natural process of a loved one in spirit. It is not that he is not there; it is that your ability to perceive him so easily was enough to sustain you. This ultimately was interfering with your need to move on, and that is why he has seemed to "step back" a bit - but, rest assured, it is not that he is not there! Marc is still very much with you: "Promise made, promise kept."

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint: When a loved one dies through a soul contract, such as Jill's husband Marc, part of the contract is that if one has to go, the others have to grow. It goes without saying that when you experience a loss, you would rather have less growth and more of your loved one. But the reality is that the loss will be a result of an agreement by the soul on a soul level - not a conscious or sub-conscious level - to confront the loss at a given point in time, all for the purpose of a soul's growth.

Please note that I am not speaking about death as a result of the imposition of free will/free choice by another soul, such as a criminal act or an accident - I'll save that discussion for another day! - I am speaking of a death through (more or less) "natural" means, such as disease or old age.

The sense of loss and abandonment that comes from death, particularly to someone of a young age, can be devastating to those left behind. In the beginning, it is typical for the survivors to feel their loved one in spirit around them. The connections can be very strong and are necessary for the spouse or partner to get through the day-to-day adjustment to living alone. It would be cruel for our loved ones not to stand beside us during the initial phases of grief, but there comes a point in time where their daily presence interferes with the survivors' growth. It is at this time the loved one will step back, as Marc has done with Jill.

Do not mistake this stepping back as a negative or being abandoned all over again. Recognize that the soul will not step back unless he/she feels you are ready to embrace life again in the physical world - a kind of left-handed compliment. It signals the next step of the grief process from an energetic standpoint and can be a time of tremendous growth, which is ultimately a part of the contract between you and your loved one who has passed.

Until tomorrow, I am

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net.

For more information about my work or my nationally-syndicated radio show, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

The Nan O'Brien Radio Show - 11/14/09

Nan O’Brien

on November 15, 2009 11:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

LISTEN HERE TO THE LATEST PODCAST OF THE NAN O'BRIEN SHOW

Click on the links below to listen to Nan's online podcast stream.

1st Hour 9pm - 10pm EDT 2nd Hour 10pm - 11pm EDT 3rd Hour 11pm - 12am EDT

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Looking at Life: Angels, Angels, Everywhere!

Nan O’Brien

on November 14, 2009 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I am frequently asked about Guardian Angels and Spirit Guides: "What's the difference?" or "Do I have any?" And, of course I am happy to share that we all have both. Guardian Angels are those souls who choose to always be in Spirit and to watch over us, and Spirit Guides are those souls who have been a part of our physical lives - this time and/or other times - who are currently in Spirit. They may have passed before us, or they may have chosen to stay in Spirit this time around. For example, my mother, who passed in 2002, is now one of my Spirit Guides, but she cannot be a Guardian Angel in the literal sense because she has experienced physical life. Regardless, both watch over us and help us as we navigate this existence.

Yet, while the literal explanation is one thing - and I hope the definitions helped - I think the term "angel" is much more broad than that, as I came to truly experience firsthand just recently.

You see, my daughter Emily, who will turn 18 in December, had to have corrective surgery to her jaw due to a structural genetic defect. The procedure required having two surgical fractures to the lower jaw, one on each side, and then having the lower jaw slid outward and bolted into place. Over the thirty days following the procedure, the bone will grow and fill in the empty spaces. It was a straightforward surgery - no pun intended - that lasted almost four hours, and it requires that her mouth stay immobile for a month. She cannot eat anything during that time, no pressure on the teeth that would disturb the new bone growth.

The alarm went off at 4:30 a.m. and I rolled over confused and disoriented in the netherworld of the just-waking-from-a-dream state, wondering why in the world I had set my alarm for such an early hour. I am not, nor will I ever be, a willing "morning person." Thinking I had made a mistake, but out of an abundance of caution, I hit the snooze button and drifted quickly back to sleep. Five minutes later, the annoying buzzing rousted me from my deep slumber yet again, and without opening my eyes, I hit what I thought was the snooze button again. Another five minutes passed and, while the alarm was silent, I came to and bolted upright as I heard my mother (from Spirit) shout in my ear, "WAKE UP!" That's when it hit me why I needed to come to so early.

My heart pounding from the close call of falling back asleep, I threw off the covers, turned the coffeemaker on (feeling soooo glad I had readied it a few hours before when I had finally gone to bed), and jumped in the shower. I threw on my sweats and sneakers, grabbed a "to go" cup of hazelnutted coffee - fat free, of course - and knocked on my 17-year old daughter, Emily's, door.

