Keyboard Quarterbacks

By Mike Casey

Rangers fans could not have been pleased with Monday night’s 3-2 collapse and overtime loss against Philadelphia at Madison Square Garden. It would be hard to find a bright side after such a demoralizing loss, so I won’t try to. I’ll just fire some warning shots about a Rangers team that is starting showing chinks in its armor.

1) Their secret is out. No one is surprised any longer that these Rangers are not the indifferent, too-cool-for-school team of the last eight years. As Detroit head coach Mike Babcock put it recently, “In the old days, you could outwork the Rangers. Not anymore.” Likewise for Jaromir Jagr, who is seeing far more defensive pressure now than he was earlier in the season.

Being the great, ubiquitous threat that he has, he can never truly be contained, but teams are starting to notice that as soon as the Rangers get inside the enemy blueline, they dish the puck to him almost indiscriminately. That has to stop, or at least be reduced. The Rangers must learn to rely on their other offensive threats, like Martin Rucinsky, Martin Straka, and Petr Prucha, a little bit more.

2) Fatigue is setting in. It would be hard to imagine any team playing 82 games as hard as the Rangers did early in the season; it just isn't possible to sustain that level of energy every single night. Last night's loss was a testament to a team that looks to be worn down in some areas. Henrik Lundqvist still appears strong, but remember, he wasn't starting every game until only a few weeks ago. The defense of Malik, Roszival, Tyutin, Poti, Kasparaitis, and Strudwick has played nearly every game this season, which must be taking a toll on them to some effect. And even some of the forwards have looked in need of an energy boost lately.

3) Do they really believe they are this good? Based on the way they have played against some good teams this season, the answer is no. They seem to crumple in awe of teams like Philadelphia, Detroit, and Ottawa -- all mainstays among the NHL's elite for several years now. It's becoming increasingly clear that these young Rangers don't truly believe they can compete with those clubs, although their goaltender and their coach surely do, and in actuality, they might be able to. Earlier in the season, Renney told his team they need to show "a little less respect" to the NHL's top teams. Another trend that surfaced in Monday night's loss.

4) Are the young guys ready for a long playoff run? Again, the answer is no. Jed Ortmeyer, Dominic Moore, Fedor Tyutin and Henrik Lundqvist have all played key roles on this young Rangers team. But aside from Lundqvist, who has been totally unflappable thus far, it's hard to see many of these players excelling in the heightened intensity and pressure of the NHL playoffs in their first go-round. As of now, the Rangers -- and their fans -- may have to just be content that this year is the start of something great to come in a few years, not a few months.

By Mark La Monica

Media Day at the Super Bowl is reserved for pretty much anyone who has the time to register for credentials.

The NFL grants the world access to its players for one day of free-for-all craziness. It’s probably the most dangerous day of the week for these players. We media people can be some strange ducks.

In the past two seasons, Media Day has been relatively blah. That could be the Belichick Factor, or worse, that the media lunacy is slowly cooling down. This is unacceptable

Call me old school, but I like one pre-ordained day of moronics. It sort of justifies stupidity, and in this crazy world, what’s wrong with a few hours of escapism that doesn’t require a movie ticket stub or end up in a potential legal quandary? There’s only so many regular football stories humans can handle in a seven-day span.

So, I came up with my list of inane questions I’d ask if I were in Detroit. We start with the Steelers, since the NFL gave them the first 90-minute shift at Ford Field today.

To Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger:
You’re 26-4 as a starter. Do you think your Wu-Tang sword can defeat me?

To Steelers coach Bill Cowher:
Your quarterback has plenty of food endorsements. Do you think if you finally win a Super Bowl, you’ll get a call from the candy people at Jawbreakers?

To Steelers running back Jerome Bettis
3-1-third or Leaders of the Free World?

To Steelers wide receiver Hines Ward:
How do you think Plaxico Burress is feeling today?

To Steelers safety Troy Polamalu:
If this football thing doesn’t work out, would you consider teaming up Lofa Tatupu and going after the WWE tag team belts in sort of a revival of the Wild Samoans, even though he’s Hawaiian?

To Steelers linebacker Joey Porter
I have no specific question for you. I’m just hoping you’ll say something outrageous on your own accor

And for more silliness, it’s on to the Seahawks, who landed the afternoon session.

To Seahawks safety Michael Boulware:
Which makes you lose more sleep: the thought of tackling Jerome Bettis, or the thought of having to be in Detroit for a week?

To Seahawks fullback Mack Strong:
Is there a more manly name in the NFL than Mack Strong? Seriously, how much less talented would you be if your name wasn’t Mack Strong?

To Seahawks quarterback Matt Hasselbeck:
OK, sure, your sister-in-law is attractive, but tell the truth: how many times do you make fun of your brother, Tim, for marrying a lady from “The View”?

To Seahawks linebacker Lofa Tatupu:
If this football thing doesn’t work out, would you consider teaming up Troy Polamalu and going after the WWE tag team belts in sort of a revival of the Wild Samoans, even though you’re Hawaiian?

To Seahawks running back Shaun Alexander:
When coach Mike Holmgren sends in a play and you guys don’t like it, do you make fun of his mustache in the huddle?

To Seahawks receiver Peter Warrick:
You’re still in the NFL?

By Mark La Monica

When ESPN leads Sunday night’s SportsCenter with an NBA game on NFL championship weekend, something is . . . wrong?

When much of America is talking about a regular-season NBA game the next day, regardless of the determination of Super Bowl teams 24 hours previous, our dear planet Earth has changed its orbital path and is hurtling itself directly into the sun.

But that’s what happens when Kobe Bryant lights up L.A. with 81 points in a single, non-overtime game.

Eighty-one? Yes. Eighty-friggin-one!

Wilt Chamberlain’s 100 points in 1962 for the Philadelphia Warriors doesn’t seem so unattainable anymore.

"I guess it's possible," Bryant told the AP on Monday. "I don’t know, bro. It's unthinkable."

History will show that Bryant accomplished the feat against Toronto, although in time, those poor Raptors will be reduced to faceless figurines in red jerseys, five people who finished fourth in an Olympic event.

