Intuitively Yours by Nan O’Brien

Looking At Life: Frozen Lake

2012-02-08T13:00:00Z

It's been very cold this winter, with days and days of gently falling snow as if unseen hands - bigger than our own - were gently shaking a spirit-filled snow globe.

We had a snowstorm earlier this week and the day after the storm I had to drive through small islands nestled amongst the lake. As I wound my way through the series of bridges and curves, I was struck by the majesty of the white expanse of frozen lake that lay on either side of the road. As far as the eye could see, the lake stretched out, almost blindingly white from the reflection of the sun.

The view was so beautiful I had to stop my car to look: Huge colorful banners flew through the air, whisking snowboarders along the icy surface. Small huts housed fishermen, their augers having made deep holes through the ice. Weather-worn buckets of freshly-caught fish rested next to their small stools. Snowmobiles raced back and forth, skimming across the lake. Mothers, fathers, and children ice skated freely; their laughter and calls drifted across the lake on the wind to where I stood. A lone cross country skier was far off in the distance at the end of two lines of tracks barely visible in the snow.

I cannot describe the peace that enfolded me as I stood at the lake's edge watching. I realized that sometimes it is our perspective of life that makes the difference. And I understood that even in the most frigid of moments when all about us is cold and frozen, when life seems like an intimidating vast expanse lying before us, that there is beauty in our current situation if we would merely take the time to stop and look, to see things differently, to embrace the circumstance and make the best of it - and to enjoy the opportunities that only a frozen lake can afford.

It was a beautiful day along the lake banks. I would wish the same peace and understanding for you as you face your week, your frozen lake.

Intuitively yours,
Nan O'Brien

My Mom Passed And The Rest Of My Family Makes Me Feel Like I'm An Orphan

2012-02-01T12:35:06Z

Dear Nan,

My mother passed away seven years ago and my elderly dad now lives with my sister in another state. Ever since my mom died, it feels like I am an outsider in my own family. On the phone, my dad talks on and on about my sister and her family, but never asks about me or mine. They plan family occasions on holidays and I hear about it afterwards. Now, my dad is turning 80 and when I spoke to my sister about co-hosting a party for him, she informed me she had already made all of the arrangements and I should be getting my invitation in the mail soon and she hoped I could attend.

It was bad enough losing my mom, but now I feel like I have lost my entire family, too. I didn't realize how much my mom was the one who kept me connected. How does she feel about the situation? What should I do?

Thanks, Nan,

Erika

Dear Erika,

We choose our parents, so you chose both your mom and your dad, but the reasons are different. You journeyed with your mom to enjoy this lifetime together, I can feel the intense friendship between you that is beyond mother/daughter. You and your dad, your sister, are making the journey to work through some issues. The reverse reasons are why your sister came in, creating a spiritual diamond of connections. That's not to say that your mom didn't love your sister or that your dad doesn't love you; don't hear that. But energetically, there does seem to be a large divide in the family, a choice made by all of you in this dance we call life.

Your mom is aware of what has transpired and while I am sure it is difficult to watch you in emotional distress, she knows that ultimately her leaving first will propel you to have to deal with the issues between you, your father, and your sister. By her stepping away, you must now choose to embrace the lessons or run from them. This is always your choice, but one is the more right choice than the other, and I'm sure you know which that is. ;)

Try not to take the comments and slights too personally, and recognize that regardless of how they act toward you, you must act with self-integrity. Do not allow their negativity or the feelings of negativity that are prompted by their actions to rob you of the spiritual opportunity to grow or gain in your understanding and life lessons.

Nan

√ ∙ CheckpointSoul contracts within families can be tricky. We often feel closer to one parent or another; one sibling or another. Yet, we choose our families and there are only two reasons we do so: To enjoy or to resolve. Once we recognize that the connections we have within a family are driven by soul choice and energetic similarity, it takes the sting away from what can appear to be favoritism.

For example, if I share a life lesson with someone, I will feel more at ease around that person, our energies will be harmonious. Familiarity then, even if it is on a soul level, lends itself to comfort. The reverse is also true. When the lessons and/or energies are different, there is a dissonance on a soul level that is easy to feel, but hard to pinpoint or describe. When the balance shifts in a family dynamic, such as with Erika's mom passing, the discord can increase - but, so does the motivation to work through the uncomfortableness.

If you find yourself in the same position as Erika, the best thing you can do for yourself is to embrace the uncomfortableness. Recognize the possibilities for growth, but acknowledge the self-imposed limitations of others to do the same. In short, if you take the spiritual high road, you will have done your soul's part. It is then up to the rest of the family members to choose to embrace their growth or not, but ultimately you cannot take ownership or responsibility for their willingness to do so.

Until next time, I am

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

The Party You Are Trying To Reach Is Unavailable; Please Try Again Later.

2012-01-25T10:00:00Z

Dear Nan,

Two years ago, my sister-in-law's 21-year old son was killed in a tragic car accident. We were not very close, really just got together at family cookouts and holidays. I am not very close with his mom either.

About two weeks after he passed he visited me in my dreams. In the dream visit, he was about eight years old. He and I were in a mall. He went into a photo booth and insisted I take his photo and he kept pulling on his ear. I got the message that he wanted me to tell his mom that he was OK and had his ear back. Nan - he lost one of his ears in the accident! It was very real - and then I woke up.