"Time to go, sweetheart," I said, as she groggily nodded her head in assent. She stumbled in and out of the bathroom, and then we slipped out into the darkness of the early morning. It was 5:30 a.m.

The ride didn't take long, though I was surprised to see how many cars were already on the road. I had thought we would be like lone journeyers in the night, driving in the shadow of the still shining moon, but instead we joined commuters already partaking their daily jaunt. I pulled into the parking garage and we entered through the revolving doors, up to the reception area, and were directed to yet another office full of workers who were clearly much more awake than either Emily or me.

The paperwork was painless and quick, thanks to several organized phone calls the week before, and soon we were whisked into a room full of curtains and people dressed in one of two outfits: Medical garb or hospital dressing gowns. Emily joined the ranks of patients with standard hospital gown issue and we waited as a parade of nurses, residents, students, and doctors came in and out of her temporary cubicle. I scanned the numerous papers presented to me for my signature, then affixed my John Hancock, as Emily squeezed my hand when her I.V. was put into her left forearm. After less than an hour of procedure, it was time for Emily to be rolled away behind the double doors that would separate us for her surgery. Shortly thereafter, Emily's father joined me at the hospital and we waited together silently, friends even if we were no longer spouses.

Four hours later we received the good news that all had gone well, and after another hour her father and I were allowed to see her. The visitor rules had been altered to accommodate the swine flu threat, and my husband had to wait until many hours later to come to her bedside, but he was glad when he was allowed to see her. Emily was totally groggy, her lower jaw having been surgically fractures on both sides, slid forward on itself, and bolted into place to repair a skeletal genetic defect. Her face and lips were swollen and bruised, as expected, and her teeth could not come together. For the next thirty days, she would not eat anything solid; movement of the jaw was very restricted; talking - at least for a while - was out.

Over the next seventy-two hours, a steady stream of nurses, doctors, residents, and students came in and out of Emily's room. The care was continuous, but more importantly than that, the care was compassionate. My daughter was not a number or a name on a chart, she was treated by each medical professional as a person, an individual. What could have been a nightmare was nothing less than a well-oiled machine with a personal touch.

I am often asked about angels, what they are, who they are, and I have explained many times that angels are those spiritual entities that remain in Spirit to watch over us and to help us, to guide us. After witnessing my daughter's care, I'd like to amend that definition - for the professionals who took care of Emily were angels to her and to us in every sense of the word...

Angels are everywhere; sometimes it is only a matter of looking around you and seeing them for who they are. And when you see an angel, be sure to say "thank you" - that's why I had to share this story with you tonight.

Intuitively yours,
Nan O'Brien

For more information about me and my work, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

Someone To Watch Over Me?

Nan O’Brien

on November 13, 2009 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (1)

Dear Nan,

A couple of nights ago I woke up to the feeling that I was being watched. Scared me to death at first. But then I calmed down when I realized it didn't feel bad. Any ideas on who it was or why they were there?

Thanks,

Penny

Dear Penny,

I can understand how disturbing it must have been to experience waking up with the feeling of being watched! That said, I am glad that you were not worried, as my sense of your experience is that it was, indeed, a spiritual visit.

You have a main life lesson that includes loss and boundaries. I know that you have had many people in your life pass away. You also are quite intuitive, which makes you more sensitive to those in Spirit who are reaching out to you. This particular night, it was an older female woman who was like a mother to you, but not your actual mother. I can feel she passed from heart issues.

The reason she was in your energy is due to the medical issues you are facing currently. There are "medical hoops" around you and I can sense her concern that you are overloaded. This relates back to your main life lesson, as you simply do not know how to say "no" to people, Penny (a boundaries lesson), and as a result, your plate is too full and your health is being adversely affected. In this, you and your loved one are much alike, and there is a strong message for you to be mindful of her health challenges, and to see them as a warning shot across your own bow.

Lastly, I'm hearing to tell you not to put off the medical testing any longer. What will be found can be dealt with, but ignoring it will make the response and/or recovery that much more difficult. Trust yourself, Penny - you know you need to take better care of yourself!

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint: Have you ever woken up and felt the presence of someone or something like Penny? This phenomenon is actually quite common, and let me explain why:

When you are in an altered state of consciousness, such as the dream state, you are more open to feeling loved ones in Spirit. I kiddingly explain that the dream state is like a "Spiritual Switzerland" - it is the neutral territory between the physical state and the spiritual state, where the two worlds come together. That is why we are able to experience "visits" while dreaming, although not every dream is a visit. (I'll talk about that distinction in a minute).

