CATALOGUE OF STUPIDITY
One day in April 1981, someone noticed several people in sweat suits jogging in Evanston. They weren’t exactly the Northwestern intramural co-ed track team, as the witness noticed something odd.
The joggers were smoking cigarettes. The Evanston Police were called, and it’s a good thing they were. Turns out the "joggers" were suspected terrorists with the FALN, a Puerto Rican independence group.
Evanston Sgt. Gerald Brandt was on the scene. "They were active for years in Chicago--bombings, murder--and they had been very successful," Brandt said. The group spotted in Evanston were a few who had evaded arrest. "But, they were so dumb, as they failed to realize that joggers are not smokers."
As Dr. No told James Bond, "The successful criminal mind is always superior. It has to be." Key word there is "successful."
Fortunately for us, most felons aren’t too bright, but their screw-ups often are humorous, as cataloged by the folks at thesmokinggun.com, who have compiled years’ worth of the best public records for their new book "The Dog Dialed 911."
"When you’re [reporting] a story, you come across documents that are funny, but they just don’t make it into the story," said Managing Editor Andrew Goldberg. "But you show your friends, because it’s often the best part of the story."
The Smoking Gun book is a virtual blueprint of what NOT to do if you turn to a life of crime.
For instance, Anthony Prince and Luke Carroll had an idea to come up with some extra cash. They robbed a bank of $130,000.
Mistake No. 1: They wore their work ID badges.
Mistake No. 2: Their getaway plan was an escape by ski lift.
Mistake No. 3: They photographed themselves with the loot.
They pleaded guilty--probably the smartest thing they’d done in awhile. At least they had good legal advice. If only they had sought that kind of wisdom earlier in life.
It’s not just felons who are foolish.
The clerk at a Food Lion in Virginia gave $50 change after being paid with a $200 bill." The $200 bill should’ve been her first clue. She also missed the picture of President Bush on one side, and on the flip side, signs on the White House lawn. Stay alert!
Even the geniuses at NASA have meltdowns. The Smoking Gun obtained an e-mail from a research engineer to his colleague. One week before the Columbia space shuttle exploded, the engineer asked:
"Any more activity today on the tile damage or are people just relegated to crossing their fingers and hoping for the best?"
"Turns out the crossed fingers approach didn’t work so well," The Smoking Gun pointed out.
Don’t rely on luck or faith, when lives are on the line.
Even cops have their share of incidents.
Deputy Jack Munsey lost his job with the Martin County Sheriff’s Office in Florida after being caught using his patrol car’s dashboard camera to shoot close-ups of women at the beach. He even had a directorial shot sheet.
Apparently, Officer Bikini Fellini had failed to learn the lessons of all those dumb criminals he’d arrested, proving no one is above the law, or stupidity.
"We all have our bad moments," Goldberg said. "But some end up doing it when law enforcement is around."