I called his mom the next day to describe my dream visit and I felt badly because she did not receive the news very well. She said she just could not believe that her son would come to me instead of her.

Did I do the right thing calling her? And, why did he come to me instead of her?

Thanks, Nan,

Donna

Dear Donna,

I believe you that your nephew came and visited you - and it would not surprise me if he came again. You are very intuitive and open, so it is easier to reach you than to connect to his mother. This is one of the reasons he chose you and not her. She would have thought it was just a dream; you knew the difference between a dream and a visit.

I also can sense that his mother is still very guilt-ridden and full of regret over the accident, as they had had some words shortly before his accident. They had somewhat made up by the time he passed, but there was still tension between them. He does not want her to feel this way, as he can admit from Spirit that she was actually right and he was wrong.

The message about his ear being ok is particularly important as well, since his mother has replayed the accident over and over in her head for the last two years, and the horror that led to his losing his ear is like a knife through her heart. He wants her to know he did not suffer in the accident. God lifted him out before the impact and he witnessed what happened from being outside his body vs. inside. She needs to know that, too.

Even though your husband's sister did not appear to have received the news well, I do think her heart rang true when you shared your news. At her stage of grief, she could not give you what you would have liked, but I can assure you that you did make a positive difference. You honored the role of messenger; what happens from there is up to her.

Nan

√ ∙ CheckpointWhen a loved one dies, our pain can act as ear plugs and blinders, keeping us from hearing and seeing - even that which would help us through our loss. The pain can overwhelm us; so, we become de-sensitized to what is around us in order to function and to survive. The grief process is thus about awakening from the numbness. It is a lonely and singular journey, dictated by our life lessons; life energies; and primarily, our life choices.

Our loved ones in Spirit can see how we are literally drowning in our sorrow and reach out to help. They interject their life force into our physical world to let us know they are there in many ways. They blink lights. They leave pennies. They move familiar objects. They tilt or push over photographs. They visit us in the dream state. On and on, they let us know they are alive and well, just merely in a different form. But in order for us to elicit any comfort from these efforts, we need to recognize them for what they are.

If a relative or loved one cannot allow the message to come through because his or her pain and grief is so great, the loved one in Spirit will reach out to someone who is a bit removed from the situation, who can hear the message, such as Donna's nephew (above). It is not that he chose to bypass his mother for a distant aunt; it is that he could not reach his mother through the front door, so he came in the back door via his aunt. Instead of resenting the messenger in this situation, the focus needs to be the message.

Sometimes, the willingness to hear and see beyond the five senses, while unfamiliar and even a bit scary, is the quickest way to move toward healing and peace. Our loved ones want to help us - but they can only help those who help themselves.

Until next time, I am

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Looking at Life: Choose Happiness

2012-01-18T18:31:28Z

At the end of each show, I share my wish with you that in the coming week you "live life, embrace God, and choose happiness." Those words may seem simple, but when deciding what message I wanted you to have as the closing thought of my show, I labored a long time trying to quantify the most important spiritual blessings I could give to you into a few short sound bytes to start your week.

I thought that it would be helpful to tell you why I chose these three blessings, one at a time, over a period of three weeks. So, today's "Looking At Life" focuses on the third and last blessing, "choose happiness."

If we start from the premise that life is an individual journey that each of us takes alongside everyone else as they, too, journey, then "choosing happiness" shifts from being a placating suggestion - like "have a nice day!" - to the realization that, to a large extent, we are spiritually responsible for our lives, our choices, and yes, our own happiness.

As we take on the task of living our life lessons, we are constantly confronted with the outcomes of free will and free choice, one of the greatest gifts God gave to us and also one of the most confounding! The free will and free choice results can be others' or our own, but either way life does not unfold like a brick wall with hard and fast rules, inflexible chunks of living and coping. The definitions of "happiness" are not in stone, nor are they standardized, sanitized, the same for all souls. "Happiness" is more like a flowing river that we either float with, swim against, or simply give up and sink.

Being happy is more about focusing on acceptance and growth, and less about excusing situations as bad luck, happenstance, or - worse - being punished or cursed. For example, if we are faced with a tragedy or a loss, we can give up, we can rail at God, shake our fist in the air at the injustice, and this may temporarily give us some satisfaction; but, what then? After you have shaken your fist to the heavens and let it fall limp at your side, when you open your hand it is still empty, and so is your heart. Better that you raise your open hands to the heavens and seek the love and light that is God, embracing the understanding that even from the most horrible circumstance, which can either be the outcome of free will and free choice, or perhaps a difficult life lesson, there will be some good that can come from it: Growth, strength, patience, understanding, appreciation, to name but a few.

To "choose happiness" is thus the recognition that all things ultimately are for a reason, and that in the event that someone abuses God's gift of free will and free choice to our detriment, we must trust that God has a safety net for us even then. We must look for it. We must embrace it. We must make a conscious effort to refuse to give into the darkness of complacency and negativity; we must "choose happiness."

Intuitively yours,
Nan O'Brien

Looking at Life: Embrace God

2012-01-11T10:00:00Z

At the end of each radio show, I share my wish with you that in the coming week you "live life, embrace God, and choose happiness." Those words may seem simple, but when deciding what message I wanted you to have as the closing thought of my show, I labored a long time trying to quantify the most important spiritual blessings I could give to you into a few short sound bytes to start your week.