When in the wake state, our practical natures often serve as a wall that shuts out our intuition. When we are about to fall asleep or when we first wake up, the conscious thoughts that typically drive us and make us aware of our surroundings are not in charge. We do not think as much as we feel; logic is not at the helm, and everything is possible. With our guard let down, we are free to experience sensations and impressions of those in Spirit, such as Penny did.

In the full-blown dream state, we can do more than have sensations and impressions of those in Spirit, we can actually interact! The hallmark of a "visit" is that you are in the midst of a normal, everyday event: You are pouring a cup of coffee in your kitchen. Everything seems very real when, out of the blue, your loved one who has died walks in the room and pours a cup, too. It all seems very, very normal. You talk, you laugh, you may even hug, and suddenly you realize (a) your loved one looks younger and healthier than when he/she passed; and (b) it is impossible for the person to be next to you because - he/she is dead!

At that point, more often than not, you wake up (which is kind of lousy, because that is the exact moment you have a lot of questions to ask!). You may feel very content, or have a strong sense of that person in your room. You may even smell a scent that is identified with your loved one - a perfume, a pipe, or flowers. You know your loved one is ok, and you are at peace. Amazing!

Be aware, however, that not every dream is a visit! So, if you see your loved one flying through the air or riding on the back of a pink elephant...well, you probably can blame the spicy food you ate before you went to bed! ;)

Until tomorrow, I am,

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net.

For more information about my work or my nationally-syndicated radio show, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

My Son Got A Job As A Track Coach And I Fear He Is Running In Circles

Nan O’Brien

on November 11, 2009 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (2)

Dear Nan,

With life's challenges, our son will be graduating from college soon and life is so uncertain as is not to mention the way the economy is nor the look of all graduates futures. He is such a bright and loving son with ambitions sometimes too big to start out with. Do you feel or see anything special that will come about after graduation? He is doing everything he is required to do to start looking for work and got lucky and was hired over the fall from his high school to be track coach. One special moment in this bleak world.

Darby

Dear Darby,

Having your child finish college and enter the "real world" can be exciting and overwhelming, as well as scary and overwhelming! Sometimes, it is hard to discern the difference, especially when you're the parent. ;)

Your son presents energetically as a responsible young man who is defined by his work and his home. He likes security; he likes to know what his options are - all of his options, not just the most obvious ones. He will seek out those opportunities that resonate with truth and integrity, this is not a young man who would tolerate work politics for long! He has no agenda, other than to do what's right. In some ways, he is innocent in the way he approaches things as he has a strong work ethic; abhors laziness; is offended by those who lie and the lies they tell; and can't stand arrogance.

The opportunity for him to be a track coach seems to be, at first blush, a departure from what he has studied. Yet, it is this door opening amid other doors closing that is leading him toward his ultimate life goal. He is a natural born teacher, which comes from his wonderful communication skills. He knows how to effectively facilitate the exchange of information in a way that it can be heard. Ultimately, I feel he will be comfortable in the world of academia, but at the college level. What will have begun as a second choice now will soon become a passion. He also has sports medicine in his energy, so a return to school down the road to add to his knowledge (and his marketability) will make sense.

Not to worry! The bigger question is, are you prepared to let him go? If you trust the way you have raised your son (and from where I sit, there's no reason not to), you have nothing to fear.

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint: It is a basic fundamental spiritual principle that you cannot take ownership

and responsibility for someone else's life lessons, actions, and/or inactions. The temptation is strong when we love someone, especially a child, but spiritually it is truly a soul's invocation to "please quit living my life, and let me create my own success or let me make my own mistakes. Amen."

It's also true that those looking ahead generally perceive things brighter than those who look behind. Looking ahead holds promise, the expectation that things can be better because you haven't arrived there yet. The opportunity lies within the unknown, which somehow bestows unlimited (and untested) possibilities. Looking backward seems darker because the perspective is colored by pain, hurts, betrayals, and all other manner of negative emotions that may become attached by virtue of the experience.

Embracing an optimistic outlook vs. a pessimistic viewpoint (did you notice the difference in the words?) will affect the vision of what you see in any given situation. From Darby's point of view above, the lucky-though-last-resort option of being a high school track coach was a benevolent gift of compromise, but it is a holding pattern for the hope of something better. From her son's point of view, it is a wonderful opportunity to make a contribution that matters and to enjoy the sports aspect of it on a personal level. On top of all that, he even gets paid to do so! Energetically, it will lead him on his life path because he did not find another job, not in spite of it. What could be better? And what more would you wish for your child than to have him or her see those possibilities?

