COLORFUL CHARACTERS OF '06
The end of the year gives us a chance to reflect on our accomplishments, as well as the goals we failed to achieve. This is especially true in the news business. We watch history unfold each and every day---triumphs and tragedies from around the world. Only a few of these stories will leave a lasting impression on history---they are typically not the stories covered in this column. However, I like to bring you the quirky people, that make life a little more interesting, and teach us something about our neighbors and ourselves.
You can find the transcripts by clicking on Larry’s World about halfway down the page at http://wgntv.trb.com/news/local/morningnews/
This year, I introduced you to 4’4” Joey Fatale, the leader of MiniKiss, a Kiss tribute band consisting of “little people.”
Lesson: Little people are capable of being more than the elf in the Christmas commercial.
I also introduced you to Chicagoan Jim McBride is Mr. Skin, the self-professed leading authority on celebrity nudity in movies.
Lesson: Adolescent obsession can be a passion that benefits society---he employs 40 Skinterns for his website.
And my exclusive with Jesus. Neil Saavedra is a former punk-rocker and martial-artist who became Jesus, as host of "The Jesus Christ Show" on KFI AM640, in Los Angels. , which you can hear online at www.kfiam640.com .
Lesson: "If I could find a way to focus myself the way I do for three hours on radio I'd be a lot better off. Everyone should play Jesus for a living,” Saavedra said.
With the exception of Larry Farwick, who has collected every Red Eye column since it began in May of 2003, here is a follow up of 2006 for the rest of you, and some feedback from some of the stories that got the most reaction.
I got an angry email from Enisa Hamzic about my column on the news. I wrote that I am tired of people complaining about the news being biased or negative…and explained that it is better to hear "bad" news than to live in a country (Russia, China, etc) where you are not permitted to hear it.
I was upset that (you) are just "following the herd of sheep" if you will, and writing something that required absolutely no critical thought and research. Anyone with a decent education should have learned that EVERYTHING that we see on television is questionable! I recommend checking out these DVD's..."The Myth of the Liberal Media" and "Control Room".
I will watch those documentaries and report back to you my findings, but in my 17 years in broadcast journalism, no one has ever asked me to slant a story. Typically, it’s a case of “biased media consumer” who doesn’t like to hear things they disagree with.
One documentary I’ll be skipping, is the one shot in June. I told you about a documentary being done on the “haunted” Hooters at 660 N. Wells. Roy Baggio, 40, of Chicago Heights, and his team from Chicagoland Paranormal Researchers conducted a pre-investigation using electronic devices and their “gifts” for sensing paranormal.
Baggio emailed after the shoot, to tell me he detected several EVP’s (electronic voice phenomenon.)
I ran this by an audio engineer David Federline, who says this is most likely “white noise” caused from the electronic equipment, or just sounds of the city.
Noises in a basement in 660 N Wells you say? Shocking. If I recall correctly, isn't there an underground tunnel system for cabling/phone/infrastructure that caused the flooding of downtown when a barge knocked a hole in it in the river back in the 80's? Sound travels nicely through pipes and tunnels,” Federline said. “If this is publicity, the fundamentalists will have a field day exclaiming that Hooters is in league with Satan and it is proven by a haunting. Nothing generates more free publicity like a controversy or some spirits.
I also noted in a column this year that despite the ongoing obsession with Jen and Vince, Brittney’s underpants, or Mel Gibson’s drunk tirade, celebrities don’t care about you.
I got this email from Veronica Seizys:
I was a fan of Mel Gibson's, until I actually met him!
I was sitting at the bar watching the band and the dancers on the dance floor when, all of a sudden, this man literally PUSHED his way between me and the woman sitting on the stool next to me to get to the bar. I had to lean so far back to get out of his way I almost fell off my stool. I turned to look at the intruder and I saw the great man himself, Mel Gibson. He never said, "Excuse me," "Pardon me," or even "Sorry." He even had the nerve to make that "shooing" sign with his hand to us, as if he were shooing away a fly!
I suggest to students, who always ask me what celebrities I’ve met, that
Celebrities don’t care about you. Your parents and teachers do---invest more time worshipping them.
Parenting tips are included in one of my annual columns to mark my daughter’s birthday. She turned two in July. I always thought of the Red Eye audience as 25-year-old, beer-drinking sex-machines. But apparently, there are many young couples who read this paper too. And to you singles having fun in the bars, just remember this will be you someday.
