It's back to the '80s for the One Tree Hill crew, and we don't need no stinking plot to get in our way! The gang pays homage to various John Hughes masterpieces, which makes us happy, but very little actually happens, whish is fine with Darcel and less fine with me. Oh well. Hey, at least we got some wicked costumes and a guest appearance by Cheap Trick!
One Tree Hill was all about homages to the late, great John Hughes this week... and we guess that all the movie references make up for there being no real plot to speak of. Sure, we had a bit of movement -- Clay told Nate about his dead wife, and Alex urged Julian to get with Brooke -- but mostly this ep was about delicious 80s shout outs.
How many flick references did you catch? First, there were the obvious ones:
Haley's forgotten-birthday plot was from Sixteen Candles -- and the last shot, of Naley kissing over the cake, was homage.
Nate and Clay's plot was from Planes, Trains & Automobiles
Mouth's date creation was from Weird Science
Jamie was living out Home Alone
Elements of the Julian/Brooke story -- and all of Julian's 80s costume -- were from Pretty in Pink
But those were easy! Did you catch the less obvious shout outs? Read on!
The sisters James finally have it out in a huge catfight in the pool on One Tree Hill, and we were just fine with it. Granted, we could have done with a little more violence, but you can't have everything... Plus, I come oup with a theory that accounts for hte sudden reappearence of locksmiths in our fair city, we identify some of our favorite cutting lines, and we applaud the fact that the Brulian relationship is finally moving a bit. Check it out!
A lot happened on One Tree Hill last night, but first, we have to address possibly the most momentous occurrence ever on the show: Oh my god, y'all, there's a locksmith! A locksmith somehow snuck across the town line and changed some locks! Meaning there are these things called keys and if you turn them, then crazy nannies and estranged parents and cuckoo cousins or whatever can't get in your house!
Now we've just got to see if Clay and Quinn remember to lock the door. Baby steps...
Ahem. Well, know we've got that (mostly) out of our system, on to the plot!
Crazy family drama
So yes, Taylor is nutso, and yes, David is there to get revenge on Quinn, and yes, Haley goes a bit berserk about it, and yes, Quinn plays the quintessential peacekeeping middle child. We still liked the storyline, although we sort of wonder why no one has had Taylor involuntarily committed. And why do they keep letting her in the house? And why, God, why would anyone think it's appropriate to make out at the dinner table? Gah!
The One Tree Hill folks are back with an extended Haley James Scott music video! Oh, fine, there's also some plot interspersed between the songs -- Jamie alienates his friends (and us), Brooke and Julian continue their star-crossed lovers schtick, Alex gets an annoying counterpart in Alexander, Victoria developed a soul, and, hmm, let's see, what else.... oh yeah, Taylor shows up and she's dating Quinn's ex-husband! So tacky, so evil, so utterly delicious...
Darcel and I discuss plans for Jamie, wishes for Millie, dynamite idea for a reality series, and some pretty awesome pics that have us salivating for the ep after next.... Check it out!
NOTE: We stand corrected, thanks to Tam, Violet and Ed in the comments. Bethany WAS singing her own songs -- or the songs of her other band. Thanks for the heads-up!
Welcome back to One Tree Hill, or, as we like to call it, the Haley James Scott Musical hour! Look, we love Haley (and Bethany) as much as the next person, but did we really need four full songs? That doesn't exactly advance the plot much, does it?
But perhaps they were saving the plot-advancing wallop for the end, because up until the last few minutes, the ep just sort of ticked along for us. Brooke and Julian are still star-crossed and conflicted, and they can't ever get around to be in love enough to overcome obstacles at the same time. Said obstacles -- that would be Alex and Alexander -- continue to annoy, although we give Alex props for searching out Millie and taking her away from the druggie party. But Alexander? As far as we can tell, he brings nothing to the party -- and we NEVER say that about someone with an accent. He's just bleh, and an unnecessary obstacle. Sigh.
This. Was. AWESOME. Darcel and I squee over the best One Tree Hill in recent memory, which included Hot!!! Dan taking charge, Rachel discovering that no one controls Dan for long, Clay getting his groove back, and Naley discovering that dreams do come true. Sure, there's also Alex surviving her suicide attempt, but at least that gave us Brooke's fab "you're selfish" speech. And yeah, we could have done without Quinn's horrific cheerleader audition (Make. It. STOP!), but over all? We loved it.