Bryant scored 62 points in three quarters against Dallas on Dec. 20, 2005, and we marveled at his athletic prowess. Then, we got mad because he didn’t play in the fourth quarter. All we wanted was to see what Bryant could do in four quarters.

Now we know: 28-for-46 from the field (7-for-13 from three-point range), 18-for-20 from the foul line, 81 points.

In case you went to bed Sunday night before the highlights, or woke up too late for SportsCenter this morning, NBA.com was kind enough to put all of Bryant’s baskets into one 90-second clip. Warning: Site traffic may cause the link to appear broken, but keep trying. It’s worth 90 seconds of your lifetime to see something you may never see again.

Bryant leads the NBA in scoring at 35.9 points per game. He’s averaging 45.5 points over his last 10 games.

When Bryant dropped 62 on Dallas, he downplayed his effort like a good teammate should.

"That's not what we play for," Bryant told the Los Angeles Times that night. "That's not what it's about. It's not to score 70 points. We wanted to win the game, and the game was in the bag. It was in the refrigerator."

Winning is a good thing, especially when you’re one of the five best players in the world and have put your franchise on your shoulders after ousting Shaquille O’Neal and Phil Jackson, the latter only for one year.

But let’s shoot for 100 points in one game. C’mon, Kobe. You know you want to. Say all the right things in interviews. That’s fine. Deep down, you’re an athlete and you think and live differently than the rest of us non-dunking Americans.

Seriously, why not try for it once? He’s proven it’s in his realm of possibility. Bryant has already scored 62 and 81 points in games. How far off is 100?

If he pulls it off, think about how this season will be remembered 20 years down the road. Possibly the greatest ever for one player. The Lakers likely won’t win the NBA championship and many a person will say this summer how Bryant’s season went for naught because of the absence of a ring.

But 20 years from now, Bryant will be recognized as at least a three-time NBA champion and among the best ever to play professional basketball. No sense in not trying to add 100-point scorer to his eventual Hall of Fame bio.

"We are on a journey, and to put on a show like this for the fans here in L.A. is truly something special,” Bryant told the Los Angeles Times on Sunday night. “I grew up in front of these people, and now they are seeing me as an older young man."

They have 81 reasons to fete Bryant today. They want 19 more.

By Mark La Monica

When you walk down to your seats at Madison Square Garden and they wind up being eight rows behind the St. John’s bench, you immediately have two thoughts:

1) “Dammmmmmmmmmmmn! These are some good seats.”

2) “OK, now how do I get those two open seats on the court?”

Upon completion of that second thought last Tuesday night for the St. John’s-Louisville game, I turned to Papa La Monica and suggested I try to get us those good seats.

Like all good Italians in New York, I know a guy who knows a guy. So I mulled around the area behind the Johnnies’ bench in search of my contact. No such luck. But, there was Johnnies and Knicks alum Mark Jackson, with his brother Troy. You know this Louisville alum better as Escalade from the And 1 streetball tour.

And look, there’s former St. John’s coach Brian Mahoney, who just so happens to be good friends with the guy I know. Things begin to look promising. Perhaps Papa La Monica and I would score those courtside seats.

But then I turned to my right and got sidetracked. There was Looie, aka legendary St. John’s basketball coach Lou Carnesecca. For those of us who grew up in the New York area and followed St. John’s, he’s everyone’s grandfather.

Out went the courtside seats idea and in came the Nicky Eyes Hit List. Surely, by now, loyal readers of this column could sense this was coming, regardless of the headline. (For further information as to the importance of this list, read paragraphs three and four of this link.)

When life presents such opportunity, it is incumbent upon us as humans to capitalize on them.

I extended my hand as many a fan of his has done in the past. Carnesecca extended his hand and we shook. Upon such a grip-and-grin photo op, I served up, "Hey, Looie, What’s up guy?"

Whammo!

No. 8 on the Nicky Eyes Hit List.

No courtside seats, though. But the Johnnies upset Rick Pitino’s Louisville and Carnesecca became the first person with a building named after him to join the Nicky Eyes Hit List. That’s quite a combo.
The list so far, in chronological order:
1. Gary Sheffield
2. Alex Rodriguez
3. Luis Sojo
4. Roger Federer
5. Gilbert Gottfried
6. Gianni Russo, aka Carlo Rizzi from "The Godfather."
(Props to Joey Colskore for that one)
7. Reggie Bush
8. Lou Carnesecca

By Mark La Monica

Hey, did you know that new Jets coach Eric Mangini worked under Bill Belichick and Bill Parcells?

It’s true.

The major job of a journalist is to inform the reader. So, just in case you missed the past week of newspaper, Internet and television reports about the Jets’ coaching search, Mangini is from the Bill Belichick family tree, of which Bill Parcells sits atop.

Perhaps you missed Mangini’s introductory press conference on Tuesday, which we can sum up as follows: Eric Mangini, new coach of the New York Jets, has been around the football minds lodged in the craniums belonging to Bill Belichick and Bill Parcells.

OK, we get it. Belichick is the best coach around right now, and Parcells was the best before his protégé surpassed him.

But enough of the Belichick and Parcells stuff. Few statements, fewer questions and even fewer responses at the Mangini coronation did not include a reference to one of the Bills, and we’re not talking about their division rival upstate.

Were the Jets getting paid by the reference? Did the beat writers have an internal bet on the over-under of Belichick/Parcells name drops?

This is not to say Mangini will not be a good head coach. I don’t have the answer to that, nor does anyone yet. But, no matter how you reorganize the letters, Eric Mangini does not equal Mike Tice, Jim Haslett or any other retread floating around the NFL. Right away, he’s one step ahead. Step two: He’s Italian and coaching the New York Jets, making Joe Benigno’s WFAN show a must-listen during the season.

The draft will be here soon. Then minicamp. Then training camp. Then more Belichick comparisons. And if the Jets lose the 2006 opener, the stories will likely all lead with some derivative of “You’re not in New England anymore, Eric.”

