Dear Nan,
My husband Marc passed away in June 2007. At times I sense he is with me and I get a feeling that I've been with him during my dreams. Lately it seems as if he has stepped back a bit. I wonder if he has any special messages for me at this time. Thanks so much Nan!
Sincerely,
Jill
Dear Jill,
First, I'm sorry for your loss. I can feel that you are a young widow which carries unique implications for the future in terms of family and future relationships. I'm sure it has been a very difficult time for you juggling widowhood and motherhood to your young children.
As to messages: It is particularly important to Marc that you know he is now once again vibrant, as his passing occurred when his body could no longer support the amazing spirit he was. He also is now able to do his "racing," the significance of which he assures me you will understand. And, he "appreciates the heroic efforts" you have made toward his family, even if your overtures have not been received as warmly as they deserve. Do not feel you need to continue to be quite so...heroic. (smile)
Marc's activity in your dream state is even more than you realize, as you sleep with such exhaustion that I do not feel you recall your dreams regularly. In time, this will be a common mechanism to feel connected to him, which will be a tremendous source of comfort.
That said, the reason in your wake state that you do not sense him as much lately is the natural process of a loved one in spirit. It is not that he is not there; it is that your ability to perceive him so easily was enough to sustain you. This ultimately was interfering with your need to move on, and that is why he has seemed to "step back" a bit - but, rest assured, it is not that he is not there! Marc is still very much with you: "Promise made, promise kept."
Nan
√ ∙ Checkpoint: When a loved one dies through a soul contract, such as Jill's husband Marc, part of the contract is that if one has to go, the others have to grow. It goes without saying that when you experience a loss, you would rather have less growth and more of your loved one. But the reality is that the loss will be a result of an agreement by the soul on a soul level - not a conscious or sub-conscious level - to confront the loss at a given point in time, all for the purpose of a soul's growth.
Please note that I am not speaking about death as a result of the imposition of free will/free choice by another soul, such as a criminal act or an accident - I'll save that discussion for another day! - I am speaking of a death through (more or less) "natural" means, such as disease or old age.
The sense of loss and abandonment that comes from death, particularly to someone of a young age, can be devastating to those left behind. In the beginning, it is typical for the survivors to feel their loved one in spirit around them. The connections can be very strong and are necessary for the spouse or partner to get through the day-to-day adjustment to living alone. It would be cruel for our loved ones not to stand beside us during the initial phases of grief, but there comes a point in time where their daily presence interferes with the survivors' growth. It is at this time the loved one will step back, as Marc has done with Jill.
Do not mistake this stepping back as a negative or being abandoned all over again. Recognize that the soul will not step back unless he/she feels you are ready to embrace life again in the physical world - a kind of left-handed compliment. It signals the next step of the grief process from an energetic standpoint and can be a time of tremendous growth, which is ultimately a part of the contract between you and your loved one who has passed.
Until tomorrow, I am
Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien
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Hi Nan,
Iam in so much pain for the lost of my husband, he died 3 weeks ago of a heart attack, and I did not get a chance to say good bye to him. I am 36 years and I missed him so much. I want to hear or see him just to know that he is alright. I don't know if I can go on without him, because he was my best freind. I am devastated!! thank you.
My husband died last year, Malia. I am still in a great deal of pain (my husband was 42). I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in this struggle.
I know exactly what you are going through. My husband passed August 24, 2009. This October would have been our two year anniversary. I know it does not seem that long to a lot of people but I loved him so much. My heart literally aches, I feel empty and I don't know if and how I will make it without him. There are so many questions that I need answers to. The kind of questions I have though are spiritual questions which I know there is no guaranteed answer. I try to hold myself together and be strong for our kids because he always told me that one of the main things he loved about me was that I was strong. I try to live life everyday the way he would want me to.
My husband died on 8/22/09. I have three sons ages 9, 12, and 20, and we just celabrated my 12 year olds birthday without his dad. It was very hard sitting at the table and
I'm afraid im ruining my kids lives. I just cant handle this, I need him back! The boys are a lot stronger than me but I promised their dad I'd try to be strong and raise his boys and be happy. I just can't be happy! I'm worried about him he might be sad to be dead. I know I would be. I miss him so bad - I want to go with him when my kids get grown.