I thought that it would be helpful to tell you why I chose these three blessings, one at a time, over a period of three weeks, which I began last week. So, today's "Looking At Life" focuses on the second blessing, "embrace God."

Normally, we think of "embracing" as "hugging," and of course it is not possible to actually hug God while we are here in this physical existence, so you may have wondered why I chose those words. I understand! At first glance, it would be confusing. But, when I encourage you to "embrace God" I am speaking of incorporating God energy into your daily lives, not holding onto a corporal person.

To "embrace God" is thus to embrace, or hold onto, the concept of what God stands for: Love, truth, peace; through the recognition and acceptance of both a Higher Power and the greater purpose than our own individual lives. It requires us to not just talk about God's love and purpose for our lives, but to live it each day; to treat others with kindness, understanding, and patience; to not judge those who are different than we are, but to accept them through extending unconditional love, as God extends His unconditional love to us; to have the courage to not judge self, but to accept self, and to resist the tendency to minimize the gifts of our talents and abilities.

To "embrace God" is aligned with living the "Golden Rule," to do unto others as you would have them do unto you, but it goes a step farther. Embracing God also means surrendering the need to control the outcome of a given situation. Yes, we are to be pro-active in our lives. We have been given the gift of free will/free choice. We are capable of making decisions about the direction of our lives, and more to the point, we have an obligation and responsibility to self to do so. But, within that, we also need to resist dictating the terms of the outcome, modifying our actions today based on what we perceive we will encounter tomorrow. As the saying goes, we do not always know what the future holds, but we do know God holds the future.

This understanding also speaks to the laws of attraction and manifestation, which are replete nowadays in the public through the popularity of such books as "The Secret." While the laws of attraction and manifestation do work, they are powerful energies that are not to be used on an ego-centered basis. It is oversimplification to say "I want it, therefore I should get it. If I want it badly enough, it will come to me; and, conversely, if it doesn't come to me, it means I didn't want it badly enough to attract it into my energy." Such ego-based manifestation and use of the Law of Attraction is contrary to the concept of embracing God. It is based on "I want, therefore I get."

God-centered manifestation, a part of "embracing God," is wholly different. It recognizes that we, as spiritual beings in physicality, do not always know what we have decided for ourselves in Spirit, nor what God's plan - with our soul's acquiescence - may be. God-centered manifestation says, "God, I believe this is what honors my highest and greatest good, and if I am right that what I want in my life, what I want to attract into my life is a part of your plan for me, then and only then please bring it to me. HOWEVER, if what I want and am attempting to manifest doesn't honor my highest and greatest good, then please don't bring me what I want, bring me what I need, and I will surrender the control of the outcome to you, because I know that you will always have my best interests at heart." Amen!

So, truly, to embrace God is both to embrace self for who we are, and to let go of the control of self for the outcome of what we want. Trusting that God will always have the best interests of our soul at heart, we cannot go wrong if we but allow God to dwell within, through the mechanism of embracing God as we also "live life" and "choose happiness."

Intuitively yours,
Nan O'Brien

Looking at Life: Live Life

2012-01-04T10:00:00Z

I thought that it would be helpful to tell you and to write about why I chose these three blessings, one at a time, over the next three weeks, beginning today. So, today's "Looking At Life" focuses on the first blessing, "live life."

"Live life." Seems fairly straight forward and simple. Live life. So, you may be wondering - what other alternative there is? What else can we do, but live? Nan, why would you even say that? It's pretty obvious, pretty straight forward: We get up, we get ready for our day, we eat, go where we need to go, do what we need to do, go to sleep, and start all over again. We "live."

NOT!

There is a huge difference between living and existing, and what I just outlined is "existing." Existing is the taking on of a role, a doing-ness, that has nothing whatsoever to do with living. It is about getting through the day, chalking off one more day at a time, days melting into weeks; weeks melting into months, years, and more. It is why one day you look at the calendar and all of a sudden you realize you don't even know what you have done for the past months, only that the year is almost over and you still have as much undone ahead of you as you had ahead of you before. The only difference in the day, in your life, can be found in a few more gray hairs as you gaze at the mirror; your child's growth; perhaps the greater height of a shrub or tree in your yard.

But to "live life" is something altogether different! It is found in the proactive gesture vs. the reactive response. It is found in the moment you challenge yourself to go past your comfort zone to learn a new skill, to meet a new person, to attempt a new interest, to embrace a heart's passion; to truly accept yourself as you are and no longer be first in line to beat yourself up for what's lacking, but - instead - to congratulate yourself for what's present.

To live life is to face your fears and to do so with the certainty that you do not do so alone, but with a life force within you that both binds you to others, as it likewise connects you to your God.

To live life is to see color in a world that frequently appears black and white at first glance; to reach out to others out of a desire to give, not an expectation to get.

To live life is to exchange the gift of each moment we are in physicality for the growth that comes from being yet one step closer to Spirit.

So, as you go through the coming week, I would again encourage you to take a moment and reflect....to LIVE LIFE; embrace God; and choose happiness.

Intuitively yours,
Nan O'Brien

Looking at Life: Thoughts on the Holidays

2011-12-21T19:37:36Z

The holidays can be a time of celebration and family, but it also can be a challenging time emotionally and spiritually. At this time of spiritual celebration, it is easy to get caught up in the hurriedness of deadlines and obligations. Do you feel like Christmas Day is a wall that you are running toward, full blast, with every possibility of crashing? Are you worried about not getting done? Running out of time? What if your house isn't perfectly cleaned? What if you don't get all of the decorations up? What if the Christmas cards aren't sent out in time?