Life is not designed to be as hard as we make it. The lesson is not to attach significance to something in relation to how hard it is to attain or to what we think we couldn't obtain. The open door - the most obvious door - is truly the best route to happiness!

Until tomorrow, I am

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net.

For more information about me and my work, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

Good Things Come In Small Packages

Nan O’Brien

on November 9, 2009 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dear Nan,

I listen to you on the radio in Syracuse, New York, and I was wondering if you could help me. Do you see my husband and me ever being blessed with children? If so, when?

Thank you so much,

Jamie

Dear Jamie,

My sense is that you and your husband will know the joy of parenthood within one to two years, but I want you to keep in mind a wonderful saying that truly embraces the spiritual aspect of parenting - "Through your bodies or through your doors, however they come to you, they're yours." The first child appears to be a young boy, Asian in his facial features, who is a toddler when he enters your home. Shortly thereafter, it seems a little girl comes into your family through childbirth. Be open and pro-active to all avenues of parenting vs. focusing on fertility issues as you have been doing, and allow your beautiful children to come to you as they need to. We choose our parents, and your children's sweet souls will choose you.

Nan

　

√ ∙ Checkpoint:

How often as we try to move forward in life with what we want, we find ourselves feeling thwarted, even picked on. I remember well saying to my mom during the years I struggled as a single mom, "I feel like I'm being punished and I don't know what I did." Can you relate?

If we would but pay attention to the blocks that prevent us from moving forward in any one direction, we would see that we are actually being gently guided by the Universe away from what doesn't work and toward what is the most right for us; for what we need, even if that isn't necessarily what we think we need - or even what we want!

So, right now, if you feel you are being prevented from having something in your life, take a few moments to consider that what you want may not be what honors your highest and greatest good. Take a few moments to step back and see things from a broader perspective. The lesson of paying attention to the blocks can move you forward very quickly, once you are willing to embrace the open doors instead of beating your head against the locked ones!

Until next time, I am

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net

For more information about me and my work, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

The Nan O'Brien Radio Show - 11/07/09

Nan O’Brien

on November 8, 2009 7:43 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Click on the links below to listen to Nan's online podcast stream.

1st Hour 9pm - 10pm EDT 2nd Hour 10pm - 11pm EDT 3rd Hour 11pm - 12am EDT

Looking at Life: Elizabeth

Nan O’Brien

on November 7, 2009 8:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

In 1926, young Elizabeth could not believe her eyes as she looked down at her tiny son, William. It had been a difficult birth and he had arrived early, but the doctors had assured her that William was a fighter, and the prognosis was good.

A short time later, William was strong enough to come home. It was a joyous occasion, and William's arrival was celebrated by both his mother's Irish catholic family and his father's English protestant family, though - because things were very different in 1926 - not at the same time, or in the same room.

Elizabeth and her husband were young when they married, and the pressures of being young parents, along with their religious and cultural differences, were overwhelming. It wasn't so much that they minded the differences, as it was their families who could not understand the attraction:

Elizabeth had a third grade education and while she was, by all accounts, a beautiful woman, she worked hard as a maid in the new country her parents had decided to call "home." she lived at home until she married and knew little of the real world beyond her family.

Her husband was a coal miner, one among many of the men in his family who risked their lives in the coal mines; but, he had good, steady pay, and his family had a house and a car. He was well-traveled; and even though they lived during the depression, they somehow managed not to go without.

In 1934, at the age of 30, Elizabeth's husband passed away suddenly from kidney failure, leaving her a widow with her then 7-year old son, William. She moved into her sister's attic, a small room in the house that was nestled deep in the Pocono Mountains, with no heat or electricity during the long winter months.

Times were hard and it became obvious Elizabeth could not properly care for her young son. She eventually agreed with her husband's family to put William in Gerard College, a boys' home for orphans and fatherless boys. At Gerard, she was told, he would be well taken care of. He would have food, clothing, and an education.

Knowing her son was secure and that his needs were being met, she agreed. She continued to labor twelve hours each day, and lived for the holidays when William could come home to visit. Each time she saw him, he seemed taller, smarter, and healthy. It had been a hard adjustment for him to leave his mother at seven years of age, but he was every bit the brave soldier she had asked him to be, and they reveled in what little time they had during their visits.