One Tree Hill: Robert Buckley on Clay's Loves and Losses
We love to see shiny, happy Clay come back on One Tree Hill this week -- it's more like his real-life counterpart, the luscious Robert Buckley! We were lucky enough to sit down with Robert and got him to spill on Clay's luck with the ladies, his relationship with Nathan and the challenges on set. Plus, check out how Robert won the admiration and respect of the cast and crew!
Was it just us, or did this episode feel like a return to the One Tree Hill we love? There was plenty of pathos and laughs, tragedies and triumphs, plus great lines galore. We didn't love everything, but this may have been our favorite episode this year.
What we loved: Dan!
Oh, Dan. You so rock. Even when you're in bleak, angsty existentialist mode -- or maybe especially when you're in bleak, angsty existentialist mode -- you're one of the most charismatic bad boys out there. We loved Dan's no-holds-barred speech to his (no doubt shocked) audience -- and the way he put Rachel in her place. (You thought you had the upper hand on Dan? HAH!) He confessed his sins and said he didn't expect forgiveness -- he just figured he'd do what he could to atone. And that, he discovered, it what it took -- Nathan didn't forgive him, but he did acknowledge all Dan had done for him. And Jamie? Jamie gave him the forgiveness he needed. Sob!
(Also, on a shallow note -- how freaking hot did Dan look this week? YOWZA!)
Rachel's comeuppance
We know that we've been crowing about how deliciously eeeeeeeevil Rachel is -- and we do love her for it. But still, seeing Dan skillfully disarm her, call her out, and take away all she had taken for granted was awesome to behold. Even in the end, Rachel still didn't quite get how completely Dan had outmaneuvered her. When the lawyer presents her with divorce papers, Rachel snaps that this will cost him. What do you plan to get? The lawyer asks. Dan gave it all away!
Clay's triumph
Last week, Clay was defeated. This week, he came back with a vengeance. We admit, we were slightly discombobulated by him swooping in to see Joe Turner at the hospital -- was he taking advantage of the guy in a crisis? But no -- Clay actually came up with a deal where absolutely everyone got what they wanted. Nathan got to stay in the NBA -- and even in Charlotte, after a bit of finagling -- Charlotte got the players it needed, Joe Turner got to stay close to his mom, and Clay got his mojo back. He even got the girl -- and how freaking adorable was he when he announced that he wanted to be Nathan's agent, but that he planned on falling insanely in love with Quinn? Swoon!
And now, One Tree Hill attempts to drain every last bit of happiness out of the universe. Seriously, there were a lot of very bad days packed into this one episode, weren't there? But apparently depression makes us chatty, because we managed to whip up a marathon podcast (complete with occasional computer pings and random noises for no apparent reason) in which we psychoanalyze everyone, wish for contradictory things, ponder the possibility of Clooke (Bray?), put the smackdown on Alex, and praise the joy that is eeeeeeeeeeevil Rachel. Glee!
After yet more technical difficulties, we're back with another One Tree Hill podcast! This time, we talk about Clay's job woe's, Quinn's self-absorption, Alex's insanity, Millie's downward spiral... actually, the same stuff we usually talk about. Huh. At least we've got Dan and Rachel to keep us happy!
Good lord, folks: One Tree Hill hit us with Drama Overload this week! We had suicide, theft, breakups, face-slaps, missteps, dreams deferred, drug-fueled rants, and a whole bunch o' woe-is-me on tap. Can no one be happy in Tree Hill? Apparently not -- although some folks have only themselves to blame. Let's break it down:
Brooke, Julian and Alex
When Alex ambushes Julian, he slips up and tells her about Brooke's infertility. DOH! The Alex saunters into Brooke's store with a bunch of adoption fliers, saying that "we" want to help. Brooke tears her a new one, telling her that the movies not getting made because Alex herself is a liability -- no one will touch a script that she's attached to. When Julian comes over to yell at her, Alex lays the whole love trip on him again -- I can give you everything you want! I know you love me too! Julian finally snaps, telling her "I do not love you. I don't even like you!" and confirms that the script got rejected because of her. But the damage is done-- Brooke wants to take a break from their relationship and tells Julian to go back to LA and make a movie. Alex leaves Julian a tearful message -- "I won't be around to cause you any pain." She's slit her wrists.