What if, indeed? Is there anything in that list - or similar needs - that constitutes a true crisis? Will your family or friends refuse to come to your home because you have regular towels hanging in the bathroom instead of the Santa towels? Will the decoration police come to your house because you have one less strand along the roof of your home than last year? Will your friends write "return to sender" on the envelope of your Christmas card because it arrived on December 26th? Of course not! So, take a step back, make a "to do" list, and then PRIORITIZE. What you can't get to without stressing out gets crossed off your list this year - a present to yourself! Less stress!

It also seems when everyone else around you is happy and excited, your own pain and sadness increases. When you have experienced a loss - a parent, partner, child, family member, or friend - the holidays magnify the absence of that person, oftentimes creating a spiral downward that lasts long after the final year's end celebration. "Enjoying the holidays" becomes "getting through the holidays," and this is totally understandable. No matter how spiritual you are, grief knocks at your door and lives in your house during those times when the focus and emphasis is on family and loved ones.

So, what can you do? First, give yourself permission to be sad or grieving. Take the expectation off self to be jolly and merry just because everyone else is. You don't have to be a scrooge, but you don't have to fake it, either. Let loved ones around you know that you are having a hard time so that they can support you. Diversion can be a helpful coping mechanism during this time of year. Reach out to others who have experienced loss, not to commiserate, but to connect through understanding - big difference. Acknowledge your loved ones, but do not let the loss be the centerpiece of your attention. Our loved ones in Spirit do not want to be heralded for their death, they want to be remembered and celebrated for their life. Be willing to be happy without guilt; they do not want the pain of their loss to be the focus, this only compounds the loss. Letting go of the pain does not mean you have let go of the loved one.

The economy has also presented challenges for many this year. If money is tight, don't feel bad! Remember that the greatest gift you can give your loved ones is the gift of time, of sharing. Make your own special "gift certificate" for an evening together, or a day spent watching movies on the sofa with a big bag of popcorn! The most precious memories of the holidays are made with time, not wrapping paper and ribbon!

With Christmas Love and Light,

Nan

How Do I Herd The Black Sheep In My Family?

2011-12-14T13:00:00Z

Dear Nan,

My sister, Sonya, is weighing heavily on my heart. She alienated herself from the entire family except me and now she has left me too. I don't understand what is going on with her and I am HOPING that you can tell me that she is ok. I am so afraid that she isn't.

Thank you so much Nan for your time,

Christie

Dear Christie,

Your sister was the sibling who was always "different" in your house. Even though I feel your home was filled with love, she felt unloved. While the rest of the family seemed to see the glass half full, she lived in a world of not only half empty, but worried the container would drain away on its own. She was/is fearful, angry, and resentful, without any of you really understanding why.

Growing up, you were easier for her to relate to because you always tried to be the referee in the house, making the peace between parents and siblings and/or siblings and siblings. Your non-confrontational manner made you a safe person for Sonja to allow in, to the degree Sonya could allow anyone in at all. She is very, very guarded in her ability to emotionally connect.

This emotional wall stems from a life lesson that includes trust and abandonment. The trust component is not only about trusting others, but trusting self. Because your family is close and well-meaning, there can be times when it is also overbearing. Sonya does not have the skill set to maintain her own identity or be sure she is making her own decisions when everyone continues to try to "help" her, putting aside for the moment that she didn't ask for the help.

The best thing you can do right now is leave her alone. Sonya needs to figure some things out on her own right now, and once she does, she will be grateful that she can still come to you. Let her know the door is open, but don't try to yank her through it! Just remember to let her come to you on her terms, not yours or the family's, if you want to create an equal, healthy relationship.

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint: We choose the significant people in our lives, including our parents and siblings. We do so for one of two reasons. One, we have much to share with that soul and we choose to be together in our lifetime through a family relation. Two, but for the fact we were related by family or blood, we'd never have anything to do with that person and we have something to work out. In this situation, we bind ourselves to one another for a lifetime to ensure we have plenty of time to figure things out!

It can quickly become complicated within a family when the reasons we are bound are both for the pleasure and for the resolution of an issue. Family members align according to those who want to be together and those who need to be together. This disparity accounts for accusations (real or imagined) of favoritism among parents and children, or even between brothers and sisters. We gravitate toward those who share our energy and we clash with those who don't. We try to explain the differences through genetics or environment, but the major reason will be the life path/life lesson of those who choose to journey together.

Sometimes just knowing that there is a reason we do/do not connect can give us patience when dealing within a family, especially when we do not get along with (or do not understand) a family member. Respect for - and acceptance of - the energetic differences are powerful tools to bridge the gaps and build understanding, all toward achieving the soul's life goal to learn and grow from the experience of journeying together.

I'll save what happens when only one soul honors his/her contract for another day. :-)

Until next time, I am

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

"Life" Is Many Boxes Of Chocolate

2011-12-07T13:00:00Z

Dear Nan,

I am 24 years old, am a little nervous to email you because I am at a point where I don't think anyone can understand my jumbled emotions.　My father had a brain aneurysm very near the time of my birth, which left him mentally and physically disabled.　I didn't even meet him until I was 15 (on a Father's Day).　He didn't know who I was.　That was the first and last time that I saw him.　He passed when I was a senior in high school.　I have always felt a void in my life. God is amazing at filling that void, but there's just always an emptiness where I thought my dad should be.　I would like to know if he knows who I am and if he sees me.　Is he proud of who I am?

