Pat's new addition
As you know, everyone and their sister on this show has had a baby recently- Ana, Val, Larry's wife. A number of others on our staff are expecting- all of whom will remain nameless, lest I incorrectly identify one of them.
I've seen the joy brought into all their lives by these new additions, and it spurred me to act. So today, I am very happy and proud to announce . . . .
I'M PREGNANT!!!
Yep, I'm about 12 weeks along, and I'm feeling great so far- no morning sickness, but my ankles are a bit swollen, and I'm craving butterscotch morsels. The farting can get a little out of control at times, but at least I haven't begun to show yet. Usually you don't show this early until your second pregnancy.
I'm sorry. I can't lie. I'm not really pregnant.
But I sure know a lot about pregnancy, right? That's because during the last 10 months I've heard about every one of the symptoms mentioned above, exactly as they're written. And frankly . . . I'm scarred for life.
I went nearly 30 years thinking women don't pass gas.
I think children are great, but I also think we need to put a moratorium on people here having them. I'm not sure my psyche can handle it, especially with the emergence of a new topic of conversation.
Breast-feeding.
Comments
Oh... Applause!!! Brilliant.
Even as a woman who has yet to become a breeder, I have to say I share your concerns.
Posted by: Victoria | January 9, 2008 12:34 AM
You know, Pat, just think of how much further along you'll be in your knowledge of these things, once you decide to take the plunge someday! Your wife is going to LOVE you for it! (and, really, isn't that what it's all about?)
Posted by: Beth | January 9, 2008 8:23 AM