How long until Eric Mangini is known as Eric Mangini instead of that former assistant to Bill Belichick and Bill Parcells?

By Mark La Monica

On the night of Sept. 8, 2005, I infected your Internet with a virus. For the high-strung and paranoid among you, relax. This virus didn’t crash your computer, steal your precious financial data or email those naked pictures of your wife to all the contacts saved in your email.

Although, my 2005 bold NFL predictions may have affected your bank account. Then again, my legal team assures me that I can’t be held responsible if people subscribe to my stupidity.

Every good Internet virus has a solid ending, something that pops up to let you know of the damage it just did. Here’s mine:

Super Bowl: Jets 31, Washington 9.

Ouch.

But the thought process on that September evening was to make bold, crazy and outrageous predictions. In that regard, I earned a solid A-minus. (Colts and Eagles were the obvious picks, so no A)

In the accuracy department, well, that’s a strong D-plus. The Redskins winning the wild card and a first-round playoff saved me. As did my brilliant call of “Joe Gibbs will outcoach God (Bill Parcells) on Dec. 18 and that will make the difference.”

Actual score of that game: Redskins 35, Cowboys 7.

Damn, I’m good.

Of course, that was basically the highlight of my inaugural endeavor into pigskin prognosticating. Here’s a look at those predictions, the actual results and my analysis. As you call in your officemates to laugh at my ineptitude, just remember the overall theme of bold, crazy and outrageous predictions.

AFC East
Prediction: New York Jets.
Actual: New England Patriots.
Analysis: If the Jets stayed healthy, they could have won the division and kept the Patriots out of the playoffs. If Mariah Carey asks me out on a date, I’d go. Neither one seemed to happen this season. But, Mariah, feel free to e-mail me. Seriously.

AFC North
Prediction: Baltimore Ravens.
Actual: Cincinnati Bengals.
Analysis: No fault insurance alert! Predicting the Bengals to win anything just felt way too illogical, even for me.

AFC South
Prediction: Indianapolis Colts.
Actual: Indianapolis Colts.
Analysis: Way to go out on a limb, there, tough guy.

AFC West
Prediction: Oakland Raiders.
Actual: Denver Broncos.
Analysis: If I had known Jake Plummer was going to grow a full woodsman’s beard instead of just that 1973 cop-turned-porn-star mustache . . . .

AFC Wild Cards
Prediction: Kansas City Chiefs, Pittsburgh Steelers.
Actual: Jacksonville Jaguars, Pittsburgh Steelers.
Analysis: Woo hoo, I got one right! Thanks to the Bus and Ben “Do you think your Wu-Tang sword can defeat me?” Roethlisberger. The Chiefs, given their newly inhereted clock management problems, could be an equally bold prediction next season.

NFC East
Prediction: Philadelphia Eagles.
Actual: New York Giants.
Analysis: The Eagles stunk up the city like Pat’s cheese steaks left in the sun for four days. Tiki Barber is good. Eli Manning is not.

NFC North
Prediction: Detroit Lions.
Actual: Chicago Bears.
Analysis: Hey, if Motown’s Eminem can get back together with his wife, the woman he destroys on half his records, then Joey Harrington could have been an adequate NFL quarterback, his receivers could have stayed healthy and Matt Millen could have developed a clue on how to run a team. Oh lord, here I go again with bold and incorrect predictions. When am I going to learn?

NFC South
Prediction: Carolina Panthers.
Actual: Tampa Bay Buccaneers.
Analysis: I came close on this one, so I got that going for me, which is nice. Almost as nice as my “Not to mention the fact that the Falcons have had a nasty wax on, wax off history of late” analysis of Atlanta’s playoff chances.

NFC West
Prediction: St. Louis Rams.
Actual: Seattle Seahawks.
Analysis: Did Mike Holmgren shave his mustache in the offseason and not tell anyone?

NFC Wild Cards
Prediction: Washington Redskins, New Orleans Saints
Actual: Washington Redskins, Carolina Panthers
Analysis: OK, so that America’s team idea with the Saints led them all the way to the No. 2 pick in the draft. Oopsies. But Brett Favre indeed ran of out "Bad things happen to me and I still overcome them" reward points. And Mike Tice is still Mike Tice.

At least I didn’t pick Patriots vs. Eagles for Super Bowl XL like most other people. Every now and then, I get some things right.

By Jonathan McCarthy

Dear Mr. Wang,

Thanks.

Isles Fan

P.S. Please don't interview Bryan Trottier for any open position. He is dead to us.

By Jonathan McCarthy

Dear Mr. Wang,

I know that you are relatively new to hockey and that you opened your heart and wallet for the Islanders, but someone has given you some bad information. Mike Milbury doesn’t really know what he is doing anymore.

It is tough to say that he ever did. He hasn’t proven anything in his 10 years as Islanders GM. The team hasn’t won a playoff series in his tenure and you could form an all-star team with the players he has either traded away or passed on.

Let's take a quick walk down memory lane. He traded Zdeno Charra, Wade Redden, Bryan Berard and Darius Kasparaitis. He also sent away Ziggy Palffy, Todd Bertuzzi and Olli Jokinen. Let’s not forget some of his goaltending moves including trading Roberto Luongo and drafting Rick DiPietro over Dany Heatley.

Charles, can I call you Charles? You should have sent Milbury packing the minute he tried to sign DiPietro to a 10-year deal this off season. He didn’t even make it 10 weeks into the season.

Still, even if you are going to give him a pass on the players he’s missed or messed up, you can’t forgive him for the Steve Stirling Era/Error. Firing Peter Laviolette was inexcusable. Here is a man who is happily leading the Carolina Hurricanes to the promised land.

Oh and by the way, he is the USA Olympic coach. You know who is not the Olympic coach? Mike Milbury (or Lorne Henning, Rick Bowness, Bill Stewart and Steve Stirling)

I was happy for Laviolette as I watched him smirk behind the bench Saturday night. I’ll be happier when I see Mike drive down Hempstead Turnpike into the sunset.

