Dear Nan,
I am writing to ask a question re my daughter Katie, we have had a couple of rough years and she just doesn't seem to be moving ahead with her life. I am worried sick about her and just don't know what to do.
I am hoping that you can help me to find a way to help Katie, she just seems to be turning into her birth mother and starting down a long slippery slope. I do hope that you can give me some guidance in what I should be doing.
Thank you,
Tim
Dear Tim,
Children choose their parents, whether through birth, adoption, or a step-family situation. I love the saying given to me intuitively many years ago, "Through our bodies, or through our doors, however they come to you - they're yours!" So while I understand your fears about Katie becoming her birth mother, please know that she chose you to be her dad as much as you chose her!
Katie has boundaries lessons and also has "growth through adversity and challenge" in her energy. What this means is that she will often learn and grow in her life as a result of overcoming difficulties, gaining strength from experiencing tough choices, many of which may even be the ones she makes for herself. It does not mean her life will always be difficult; it means she will tend to gravitate to the more challenging choice, frequently as a result of not recognizing boundaries.
To some degree, there is a limit to what you can do. Katie needs to take responsibility for her actions and that includes living with the outcome of her actions instead of blaming others. By constantly saving her, you end up harming her in the long run because she will continue to make mistakes as long as there is no consequence attached to the mistakes.
Within that, you want to make sure that she is safe, and that includes stepping in when she makes relationship choices that may put her in harm's way, which I sense has been an issue for her. Aligning her with a mentor would also help. She will hear what someone else says more quickly than you, even if the message is the same!
Nan
√ ∙ Checkpoint:
As a parent, it can be devastating to watch our children make their way in the world when we can see the route they are taking may hurt them. The line between protecting your child and enabling that child can be hard to see. But it is critically important to remember that you cannot take ownership and responsibility for another soul's life lessons, even if that soul is your own child.When we look at a given situation in terms of life lessons, we need to recognize that spiritually every path is unique. The guideposts of point A, point B, may be in place for our life, but the gift of free will and free choice is the mechanism we use to progress from point A to point B. Interfering with that choice will postpone the learning a soul came into this world to accomplish.
It may seem right to save our loved ones - whether our children, our spouses, our family members, our friends - but ultimately we have to create boundaries and allow the loved ones to learn by experience, letting the natural spiritual lesson unfold through the soul's choices and not the choices we would make for them.
There is no substitute for experience, even in matters of spirituality!
Until tomorrow, I am
Intuitively Yours,
Nan O'Brien
Do you have a question you'd like me to answer in my daily blog? I'd love to hear from you! Please email me at
Nan@IntuitivelyYours.net.For more information about my work or my nationally-syndicated radio show, please visit
www.NanOBrien.com.
