90210: Shove it up your ashram
Naomi's interpretive dance, entitled "Pas a deux for the easily duped"
There was a whole lot of backstabbing this week in Beverly Hills, which made for some entertaining, if not predictable, TV. The girls return from the "yoga retreat," and are once again faced with the troubles of everyday life – you know, pop stardom, relationship drama, spiritual crises, and a stalker cousin from Kansas who won't go away. Meanwhile, Teddy is forced to confront his sexuality. Let's see what this week's schemers had in store.
Love triangle: Adrianna, Silver, and Navid
Despite Silver's guilt about being the "other woman," Silver and Navid spent the majority of their winter break rolling in the proverbial hay. Navid was ready to break up with Ade – that is, until he saw a bedraggled looking Adrianna gracing the cover of a tabloid, and decides that she may not be able to handle another setback. However, Navid's resolve is renewed when Ade confesses that her attempt to get her daughter back was a mere publicity stunt – "you can't just undo an adoption, you know!" – and she even finagled a reality TV show out of the deal.
After the break-up, Silver consoles Ade, who was somehow stunned by this turn of events. Later, after Naomi's party, Silver and Navid go back to his place for some alone time. Unfortunately, their plans are foiled when Ade shows up looking to win back her man. Silver hides in the closet as she watches Ade unsuccessfully try to seduce Navid. Ade runs out, humiliated, and Silver is guilt-stricken as she leaves for the night. Then for the second time this episode, Ade cries in Silver's arms. This time, Ade voices her suspicions that Navid was cheating – she found an earring (Silver's, in fact) in Navid's room.
Read on for the stalker report, Naomi's brief period of enlightenment, and Ian's idiot move, after the jump!
Single White Female, Part Deux: Annie and Emily
First Jasper, now Emily – when will Annie stop getting duped? Emily apologizes to Annie for borrowing her clothes, copying her hair, failing to wake her up at the yoga retreat, and for generally being a creep-sauce. Annie, being Annie, believes this apology is sincere, and takes Emily up on her request to "start over." (My God, if I could never hear that phrase on a high school dramedy again...)
Meanwhile, Annie's boss recommends that she audition for a role in the theater's upcoming production of "The Importance of Being Earnest." Annie is thrilled about the opportunity, and turns to none other than her trusty cousin, Emily, for practice running lines. However, Annie's Tony dreams are dashed before her career even begins, as Emily spills the beans that Annie's mom is dating Mr. Matthews right before Annie's audition. Annie goes into the audition even more frazzled than usual, forgets her lines, and later describes her performance as a conglomeration of a train wreck/plane crash/getting pooped on by a bird. Predictably, Emily auditions for the play at the last minute and gets the role. We can't wait to see Annie's freak out when she finds out.
Naomi has a lighter wallet, but comes out all the stronger
Naomi returns from the yoga retreat a (partially) changed woman: her clothes are looser, her hair more wild, yet she retains that snark we've come to love. Naomi's guru bestows upon her the title of "Golden Fruit" – kind of like the holy grail of yoga? – and starts laying on the flattery pretty thick. Not twenty seconds later, the guru laments that, as of late, people have not been as charitable to the retreat as she would have hoped. Naomi, naively, can't see that she's being taken by a con-artist. Instead, she throws a lavish party to introduce her to Beverly Hills society, and donates 10 acres of land to boot.
At the party, complete with drum circles and traditional Indian dancers, Naomi learns that she is not the only trust-fund baby who has been named the "Golden Fruit" in attempt to shore up "donations" for the guru. At the end of the night, Naomi reveals the guru for the phony she is, but not in time to revoke her donation of the land. Poor Naomi – the girl's been through some tough stuff this year, but we're totally expecting her to take matters into her own hands and come out the victor.
Ivy's Adventures in Stonerland
Ever since her spill on the rocks during a surfing competition a few weeks back, Ivy's continued to struggle with her fear of the water. Ivy turns to the guru for some spiritual guidance, who suggests that she try meditation. She gives it a shot on the beach, but seems too distracted by the sound of the crashing waves to reach her zen.
Nevertheless, Ivy totally nails it at the next surf competition, and Dixon tells her to keep up whatever she's doing. Turns out, it wasn't the meditation that helped Ivy conquer her fears, but a little bit of that sweet Mary Jane. Ivy spends the majority of Naomi's soiree giggling and binging on shrimp cocktail – an unbeatable combination. With Laurel as her mother, we're surprised we didn't see this side of Ivy sooner.
Teddy and Ian: All's NOT fair in love and war
Ian and Teddy return from their secret winter break getaway to Telluride. Again, Ian encourages Teddy to come out to his friends so that they can do the regular things "normal" couples do in public, but Teddy states he's not ready. Things don't get any easier, as Teddy receives a threatening letter in his locker, along with a picture of him kissing Ian, demanding that he hand over $50,000 or be outed. Much to Ian's chagrin, Teddy decides to give in to the blackmail rather than go public with his relationship. But to whom should he write the check?
At school, Ian and Silver catch up and lament the fact that both of them are in secret relationships (with Robert Pattinson, no less!). Ian confesses that at least he enjoyed a great trip to Telluride with his "closeted boyfriend." Later, in the lunch line, Silver stands next to Teddy and notices that Teddy has a lift ticket on his jacket for Telluride. Based on Teddy's nervous reaction when she asks if he saw Ian there, she put two and two together and realized that her ex is Ian's closeted boyfriend.
At Naomi's party, Silver tells Teddy she knows his secret, and loves him all the more for it. Teddy, albeit reluctantly, decides it's time to finally come out of the closet, and he does so by walking in arm-in-arm with Ian at the soiree. As the initial shock of the news wore of his friends' faces, Teddy realizes that he can ask his friends to be okay with who he is, even if he's not quite there yet.
On the drive home that night, Ian accidentally lets it slip that he was the one who blackmailed Teddy; Ian knew about the photo, even though Teddy never told him about it. Ian claims he didn't mean to hurt Teddy, he was only trying to help him. Too bad for Ian – the plan backfired and Teddy dumped him because he realized he could no longer trust him.
Notes n' Quotes
Silver: Your iguana is judging me!
Silver: She [Naomi, fresh off the ashram] looks like Madonna in her Ray of Light phase.
Naomi: Namaste, bitches.
Guru: You are on a higher plane than everyone else.
Naomi: You know I have more shoes than Imelda Marcos and Kimora Lee combined, right?
Yogi: Please allow me to flower you.
Silver: So, at the end of the night, do you get to deflower us, too? Sorry...spirituality makes me punchy.
[In reaction to the drum circle at Naomi's party]
Silver: I feel like they are about to sacrifice a virgin.
Ade: At least Naomi's safe.
Naomi: You can take your mantras, and your yoga, and you shiny tree of life, and shove it up your ashram!
Will Silver confess to Ade that she was the "other woman," or will Ade find out on her own? We have to say, it would make for some pretty good reality tv if Ade discovered Navid and Silver while the cameras were rolling.
More Liam and Dixon next week, please!