But the hard life that had been Elizabeth's whole existence finally took its toll, and she passed away at the age of 32 of pneumonia, though many said she died of a broken heart.

An orphan at ten, William stayed at Gerard and graduated, then entered the navy and fought in the pacific campaign during World War II. He went on to marry him, and became a father of two girls, a grandfather of seven, and a great-grandfather of two.

Sometimes in life, it's not what we hold onto, but what we let go of that defines us and the generations to follow. Were it not for the love, the faith, and the sacrifice of Elizabeth, William's life would surely have been different than the full, wonderful life that it was and still is to this day.

I should know; for seventy-three years ago today, my grandmother, Elizabeth O'Brien, left this world for the next.

Intuitively yours,
Nan O'Brien

For more information about me and my work, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

How Do I Journey Toward Life, When My Son Took The Highway To Heaven?

Nan O’Brien

on November 6, 2009 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dear Nan,

My son Jayson took his own life on April 5 this year. Grief, guilt and shock have since overwhelmed me and my remaining children, as well as Jayson's grandparents and girlfriend. I have so much guilt as his Mom and the fact that I did not take him seriously when he told me he wanted to die. I feel that if I could have hugged him and talked to him and told him how much I love him, he would not have followed through. I can come up with all kinds of reasons or excuses about not listening to him, and I come back to the same conclusion, I should have listened, I should have done more. I am his Mother, the one person who needed to take care of him and look out for him. Please help me, tell me my son is ok where he is now.

Thank you,

Cindy

Dear Cindy,

First, I am sorry for your loss. No words can convey the pain from a child's death, and the additional burdens of guilt and regret you carry from the circumstances of Jayson's passing must make it seem unbearable.

First things first. Your son is more than ok, he is at peace. In Spirit, regardless of the "how" a soul arrives there, there is only goodness and understanding. There is no pain, no sorrow, no negativity. The closest energy to "negative" in Spirit is guilt or regret, but only in the context of feeling these emotions to learn and to grow. So, even though Jayson was overwhelmed while in physical form, I can assure you that he is no longer in distress.

The guilt that comes from losing your son to suicide is understandable, but it is misplaced. As hard as it is to embrace, no one can take ownership or responsibility for someone else's life lessons, or decision not to learn them, as the case may be.

You cannot take on the responsibility for Jayson's decision. He made the decision out of free will/free choice, and while you can rage against his decision, you must face that it was his decision alone. The burden of guilt and regret will only add to the pain of the situation, robbing your family of not only Jayson, but you as well. Sometimes the only strength we can rely on in this situation is not to add to the pain by the loss of our own lives. Think about it, Cindy: If you stop living, even if you are physically still in this world, then the devastation of Jayson's death will have claimed more than his life, it will have taken yours as well. If you cannot find it in your heart to continue to live for yourself, remember that you have other children who need you right now. Let that love be a source of your strength. Their sibling is gone; do not compound their grief by the loss of their mother as well.

Reaching out to others who have gone through the same loss can sometimes help. I encourage you to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. It's free, confidential, and available 24/7.

In closing, you WILL see your son again, and you will also have the opportunity to complete the soul contract of mother and son again, too. Your time with Jayson is only postponed until the next lifetime. In the meantime, he truly wants you to LIVE. THAT is how you honor your son!

Nan

　

√ ∙ Checkpoint:

The issue of suicide is a complicated one, both from a physical perspective and a spiritual one. On the physical side, the guilt, regret, and/or anger of loved ones who are left behind is mixed in with the loss and, in most cases, the wondering why our family member or friend made the decision to end his or her life.

The spiritual aspect can become particularly complicated when a person's religion condemns not only the action of suicide, but the soul of the person committing it. This deepens the fear, the pain, and the guilt of those left behind.

Step back from that perspective and see things in a different way: It is a simple truth that we are either in physical form or spiritual form; we are either here or there. The main part of our existence is spiritual. Our physical lifetimes provide the opportunities to live, grow, and evolve as souls. As souls, we are imperfect. We learn from our right choices, but we also learn from our "not right" choices. Suicide is one of many "not right" choices, and each soul who has taken this path will have learned the rippling consequences of the decision to take his or her life after transitioning to Spirit.

