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90210 recap: Pomp and sacrifice

"Kurt Hummel said it before and I'll say it again: Eat your heart out, Kate Middleton."

As Laurel mentioned in this episode of 90210, and Marty McFly uttered repeatedly throughout "Back to the Future," this is heavy. Naomi and Max faced expulsion, Ade considered jumping off a cliff, and there was a literally very heavy elephant involved. Which basically just adds up to your average Beverly Hills weekend.

And the best "Weather The Storm" award goes to...
We have to say, every week we love Naomi more. There is literally nothing she can't get over, deal with or make a sarcastic quip about. So naturally she takes the fall for Max re-writing her paper, and even shows up at graduation to support her friends after she gets expelled. Also, naturally, she throws Ivy an entire wedding and bachelorette party, screaming with glee as she goes.

Even when Max admits his guilt at graduation, gets banned from seeing Naomi and will effectually be shipped off to Massachusetts, Naomi still finds the energy to dance like a madwoman at the wedding, all while looking spectacular. Oh, and did we mention this was after the entire female guest list trampled her like so many crazed wildebeests in a frenzy to grab the bouquet? Because that happened too. Naomi even has the moxie to confront Max immediately when she finds out she's pregnant -- as long as this doesn't turn out to be a ruse to keep Max around. We don't think that really gels with Naomi's character, but hey, it's 90210.

Read on for the elephant! What? Admit it, elephants are awesome.

The "A" in Annie stands for "Type A"
We learned one new thing this week: Don't screw with Annie's plans. Like a history nerd on vacation in Europe, she's got every last minute of her life mapped out, and god help you if you want to riff on that schedule.

So when Liam tells Annie that he doesn't want to go to college and is instead shipping out to work on a fishing boat and mull life over, Annie responds by promptly breaking up with him and his perfect abs. What we're interested in is how Liam would afford college anyway, unless he broke the 90210 code and actually applied for a student loan. But that would be ludicrously sensible, so that's out.

In any case, some of Laurel's awesome stoner logic shocks Annie back to reality, and she tells Liam that she supports whatever he wants to do. She also does this while wearing the same dress Charlie wore on Gossip Girl when she tried to throw Rufus that executive party. Whoops.

Sari, Ivy
Ivy and Raj are still dedicated to getting hitched, so now comes the hard part: Telling their parents. The Kahns are all for whatever makes their son happy, but Laurel has serious reservations about her daughter marrying someone who might not be around for much longer. Fortunately, Dixon comes to the rescue at the 11th hour with a perfectly adorable speech about loving each other as best we can and convinces Laurel to come to the wedding and give her daughter away.

The affair is nothing short of splendid, and Ivy looks stunning in full Indian garb. Raj just looks happy to be on that elephant, and who can blame him? It's an elephant. At a beach-side wedding in California. It doesn't get any cooler than that.

The reception concludes when everyone has a "times, they are a-changin'" moment when they all toast each others' life choices, then dance like the pack of crazy drunk teenagers they are. Especially Silver, who could probably rival Harper's boss moves at this point.

Beware the malevolent manifestations of your dead singing partner
Ade is living the backstabber's dream, having broken up Navid and Silver and still getting mani-pedis with her unwitting victim. Except that her guilty conscience is manifesting as Javier, who tries to tell her that she'll never get away with her treachery.

Her plans finally (FINALLY!) go to hell at Ivy and Raj's bachelor/bachelorette mixer. Fresh out of plebeian singles to stuff down the stripper's shorts, Naomi goes rooting through Ade's bag and out pop Silver's stolen pills. (Okay, we really think this is not the same purse Ade used before, and even if it was, throw the damn things out or sell them for profit. Do we have to come up with all the reasonable ideas here?)

The truth comes out about Navid not kissing Ade as well, and Naomi punts her out the front door like a football. Unfortunately, Ade doesn't live in this plane of reality, and shows up to Ivy's wedding thinking that she can convince Silver to forgive her. When all she gets for her trouble is an unfeeling "Go to hell," Adrianna finds herself at the top of a cliff with Javier urging her to take the jump. In the end, Ade opts out of suicide to work on being a better person. Which is probably another way of saying "make more trouble."

What did you think, readers? Was it an adequate ending to a pretty solid season? How will we keep track of our West Bevvers with their college choices spanning the country? Will Naomi have her baby? Do Ivy and Raj get to keep that elephant? Comment away!

Notes n' Quotes

Naomi: You love my brain?

Naomi: You've really never been to the principal's office before?
Max: Not against my will.

Silver: What do you think of this nail art the lady did on my big toe? Turned out kind of funky didn't it?
Ade: I think its cute! What is it?

Ivy: Getting married is not the important part, being married is the important part.
Naomi: I don't know who told you that, but that is just not true!

Naomi: I'm sorry, but you asked for a bachelorette party.
Ivy: No, actually I didn't.

Terry: Maybe I should come in and frisk some people.
Dixon: What?
Liam: Oh no....

Ivy: NO drinking games.
Naomi: Fine. The game is I'll drink and you guys can time me and see how long it takes for me to pass out.

Terry: I'm sorry, some neighbors called and complained about a disturbance.
Naomi: Please tell me you're a stripper.

Annie: Love sucks.
Naomi: I'm getting that tattooed on my face.
Annie: That'll keep the boys away.
Naomi: I doubt it.

Laurel: I'm sorry to get so heavy, I got stoned with the elephant trainer guy.

Final thoughts

  • Who didn't see that stripper mix-up as soon as you found out his name was the sexually-ambigous "Terry"?
  • Annie could be a little less excited about being loaded, considering the way in which it happened...
  • We really love Dixon after that speech to Laurel. Sure, it was a little after-school-special, but he just seemed so damn sincere.
  • Silver needs to stop pinning her hair to her head like that for formal occasions. She looks like a hipster duckling.
  • Naomi screaming under the scrum of bridesmaids is probably her single most hilarious scene to date. But feel free to prove us wrong in the comments.


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I was annoyed when Naomi was like "Adrianna you need to leave". Because everyone stood by Naomi even after she did those horrible things to Annie when she THOUGHT that Liam had cheated on her with Annie? Silver actually did cheat with Navid and lied about it as well until it all blew up in her face. While I don't condone Adrianna's actions at all, I find it extremely hard to side with Silver and its annoying how everyone conveniently forgets what a horrid bitch Naomi was to everyone before.

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