Best,
Isles Fan

By Mark La Monica

On the final day of the 1995 regular season, I got up from the couch in my then-girlfriend’s apartment and clapped for 12 minutes straight as Don Mattingly finally reached the playoffs.

It was pretty obvious that this was going to be his last season in Yankee pinstripes.

The girl who I was dating then thought I was being ridiculous. I don’t recall the exact words I responded with, but I’m certain they were something like “Shut” and “up.”

That cost me dinner, but I didn’t care because Donnie Baseball was headed to the playoffs. This was a monumental moment for all Yankee fans, especially those born between 1973-1978.

The Yankees won World Series titles in 1977-78. But for those of in the above age range, we have no true recollection of these years.

See, for much of the 1980s and early 90s, Mattingly was the only reason to go see the Yankees. Sure they had some good teams in the mid-1980s – before the days of the wild card – but could never win the division. I suspect having Dennis Rasmussen as one of their starting pitchers had something to do with that.

Mattingly kept the Yankees relevant. Fans immediately identified with him. Some of us even recall that Donnie wore No. 46 when he first came up in 1982.

He became my childhood hero. I even learned how to bat left-handed (although not all that well) just so I could better pretend to be Donnie Baseball.

So last January was a bit gloomy as I finally admitted to myself that Don Mattingly would never be voted into the Baseball Hall of Fame.

That painful notion was confirmed Tuesday afternoon when the Hall announced its Class of 2006. Bruce Sutter was the only inductee as the voters righted a wrong by finally putting the once-dominant closer and forkball inventor in the Hall.

Donnie was 13th with 64 votes. His 12.3 percent of the vote keeps him on the ballot for at least one more year. Those who appear on less than 5 percent of the ballots cast are removed from the list. To be inducted, a player needs to be on at least 75 percent of the ballots.

The prevailing reality, one in which I will accept when I say it and argue when anyone else says it, is that Mattingly may not have enough good seasons to justify his induction.

But let’s take a look anyway:

1984: .343 average, 23 HR, 110 RBI, 91 R, 44 doubles, 207 hits (AL batting champ)
1985: .324 average, 35 HR, 145 RBI, 107 R, 48 doubles, 211 hits (AL MVP)
1986: .352 average, 31 HR,113 RBI, 117 R, 53 doubles, 238 hits
1987: .327 average, 30 HR, 115 RBI, 93 R, 38 doubles, 186 hits
1988: .311 average, 18 HR, 88 RBI, 94 R, 37 doubles, 186 hits
1989: .303 average, 23 HR, 113 RBI, 79 R, 37 doubles, 191 hits

Then the back trouble hit.

Career (14 seasons): .307 average, 222 HR, 1,099 RBI, 1,007 R, 442 doubles, 2,153 hits, 9 gold gloves, 1 batting title, 1 MVP award.

Those numbers look very Kirby Puckett-ish, don’t they? And he’s in the Hall of Fame! (Of course, he won two World Series rings, too.)

Puckett’s career: .318, 207 HR, 1,085 RBI, 1,071 R, 414 doubles, 2,304 hits, 6 gold gloves, 1 batting title, 0 MVP awards.

Even though Mattingly is the only athlete in sports history to be nicknamed after his sport, it’s likely Donnie Baseball will only make the Hall of Fame if the veteran’s committee selects him. Or, he could succeed Joe Torre as Yankees manager and win six titles in a row. Surely, that would qualify.

Hall of Fame announcement day is always a rough day. For us Mattingly fans, it’s like the first time you hear what you and your newly broken-up-with girlfriend called “your song.” It’s painful, yet oddly comforting.

But, Donnie fans, there is a new reason to smile.

Last November, I was in Cooperstown and forced a trip into the Hall. On the third floor, in a room off to the side, Mattingly’s 1994 Gold Glove award sits atop a pillar inside a glass case. A light from the top of the case shines down and illuminates a left-handed first baseman’s glove. The name on the front of the base stand reads Don Mattingly. The face emblazoned on the base stand just above the name is Don Mattingly’s.

Hey, they could have picked from any of 17 other people that year to put in this place. They could have picked from any of 48 other years to put in this place.

But, they chose Donnie Baseball.

I know it’s a reach, but it’s the best we Mattingly fans can do right now until America’s baseball writers come to senses and hear our pleas.

In the meantime, Donnie’s in the Hall!

By Mark La Monica

This whole Herm Edwards in Kansas City and not New York situation oozes confusion.

Should fans hate on him for leaving the Jets? Or, should they wish the man well in his new endeavor and look forward to a fresh start for the Jets?

Figuring out “The Da Vinci Code” is less taxing on the brain.

Now I know what “Wall Street” character Gordon Gekko meant when he said “Mixed emotions – like Larry Wildeman going over a cliff in my new Maserati.”

In July 2004, I wrote, and still believe 18 months later, that if Herm walked into a room and I had no arms, I would still figure out a way to give the man a hug.

He has that kind of motivational aura.

But seeing that red tie and that red Kansas City behind Herm at his 45-minute press conference on kcchiefs.com was just plain weird.

But we should not begrudge a man who leaves one job for a better situation and gets a 200 percent pay increase.

Of course, not everyone chooses to accept such rationale.

The other school of thought, one echoed by Restaurant friend Rob and thousands of others, involves cursing Herm and offering up e-mail cheap shots such as “I can't believe KC hired him after seeing in person how unprepared the Jets were in Week 1.”

Yes, Rob, that was quite a rough day at Arrowhead.

Jet fan Andrew S. agrees with the departure of Herm. “Oh, and as a Jet fan, I am glad to see him go,” an excerpt from his email read. “He may have been a good motivational speaker and sound bite guy, but between the lines on Sunday, he seemed rather clueless to me.”

Hard to dispute either point. Wow, this is like meeting your idol. They say you shouldn't do that, for fear the image you concocted will be tarnished by reality.

Rob, Andrew and the other Hermanators most certainly snickered when Herm said about his new offense, “Keep scoring 30 points . . . I haven’t been involved in that too much in my career.”

