WGN Morning News Blog

Rabbi Shmuley, of Shalom in the Home, returns to WGN Morning News December 13 at 8:45ish. He is one of our favorite guests because he gives great advice.
Most self-help books contain useless, cliche' information:
-do your homework
-take it one day at a time
-be yourself

Rabbi Shmuley, author of books like DATING SECRETS OF THE TEN COMMANDMENTS, offers specific, helpful advice. (see below.) If you have relationship questions questions, submit them here, and we'll present them to Rabbi Shmuley on the 13th. In the meantime, here are some excerpts from Shmuley's book:

DATING SECRETS OF THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

Today, far too few people date in order to find their soul mate. Instead, they search for a "partner." Because of a fundamental confusion of priorities, these men and women want to find a person who will provide them with many different and superficial things, rather than a companion who will connect with them on the deepest level.

Dating should never being with a list of what we HAVE. Rather, it must begin with making a mental list of what we lack. Only this will guarantee to make us feel whole. Sex and laughs are superficial. This is why compatibility is somewhat overrated. A soul mate bring you a feeling that you are the most special person in the world.

How do you know that you have found the right person?

The difference between "partner" and "soul mate" is found in passivity and silence. If you always have to act in order to have stimulation in your relationship, if you feel you always have to talk and impress each other, regale each other with exciting tales, etc...then you have a partner.

But if you can simply hold each other, saying nothing, and still the pain goes away, then you have a soul mate. He or she knows your thoughts and secrets without your expressing them.

In dating, you should always be the peasant and not the aristocrat. An aristocrat waits for a person to come along and impress them. He focuses on what HE wants and what HE deserves. In the process, you overlook what you nees because you are too self-centered to truely evaulate the person you are with. Be a peasant. Be humble, and search for that person who makes you feel needed.

Make your date know that she comes first.

If you are bored, the problem is usually with you, not your date.
practical suggestions:
-talk about issues and values and the stories that formed these formative experiences
-do good deeds with your date, rather than just going to karaoke. That doesn't necessarily mean soup kitchen, but perhaps visiting a grandmother.

DATING, NOT 'RELATING'
People make the mistake of dating for personal growth rather than to discover another human being. You should be deepening the relationship with the other person, not with yourself.

HONORABLE ENDINGS
How do you know when a relationship is "right"? When it makes you feel alive and optimistic for your future together. If you no longer look forward to seeing her...if she irritates you, if she bores you, then you are in trouble. Do not make the mistake of staying with an unsatisfactory relationship out of a sense of guilt.

You know when you are in love, and when this ain't it, dump the schlump. Don't stay in an unhappy relationshiop because you are afraid of hurting her feelings, or worse, because you fear nothing better will come along.