Thank you for taking the time to read my email.

Callie

Dear Callie,

My heart reaches out to you over your life situation. It must have been confusing as a child to come into this physical existence in the circumstances you describe. The limitations of the physical body can seem, at times, cruel. I'm sure there were many times you asked yourself, "Why me?" and this would be understandable.

Yet, through your pain, through your loss, it is clear that you found faith and have maintained it; that you recognize there is a Higher Power at work in your life; and for this you must give yourself more credit. Not everyone in a hurtful situation such as this would be so grounded.

I would ask that you take your faith a step farther, and understand that your father is now able to be a parent to you in ways he could not be when faced with the constraints of what his body became following the aneurysm. In Spirit, your father is actually less limited in his communication with you than when he was in his former physical form. He can visit you in your dreams; he can surround you with his love that will feel to you like a blanket laid around your shoulders when you are hurting or upset; and when you speak to him, whether out loud or in your thoughts, the bond of father and daughter will be the vehicle to deliver your messages to him, and likewise, his to you. Trust what you hear in response, it is not your imagination.

As to whether he knows who you are, sees you, and if he is proud of you - of course, my dear! Yes to all three questions! Actually, when he was still in physical form, due to the severity of the disability, his soul was able to step out and watch from above. He is sharing with me that he understood your shyness on the day you met, appreciated your gentleness, and loved your red dress. He heard you when you talked of the special book that seems to have significance to you both, there are memories attached to the book. He also loves it that you have his eyes and his smile. He saw much of himself in you that day.

In closing, Callie, know that the soul contract between you and your dad remains intact. Many years from now when it is time for you to transition to Spirit, you will know your father again. In the meantime, he is very much a part of your life. He's not missing anything, his love reaches you across the physical barrier that now only seems to separate you.

Love & Light

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint:There are two ways to view "life." One is the period of time from birth to death. The other is our soul's total existence, which includes the times we are born into, and depart out of, physical existence.

If we view living as only our physical existence, then situations such as Callie's seem unfair, unjust, and random. This is contrary to the Laws of Spirit. Living - life - is balanced. We see this in nature. Think about it. How could it be that all around us is balanced, except for us? The simple answer is, it could not be. Life is much broader, with soul contracts between us that are fulfilled, sometimes interrupted or postponed, but ultimately come to fruition, in this lifetime or the next.

When a soul is trapped in a physical body that does not fully sustain it while in our world, such as Callie's father or even those suffering from mental infirmities such as Ahlzheimer's, the soul can reach beyond that physicality while still in our world by "stepping out" of the body, and in this way can still view life, albeit from a different perspective. Their role may seem to be diminished in our lives, but the absence of the person pro-actively in our lives will ultimately lead to opportunities for growth for those around that soul. It can be a harsh lesson, but nonetheless, the opportunities for growth are there and a part of a soul's life lesson.

Remember that the love between souls survives and surpasses physical limitations and death. Life seen in this context is thus, ultimately, balanced.

Until next time, I am

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Did My Father's Tears Means His Heart Was Tearing, Too?

2011-11-30T13:00:00Z

Dear Nan,

In January of this year my father passed away, That very morning he mentioned that he was with us only for some time. After which I got panicky so I was taking him for a check up but he collapsed. Why was he crying looking at me before he died? Had he seen death to tell us it was coming? What does one go through before death? I am always guilty that I should have asked him why he felt he was going to die.

Nina

Dear Nina,

I am sorry for your loss, my dear, but please do not feel guilty! Your dad lived a very full, independent life! While you feel that had you been able to take him to the doctor sooner, he might have survived, this is not so. Your dad's time was his time. In essence, he lived on his own terms - and what you need to know is that he died on his own terms, too.

Your dad was a very intuitive soul, so it does not surprise me that the day he passed, he had a sense of his soul contract coming to completion. When our loved ones know their time is coming, it is not uncommon for them to give us a "heads up." It is as if an internal clock goes off and on a soul level, the person recognizes that the transition to Spirit is about to occur. It is not a bad feeling, it is more of an awareness, a knowing, a sense of acceptance and contentment from a very deep place.

Your father's tears were not for himself, they were shed for you. They were a reflection of your sadness, your pain, at the realization your time to share this physical existence was about to come to an end. He knew your heart would be heavy, and there is regret in his energy that he could not communicate to you that he was at peace, but he was physically unable to do so.

Rest assured that your dad was ready to pass and was not fearful in the least. His faith was strong, and he knew where he was going! I can assure you he made it safely, and he is quite vibrant and alive as a soul now, no longer having the constraints of what his physical body had become in his older years.

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint: Physical death is not a wall, it is a sheer curtain. The distance between "here" and "there" is much less than we are taught; much less than you can imagine. When our loved ones cross over, they watch over us with the same love that they had for us in this world - death does not end the life force nor the love that is so integral to our life force, our very existence, on this physical plane.