As with Cindy, if a loved one's suicide has touched your life, then it will be all the more imperative to resist the natural tendency to remain on this Earth but yet give up on life, too. This action adds to the negativity, adds to the wrong action, and adds to the burden of guilt of our loved one in Spirit. Our loved ones in Spirit are at peace; and there is not one who is there - whether from suicide or not - who wishes to be defined by his or her death. It is the moments of joy, of happiness, of silliness, of brilliance, of accomplishment, that our loved ones want us to focus upon.

We honor those who are no longer living in physical form by embracing our existence here to the fullest. Move forward from this day and choose to live! There can be no other alternative.

Until next time, I am

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net

For more information about me and my work, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

"Life" Is Many Boxes Of Chocolate

Nan O’Brien

on November 4, 2009 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dear Nan,

I am 24 years old, am a little nervous to email you because I am at a point where I don't think anyone can understand my jumbled emotions.　My father had a brain aneurysm very near the time of my birth, which left him mentally and physically disabled.　I didn't even meet him until I was 15 (on a Father's Day).　He didn't know who I was.　That was the first and last time that I saw him.　He passed when I was a senior in high school.　I have always felt a void in my life. God is amazing at filling that void, but there's just always an emptiness where I thought my dad should be.　I would like to know if he knows who I am and if he sees me.　Is he proud of who I am?

Thank you for taking the time to read my email.

Callie

Dear Callie,

My heart reaches out to you over your life situation. It must have been confusing as a child to come into this physical existence in the circumstances you describe. The limitations of the physical body can seem, at times, cruel. I'm sure there were many times you asked yourself, "Why me?" and this would be understandable.

Yet, through your pain, through your loss, it is clear that you found faith and have maintained it; that you recognize there is a Higher Power at work in your life; and for this you must give yourself more credit. Not everyone in a hurtful situation such as this would be so grounded.

I would ask that you take your faith a step farther, and understand that your father is now able to be a parent to you in ways he could not be when faced with the constraints of what his body became following the aneurysm. In Spirit, your father is actually less limited in his communication with you than when he was in his former physical form. He can visit you in your dreams; he can surround you with his love that will feel to you like a blanket laid around your shoulders when you are hurting or upset; and when you speak to him, whether out loud or in your thoughts, the bond of father and daughter will be the vehicle to deliver your messages to him, and likewise, his to you. Trust what you hear in response, it is not your imagination.

As to whether he knows who you are, sees you, and if he is proud of you - of course, my dear! Yes to all three questions! Actually, when he was still in physical form, due to the severity of the disability, his soul was able to step out and watch from above. He is sharing with me that he understood your shyness on the day you met, appreciated your gentleness, and loved your red dress. He heard you when you talked of the special book that seems to have significance to you both, there are memories attached to the book. He also loves it that you have his eyes and his smile. He saw much of himself in you that day.

In closing, Callie, know that the soul contract between you and your dad remains intact. Many years from now when it is time for you to transition to Spirit, you will know your father again. In the meantime, he is very much a part of your life. He's not missing anything, his love reaches you across the physical barrier that now only seems to separate you.

Love & Light

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint:There are two ways to view "life." One is the period of time from birth to death. The other is our soul's total existence, which includes the times we are born into, and depart out of, physical existence.

If we view living as only our physical existence, then situations such as Callie's seem unfair, unjust, and random. This is contrary to the Laws of Spirit. Living - life - is balanced. We see this in nature. Think about it. How could it be that all around us is balanced, except for us? The simple answer is, it could not be. Life is much broader, with soul contracts between us that are fulfilled, sometimes interrupted or postponed, but ultimately come to fruition, in this lifetime or the next.

When a soul is trapped in a physical body that does not fully sustain it while in our world, such as Callie's father or even those suffering from mental infirmities such as Ahlzheimer's, the soul can reach beyond that physicality while still in our world by "stepping out" of the body, and in this way can still view life, albeit from a different perspective. Their role may seem to be diminished in our lives, but the absence of the person pro-actively in our lives will ultimately lead to opportunities for growth for those around that soul. It can be a harsh lesson, but nonetheless, the opportunities for growth are there and a part of a soul's life lesson.

Remember that the love between souls survives and surpasses physical limitations and death. Life seen in this context is thus, ultimately, balanced.

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net

For more information about me and my work, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

Did My Father's Tears Means His Heart Was Tearing, Too?

Nan O’Brien

on November 2, 2009 5:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Dear Nan,

In January of this year my father passed away, That very morning he mentioned that he was with us only for some time. After which I got panicky so I was taking him for a check up but he collapsed. Why was he crying looking at me before he died? Had he seen death to tell us it was coming? What does one go through before death? I am always guilty that I should have asked him why he felt he was going to die.

