A special shout out to those way-ahead-of-their-time Aztecs from 6,200 years ago.
They invented the calendar, and the 2005 iteration of it is coming to a close. More importantly, they put Christmas on a weekend, which means all the Johnny Damon hair stories can get swept off the table in favor of egg nog and cream puffs.
It has been quite maddening – read: stupid – having to see so many stories in newspapers, on Web sites and on television lately. So many computer-generated “What Would Johnny Look Like?” images with different haircuts.
(TURN ON SUSAN POWTER VOICE.)
Stop the insanity!
(TURN OFF SUSAN POWTER VOICE.)
The Yankees have a team rule about long hair. They don’t allow it. The Yankees have a team rule about beards. They don’t allow them.
That’s it. No exceptions. Leave it alone.
Quite frankly, who among us wouldn’t comply with someone giving us $12 million more than someone else? Exactly.
But, let’s bring this down to a level more commensurate with human consumption. Job A extends an offer. Job B, with the same exact job description, extends an offer 30 percent higher for your services. Even our inner rebel voice would be screaming “Shave that beard! Shave that beard!”
WWJLL? Like a tremendous leadoff hitter with a .290 career batting average and a .353 on-base percentage.
Some like to pretend that Damon only became a good player when he showed up at spring training in 2004 with his very marketable beard and long hair. That’s a Jayson Blairism at its finest. The only thing the beard did was make the girlies ogle.
Damon hit .304 that year, with 20 home runs, 94 RBIs, 19 stolen bases, 123 runs and a .380 OBP.
Only the home runs and RBIs were career highs.
In 2000, with the Kansas City Royals – yes, there was a time when he was a small-market player – a shorthaired, beardless Damon hit .327 with 16 homers and 88 RBIs. He stole 46 bases, scored 136 runs and had a .382 OBP.
Not bad, huh?
Damon had great success over the past two seasons with the Red Sox, including cementing Javier Vazquez’s New York legacy with a grand slam in Game 7 of the 2004 ALCS.
But, he’s not Sampson, folks. His strength is not in his hair. It’s in his keen ability to play the game.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go shave and get a haircut.