Our loved ones in Spirit are also free from the physical limitations that we have in this world. They do not labor under conflict, pain, or even illusions of self. This enables a soul who had a difficult time in our world admitting he/she was wrong to be able to do so. In Spirit, our loved ones are free to think, reflect, learn, grow, love, and protect us. They reach out to us. They continue to be there for us, to listen, to support us in our growth and understanding.

There is no negativity in Spirit, the closest emotions to negativity are guilt and regret. Sometimes a soul in Spirit will experience these feelings, but only as an outgrowth of the reflection when a soul has acted hurtfully to another. The feelings are, then, useful tools for growth and accountability.

While death is a part of our lives, it can nevertheless be a struggle to accept. With the understanding that life is much larger than your present physical existence, the characterization of life takes on a different meaning, and that can aid in your ability to heal and move on. A critical part of doing so is to give yourself permission to define your loved one by his or her life, not by his or her death.

Let your healing begin today. And rejoice in life - here and there.

Until next time, I am

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Looking at Life: Family By Heart

2011-11-23T13:00:00Z

There are friends in our lives who are family in every sense of the word except blood relation. I like to call them "family by heart," as they are souls who are connected to us through love. Often, they are souls we have shared a blood relationship with before - a heart sister, a heart mother; a heart child from another lifetime. You know the feeling! the first time you meet, you just know that that person is going to be a part of the rest of your life.

Family by heart will stand by you, beside you, no matter what. They will witness the milestones in your lives. They will be there for you when you weep with grief over broken hearts or health scares. They will be there for you when you leap with joy over graduations, weddings, the births of your children; the first time your child goes off into the world on a school bus - or behind the wheel of a car...

Brenda is one of my heart sisters. We met more than twenty-five years ago and I "knew" her the instant I met her. Since that time, we have borne witness to the incredible highs and lows of each other's lives. For many years, the scales seemed to be tipped toward her standing by me, as I struggled financially, dealt with marriage, divorce, single parenthood, accidents, illness, the death of my mother, the near death of my daughter, and so much more. When I would thank her for being a good friend, sometimes even protesting at the imbalance, she would wave her hand and dismiss it.

"One day," she would say, "I'll need you."

But nothing prepared us for the news that her beloved son, Patrick, had suddenly succumbed to heart disease at the age of thirty-four. This beautiful son had a generosity of spirit and caring for others. His life had been fraught with challenges: personal victories, and crushing defeats, largely a result of his good nature and inability to say no to anyone in need. And his mother was a part of it all, a source of constant strength, as she has likewise been for me and countless others.

So, who heals the healer? The answer lies in a true friend, a loved one by heart, and it was with bittersweet joy that I was able to embrace God's gift of mediumship to reach out to Patrick in spirit, to provide Brenda with answers she needed to hear; to affirm Patrick's strong, humorous presence in her home; to support her journey of grief and healing.

It's true, the saying "we don't know what the future holds, but we do know that God holds the future," so be comforted by the certain knowledge that when we are in need and when we celebrate our joys, God's hands reach out to touch us through the touch of the special, generous hands of family by heart.

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

How Do I Journey Toward Life, When My Son Took The Highway To Heaven?

2011-11-16T13:00:00Z

Dear Nan,

My son Jayson took his own life on April 5 this year. Grief, guilt and shock have since overwhelmed me and my remaining children, as well as Jayson's grandparents and girlfriend. I have so much guilt as his Mom and the fact that I did not take him seriously when he told me he wanted to die. I feel that if I could have hugged him and talked to him and told him how much I love him, he would not have followed through. I can come up with all kinds of reasons or excuses about not listening to him, and I come back to the same conclusion, I should have listened, I should have done more. I am his Mother, the one person who needed to take care of him and look out for him. Please help me, tell me my son is ok where he is now.

Thank you,

Cindy

Dear Cindy,

First, I am sorry for your loss. No words can convey the pain from a child's death, and the additional burdens of guilt and regret you carry from the circumstances of Jayson's passing must make it seem unbearable.

First things first. Your son is more than ok, he is at peace. In Spirit, regardless of the "how" a soul arrives there, there is only goodness and understanding. There is no pain, no sorrow, no negativity. The closest energy to "negative" in Spirit is guilt or regret, but only in the context of feeling these emotions to learn and to grow. So, even though Jayson was overwhelmed while in physical form, I can assure you that he is no longer in distress.

The guilt that comes from losing your son to suicide is understandable, but it is misplaced. As hard as it is to embrace, no one can take ownership or responsibility for someone else's life lessons, or decision not to learn them, as the case may be.

You cannot take on the responsibility for Jayson's decision. He made the decision out of free will/free choice, and while you can rage against his decision, you must face that it was his decision alone. The burden of guilt and regret will only add to the pain of the situation, robbing your family of not only Jayson, but you as well. Sometimes the only strength we can rely on in this situation is not to add to the pain by the loss of our own lives. Think about it, Cindy: If you stop living, even if you are physically still in this world, then the devastation of Jayson's death will have claimed more than his life, it will have taken yours as well. If you cannot find it in your heart to continue to live for yourself, remember that you have other children who need you right now. Let that love be a source of your strength. Their sibling is gone; do not compound their grief by the loss of their mother as well.

Reaching out to others who have gone through the same loss can sometimes help. I encourage you to contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. It's free, confidential, and available 24/7.

In closing, you WILL see your son again, and you will also have the opportunity to complete the soul contract of mother and son again, too. Your time with Jayson is only postponed until the next lifetime. In the meantime, he truly wants you to LIVE. THAT is how you honor your son!