Nina

Dear Nina,

I am sorry for your loss, my dear, but please do not feel guilty! Your dad lived a very full, independent life! While you feel that had you been able to take him to the doctor sooner, he might have survived, this is not so. Your dad's time was his time. In essence, he lived on his own terms - and what you need to know is that he died on his own terms, too.

Your dad was a very intuitive soul, so it does not surprise me that the day he passed, he had a sense of his soul contract coming to completion. When our loved ones know their time is coming, it is not uncommon for them to give us a "heads up." It is as if an internal clock goes off and on a soul level, the person recognizes that the transition to Spirit is about to occur. It is not a bad feeling, it is more of an awareness, a knowing, a sense of acceptance and contentment from a very deep place.

Your father's tears were not for himself, they were shed for you. They were a reflection of your sadness, your pain, at the realization your time to share this physical existence was about to come to an end. He knew your heart would be heavy, and there is regret in his energy that he could not communicate to you that he was at peace, but he was physically unable to do so.

Rest assured that your dad was ready to pass and was not fearful in the least. His faith was strong, and he knew where he was going! I can assure you he made it safely, and he is quite vibrant and alive as a soul now, no longer having the constraints of what his physical body had become in his older years.

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint: Physical death is not a wall, it is a sheer curtain. The distance between "here" and "there" is much less than we are taught; much less than you can imagine. When our loved ones cross over, they watch over us with the same love that they had for us in this world - death does not end the life force nor the love that is so integral to our life force, our very existence, on this physical plane.

Our loved ones in Spirit are also free from the physical limitations that we have in this world. They do not labor under conflict, pain, or even illusions of self. This enables a soul who had a difficult time in our world admitting he/she was wrong to be able to do so. In Spirit, our loved ones are free to think, reflect, learn, grow, love, and protect us. They reach out to us. They continue to be there for us, to listen, to support us in our growth and understanding.

There is no negativity in Spirit, the closest emotions to negativity are guilt and regret. Sometimes a soul in Spirit will experience these feelings, but only as an outgrowth of the reflection when a soul has acted hurtfully to another. The feelings are, then, useful tools for growth and accountability.

While death is a part of our lives, it can nevertheless be a struggle to accept. With the understanding that life is much larger than your present physical existence, the characterization of life takes on a different meaning, and that can aid in your ability to heal and move on. A critical part of doing so is to give yourself permission to define your loved one by his or her life, not by his or her death.

Let your healing begin today. And rejoice in life - here and there.

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net.

For more information about me and my work, please visit www.NanOBrien.com.

The Unknown Rockwell: A Portrait of Two American Families

Nan O’Brien

on November 1, 2009 2:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Photo: Cousin Jon - The Unknown Rockwell: A Portrait of Two American Families

The Unknown Rockwell: A Portrait of Two American Families - Excerpt from Cousin John

Monday, November 10th

Autumn arrived on schedule and brought with it the annual foliage spectacular. The changing leaves turning the valley into a sea of crimson reds and brilliant oranges and yellows. Halloween came and went, and a chill filled the air with the hint of winter.

I was bringing the cows in from the top pasture, headed back toward the barn, when I saw my father walking toward me. As he got closer, I could see from the look on his face that something was terribly, terribly wrong. My mind raced in an instant, wondering what it could be - my grandmother? Mother? Perhaps one of my sisters?

My dad looked at me, tears just on the edge of his eyes, and he tried to talk, but no sound came out. I braced myself for the worst, I had never seen my father like that. I suddenly realized I was holding my breath, waiting for him to speak. When he finally managed to find his voice, it was shaky.

"There's been an accident," he said slowly," a hunting accident, and...Jon's gone."

My legs gave way at the news, and my father took me in his arms as I wept. I took a deep breath and slowly wiped the tears from my face. Together, my father and I led the cows to the barn; regardless, the farm chores still had to be done. Downcast, we crossed over the lawn and went inside to my mother and sisters. More than any other time I can remember, that day, family was everything.

The sense of shock, irony, and pain remains for all of us, even fifty-seven years later. It is still unthinkable that Jon would have so narrowly escaped death in the river, only to lose his life three months later, and just two days after his eleventh birthday. But, we don't talk about how it happened, and we won't talk about how it happened now. Like I said before, that's not how folks in Vermont handle things, and the "how" doesn't matter anyway. There never was and never would be any blame, no need for discussion. All that mattered was that this terrific boy, whose life was saved in August, was lost to us after all.