But where is the love for the man who gave Jets fans three playoff appearances in five seasons. Sure, he put together a 39-41 record in five seasons, but he led the Jets to three playoff appearances in five seasons. No other Jets coach ever did that. Not Bill. Not Weeb. Not Joe Walton.

That should count for something, right?

Leenie in North Carolina doesn’t really care about any of that. “At this point I am so upset and can hardly sleep. I am a HUGE Jets fan and I can't believe that Herm would lie to me,” wrote Leenie.

Leenie, please take a nap or something. It’s in your best interests.

Then, watch Herm’s press conference on kcchiefs.com.

It’s pure Herm.

In the first four minutes of his speech, he said “National Football League” five times.

At the 30-minute mark: “I’ll get on the preacher’s box now.” He then spoke about Baptist church preachers and wanting to go to heaven but not wanting to die to get there.

And then his next-door neighbor, Mr. Johnson.

And something about 7-Elevens being convenient but not for football players.

It was all very Hermy. Let’s just hope the Midwesterners learn to appreciate the beauty of Hermisms – the “We’re on the bus” and the “Make sure nobody pours any poison in your Kool-Aid” and the “When you go to the prom, you go rent your tuxedo, you get one of those big limousines and you feel pretty good. The next day you come to school, you're driving a Volkswagen.”

Of course, nothing compares to the legendary eruption of 2002. Herm’s “You play to win the game” rant rivals Allen Iverson’s “Practice?” outburst for best outrageous and repetitive press conference sound byte.

I don’t know what any of these things mean, but I know I will miss them greatly next season. Sort of like the way I miss Teddy Cottrell’s spouting of ridiculous “Second in AFC East run defense in Week 8” statistical data about his defense a few years ago.

By Mike Casey

Reasons to feel better about the Giants' humiliating playoff loss:

1) There's only a 1 in 15 chance they'll face the Panthers in the first round of the NFC playoffs next year.

2) Eli Manning can't really be that bad, can he? And playoff experience is not overrated.

3) Tiki Barber's 2,390 all-purpose-yards season was not a flash in the pan.

4) Antonio Pierce and Carlos Emmons will be back. Which means we'll never see another Kevin Lewis missed tackle.

5) Plaxico Burress isn't as bad as people like Troy Aikman made him out to be yesterday.

6) Ernie Accorsi is a very good general manager. Something will be done about the Giants' awful secondary.

7) We're just one season closer to a new stadium.

8) No more parking lot traffic jams and long trips home from the netherregions of New Jersey.

9) Michael Strahan and Osi Umenyiora will give offensive line coaches nightmares in the offseason.

10) Tim Lewis is staying as defensive coordinator. (Just a hunch.)

11) The Super Bowl is overrated. It's becoming harder and harder each year to watch the game with all the ancillary crap (media buildup, stupid commercials, really lame halftime acts) that comes with it. Besides, did anyone out there really want to go to Detroit this year?

12) Will Allen will be gone.

13) Thank God they're not the Jets.

E-mail me your outlook for next season

By Mark La Monica

We had 120 yards of offense produce a win, a reverse-lateral-touchdown inducing bomb and a whole bunch of other treats on the first weekend of the NFL playoffs.

Surely, Wild Card Weekend would yield some random thoughts:

* Clinton Portis ran it from 5 yards to help Washington beat Tampa Bay, 17-10. Sean Taylor scooped and scored on a 51-yarder. Must be a ’Cane thing.

* Sean Taylor was ejected from the Washington-Tampa Bay game for spitting at the Bucs’ Michael Pittman. Must be a ’Cane thing.

* Poor Jon Gruden. On his playoff resume, next to that 2002 Super Bowl title, is the “Tuck rule” game, aka the birth of this Patriots dynasty, and the “My defense just allowed the least amount of yards in a playoff loss” game.

* Keep your Peyton Manning. I’ll take Tom Brady in a big game every time.

* Yes, the Broncos have home field against the Patriots next Sunday. Yes, the Broncos had a bye this past Sunday. Yes, the Patriots should be the favorites. They haven’t lost a playoff game since before marketing people deemed Brady a hunk. (Fun fact: Pete Carroll was the Pats’ coach on Jan. 3, 1999 with they lost to the Jags.)

* Willie McGinest is at least 53 years old and seems to get better each season.

* It’s always interesting to watch how quarterbacks with no playoff experience handle the postseason. We’ll have to wait until next season at the earliest to see how Carson Palmer handles it.

* Did we really expect any team other than Cincinnati to lose its quarterback on his first pass of the game? Not even the Jets could pull that one off with a straight face.

* Quarterback Class of 2004 quick quiz: Big Ben or Eli? Big Ben or Eli? Big Ben!

* What would have happened if Tom Coughlin had actually prepared his team for the Carolina Panthers?

* Nine first downs? Nine? Are you serious, Giants? And two of them were on penalties. Doubtful offensive coordinator John Hufnagel will get looks at any of the seven open head coaching positions after that display.

* Props to Tiki Barber and other Giants players who spoke honestly after the 23-0 rout by Carolina. They made no excuses. They made no plays, either.

* Early week score prediction: Carolina Panthers 4, Chicago Bears 3.

* Early week Washington yards on offense prediction: vs. Seattle > vs. Tampa Bay

* Early week Colts prediction: Steelers win! (What the heck? No one else will predict that except for maybe Roethlisberger.)

* Early week Broncos prediction: Raiders owner Al Davis will be photographed running through the streets of Oakland with “Look, mom, I’m as tall as Bill Belichick” growth chart after the Patriots dispatch Mike Shanahan and his Denver Broncos.

By Mark La Monica

Herm is gone, so my lunatic 2006 Jets plan is pretty much grounded less than 24 hours after its launch online.

But my loyal readers still enjoyed the opportunity to share their opinions on the plan and the man who wrote them. Here are a few of the emails received since Thursday evening, along with my responses:

Thomas S. with Rhode Island connections writes:
Finally someone who has the same ideas I had since week 4 of the season but you forgot one thing. Find a way to keep Ty Law. After one season of getting back into gear, he is ready to perform at an elite level for about 2 more years.

