One Tree Hill: Maybe baby
"I'm not signing anything until I get a toaster strudel."
First, the important news: One Tree Hill has moved from Ho Hos to toaster strudel. We were wondering what pastry-like product would be next on the list. Also, Haley cried wolf more than a few times in the service of making sure everyone was baby-ready, Julian and Brooke discovered they would be getting a kid sooner than they thought, Chuck found out he needs glasses, Millie discovered a talent for social commentary (and ripping off Mouth) and… oh, yeah, Nathan discovers the car that nearly killed Brooke and his son -- and it's in Ian Kellerman's garage.
Nathan and Clay and the Kellermans
Prof. Kellerman is as jerky as we remember, and he doesn't want Nate representing his kid. Whatever, prof… At least he's not letting his antipathy for Nathan affect his grades, as Nate gets an A- (given with bad grace, of course.)
The guys decide to give Ian a contract with a morals clause -- and dude, if the networks can't use that on Charlie Sheen, we're not entirely sure how it would work on Ian. Ian agrees to sign the contract if the boys beat him at beer pong. They do, and he signs, although we have no evidence that he's read the damn thing. WHAT IS IT WITH PEOPLE AND CONTRACTS IN THIS TOWN?!? Sigh.
But that's not the most shocking development. Nope, that comes when Nate, in a search for the bathroom during Ian's contract-signing party, stumbles across the car in the Kellerman garage. Yes, it's the car that nearly killed Brooke and Jamie. And yes, there's a booze bottle under the front seat. The only question is whether Ian or the prof was driving.
Read on for pregnancy hijinks, stolen rants, and more!
Nathan and Haley
Haley is going into labor any second now, and she wants to make sure everyone is ready. So she holds a series of drills, faking everyone into believing that she's going into labor as we speak. On the upside, she convinced Quinn that squeezing her into the back of a Stingray is a bad idea, which most likely comes in handy when the baby actually decides it's time -- at the very end of the episode. Sigh.
Brooke and Julian
Hey, did you hear? Brooke and Julian are getting a baby! Of course, a baby needs a baby's room, and that room needs a new paint job. Enchanted Forest or Soft Duckling? They're surprised by a visit from Chloe, who knows where their spare key is hidden. (This should be concerning to them.)
Chloe announces that the baby will come earlier than she expected, and then proceeds to mess with Brooke -- did I mention my boyfriend was in prison on drug charges? And that she travels by motorcycle? We're guessing this is her way of getting back at Brooke for lying, but it seems a little mean, you know? Huh. None of which really matters, of course, because by the end of the ep, Chloe has gone into labor. Get ready for baby Brulian!
Mouth and Millie, Chase and Chuck
Millie has her first assignment, which involves a chicken suit and a story about changing all the street signs in America. She steals Mouth's rant about the stupidity of the rule and the waste of money involved, which makes Jerry crazy -- she's not supposed to be doing commentary! Of course, people love it (someone at Tric asks for her autograph after ascertaining she is, indeed, the "angry chicken reporter") and of course, she gets promoted. She asks Mouth what else he's angry about. Sigh. OR, you could come up with your OWN words, Millie…
Chuck is sucking at baseball, and Chase figures out it might have something to do with his eyesight. He borrows Alex's secret eyeglasses (about which she's deeply ashamed… and THAT'S what she's embarrassed about? REALLY?) and, after initially laughing at him (smooth move, dude), convinces him that specs will improve his swing. This is one time when we don't mind Chuck socking Chase in the gut -- don't mock the 9-year-old about glasses, idiot.
Highlights, thoughts and odds and ends
This was a goofy episode, from Quinn's toaster-strudel ditty to Clay's contemplation of the worst things you can be asked over the hone. Very odd.
Prof. Kellerman: Were you surprised by your A, Mr. Scott?
Nate: A minus. Were you?
Prof. Kellerman: I believe they invented the word "very" for moments such as these.
Nate: I will take that as a Dan Scott-like pat on the back, professor.
Clay debates whether to order pancakes or fajitas. We're with Nate -- how are those your choices? We understand liking both foods, but you tend to be in either a pancake mood or a fajita mood. Weird.
Julian: Clear your minds -- which is not hard, I know. You ready? Soft Duckling or Enchanted Forest?
Nate: Are you starting a band? Because I would go see Soft Duckling.
We… would not. Can you imagine a bunch of rockers coming on stage and roaring "Ladies and gentleman, WE ARE….. SOFT DUCKLING!" No. Just… no.
Haley tests Brooke on the hospital run:
Haley: My water broke
Brooke: Whoa. Leather seats. Hang on, I just have to get a towel.
Haley: I don't think there's time
Brooke: There's time.
Haley: The baby's coming!
Brooke: The baby is not coming. Just, clamp your knees together.
Haley: Clamp my knees together?
Brooke: Like you should have done nine months ago…
Nate and Clay are playing trash-can basket ball.
Haley: Nate, it's time
Nate: Yeah, ok, we're just going to finish this game.
Haley: The baby's coming right now.
Nate: Yeah, I know.
Clay: Really exciting stuff, Hales, but if you could just force your knees together and hang in there, we're almost done. In fact, do you want winners?
Haley: I don't think you guys understand. I'm going to have the baby right here.
Nate: I don't think you understand -- Julian told us that you tricked him and Brooke. And Quinn.
Clay: Hey, look, it's a wolf! Now I'm the boy who cried wolf!
Haley: Hah. Yeah, it's true I did trick them. But right now it's not a trick, and we actually have to go to the hospital.
Nate: You serious?
Clay: Like right now right now?
Haley: Just kidding. Wolf!
Haley, this is how people end up giving birth in their bathroom, or in a taxi. Quit messing with the people who will drive you to the hospital!
The show's on hiatus until April 19. That means Chloe and Haley are in for eight weeks of labor. Ouch.
What did you think? Are you excited to meet the new babies? Were you surprised by the car reveal? Can you imagine being torn between pancakes and fajitas? And which would you choose -- Enchanted Forest, Soft Duckling, or Paint It Peyton Black?