Most heartbreaking moment:
The Brooke/Julian breakup. Oh, our hearts!
Do they deserve our sympathy?
Brooke: Hell yes, even though she was quite the bee-yotch to Alex. She's dealing with the idea that she can't have kids, and Alex just rubs her nose in it. Julian" Sort of -- we're sorry about the breakup, but he didn't have to tell Alex about Brooke. The best way to deal with Alex is to stop talking to her entirely. Alex: Hell no! She brought all this on herself and now she's doing the whole "you'll miss me when I'm gone!" thing, which... snap out of it!
One Tree Hill: "Really? You're going to make this about you?"
That is, of course, a purely rhetorical question. On One Tree Hill, someone's always going to make it about themselves -- with varying results. Check it out:
Nathan losing his job
Who It's About Nathan and Haley. How much would it suck to go from a potential multi-million dollar contract to unemployed -- and to learn about it from a TV sportscast? And now whatever job he gets -- if he gets one at all -- will be much farther from home.
Clay. His only client just lost his job -- which means Clay screwed up big-time and pissed off said only client. Oops. His motives were pure, but the outcome was not so good.
Who It's Not About
Quinn. She insists that Nate fired Clay because of her, but... come on, girl. Did you get the bit above about him losing his job and any other job being not so great? Get over yourself!
Clay getting fired
Who it's About
Clay -- since he's, you know, fired. That's gotta suck.
Who it's not about
Quinn. No, taking him to the community center to meet the preternaturally wise kids didn't get him fired. Nor did their relationship. Clay got fired because he didn't delvier. It's not about you!
Dan. Although we loved his crazed drowning/baptism/fashion critique, Nate getting canned -- and Clay's part in it -- had nothing to do with Dan -- especially since Nathan has been quite clear that he wants nothing to do with his father.
We had a great One Tree Hill podcast last week -- but our computer ate it. Doh! We hope we make it up to you this week as we discuss Dan's return, Rachel's bitchtasticness, when Jamie goes for precocious to annoying, and what depraved thing we expect to see Millie doing next. Plus, hear the theories on why Brooke ditched her birth control, find out what we think of Alex's neediness, and discover what we'd pay money to see on an upcoming episode.
Everything starts out so well this week on One Tree Hill: Haley's got a concert, Clay is confident Nate's contract will be renewed, Brooke thinks she's pregnant, Julian and Alex finished the script, and even Quinn's cracking the occasional smile.... But as per usual in Tree Hill, the happy good times don't last long.
Trouble Nexus #1: Dan and Rachel
Oh, how we love Dan and Rachel, the deliciously dubious duo. It doesn't matter how many door are slammed in his face, Dan is determined to weasel his way back into his family -- and it looks like Jamie supports that plan. But we were most in love with Rachel again this week -- she's just so deliciously bitchy! Our favorite Rachel quote was this line to Jamie: "I remember you when you were a rumor in third period!" Hah!
Of course, things don't go as planned for the couple -- Nathan won't let Dan back in, Brooke won't forgive Rachel, and no one is impressed by their LA-based success (except Jamie.) But Dan won't give up -- he's staying until he gets redemption -- even if he has to beat up the entire town to get it.
Trouble Nexus #2: Brooke and Julian and Alex and Millie and Mouth
First the bad news: Brooke isn't pregnant. Then the worse news: Alex is completely unequipped to deal with life when she's not spending all her time with Julian. She finds a vial of coke and calls Julian in tears -- save me from myself! Julian abandons Brooke to talk her down. He convinces her to dump the coke, but when she tries, there's nothing there. Julian is livid -- this was all just a game to get to to spend time with you and stay away from Brooke! Alex protests her innocence, saying someone must have stolen the drugs. But who could have done such a thing?
Congratulations to Jensen Ackles and Danneel Harris!
