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At the house gathering after the funeral, Cyrus finds the whole scene inspiring. He wants to get married -- tomorrow. Life is so short! There's so much uncertainty! They should tie the knot at home. Blair's not sold, but Eleanor likes the idea. And Jenny pops up for one of her two scenes of the episode to offer to make Eleanor's wedding dress (seriously, not so realistic, but whatever).

Aaron presents Serena with a plane ticket to Buenos Aires. Great timing, dude. Her stepfather just died, her stepbrother is on a rampage, and her mother is conflicted, to say the least. But Aaron, as usual, fails to rise to Great Boyfriend status and pushes the trip on Serena. She agrees to consider it.

Chuck goes digging around in Bart's things and Lily confronts him after Cece encourages her. The confrontation doesn't go well, to say the least. First Chuck vaguely threatens Lily about her big secret; then he blames her for his father's death and tells her Bart's blood is on her hands. She slaps him, then gasps. Chuck vows that once he gets Bart's money, she'll never see him again.

He doesn't stop there -- even poor Eric isn't immune. On his way out of the house, Chuck tells him they're not related; he doesn't consider him a brother. Ouch. Blair won't be deterred, though -- she follows him to his car and tells him she's there for him no matter what. Chuck wants to know why. And then Blair SAYS IT. "Because I love you." Chuck swallows hard and says... "Well, that's too bad." And he leaves her there on the curb. Blair is crushed, understandably. She ends up sobbing in Cyrus's arms in a truly touching scene that Eleanor observes happily. At last, Blair has a caring parental figure that doesn't criticize or abandon her!

Blah blah blah, Dan and Serena. Enough back and forth with these two! Basically, Dan kind of tells Serena that he might want to get back together, and maybe she shouldn't go to Buenos Aires. Serena kind of tells him she wants to know how he feels. But no one will really say how he/she feels, so it's kind of a dead-end conversation.

Cece gets Lily to confess that she loves Rufus... just as Serena gets home from breakfast. Awkward! The Van der Woodsen women have a reprise of last year's conversation. If Lily and Rufus are going to be together, then Serena and Dan can't. Why they can't BOTH give it a try at the same time is beyond us; we think they could get over it. Excited, Lily calls Rufus and invites him to Cornwall for a romantic getaway.

Chuck gets the scoop on Lily's secret and threatens her with it, but instead of fighting back, Lily urges him to not block out the people who love him. Conflicted, Chuck ends up burning the information, whatever it is.

Emboldened by a chat with Jenny, Dan decides to ask Serena about giving it another go. But she's decided to move forward with Aaron. They're going to Buenos Aires. Crushed, Dan leaves.

Cyrus and Eleanor tie the knot in a charming ceremony, but as it ends, Dorota leads Blair to her bedroom. A broken, crushed Chuck awaits her on the edge of the bed. She takes one look at him and folds him into her arms in a one-sided hug. Chuck's so destroyed he can hardly respond, but he finally does half-hug her back. He ends up spending the night spooning with her, but when Blair wakes up in the morning, only a note waits for her on the pillow. Chuck tells her that she deserves better and not to come looking for him.

Aaron and Serena head to the airport. There's banter about a neck pillow. We think the relationship doesn't bode well if Serena is more excited about using the neck pillow than resting her head on Aaron's shoulder, but she didn't ask us... Anyway, Dan calls Serena to discuss their parents' love drama, but Serena decides not to answer because Aaron's falling in love with her! Yeah, it's hard to believe because the guy just will not emote, but that's what he said, so we'll have to take his word for it. So Serena decides to just focus on their relationship for now. She ignores Dan's call.

About Lily's secret -- Chuck's silence doesn't matter. Cece goes to Rufus and tells him anyway! And now he wants no part in the getaway with Lily. Instead, he asks her if it's a girl or a boy. Did Lily abort their lovechild years ago, or (what we're leaning towards) did she have their baby in France and never tell him?

What did you think of this episode? Are you feeling Chuck's pain? Are you sick of the Humphrey/Van der Woodsen back-and-forth? And what's Lily's real secret? Tell us all in the comments!