Here is one tip I offered:
Don't fuss about their food: As adults, we are particular about pairing white wine with fish and balancing green veggies with starch. My daughter enjoys soy dogs with a mixture of Cheerios and pickles. Wash it all down with a nice glass of milk. Mmm, that's good eatin'.
I got this feedback from Ben Pomeranz, who has a one year old daughter Eva and five year old son Julian. He offered a few tips for raising boys.
For scratches, scrapes, cuts and bruises, Daddy doesn't always have to
say, "Walk it off."
Go to the beach and throw rocks at Lake Michigan. Show it who's boss.
Your son thinks you are the greatest! You can do no wrong. Don't let
him down.
In May I encouraged you to climb your family tree to find compelling stories from your own ancestry….or if the record is sparse, start your own story for your descendants. I attended a family reunion for my Uncle Herbie’s 80th birthday. He keeps the details on our family tree. At 80, he’s had much to add to the story.
Being 80 suddenly makes me realize that I am now the oldest! I especially miss people who are not here now but were an important part of my life, the humor of my sister, my brother and parents…but I don't feel old, Herbie said. “My wonderful family keeps me young!
I noted a stranger who looked like one of us so I asked how he was related, only to find out he was my Uncle Herbie’s neighbor. However, with such a striking similarity in appearance, I wouldn’t be surprised to find out that somewhere up the family tree, there is a connection to this “stranger.” It just goes to show you that our neighbors aren’t so foreign after all. Anthropologists say if you climb high enough, the human family starts with a small group of people in Africa. Somehow I doubt they were as colorful (or kooky) as we are.

My brother and and his wife went to the mall last week to get pictures of their kids with Santa, but after perusing the prices, they decided to have dinner at the Outback instead. When exactly did an 8x10 and four wallet-sized start costing as much as an order of Kookaburra Wings, 2 Alice Springs Chickens
I'm no cheap-skate, but I got a big problem with overpaying. Have you even seen the highly-skilled visionaries they have taking these pictures? I have. They're the same people who sold you a Halloween costume 2 months ago in that very mall. Get a Herb Ritts-type in there and I'll pay $49.95! These people give us Herb Fritz, nighttime manager at Blockbuster.
And the Santa's? You'll never have the same guy 2 years in a row. They out price themselves. My cousin's kid actually had the same guy 2 years in a row ONCE. The next Christmas, he asked for a 75 cent bump, got canned. Yeah, they went with some young kid who'd been working the pharmacy and general store circuit. 
I've long been a fan of those personality profiles you see on such fine news magazine shows like "60 Minutes," "A&E's Biography," and "E! True Hollywood Story." They're often provocative, inspiring and poignant works, where artists and news-makers share their life experiences, their philosophies, their essence. Just last week I saw MTV's "Diary of Ashlee Simpson." Did you know that she and Jessica (Simpson. Yes, they're sisters!) go out to Mr. Chow's in Beverly Hills once a month for dim sum??? That's where Ashlee first heard about the Great Wall of China!
Celebrities always talk about the moment they knew they "made it." Comedians often say they knew after their first appearance on Carson. Musicians say it was the first time they heard their song on the radio. You ask me, what says "You've made it," more than a 2-hour sit-down with Mary Hart and "Entertainment Tonight?" Besides a 3-HOUR tete-a-tete with Pat O'Brien and "The Insider" crew? . . . . NOTHING.
This time next week, I will be on vacation. Hallelujah! Not that I don't love this place...I'm just ready to sleep in to 6am instead of 2:30am. You may wonder why not later than that.....well, the reason is 4 years old....ZOE WARNER! That's my daughter. This is her on her 4th birthday a few months ago. That girl wakes up at the crack of dawn, and many times before that, EVERY SINGLE MORNING!!!!!!!!!! And she doesn't just gradually get up....she pops up, opens the blinds and is ready to go. I love her to death, but she's more work than coming to work sometimes. I'm sure the week will be just lovely:-)
Last week I called on all of you to lift your voices, to come together as patriots and pedal the wheels of democracy, and vote Johnny Lerro as the "Sexiest Local TV Personality" in Chicago. Big government (Redeye) tried to muzzle us. They tried to keep Johnny's sexiness locked away in a secret military prison (their meeting room).
Johnny Lerro is the Ralph Nader of Sexy Chicago TV Personalities.
I'm so proud of all of you who raised your torches of liberty, and waved them as symbols of Johnny's hotness. Now the next time an apathetic friend tells you they're not voting, because "one vote doesn't matter" . . . I want you to drop kick them. 