He's No. 5 in your program, No. 1 in your heart . . . and No. 7 on the Nicky Eyes Hit List.
Yes, it's true. USC running back Reggie Bush got caught in my maddening web of ridiculousness.
For those not keeping track over the past 18 months, it goes like this: Nicky Eyes is a character in "Goodfellas." He has one line in the movie: "What's up, guy?" He says it during the scene early on when
Henry Hill introduces all the people in the gang.
My goal is say to "What's up, guy?" to as many athletes and famous people as possible until either A) One of them calls me out on it or B) I actually meet and say it to John Manca, the man who played Nicky
Eyes.
It's fairly ridiculous, but it makes me laugh and it gives you something to read. The Nicky Eyes fantasy pool is not out of the realm of possibility.
As for its creation, well, after watching "Goodfellas" some 39 times, I started looking for random lines of quotability. This qualifies.
But there's an art to saying it to people. You can't just hit-and-run an athlete with it. That would be below the hard deck and Viper said that's a no-no.
This past Saturday at the Heisman Trophy presentation, I decided Bush would be the next name on the list. This is sort of like MTV's "Punk'd" with Ashton Kutcher, only slightly different and not televised and I'm not married to Demi Moore.
Plus, on this night, it appeared the Jets still had a chance to draft the best college running back since before people wore leg warmers, so Bush seemed relevant.
Bush entered the media room shortly after 9 p.m. and answered a number of questions form the horde. Then he did some one-on-ones with the Los Angeles newspapermen. Then some TV and radio.
A few moments after 10 p.m., Bush was wrapping up on the fourth anonymous cell phone of the evening, answering all the "How does it feel?" "Did you ever think . . .?" and "What about Matt and the NFL?"
The Heisman Trophy winner stood roughly 5 feet away to the northeast of me. To my left is the actual Heisman Trophy. Directly to my right was a large man with an earpiece and an itchy trigger finger.
La Monica's Law: When in the same room as a large man with an earpiece and an itchy trigger finger, befriend the large man with an earpiece and an itchy trigger finger.
"Snakeskin or alligator?" I asked the security guard. "I think snakeskin," he responded.
We're questioning Bush’s shoes, which go well with his sharp, blue pinstriped suit.
"I'm going with alligator," I said. "I gotta ask him. I'll bet you a buck."
"You really gonna ask him?" the security guard asked me.
"I really have no choice," I respond. "He's answered every other question and I'm already done with my work, so why not?"
Bush finishes his phone call and I move in. But, the USC sports information director steps in. Seems there's one more phone call to deal with.
He deals with it.
Then, the security guard, a Heisman secret service of sorts, snags Bush's attention.
"My friend here was one quick question," I hear him say to Bush.
My time to shine. Somewhere, Nicky Eyes is smiling.
"Reggie, I just have one question. Snakeskin or alligator?" I asked and pointed to his shoes.
"Aw, man, alligator," Bush said with a laugh, clearly relieved to have some fun with a reporter for a change. "C'mon, now."
I looked at the security guard. "Pay up, buddy."
I looked at Bush. "What's up, guy?"
And so we have No. 7 on the Nicky Eyes Hit List.
The list so far, in chronological order:
1. Gary Sheffield
2. Alex Rodriguez
3. Luis Sojo
4. Roger Federer
5. Gilbert Gottfried
6. Gianni Russo, aka Carlo Rizzi from "The Godfather."
(Props to Joey Colskore for that one)
7. Reggie Bush