Keyboard Quarterbacks

CINCINNATI -- I'm in the hotel, a few minutes after midnight, wishing I knew then what I know now.

No, this isn't a diary entry of a tormented rock star on the road. It's the lamenting of a Jets fan on the road.

For the past few seasons, Lawyer friend Steve and I have made the pilgrimage once a year to a Jets road game. Some years they win, others they don't. That's never really been the reason for traveling. It's more about the experience of a new city (and taking a day off from work).

Back in May, we chose Week 7 in Cincinnati. It fit well with our schedules and Lawyer friend Brendan lives in nearby Lexington, Ky. This was the perfect excuse to come down for a visit and a weekend of unabashed boozing. These sorts of things happen in Kentucky, a land of bourbon and basketball. Plus, we had the added bonus of tickets to the UK-Florida game on Saturday and the chance to experience ESPN College Gameday.

All that stuff on Saturday was fun. Then, of course, Sunday just had to show up, with those 1-5 Jets against the 1-4 Bengals.

The Jets led, 23-10, in the third quarter then systematically -- and predictably -- gave away the lead and lost 38-31. Staying true to the notion of Jet fan misery, rooting for the two-point conversion to get the Jets to within seven points and mess up the spread for gamblers and office pools wasn't even an option. The spread in the Sunday edition of the Lexington Herald-Leader was 6.5. The two-point conversion only pulled the Jets within seven. When things smell, they smell bad.

A good rule of thumb: Don't plan Jets road trips several months before the season starts unless it's to a hot, happening city, or a warm-weather city in December, or Lambeau Field before November. Otherwise, you're just asking for misery.

There are few things more demoralizing than sitting in an away stadium with the away team's gear on and listening to the fans of a slightly less awful team taunt you. There are fewer things more demoralizing than walking into a bar and grille after the game with the away team's gear on and having to hear three drunk local girls in pink home team jerseys spew some kind of yang about your team and your city. There are only two semi-polite responses you can offer before things get really ugly:

1) "Here's my cell phone number. Call me in January when your team doesn't make the playoffs either."

2) "Yeah, well, you still live here!"

After that, it gets nasty. Really nasty. Point out obvious shortcomings nasty. Order them three milks nasty. I'm too old for that nowadays. Better to just leave the restaurant and let the hostess know why you've chosen to spend your money at a different establishment.

Turn on your Joe Benigno voice now.

You just know that when you planned a Jets trip for the middle of the season way in advance, you were going to regret spending a few hundred bones to watch a 1-5 team transform itself to 1-6.

Turn off your Joe Benigno voice now -- and start hoping Florida QB Tim Tebow challenges the NFL rule and tries to enter the draft after two years of school.