Tom, there's comfort in knowing that I'm not the only lunatic on the Eastern seaboard. Ty Law would have led the NFL in interceptions if he didn't drop that one in Kansas City and several others along the way.

Eddie F. in Port Jeff writes:
Reading your proposal was actually not all that far off from my thinking as well. Although we may be the only 2 crazy enough to admit it! I actually had the following in mind- disregarding all the scenarios that would need to float in order to make this work-
1. Get Favre- no matter what…Hey no disrespect to Vinny- but he is only 36
2. Sign Abraham- are you kidding? This should be a no brainer.
3. Use all top draft picks for the O-Line
4. Send Blaylock with Herm back to KC in exchange for draft picks and Priest Holmes(he’s got at least as much as Curtis left in the tank)- then platoon the 3 including Houston
5. Keep Ty Law
6. Get T.O. We all know he has respect for Favre (after he diss’d D-Mac big time earlier this year) His market value while somewhat diluted will still be more than what they are probably going to be willing to pay-so
7. Get Big Blue to finance part of the deal- you ask why??? Because – you hire away Tuna from the Big D helping the Giants take out the competition in their Division-
This is why I will not quit my day job to become a GM anytime soon. But can you blame me? We have had time to fantasize about ’06 since week 4 or 5!!!!

The Parcells thing is bonkers, but at least you know to hang on to the paychecks. It's rare when lunacy and sanity possess the same brain.

Brian K. checks in from Titans country:
Where is all the cap money coming from? We are 30 million over now, then add Favre and T.O. plus we still need to pay Abraham and find a big nose tackle.

Brian, under this one-year scenario, we don't care about the salary cap for 2006. We would let the franchise deal with that in later years.

Debbie K., parts unknown, writes:
Fire the GM and the Owner. Bradway and Woody must go. Bring back Parcells (wishful thinking).

Debbie, if only the NFL could fire their owners, we'd all live happier lives. The only way an owner will ever realize he stinks is when every fan unites and boycotts a game completely.

Joe L. from parts unknown writes:
Your idea sucks just for the fact to keep Edwards. The Jets do not need Dr. Phil, but a real honest to God coach who can plan and manage a game. Pennington should be gone, he has proven he is not durable enough and can't throw to save his life. Bring in T.O. and I agree get a solid QB veteran. Draft Leinart or Young for the future and resolidify defense and O-line. Curtis stays for sure. BUT MOST OF ALL FIRE HERM, he is worthless!!!

Joe, I've been a big Herm fan since his arrival. He's a great man. Just not a great gameday coach. It's always sad when you have to acknowledge the tragic flaw in your heroes.

Some dude, somewhere writes:
Have Woody Johnson sell the team to Woody Allen. The Jets are a joke anyway. Fire Bradway and hire Ron Wolf.

Dude, it's time for you to put your Pat Leahy jersey away and go root for the other team that plays in the Meadowlands.

Fred B., parts unknown, writes:
GET HASLETT FOR COACH

Fred, the all caps just enhances the lunacy of such a statement. Jim Haslett took the Saints to the playoffs in his first season with Ditka's team and has steadily gone down the toilet since. The Jets were 4-12 this season. Why would they hire a coach who led his team to 3-13 season?

"Chicago" Bob Fogarty writes:
My 7 step approach:
1.) Unfortunately it appears that Edwards is gone so we must move in another direction. First things first, fire Bradway. I do not trust him with the prime draft picks we have.
2.) Ask Buffalo for permission to speak with Tom Modrak and put him in charge.
3.) Bring in Mike Sherman or Ron Rivera (Bears defensive coordinator) to coach. Sherman has done a good job in Green Bay with not the greatest talent. He was virtually without a running or receiving game this year and they were in every game. Ron Rivera was actually the front runner before Donnie Henderson was hired. The only reason he did not get the job is the fact he told Edwards if the Bears came calling (which they did) he would prefer going back to Chicago (he was a LB on the ’85 Super Bowl team). Rivera is well organized and supposedly a great motivator (the players love him).
4.) All things being equal when their picks come up, draft OL, however, do not make the mistake of going OL if a superior player is available at the time of the pick.
5.) Sign Abraham
6.) Let go of Curtis Martin. The love affair needs to come to an end. We need some speed at that position. I often wonder how much yardage Lamont Jordan would have gotten being the featured back the year Martin won his last rushing title. Fabini, Law and some of the other overpaid players can go as well.
7.) Get someone who knows how to negotiate contracts. The Jets take great pride on getting their players in camp on time however they pay for it in the end by overpaying players. I can see why agents love dealing with the Jets front office. It is all one sided -- on the players side.

Chicago, any man who gives himself his own nickname when emailing sportswriters deserves his props. So, props to "Chicago" Bob. Are you one of Bill Swersky's "Superfans?" I hear they have great polish sausage in Chicago.

Dennis O. from parts unknown writes:
You must be on drugs!!!!!!!

Dennis, to paraphrase Jeff Spicoli, "People on ludes should not blog."

Someone with Babylon connections writes:
If all you're looking for is to sell No. 4 Favre jerseys, that not what football's about idiot. Favre is done, we need a fresh new QB like Leinart to get this team jump started. And T.O. is just going to plague this team like he did the Eagles. We don't need his drama all season complaining about this and that.

Babylon, Jersey sales are a byproduct of this one-year plan. A rookie quarterback would not get the team jump-started. Roethlisberger succeeded in Pittsburgh last year because every other aspect of that team was solid. The Jets are not that fortunate right now.

From parts unknown, Steve G. emails:
Why couldn't Jets management have had the brains to negotiate terms of a "conditional draft choice deal" with the Chiefs before permitting K.C. to even open negotiations with Herman Edwards? Now, Edwards is gone, no matter what. No way does he deserve a raise and/or long-term extension after a 4-12 season. The Jets management is to be faulted for allowing this travesty to have unfolded the way that it has.

Steve, math must not be your strong suit. Jets management + brains = undefined.