Nan

　

√ ∙ Checkpoint:

The issue of suicide is a complicated one, both from a physical perspective and a spiritual one. On the physical side, the guilt, regret, and/or anger of loved ones who are left behind is mixed in with the loss and, in most cases, the wondering why our family member or friend made the decision to end his or her life.

The spiritual aspect can become particularly complicated when a person's religion condemns not only the action of suicide, but the soul of the person committing it. This deepens the fear, the pain, and the guilt of those left behind.

Step back from that perspective and see things in a different way: It is a simple truth that we are either in physical form or spiritual form; we are either here or there. The main part of our existence is spiritual. Our physical lifetimes provide the opportunities to live, grow, and evolve as souls. As souls, we are imperfect. We learn from our right choices, but we also learn from our "not right" choices. Suicide is one of many "not right" choices, and each soul who has taken this path will have learned the rippling consequences of the decision to take his or her life after transitioning to Spirit.

As with Cindy, if a loved one's suicide has touched your life, then it will be all the more imperative to resist the natural tendency to remain on this Earth but yet give up on life, too. This action adds to the negativity, adds to the wrong action, and adds to the burden of guilt of our loved one in Spirit. Our loved ones in Spirit are at peace; and there is not one who is there - whether from suicide or not - who wishes to be defined by his or her death. It is the moments of joy, of happiness, of silliness, of brilliance, of accomplishment, that our loved ones want us to focus upon.

We honor those who are no longer living in physical form by embracing our existence here to the fullest. Move forward from this day and choose to live! There can be no other alternative.

Until next time, I am

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Warning! Warning! Danger, Will Robinson!

2011-11-09T13:00:00Z

Dear Nan,

I am writing because I don't understand how to handle a situation about my five-year old daughter, Amber. Starting about six months ago, every time she is visiting with someone else, like spending the weekend with my parents or my husband's parents, I am almost in a panic that something is going to happen to her. My friends tell me I am over-protective and that I need to let go. I know it's irrational, but I can't change how I feel. Can you please help me?

Thanks,

Joanna

Dear Joanna,

As a mom of four myself, I understand how your heart can feel conflicted when your child is away from you. However, the level of fear you are experiencing, and your awareness that the feeling is irrational, does seem to be something beyond a typical mother's concern for her child.

I disagree your feelings are a result of being over-protective. My sense is that you and Amber have experienced being mother and daughter before, and that in your prior lifetime something happened to Amber when she was not with you. The fact that this fear only began a short time ago relates to the age at which it happened in the past lifetime. It's as if your soul has drawn a correlation between being a mom to Amber and the trauma of what happened to her before. Your soul is trying to warn you of harm; the problem is, the harm is behind you and not ahead of you.

Knowing that this sense of impending disaster is rooted in a past-life experience may help you by giving you a logical reason for your feelings, an alternative to the belief this is a premonition of harm to come. It would also be helpful for you to prayerfully ask that what is behind you stays behind you; and that you be free to embrace and enjoy the experience of being a parent to your daughter in this lifetime, since you did not have the opportunity to do so before. Once your soul sees that Amber is healthy beyond the age of her past-life trauma, that should also calm down some of the fears.

Sometimes, looking behind you clearly can give you clarity looking forward!

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint: When we experience irrational fears in a lifetime and cannot point to a reason why we have them, it's a strong bet that the root cause is found in a past lifetime event. The fears can be about others, such as Joanna's feelings about her daughter, or they can be for ourselves. For example, a person who drowns traumatically in one lifetime may be afraid to swim in the next. A person who has died from falling off a cliff may be afraid of heights, or even specifically avoid mountains or cliffs, even if being in situations around other heights is ok.

Why does this happen? The soul is trying to protect you from harm, not interfere with your ability to function in this world. It is saying, in effect, "Don't do that! Remember what happened the last time? Stay away! Stay away!" which is intended to help you. The problem is, we do not have a conscious awareness of the prior situation, so we are left with the strong feeling of "don't" or "fear" without knowing why, and that only creates more problems!

We all have things that invoke fear in us, but when the fear is irrational and specific - and when it is so intense it gets in the way of how we function or relate in this lifetime - then a past trauma is often the reason. Through prayer, meditation, and the conscious awareness of the source of the fear, you can do a lot to reduce and even eliminate the irrational block in this lifetime. Be proactive and work toward reprogramming the message, vested in the now and not in the past.

Until next time, I am

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

Looking at Life: The Birthday Boy

2011-11-02T12:00:00Z

He sat in the living room full of well-wishers, balloons, presents, and laughter, an observer in the midst of a crowded room decorated in his honor. He watched, smiling, as his two-year old great-granddaughter scampered up onto the dining room chair and precariously reached toward the massive cake, balancing her weight on one arm, her other arm outstretched. She was a few inches short, so she hoisted herself across the plastic plates and triumphantly connected with the cake and swiped the icing. Just then she looked up and saw him watching. Her finger stopped mid-air, dripping with chocolate, her mouth and eyes wide open, waiting. He raised his eyebrows in mock surprise, then he put his own finger in his mouth, withdrew it (demonstrating), smiled a broad smile and winked. With that, she giggled and with total abandon finished licking the icing off her finger, before wiggling back down onto the floor, disappearing in a sea of legs.