A few days later, family and friends, including Norman and Mary, gathered at the West Arlington Methodist Church to pay their last respects to my young cousin. It was a beautiful New England day, warm for mid-November, as I recall. The sky was clear, blue, with wispy white clouds, and the sun shone brilliantly. There was no breeze, it was still, quiet. It was as if even the heavens were being respectful as we laid Jon to rest.

My Uncle Bob and Aunt Amy were strong, stoic. They stood, hand-in-hand, silently. The love that flooded the church sustained them, and somehow, everyone got through that day and the days that followed, moment by moment. I learned some days later that after the funeral, Bob had gone up the mountain behind his house and had smashed the gun against a tree, until there was nothing left to it.

As with all of Bob and Amy's friends, Norman and Mary were sadly touched by Jon's death. A few days after Jon's funeral, I was heading into the house from the barn, when I saw Norman walking up the dusty country road from where our houses sat, headed toward Bob and Amy's. I waved to him as he went by, but I guess he didn't see me, he just kept going. He walked slowly, deliberately, his signature pipe in his mouth, a package wrapped in brown paper neatly tucked under one arm.

Up the road, Bob was sitting on the front steps of his house. His chores were finished and his heart was heavy, and he had gone outside in the fresh air to be alone for a few minutes. Amy was in the kitchen, making dinner, not that Bob had much of an appetite. He had just picked up a knife and small piece of wood, and began whittling - nothing special, just to keep his hands busy - when his attention was suddenly caught by the sight of Norman, walking up the steep driveway and across the flagstone steps to their modest house. Norman hesitated, and Bob shifted to the right, gesturing for Norman to sit on the stone step beside him. They sat silently, side-by-side, looking out over the yard, the air still and the sound of the Battenkill making a whooshing sound as it rolled over the rocks.

Without saying a word, Norman took the brown wrapper and extended it to Bob.

Norman stammered quietly, "I'm sorry it's not so good; I did it from memory."

As Bob slowly opened the brown wrapper, he was stunned to see a beautiful, charcoal portrait of his precious son, Jon. He did his darndest to hide his tears. The portrait was a profile view, not Norman's typical pose, the eyes soulful, the mouth gently closed.

Bob tried to talk, but no words came out, until he finally was able to whisper his thanks. With that, Norman looked down and smiled, then stood up, nodded, and slowly walked back down the country road to the haven of his studio.

Jon's portrait proudly hung on the knotty pine paneling of my aunt and uncle's living room. For almost sixty years, the family has kept the gift from Norman private, comforted by its beauty, and appreciative of Norman's heartfelt gesture of friendship. The portrait itself is special since, unlike all of Norman's other paintings, it was done from Norman's memory, drawn from Norman's heart, with purpose other than work. But the greater gift, perhaps, was the thoughtfulness and caring that motivated Norman to create what he did for our grieving family - an expression of his own wordless grief for the loss of a young boy he had known and cared so much about.

I recently asked my uncle, now ninety-one years old, why he thought Norman drew the portrait, and why he thought Norman felt the need to bring it to him personally.

Bob paused, thought a moment, and smiling, he said, "That's just the way he was.

For more information about the book, please visit www.TheUnknownRockwell.com.

The Nan O'Brien Radio Show - 10/31/09

Nan O’Brien

on November 1, 2009 2:53 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

Click on the links below to listen to Nan's online podcast stream.

1st Hour 9pm - 10pm EDT 2nd Hour 10pm - 11pm EDT 3rd Hour 11pm - 12am EDT

« October 2009 | Main Index | Archives

November 2009 Archives

Our Soul Contract Expired, But I'm Still Paying On The Loan

My Relationship Headed South - Should I?

Did My Dead Husband Leave Me All Over Again?

The Nan O'Brien Radio Show - 11/14/09

Looking at Life: Angels, Angels, Everywhere!

Someone To Watch Over Me?

My Son Got A Job As A Track Coach And I Fear He Is Running In Circles

Good Things Come In Small Packages

The Nan O'Brien Radio Show - 11/07/09

Looking at Life: Elizabeth

How Do I Journey Toward Life, When My Son Took The Highway To Heaven?

"Life" Is Many Boxes Of Chocolate

Did My Father's Tears Means His Heart Was Tearing, Too?

The Unknown Rockwell: A Portrait of Two American Families

The Nan O'Brien Radio Show - 10/31/09

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