Adam V., parts unknown, hit up my in-box with this:
I like your ideas, but you forgot one thing! Get rid of Pennington. He is a liability and is going to cost to much money.

These are both true. But a) no one will take him. b) Favre would need a backup, just in case.

Will K., parts unknown, writes:
Your article is brilliant. The least likely aspect of your scenario, believe it or not, is the Favre deal - no one is trading for McCareins after seeing him play this year. Coles, maybe, but not McCareins. Still, T.O. and almost anyone would be a great pair, with Favre making the throws.

Will, maybe so, but imagine 75,000 people with New York and New Jersey accents mispronouncing his name like they were Ben Stiller.

Rob M., parts unknown, gets the final say today:
We all knew that from the moment Owens' stay in Philly was over that, in spite of the cancerous atmosphere that follows him wherever he goes, someone (read "a genius in the media") would begin calling for his/her team to go after Owens. Makes sense. People can't stop smoking, using cocaine, or getting drunk even though they and everyone around them can see the inevitable train wreck heading for their lives. So I can't think of anything nicer than Owens ending up in NY.

Rob, me a genius? Yes. In the media? Yes. But, a genius in the media? No, sir. However, I won't be the first one suggesting ridiculous concepts for T.O. and their local team. At least I admitted the lunacy of the entire plan up front. (Great metaphor, by the way.)

Keep the emails flowing by clicking on my byline up top.

By Mike Casey

I might be one of the only people in America who is thrilled that college bowl season is over.

The annual mishmash of teams, games, names, and matchups has never appealed to me. The last time I got swept up in the hype of a BCS game, I watched the most uninspiring national title game in recent history -- LSU’s methodical deconstruction of Oklahoma in the 2003 Sugar Bowl. I cursed myself for being so gullible. But that's not why I'm so thankful it's over.

This year, I was suckered in. I was duped, tricked into watching. Caught up in a wave of sheer curiosity and very bad timing.

First it was the Michigan-Nebraska seven-lateral finish, which I could have easily skipped by turning off the TV at 12 a.m. Instead, I instinctively did a final check of ESPN, and witnessed the most incredible play in college football this season (until the refs blew that non-touchdown in the Texas-USC game).

Then it was Notre Dame-Ohio St., interesting only because I had a friend who attended both schools and was flying out to the game. Correction: Interesting only because I secretly root for Notre Dame. The Irish fought till the end, and I secretly rooted alongside the rest of the closet Notre Dame fans (you know who you are).

Then it was Penn St.-Florida St., two old coaches and a chance for me to root along with good friend Andy, a huge PSU fan. Three overtimes later, I made it to bed.

Then there was that rotten USC-Texas game, which I almost didn’t watch. I didn't want to sacrifice another night of sleep, glued to the TV set in this frustratingly dramatic and perfect college football postseason. And sure enough, that’s exactly what happened. Another 1:30 a.m. lights-out, another listless day at work on Thursday.

The implications of all these late games and heart-stopping endings were downright unhealthy.

I’ve had enough of the storylines, enough Vince and Reggie, enough JoePa and Bowden, enough Charlie Weis, enough Keith Jackson, enough overtimes, enough lateral-filled endings -- enough.... well, fun!

Don’t these people know I have to recharge for March Madness and playoff hockey? I guess not.

And I guess if I had to waste those hours of my life, I may as well have wasted them on a fine collection of bowl games that captured even my casual fan's attention.

But I am not sorry to see the bowls go, and I’m quite sure my body will thank me. Now that it's all over, I'm going to bed. It’s 12:09 a.m. Good night.

By Mark La Monica

Wednesday night, Herm Edwards was three minutes away from dining at Plaza III in Kansas City, one of the finest steakhouses in the country.

Thursday afternoon, Herm Edwards was back at the food court in Roosevelt Field Mall.

Of course, that is all depending on what reports you read, hear, see and/or believe.

There's speculation aplenty in New York and Kansas City about what will happen to the Jets' head coach. Plenty of unnamed sources saying this and team officials saying that.

Edwards could be the next coach of the Chiefs or return to the Jets and the remaining two years of his contract at $2 million per. The generally accepted belief is that Edwards will leave the problem-infested Jets for the offense-rich Chiefs.

But let's dance the "What If" dance, if only for a few minutes. What if Edwards stays with the Jets?

Here's a crazy scenario based on one source who I will gladly name: my warped, in-need-of-professional-analysis brain. It requires four things:

1) Edwards to remain with the Jets.
2) Bold personnel decisions.
3) Go-for-broke mentality in 2006.
4) Complete disregard for the salary cap issues already plaguing the team.

My lunatic proposal goes like this:

1) Edwards tells the Jets he'll coach in 2006 then talk contract afterward.

     Why? If this plan works, he's a genius. If not, at least he tried, and then he won't have cap concerns to worry about because he can go somewhere else then.

2) Trade Justin McCareins and a third-round draft pick to Green Bay for Brett Favre.

     Why? Great arm still. Plenty of experience. Warrior mentality. New scenery could revive him. Plus, the Packers need healthy receivers, have Aaron Rodgers waiting to take over at quarterback and already have the No. 5 draft pick to address defense and running back needs. Then there's Chad Pennington and that pesky twice-operated-on throwing shoulder of his. No guarantees he'll make it back. But he asked for competition. Favre qualifies.

3) Sign wide receiver Terrell Owens after Philadelphia releases him.

     Why? Malcontent, sure. Crazy talent, oh yeah! He and Laveraneus Coles would make for a great 1-2 punch. Edwards could handle T.O., especially under this one-and-done proposal.

4) Use two of first three draft picks on offensive linemen.

     Why? It's just that glaring a need. D'Brickashaw Ferguson of Virginia is huge, athletic and local. He'd make for a nice complement on the left side along with guard Pete Kendall and center Kevin Mawae and could be available with the No. 4 pick.

5) Keep Curtis Martin.

     Why? He may not be the 125-yards-per-game running back any more, but under my scenario, that's not necessary. Use Martin in conjunction with Derrick Blaylock and Cedric Houston, with the idea that the trio can total 150-160 yards per game.

