Weekdays with Bernie!
This might be the first time anyone's called Bernard Berrian "Bernie," though my bold act is a lot less impressive when you consider it's on a weblog, one which I can nearly guarantee he will never lay eyes on- unless it's on his Sidekick. I swear to you, as fast as that guy is on grass, he's faster on that Zoolander-sized keyboard. Those little fingers of fury fire away like they belong to a stenographer! He didn't say with whom he was chatting, only assuring me that it was not a teammate- none of them are up at 7:55 AM on their off day . . . unless they're on our show.
This was Bernard's second appearance with us. The first time he was a guest, I peppered him with such queries as: "Is Kyle Orton still on the team," and "How many half-shirts does Thomas Jones own?" In case you're unaware, on warm days Jones will often cut off the sleeves and stomach portion of a white t-shirt, and wear that underneath his pads and practice jersey, providing a showcase for his modest physique. Truthfully, they're the kind of shirts you'd rip a guy for wearing, unless of course, that guy is built like Thomas Jones.
Anyway, I digress. The point is, this time I hit Bernard with more pointed football questions and he's proving himself quite the worthy analyst- honest and insightful, though not very bold. I waste no time with small talk (we had enough of that over a breakfast of fruit plates), so my first question was not "How are you?" or "How ya' feeling?" . . it was "Are you going to go undefeated?" He gave me one of the best coachspeak answers I've ever heard. Something about "We don't worry about going 16-and-0, only about going 1-and-0, and that one game is this week." If only Lovie Smith was watching! It would have been like watching one of his children take his first steps!
I'm going to try and spare Bernard a 5:15 AM wakeup call for a few weeks, so the next time you see him on our show it might be to showcase his culinary skills. Apparently he has a delightful recipe for sea scallops sautéed with butter and shallots, and he says his roasted asparagus is to die for. No lie- I can't make this stuff up.