Sweet revenge
This is what I don't get. I waited 5 years to start a family. I pursued my career, traveled with my husband, had myself some fun. My choice. Meanwhile, most of my girlfriends got married and had children, most of them right away. Their choice. Granted, I was never first choice to baby sit and I'm sure I must have made a face once in a while when their children screamed uncontrollably in public places or hid behind their mother's skirt when I tried to be sweet Auntie Ana. But I was never, ever unsympathetic to the plight of the new mom. I never left them with a crying baby at home and rubbed in their faces that I was going to a quiet dinner with my husband. I was always helpful, changed diapers, and fed babies. I'm even the godmother to four girls.
So I'm having a hard time understanding why some girlfriends of mine have this vengeful attitude towards my impending motherhood. Lately, when venting about their own children, I get a comment like : "Just wait until you can't take a nap in the middle of the day and get your nails done, EVER."
If I say that we are going out on certain weekend, I get the: "Ha, that's going to end. Once the baby is born, it's over".
One mother of two, who I call my sister from another mother since we are so close, went as far as telling me "I can't wait until you call me all miserable because Amelia doesn't let you sleep. I'm going to laugh out loud while my two kids are asleep and yours is not."
Why the hate, why the venom. I know it will be hard but aren't girlfriends supposed to tell you it's the best thing you've ever done in your life. Something more along the lines of, "your child's face will make it all better". I already wake up at three in the morning having anxiety attacks about feeding her the right way, loving her the right way so she doesn't hate me at 13.
It's like some women are happy that I will be as miserable as they once were or are. Like they've been waiting for 5 years, watching me enjoy childless life, knowing it eventually had to end and they would be there welcoming me to the hellish club.
I'm not a confrontational person so I have hinted to my "spiteful" girlfriends that I need love and support, not more horror mommy stories. It took a couple of emails and a sweet warning from my husband for those girls to get it. Now even the worst of them all has apologized and her message of motherhood is back to a positive one.
I've found very supportive women throughout my pregnancy but boy can we girls be spiteful when we want to. Even so, I would never, ever give up my girlfriends because no matter what, I know they have my back and always mean well, even when they sound doown right mean.
Comments
For the love of God Anna. All the time you've been working with the morning crew of WGN a screamin', never sleepin', never dry baby shouldn't effect you one bit! Your "friends" haven't a clue as to what is really important. Out of chaos come learning. You go girl!
Posted by: Patrick Carey | August 17, 2007 1:33 PM
So right, Ana. Didn't like you pushed the stupid car the other day for advertising. I have had girl friends for over 35 years. Yes, we have faced confrontations, but stayed with them and ironed them out to better and closer relationships.
Will miss you when you are on your maternity leave.
Posted by: Anne Wilmot | August 17, 2007 2:34 PM
It is the best thing that will happen to your life! You will understand a different level of love. It ain't easy, but well worth all the sleepless nights/years.
Put your feet up now and relax. It may be a long time before you do again.
Posted by: anon | August 17, 2007 4:30 PM
Ana, I really relate to your experience because I also waited to have my daughter and was very surprized by all the negative comments. But I remember it was the best decision I made and 16 years later I am still loving my motherhood even with the good and the stressful. Kathy and Judy talked about your blog and I think sometimes people just don't know what to say---we can be so emotionally constipated!! You have been great! I look forward to hearing about your motherhood!
Posted by: Erin Denk | August 20, 2007 9:57 PM
It's not what you do Ana,it's how you do it.I think you have done well.I just know that you are going to be a wonderful mother to your new baby.You have the knowledge and maintainance.Ana,you rock!
Posted by: Tracy B. | August 21, 2007 7:36 PM
I remember that all the people saying "you'll never be able to...", but you know what when you see your baby for the first time all the sacrifices that you will have to make won't matter at all. Good Luck!
Posted by: Kristen | August 22, 2007 11:10 AM
They are jealous because they didn't think to live their lives and enjoy themselves before they had kids. It seems like they are only focusing onthe hard parts of being a parent.What , did they expect that raising a child was a Sunday picnic? You don't need that kind of negativity around you and the new kid. The next time they hassell you show then your travel pictures and say "At least I have these".
Posted by: Mike Noga | August 22, 2007 3:25 PM
Trust me, as the mother of two very young, little boys, you still can have a life!!! I was the same way and heard all the same things - just you wait, etc... - but it is about how you schedule time. You can still go out to eat, you can still get your nails done here and there, and, if you are lucky with good family and friends and babysitters, you can, occassionally still have a night out with your hubby. Things will change, don't get me wrong, and you have to plan ahead more, but at the end of the day, it is all worth it and life does go on!
Wishing you all the best on your remaining weeks and on the years to come!
Posted by: stephenie | August 23, 2007 12:01 PM
Several weeks of erratic sleep and schedule now, are a life investment for a truly fulfilled existence some years later.
Posted by: Sarah Dragomer | August 25, 2007 8:11 AM
It doesn't even matter what your friends say. The moment your new family member arrives, you will make her part of your life and love having her around. I got yelled at by in-laws for wearing our babies while vacuuming and doing yard work, but my kids are perfect happy teenagers now.
Posted by: Ron Low | August 30, 2007 1:49 PM
I have 4 daughters and 3 granddaughters and wouldn't trade any of it for the world. Enjoy each and every moment cuz they are irreplacable. Good Luck and you will be a Great Mom!!
Posted by: Geri | December 31, 2007 8:50 AM