Tammy
Hi all,
I did not realized that I was posting a comment in the wrong area when I first posted my question to Nan, but first of all let me apologize to Jill for taking up space on your comment board. To Suzanne, Katie, and Tammy I feel so lonely, and your stories sound so much like mine. My husband always told me that I would be the best person to care for the girls because I was the strongest.. Well I don't feel that way, I've lost my lover, my Best Friend, my partner in crime, my comedian, my everything. I know that time will go on but I sometimes wonder if I would be able to go on. We all should stay in touch and communicate with each other, because we are part of a special group of people, we are hurting.. I ask God to ease the pain and give me strength.
Remember each day is a new day..
Tammy,
I lost my husband Feb. 25, 2009 very suddenly. My son was one month shy of his third birthday. We are devastated. My son says his daddy talks to hi i his sleep. He tells him he loves him and me. Why don't I have dreams like that? Is he mad at me?
To all of you who've commented,
I was right where you are just a few years ago -- my husband died fairly suddenly in 2005. He was my soulmate and best friend, and I really did not care about living for a long time, but I can tell you that it will eventually get much better, especially if you do some heavy-duty self-exploration. You may not be able to handle that so soon -- it took me a year to even start figuring out who I was without my life partner, but once I took action, I couldn't stop. Still haven't. That was really the start of my healing. Thank God for people like Nan, who've helped me so much.
Good luck to you all. Believe me, I know it's hard.
My husband Walt died May 2008. I myself am going
though that time of self-exploration. What seems
the most difficult is, I don't know who I am without him. I just don't have a plan or a goal.
I'm 59 at the end of the year. I want to start over and can't seem to get a grip of where to begin. I use to plan my day, get into my routines, now I don't know what I'm doing one
day to the next. I need your input. I am left
with the responsibility of taking care of my
husbands business. I tried hard to make it all
work, but I only go through the motions of
trying to be responsible for what was his dream, not mine. I believe that in time these feelings will
pass, but if I could get some advise, to help me
put things in perspective, I would be greatful.
Thank You for your input.
Sonya
My husband Sunil passed away in May 2009. It was just a year and half after our marriage. It was so shocking and all of a sudden. The very thought that he is not around makes me feel - what am I doing in this world without him. Every morning I wake up and think - oh God am still alive and another day without him. Am going mad, and am irritated with life. dont know when I will die so that i can see him. I miss his smile, his actions, his talk, his support, his caring and many more...I really really miss him.....
My husband passed away 1 year ago suddenly from a brain hemorrhage. We were together for 36 years. At first I felt him around me, different signs and dreams. For the past 2 months I feel nothing from him. What I feel is the reality of aloneness in this big bad world. I feel hopeless, and lost. I work every day, and go through the motions of living. Part of me wants to feel better, but my grief is my husband.I just cannot connect with the rest of the world right now, and I have lost my sense of who I am. I loved my husband so much, he was my protector, lover and friend.
My dear Mac passed away on April 15, 2009. D/T cancer, We actually have a very odd story. We had been together since I was 14. He was 34 when he passed, And spent our life's raising our 3 kids together who were 5,7,10. Then divorced in 2008. Not but a month or so after divorcing, he came down with head and neck cancer, it was very hard not to go back to him. He had chosen to go to Texas prior to being diagnosed. It was very hard not to pack up and go be with him. However, I couldn't imagine packing the kids down there, and trying to deal with every thing without a support system, and of course tried to convince him to just come home. I cannot imagine what he went thru not having a huge family support system in TX. But did finally get him to come home. While unpacking his belongings I found his book that said he was stage 4. I being a nurse had a very hard time discussing the options with him, and was very selfish in keeping my attitude as I would for my patients as respecting his wishes was the last thing I WANTED to do. But still forced myself to do so. We battled out many options, And I still wish that in that moment that he passed in my arms that I wouldn't have been in nurse mode. Giving him that morphine for the air hunger still is very vivid in my mind. (Insanely I still have the syringe I used to give it) I still 9 months later have a very hard time dealing with and coping with every thing. And I'm sure that people around think to themselves you divorced him... But honestly the divorce to me really never happened... And still feel that we followed our vows til death do us part. I have had dreams giving me the options to fix what I KNOW is not fixable, and knew wasn't an option when he was alive. Those are the worst for me... The guilt of being a nurse and letting him go hurts alot... But at the same time... He went out with 24 hour nursing care... and got to stay home... We did go hospice, with a team I was very familiar with, who went above and beyond for us.. And was very fortunate to be able to stay at home, and do things on our terms, instead of having to be in a hospital. I love YOU MAC!!!! FOREVER!