We're thrilled that two of our favorite CW hotties, Supernatural's Jensen Ackles and One Tree Hill's Danneel Harris, have announced that they're engaged. The couple has been dating since they worked together on the indie film Ten Inch Hero, and they're both such sweethearts that we couldn't be happier. According to The Hollywood Gossip, Danneel flashed her ring when the couple attended the Breeders Cup horse race this weekend.
Now, of course, we're wondering if they'll appear on each other's shows. Can you imagine Danneel as a warrior angel, or Jensen as a rival basketball player who takes on Nate? Or maybe Danneel can be a fellow Hunter, while Jensen is the sportscaster who takes Mouth's spot on the air. So many possibilities!
Leave your best wishes for the couple in the comments!
The One Tree Hill gang borrows from The Wizard of Oz this week as the boys go camping, the girls go on a different trip altogether, and Dan goes a little nuts.
If I Only Had A Brain... on Drugs
OK, we'll admit it -- we love whacked-out Haley. After consuming a few too many "special" brownies, Hales is all about the random observations, but still utterly herself. Our favorite High Haley quotes:
"Now when they say they represent the lollipop guild, do you think that's a trade union? And if it is, why did they unionize? Did they need shorter hours or longer sticks or different flavors?"
"Is your career path pretty much just laid out for you when your parents name you Zelda? Zzzzzzzzzzelda. It's kind of like if they call you Bambi or Oprah."
Hee!
If I Only Had a Heart....oh, wait
Because, yes, Dan does have a heart -- one that was apparently harvested from a South American kid after Rachel paid his family to take him off life support, and then implanted in his chest at a cut-rate transplant clinic. (Dan really can survive anything...) Now Dan is having visions of his heart donor, and he wants to tell his audience that he's not really living on borrowed time. Rachel, in the role of the Wicked Witch, tells him that would kill the show. The audience will forgive a murderer, but they won't take kindly to being conned.
If I Only Had the Nerve...or not
Jamie's none too excited about a zipline on the hiking trail, but he doesn't want to tell his dad, because Nathan's not afraid of anything. But Julian engineers a situation that lets Jamie prove his mettle -- convincing Nathan that he needs to let Jamie be the brave one for once. Nicely done!
The truth comes out on One Tree Hill -- to no one's surprise, Renee is exposed as a lying skank. Dan milks the moment by strapping her into a lie-detector, which says all of her answers are true. Then he reveals that the lie detector is faked. And at the end, he reveals a big old scar on his chest, suggesting he may not be on borrowed time like we think. Intriguing.... Meanwhile, Naley angsts, Brooke pouts, and Clay and Quinn get a little flashback love, showing us how they got to where they are now.
We finally learn the truth about Nathan and Renee this week -- and about Dan's intentions, Julian's feelings and Clay's level of crazy. So much information!
Biggest Props
To James Lafferty for directing this episode. Go, James!
Biggest Shock
Dan whipping out the lie detector test -- and Renee passing it! Of course, it was all a fake-out -- Dan strapped himself in to machines and told a bunch of LIES! (possibly even including "I love my wife.") All of this was in service of getting Renee to admit the truth -- that she'd never had sexual relations with that man, and that she made it all up. Finally, Naley's nightmare is over. (We still think this could have been avoided with an in-vitro paternity test.)
Biggest Non-Shock
We called it! Sara, Clay's comely companion, was a delusion. She's his dead wife, haunting his memories even as she urges him to move on. As far as we can tell, Clay wasn't at all responsible for her death -- if we had to guess, we'd say she suffered an aneurysm -- but he still is living in its shadow. He even sent Quinn away when she came over to "talk."
The hits just keep coming on One Tree Hill -- Mouth and Nathan get to make a couple of heartfelt speeches, with varying degrees of success. We get intimations that Clay might be off his gourd, and wonder when we're going to get more scoop on him. And Millie seems to be on a rapid downward spiral -- now she's stealing Alex's diet pills. Plus, we come up with plausible reasons to keep Julian barely clad for every episode, we wonder about the one-note nature of recent episodes, we ponder Dan's plans, and Darcel invents various scenarios for knocking off characters she doesn't like. She's starting to worry me, folks...
We're thrilled that two of our favorite CW hotties, 