6) Sign John Abraham to a multi-year deal.

     Why? Since we're playing one-and-done Florida Marlins style, no sense in making the team's best pass rusher more unhappy. Someone has to roll out of bed and sack the quarterback.

7) Teach Doug Jolley how to block defenders and catch passes.

     Why? He doesn't seem to recall how to do those types of things. Of course, this is a must regardless of direction the team takes.

It's a seven-step plan toward the Super Bowl. It's also an act of lunacy. But just imagine how many No. 4 Favre jerseys the team will sell.

E-mail me your ideas

By Mike Casey

How good does that sound, Jets fans?

Well, enjoy it, because it may be the last time you hear those words.

Little did the Jets know that when they were having a nice little end-of-the-season run, winning two of their final four games, not only were they losing out on the Reggie Bush sweepstakes, but on the Vince Young and Matt Leinart sweepstakes as well.

Young, who put on a reasonable impression of John Elway, Randall Cunningham and Brett Favre rolled into one against the USC Trojans on Wednesday night, has surely jumped into consideration, along with Bush and Leinart, to be among the first three players selected in the draft -- assuming of course, he doesn't go back to Texas for his senior year.

And wouldn't it have been sweet if the Jets held one of those top three picks? Just four weeks ago, 2-10 Gang Green seemed a lock for that.

But as gambling sage Eddie Mac put it, "Fate wouldn't allow it."

Instead, the Jets find themselves behind Houston, New Orleans, and Tennessee, three teams in desperate need of playmakers -- none of them likely to pass on the Big Three. The poor Jets may be one spot too late to pick one a potential franchise player.

I hope you all like offensive linemen, because it looks like D'Brickashaw Ferguson will be your man.

Ahh, but who will he protect? Well...

There was the brief possibility that Philip Rivers might find his way to New York, until Drew Brees tore his labrum in the last game of the season. Now the Chargers may have to keep Rivers as insurance.

I hope you all enjoyed Chad Pennington's comments Tuesday that he's not ready to "throw in the towel." (An obvious headline, by the way, since he can't throw much of anything). It may be time to start waking up to the fact that Chad may well be your quarterback in 2006.

Unless Terry Bradway makes the move he has to make. If he has to beg, steal, and cheat his way into a trade for one of the top three picks, it would still be worth it. Vince Young must be a Jet.

He's the passer Michael Vick isn't, the champion Michael Vick isn't, and the winner Michael Vick isn't.

Tired of living in the Giants' shadow, playing in their stadium? Vince Young can change all that, just in time for the team to begin playing in a stadium that no longer bears the name of another team.

Can there be any doubt?

Bradway has taken a lot of heat in these parts. Young is his shot at redemption. He's a shot for the Jets to matter again. If Bradway shows the gumption, the willingness to part with big-time draft picks and maybe a star player (John Abraham?), perhaps they will in the not-to-distant future.

Or the Jets can simply wait and hope Young goes back to Texas -- an appropriate alternative for a franchise whose motto is "Wait 'till next year."

By Mark La Monica

A bunch of bowl games on the second day of the year rather than the first felt slightly awkward.

That won’t stop us from putting forth some thoughts on one of college football’s grandest days each season.

* Is tackling against the rules in college football?

* West Virginia coach Rich Rodriguez earns the “Props of the Day” trophy for his gutsy fake punt call. With just over a minute left, the ball at Georgia’s 48-yard line and the Mountaineers leading, 38-35, punter Phil Bradley caught the long snap and ran 10 yards to convert on fourth-and-6 and break Georgian hearts.

* In the age of product placement, the contrast of the Sugar Bowl’s sponsorship by Nokia and Rodriguez’s headset built by Cingular is beyond humorous. The fact that I even noticed it suggests I have more issues to deal with than does the NCAA.

* Here’s a geographically specific thought: As Steve Slaton rambled for a Sugar Bowl-record 204 yards, what was North Babylon legend and recent ex-Mountaineer Jason Gwaltney thinking?

* The Big East doesn’t look so red-headed stepchild anymore, does it?

* Is tackling against the rules in college football?

* The Laura Quinn situation, the made-for-TV story of the year thus far, is actually a fun story. Her brother, Brady Quinn, is the quarterback of the most prestigious football school in America. Her boyfriend, A.J. Hawk, is the most ferocious linebacker in the country. The two faced each other in the Fiesta Bowl, which just happens to be a BCS bowl. Ah, such bliss. (Note: She’s cute, too.)

* Early season candidate for the 2006 “Sentence I Wish I Wrote” award: Hawk, Ohio State's Lombardi Award-winning linebacker and the game's defensive MVP, sacked his girlfriend's brother, Quinn, twice. (Props to the AP’s Bob Baum for that subtle gem.)

* It’s been quite a few hours since the first quarter of the Fiesta Bowl, but I’m fairly certain Ohio State’s Ted Ginn Jr. is still wiiiiiiiiiiiide open along the left sideline.

* We must reserve a few threads in the fabric of America for exiting Wisconsin coach Barry Alvarez. Not because of the Badgers’ Capital One victory over Auburn but rather because Alvarez has an ice cream named after him. Berry Alvarez. That’s transcendent. So, pour a little maraschino cherry juice out for Wisconsin's Alvarez, who eschews his coaching position for full-time athletic director.

* Is tackling against the rules in college football?

* Funny how, after victory in the Outback Bowl, Florida and its coach Urban Meyer could wind up the most successful program in the state this season.

* Wow, that 45-yard field goal by Alabama’s Jamie Christensen's sure was ugly. Wow, that 45-yard Cotton Bowl-winning field goal as time expired by Alabama’s Jamie Christensen's sure was beautiful.

* Pass interference in college should be a spot-of-the-foul penalty rather than just a 15-yarder. Cornerbacks can get burned, then level the receiver before the ball gets there and save a touchdown. Perhaps this is why the phrase “shutdown corner” is one of the more amusing two words tossed around by NFL people.

* Is tackling against the rules in college football?