Hellcats: Get FEMA on the line--we're having a nationals disaster
A horrible outbreak of strep throat is just the beginning of the Hellcats’ woes as they head to Atlanta for Nationals. Before the competition is through, Savannah will bail on the squad to be by her sister’s side as she delivers her premature spawn, a random squad member will break her arm and Lewis will be locked in a hotel bathroom by Nasty Kathy.
We’re sick, y’all
It’s days before Nationals and half of the squad has contracted strep throat. We got that in college and it was a week of hell, so we know what these cheerleaders are going through. But it’s the non-sickies who are complaining. It’s the ones who are left to carry on who moan about the strict quarantine that is instituted as they need a minimum of 18 cheerleaders to compete. But now they can’t be too safe. So what says safe like a night-before-the-competition party?
What was she thinking?
Emily crashes the Hellcats' private pre-Nationals party and Vanessa’s buzz. Then, right in front of Lewis, Red’s cranky ex tells Vanessa that she needs a sworn statement from “her boyfriend” about the Steve Switzer pay-for-play situation and Red is ducking her calls. But why? That Emily is such a kick. Then she’s inappropriate and brings up the whole sleeping with a married man thing. Some people and their grudges.
Meanwhile, rather than make her new sister comfortable at the party, Marti interrupts her in the middle of playing a song and tells her that she’s disappointed that she’s not mingling. Seems like a weird move to us, but at least we get to see Travis again. There’s another public scene and then Marti invites her to come to Nationals with them. Of course, Deidre agrees…reluctantly.
The devil goes down to Georgia
Welcome to Atlanta, bitch. The Hellcats arrive at Nationals just in time to see Nasty Kathy and company rehearsing. And they’re spot on. But rather than be focused on the competition at hand, as soon as she sees Lewis she immediately asks for a second try. When he tells her that he and Alice are back together she’s surprisingly cool. She must realize that the Hellcats' strep epidemic has left them a writhing shell of a squad.
Then things go from bad to really freaking bad when Charlotte calls from her Atlanta hotel room, shrieking in pain because her water broke and clearly whoever wrote her scene has never had or even read about birthing a child. In any event, she tells Dan to get Savannah to the hospital ASAP. Uh…little busy now. But, ever the glass-half-full gal, Savannah swears that she’ll be there for her sister AND help the Hellcats win.
Then things go from really freaking bad to ludicrously bad when Nasty Kathy pretends that she is broken up over Lewis and lures him into her hotel room where she reveals that she’s actually just pissed. She won’t be used. So she locks him in the bathroom with the eeevil intention of making him miss the completion. When Alice realizes that Savannah will be standing by her sister’s side, rather than showing up for the competition and Lewis has gone MIA she freaks. They stall as long as they can and are about to forfeit when Lewis busts out of the bathroom and makes it back to perform.
The Seriously? Award goes to…
In one of the strangest twists of the episode, the Powers that Be at Nationals get an anonymous tip that someone in the Hellcats squad has strep so, despite the fact that they are running late, they insist on testing everyone in the squad before they go on stage. Naturally, Alice is doing the inner-freak and we can’t do much more than shake our heads.
Three of the Hellcats test positive for strep and Nasty and Company take the trophy. Can’t we bring that pseudo-Christian up on kidnapping charges or something?
Meanwhile, back at Lancer, we discover that Emily was the tipster. She was “looking out for the kids.” And for some reason she admits it to Phil who tells her that the trustees won’t dig it but overlooks the whole thing because he wants to date her.
One more montage to end the season
So we finally learn that it’s the fear of rejection that keeps Marti’s new sister at arm’s length. But after another outburst and another semi-public scene they get it together when Deidre tells Marti that she is afraid that she will get tired of her and go back to her old life. But Marti assures her that she can always count on her now—they’re sisters.
Then, Alice tells the squad that they came to Nationals to perform on that stage so she tells them that they should perform. Art for art’s sake and all that jazz. So they hit the stage and luckily, the lights guys are still in the house. It’s amazingly energizing. There’s nothing like celebration montage to get us all emotional. And in the spirit of looking forward with progress, Savannah steps down as captain and asks Alice to take over for her.
But the celebration is short-lived. With the backing of Emily, Peter fires Vanessa. And when Marti picks up Deidre’s phone and gets a shocked and very much alive Rex Perkins on the opposite end of the line she tells her sister to go back to her old life because that’s what she’s doing.
The season ends the same way it began, with Marti racing through Memphis on her bike.
Saying good-bye to the Hellcats
There were so many great cliffhangers for the season finale and we’re beyond disappointed that it’s now officially the series finale. There were so many storylines that we’ll never see resolved. Marti and her lying sister and her not-dead dad, Emily getting Vanessa fired and we’d really like to see Nasty Kathy get what she deserves for locking Lewis in the can. So many great cliffhangers, so little time. Which story are you most bummed not to see resolved? Tell us in the comments.