His annoying son-in-law navigated among the many guests and made a grand gesture of showing off his new fancy video camera, zooming up in everyone's faces, directing - dictating, actually - how to pose, what to do, what to say on this special family occasion. He wasn't ready to speak on camera, so he slowly got up and started making his way to the bathroom. His son-in-law spotted him leaving the Barcolounger and called after him, but he just kept walking as if he didn't hear - a ruse that worked well and that he had used often in such situations.

He made his way to the bathroom and turned on the light and the fan, droning out the party in the other room. He didn't need to use the facilities, this was just the only room in his normally quiet house that had any privacy, and that made it his favorite room at the moment. He looked at the flowered wallpaper and the dish of potpourri on the vanity. The scent of Dove soap, familiar from his own childhood, permeated the air. His eyes finally settled on the mirror.

When had he gotten so old, he wondered? When had his hair turned so white? How was it possible that he had lived so many decades - nine today - when he still felt like he had years before? He ticked off the milestones in his life, recalling his youth; his first kiss; his first job; finishing school; his Studebaker; marrying his wife of sixty-five years - sixty-five years!; the birth of his three children; the birth of their eleven children; his wife's cancer; his heart attack; his retirement; their once-in-a-lifetime trip to Europe; the deaths of his parents; the birth of his sweet great-granddaughter; and now, his ninetieth birthday. As he went over this list in his mind, his life seemed to speed past him like a video on fast forward. Waves of emotion washed over him, as he recalled the joys, sorrows, anticipation, excitement of his life, along with the disappointment, the pain, the fear, the faith, and ultimately, the surrender and acceptance that only the wisdom of age can bring.

He took his glasses off and gingerly wiped them clean, took a white monogrammed hanky out of his pocket and dabbed at his eyes. He placed his glasses back on his face and looked squarely at himself one more time in the mirror, and smiled his best-ever Polident smile, then, taking a big breath, he opened the bathroom door and slowly walked down the long hallway, the familiar creaks of the wood calling out from beneath his feet.

"Hey, hey!" he said to everyone, smiling, as he entered the living room, "Let's have cake!"

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien

He's Gone And My New Companion Is Guilt

2011-10-26T09:00:00Z

Dear Nan,

My husband Joe and I were married for 23 wonderful years. He was a smoker and died of lung cancer several years ago. He ended up in hospice at the end. I stayed with him all the time but one night I was so tired I went home for a good night's sleep. He died while I was gone. I am angry at him for smoking and feel guilty all at the same time and I can't stop being mad at myself for leaving him that one night. Is he mad at me that he died alone?

Thank you,

Roberta

Dear Roberta,

First, I am sorry for your loss and I understand your anger. Addictions, whether smoking, alcohol, drugs, or compulsions, are challenges for both the person who has it and the person who lives with the person who has it! The guilt you are feeling is also very common. I speak with people almost everyday who have gone through a similar situation.

I am hearing several things Joe wants you to know. First, please know that he is absolutely fine. He is not angry with you. He has regret for the actions that cut your soul contract shorter than it was supposed to be and wants to take ownership for his addiction now, as he was unable to admit or take responsibility for it when he was in physicality. Joe's failure and refusal to address his smoking problem (which he is telling me continued even after his diagnosis) was rooted in fear, which is ironic since it was ignoring the problem that caused his fears to come true, not his actual addiction. The irony is not lost on him in Spirit as he reviews his life. He acknowledges your anger and seeks your forgiveness.

Secondly, souls such as your husband who pass from illness choose the time they depart this world. He understood you needed your rest. He did not want you to bear witness to his actual passing, as he knew it would be very traumatic for you. You were so attentive, so loving, and he appreciates your telling him it was ok to go. He also hopes you understand that when you left and told him you would be back in the morning, he knew he could stop holding on. You showed you were willing to take care of yourself, and that's when he knew you would be ok.

The process of grief is unique to everyone, so take your time to process through it at your own pace. But please, Roberta, do not complicate the process by feeling guilty. You did the right thing, and I can assure you he knows that.

Nan

√ ∙ Checkpoint: Perhaps one of the most challenging situations we can face is the loss of a loved one. Any issues that are unresolved would seem to remain unresolved because of the distance death seems to create, and yet this is not true. Our loved ones continue to be a part of our daily lives, even if they do so from a different perspective. There is no negativity in Spirit; they are not angry at us. The closest feeling to negativity is guilt and/or regret, such as Joe has, and they alway want to address this feeling with us from Spirit.

Guilt about who was with a loved one - and who was not - when he/she passed is often a source of great pain for those of us left behind, yet as souls we choose the time we depart (unless the death is due to the mechanism of free will/free choice, which I'll talk about in another blog). There is no need to feel guilty. If Joe had thought it would be good for Roberta to be by his side as he crossed over, he would have waited until morning to do so.

Sometimes, it is the perspective of death that can give us the greatest comfort. Our loved ones are not gone, not some place far away, they are close; they are with us. It is only the way in which they are with us that we need to understand. Death is not a brick wall that separates us, it is a two-way mirror that sometimes obscures our view.

In coming months, I will talk more about death, dying, and communicating. For now, those of you who have carried a mantle of guilt about not being with someone who died as Roberta has, please know it is time to set it down. The peace you seek is within and is based on understanding and perspective of life, not out of reach in the clutches of what appears to be the finality of death.

Until next time, I am,

Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien