Keyboard Quarterbacks

By Mark La Monica

SEATTLE -- Here's a simple question with a not-so-simple answer.

Q: What team does Allen Iverson play for?
A: Denver Nuggets.

In the present tense, that is correct. But in the past tense, 2001 to be precise, that cost me $50 million. See, I had time to kill last night here in the Emerald City. So I walked into some dive bar I (and most of the rest of the world, apparently) had never heard of before.

A quick glass of Coke and some bar games were all I was after. Ah, yes, the trivia machine. Time to test my skills at Zillionaire Sports, a sports trivia game modeled after the "Who Wants to be a Millionaire?" TV game show.

It seemed like an interesting way to pass the time. Nowhere did it mention that this trivia game was made in late 2000 and updated zero times since then. Haven't they heard of "Download Update Now" in the city that Microsoft and Nintendo call home?

The first clue came with this question: "Which tennis star is expecting a baby in 2001 with Steffi Graf?" Uh, yeah, that "expectactant baby" already had his own commercial with mom Steffi and dad Andre Agassi.

At this point, I had to revert back to 2000-2001 thinking. It's very easy to forget things that have happened in recent years, but quite difficult to force yourself to do it.

So even when the machine asks you what race Lance Armstrong has won "the past three years," you have to control your urge to scream out "Dude, it's 7 years in a row!" and just calmly select "Tour de France" if you want to continue playing.

This game did nothing to squash the New York mentality that the rest of America is light years behind the Big Apple.

But it did present an interesting challenge for a sports aficionado such as myself. Imagine having to erase your memory of everything you've seen and known about sports for the past seven years? Not easy. Eli Manning is still in high school. Tom Brady is still a backup. The Yankees get out of the first round of the playoffs. Marion Jones is the darling of the Olympics. BALCO isn't even on the landscape. People still have 30-pound cans of potatoes in their Y2K fallout shelters.

"Who has just been named NFL offensive player of the year?"

"Hmmm, tough call, and I refuse to pass or poll the 'audience' until I get to a hockey or NASCAR question. But, I believe the Rams were studs then, so I'll go with Marshall Faulk."

Boom, $1 million in my virtual pocket.

"What team does former NBA Rookie of the Year Allen Iverson play for?"

"Nuggets. No! wait! This is 2000. Sixers. Sixers, Sixe . . . . . . Damn!"

$50 million washed away. I feel so demoralized. This is almost as bad as losing a game of pickup basketball to Prince and the Revolution.

At least I made the top of the leaderboard with my performance. My name on the screen: Hello, 2008!

By Mark La Monica

SEATTLE -- It's been a long time, I shouldn't have left you, without a new addition to the Nicky Eyes Hit List. I had to travel all the way to the Pacific Northwest to do it, but alas, such is life.

Last week, I made Emerald City Kingpin friend Jay secure tickets to last night's Celtics-Sonics game. I know, I know, it's a regular-season NBA game, but at least it was Ray Allen's return to Seattle and I get to see Kevin Garnett play in person. Two perks. And then when Emerald City Kingpin friend Jay dropped the "third row on the floor" tickets on me, I felt even better about the decision to attend an NBA regular-season game.

No matter the arena, no matter the city, when you sit that close to the court, you greatly increase your chances of seeing and meeting people slightly more famous than you. Here in Seattle, that group consists pretty much of the Seattle Seahawks, Dr. McDreamy, Dr. Grey and Dr. Frasier Crane.

On this night, it was all Seahawks, all the time, Seattle Storm guard Sue Bird and George "The Iceman" Gervin. At the half, we walked on the court toward the VIP area (Row CC on the floor gets you that kind of access; of course, it also cost a dollar amount that I will not publish here to save Emerald City Kingpin friend Jay from the wrath of Lovely Wife Saira).

In the front row near where we walked was Seahawks receiver Nate Burleson. He was signing an autograph for a little kid.

"Nate, you're signing a Frank Gore Niners jersey. Are you serious?" I said.

"I know, it's terrible," Burleson said with a smile. "Go throw that out when you get home," he added.

"Nate, do me a favor and beat the Giants, please," I responded.

"Definitely," he said.

"What's up, guy?" I said.

Boom! No. 10 on the Nicky Eyes Hit List. I forgot just how easy it was to do that. John Manca would be proud.

For a more in-depth description of what we're talking about here, read the Nicky Eyes Hit List explainer.

P.S. Wally Szczerbiak, Cold Spring Harbor's finest, plays for the Sonics. I represented for all Long lslanders and started a "Cold Spring Har-bor!" chant. Of course, I was the only one doing it, but I know he heard it.

By Mark La Monica

In the spirit of Christmas, I dug deep into the archives and dusted off what appears to now be a tri-annual tradition started by the Keyboard Quarterbacks back in the day when we were the first and only regular sports blog in New York newspapers.

The tradition calls for sneak-peeking into the stockings of sports figures to see if Santa dropped some sweet candy or dumped a heap of coal in there. Here we go:

Bobby Petrino: Six big lumps of hog coal.
This guy says he's committed to coaching the Atlanta Falcons on Monday afternoon, coaches the Atlanta Falcons on Monday night and then is announced as the new coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks on Tuesday night -- with three games left in the Falcons' season! Very dirty, even for the Dirty South.

Arthur Blank: Great big buckets of sweet, sugary candy.
In the span of one year, the Atlanta Falcons owner watches as:
* Then-head coach Jim Mora Jr. says he'd love to coach at his alma mater
* Backup quarterback Matt Schaub is traded
* Starting quarterback/franchise player/jersey seller/reason to watch the team Michael Vick becomes the greatest cautionary tale in recent sports history
* New coach Bobby Petrino quits after 13 games to go back to college
* Bill Parcells essentially commits to becoming VP of football operations for Atlanta one day only to go all Will Smith and tell Blank "I'm going to Miami."

Poor guy. Give this Blank fella a hug next time you see him. Or maybe just go buy something from The Home Depot. That will make him happy.

Tom Brady: Gisele-shaped chocolate bars
The man already has it all, including the company of the named sponsor on these bars. And he is just a few touchdown passes shy of completing an undefeated regular season. At some point, life's odds dictate that he'll do something wrong. Just probably not until the 2010 edition of Stocking Stuffers.

Roger Clemens: Performance-enhanced coal.
It burns harder, faster, stronger and can re-ignite a fire if you take it to Canada for a few years.

Kevin Garnett: A 12-year gift certificate to Dylan's Candy Bar
The Big Ticket has been waiting his entire career to have players around him. He's finally got it with Ray Allen and Paul Pierce in Boston. The Celtics are 22-3 at the moment and KG has show little reason for anyone to think they can't match or beat the 72-10 Chicago Bulls of 1995-96.

Alex Rodriguez: Some coal, some candy
He earned a few nuggets of negativity for his remarkable acumen for poor timing, but scored a double-scoop of nuggat for cutting agent Scott Boras out of the loop in negotiating his return to the Yankees. (Turn on Bill Raftery voice now.) Onions! (Turn off Bill Raftery voice now.)

The NCAA football administrators: Coal-flavored stupid pills
This has nothing to do with the BCS system and no playoffs. Rather, Santa used coals from his I-A and I-AA factories since they're not out of work in favor of the less sexy, more confusing Football Bowl Subdvision and the Football Championship Series. We're not telling you which one is which because they're both stupid.

Isiah Thomas: The new Talking Coal Sack
Each coal bricket comes with its own sound. Squeeze the coal and hear from a choice of sounds including "Fire Isiah!" "Where's Stephon?" "Can you believe the money I get paid for assembling this team?" and uncomfortable sexual overtures. The deluxe edition includes a Jim Dolan laughing doll.

Barry Bonds: Oversized coal
Home Run King gets indicted on perjury charges and is accused of lying about his use of steroids. No good for the game will come from this. But maybe, somewhere, IRA agent/Bonds crusader Jeff Novitzky, will smile.

Joe Torre: Green tea tablets
Good for him for saying no to the Yankees with the way they handled his contract situation. We'll miss him in New York, but he solidified his stature with his integrity and sense of pride.

Floyd Mayweather Jr.: One huge boxing glove-shaped chocolate bonanza
And that doesn't even include his actual fights against Oscar De La Hoya and Ricky Hatton. They were good to watch, but he gets his sweets this year for the "24-7" series on HBO leading up to the fights. Brilliant television programming.

The Mets: Coal Mountain
It can start off as a huge, insurmountable hill then slowly dwindle away to nothing.

Stephon Marbury: Candy from the store next to Steve & Barry's
Before you throw your computer into the yule log on this one, search your body for the compassion gene. In a three-week span, Mr. Lou (a close family friend and respected neighborhood elder), his aunt and his father died. That's a tough month for anyone to handle, no matter how much money they make.



Kobe Bryant: Noise-canceling coal headphones
OK, we get it. You're the most talented player in the league and you want to be traded. Then you don't want to be traded. Then you want to be traded. Shut up and play. Or take a pay cut to make it easier to trade you. Tough call, huh?

Ernie Accorsi: Stale coal
Two words: "OK, San Diego, we'd love to draft Phillip Rivers and then trade him to you guys for Eli Manning and another two picks so you can draft Shawne Merriman and Nate Kaeding. Where do I sign?"

Chad Pennington: Sympathy chocolates
Chad, you've been a true champion in your career, even though you didn't win any. Seeing you get benched because your offensive line has coal in their pants as well as their stockings stung a bit, especially since you'll probably wind up elsewhere next year. We'll miss you. Class act, all around.

Bill Parcells: Sweets. No wait, coal. No, sweets. No, coal!
Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm so confused. What to do? OK, we'll give him candy for trying to turn around the Dolphins. Oh, I don't know. OK, wait, I know. We'll give him coal for sandbagging Arthur Blank at the last minute after Blank flew to New York to sign the deal. But, wait, oh, the agony. What to do. I just can't make up my mind. I feel so much like, well, Bill Parcells, right now.

Roger Clemens strongly denies any and all allegations of steroid and HGH use on YouTube.

Here's hoping he's proven to be true with these statements, if for no other reason than the sports world doesn't need another Nick "I am the coach of the Miami Dolphins and I'm not going to Alabama" Saban.

Perhaps this YouTuber has finally devised a scheme powerful enough to dethrone the mighty mighty Patriots.

Surely, Cam Cameron can't do any better. But can Brady and Belichick withstand the offensive onslaught from the "Angry German Kid?" Watch and see.

By Mark La Monica

This week's short list of sports figures who, if we operated in a meritocracy, would be forced to return a portion of their game checks for sub-par performances.

1) Matt Stover

Stover, the second most accurate kicker in NFL history entering this season, missed a 44-yard field goal attempt in overtime that would have given the Ravens the win. Rather, it led to the Ravens losing to Miami, which, oh yeah, hadn't won a game the entire season.

2) WNBC.com

WNBC "leaked" the list of players named in the Mitchell Report about half an hour before the report was distributed to the masses. A nice scoop for them . . . had they been right. Their list included Albert Pujols, Nomar Garciaparra, Jason Varitek, the Boone brothers and more. MLB disputed their list, yet WNBC.com published it anyway with a pargraph that said they were looking into MLB's objections. Oopsies, don't let a pesky thing like accuracy get in the way of publishing a story.

3) Eric Mangini and Brian Schottenheimer

The head coach and offensive coordinator of the Jets continue to line up Brad Smith at quarterback. They appear to be the only people in football America that don't realize that means a running play is about to happen. Why not just tell the opposing coach your game plan the night before? Maybe then the Jets won't be the most predictable offense in the league.

Paybacks, which appears every Tuesday afternoon, will return Jan. 8, 2008. (Hey, I'm on vacation.)

Read previous editions of Paybacks.

By Mark La Monica

Damn you, Matt Stover! And Cleo Lemon! And Greg Camarillo.

Stover's field goal drifted left of the goal post. Lemon completed a pass over the middle to Camarillo. Camarillo outran the Ravens' defense and scored a touchdown in overtime as the Miami Dolphins ended its run at negative perfection with a 22-16 win over Baltimore.

We're happy for the Dolphins in the sense that they didn't go defeated this season (and put the Jets back in the running for the No. 1 draft pick). We just wished it happened one week later against the Patriots.

That would have added legitimacy to my Don Shula Scenario.

The Don Shula Scenario would have read like this: Dolphins owner Wayne Huizenga fires Cam Cameron, the first-year head coach who led the Dolphins to an 0-14 start, and replaces him with Don Shula for a one-game stint as coach in an effort to derail the 14-0 Patriots.

Think about it: What better way to draw a huge national audience for the game? Shula was the first and last coach to guide an NFL team through an undefeated season. The Patriots are 14-0 and can't be stopped. The 1985 Chicago Bears were 12-0 and couldn't be stopped . . . until they played the Shula-coached Dolphins.

Shula will be at the game anyway with the rest of the 1972 Dolphins, waiting to pop the champagne and celebrate as the only undefeated team in history. Why not put a headset on him and give him a play sheet?

But it's highly improbable that Cameron will get canned now that his Dolphins are on a win streak. I still think the Don Shula Scenario has value, though. But at 1-13, it's not as juicy a story.

By Mark La Monica

This week's salute to the bold, brash and man-up moments in sports

Props to Fred Taylor who admitted that he voted for himself a few times in the online fan balloting for the Pro Bowl. Impressive move for the Jaguars running back who has never been named to the Pro Bowl. You know he's not the only one who's done it. His quote about it was even better: "‘Why not vote for yourself?," he said. Ten extra votes. This is Florida."

Props to Brian Westbrook, the Eagles running back who thinks about the team before he does his stats. Eagles lead Cowboys, 10-6, with just over two minutes left. Cowboys have no timeouts left. Westbrook breaks a run and then tackles himself at the Cowboys' 1-yard line. He could have scored, padded his TD stats and given the Cowboys two minutes to score 13 points. Not probable, but Westbrook was smart enough to know it's not worth letting them try.

Props to Andy Pettitte for manning up and admitting his two-day use of HGH, as documented in the Mitchell Report. It takes a good man to admit that, instead of denying it just because the report has no legal ramifications.

Props to F.P. Santangelo for doing the same thing.

Props to the Miami Dolphins for getting off the schneid and beating the Ravens, 22-16 in overtime. Sure, it completely destroyed my Don Shula Scenario, but such is life. Now let's just hope they find Snowflake soon.

Props to Micheal Spurlock of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers for the being the first person in the 31-year history of the franchise to return a kickoff for a touchdown. It used to be death, taxes and no kickoff returns for touchdowns in Tampa. Now, it's just death and taxes. Not much to look forward to, huh?

By Mark La Monica

Late Saturday night/early Sunday night, I put forth my hunch that the Jets would beat the Pats.

Clearly, I was under the influence of some performance-enhancing stupid pills.

Then again, if I had access to the offensive game plan beforehand, I would have reconsidered.

However, it's worth a few chuckles no matter what side of the Long Island Sound you live on to make note that this game was decided in large part by a video camera in the end zone. Hello, serendipity!

Speaking of videotape, is Man-moron the only person in the world who doesn't know that when Brad Smith lines up at quarterback, the Jets are going to run the ball? Wake up, Man-moron! Are you challenging Isiah Thomas for most consecutive appearances in our "Paybacks" list on Tuesdays?

Yes, Smith finally threw a pass today, a fourth-and-2 scramble/desperation throw that missed its target by a few feet. And he probably got in trouble for doing it.

By Mark La Monica

I've got a hunch about this Sunday's game up there in Foxboro, excuse me, Foxborough. (Winning three Super Bowls in six seasons tends to get the pinky in the air, so to speak, when it comes to spelling.)

Maybe it's the lack of sleep this past week (damn you, Mitchell Report!), maybe it's two 2-liter bottle of Coca-Cola that's down to about 0.6 ounces now, or maybe it's just my nature to go against the norm. But I've got a feeling the Jets are going to beat the Patriots this week. And I'm not talking about covering the spread. I'm talking straight up!

Should I be correct in this hunch, it will completely blow up my Don Shula Scenario that I plan to write here Monday afternoon. If the Jets win, I'll write about what it would have been. If the Jets lose, I'll write about what it will be.

Should I be correct in this hunch, I can say you heard it here first.

Should I be correct in this hunch, we'll leave the Mangini alone for the rest of the season.

Should I be incorrect in this hunch, oh well, at least I took a shot.

Should I be incorrect in this hunch, the Don Shula Scenario is alive and well.

By Mark La Monica

Heck of a thing, this Mitchell Report.

It set off all the alarms in all the media outlets around the country.

First the Clemens info leaked. Then Pettitte. Then Albert Pujols. Oh wait, that last one, yeah, hang on. WNBC made a bit of a boo-boo when they leaked on their Web site what they thought to be the list of named players. That list included Pujols, Nomar Garciaparra, Jason Varitek, Aaron Boone, Bret Boone and others.

That same story on their site (which has since been removed) also mentioned that MLB disputed their list and then this special disclaimer: "We're checking into it."

Wow! That just might be the most awful display of news judgment since the TV executive who approved "Cop Rock" way back in the day.

They did, however, land an accurate arrow with Darren Holmes.

Darren Holmes!

I'll take "Memorable trades the Yankees made where they received cash back for Ben Ford and Izzy Molina for $100," Alex.

This highlights the big stuff and fluff of this Mitchell Report. To be sure, Roger Clemens and Andy Pettitte being named is big news. Not surprising, though, given the circulation of their names when Jason Grimsley (!) got busted, but big nonetheless.

This is only Day 1 of this story and much will develop in the next few weeks and months. What's true? What's not? Nobody really knows right now. George Mitchell's report is based heavily on the unchallenged testimony of two trainers who have just-sharpened Ginsus ready to chop up their onions. Still, it could all be true. It could all be a bunch of yang.

If the Pettitte thing is proven true, that would be upsetting. I always liked him. Sick pickoff move. I practiced it all the time, But at least we can always think back to Game 5 of the 1996 World Series and his 1-0 gem against John Smoltz -- easily the greatest playoff game in the Yankees' latest dynasty. That was before Clemens, the biggest big-game jinx in sports (doing a commercial for "The Power of Living" book is second) joined the Yankees.

However, Canseco, Palmeiro, Bonds, the Giambis, Sheffield and Tejada shook no worlds. Not even their own. Most of the names in the Mitchell Report rest have either been mentioned and rumored about publicly or were just so insignificant in their careers, that you wonder how people outside of the baseball pension office could even remember them now.

All the days and dollars spent on this investigation and we get hit with Mark Carreon, Manny Alexander, Ricky Bones, Dan Naulty, Tim Laker and Ken Caminiti, who happens to not be alive anymore (because of admitted steroid use). Stunning work, George.

Carreon did hit 69 home runs, though. Of course, it took him 739 games.

The Mitchell Report set off more waves than Michael J. Fox on top of a truck, but it's also full of as much fluff as the Stay Puf marshmallow man. In the coming weeks, we'll find out if the streams get crossed.

By Mark La Monica

Last week, we strong-armed Bob Glauber into agreeing to a sitdown to talk some NFL football yesterday on camera.

You know Glauber from his work in the newspaper, his "What About Bob?" NFL blog, ESPN "First Take" and its original incarnation as ESPN "Cold Pizza.'

Well, anytime we get him in front of Newsday camera, we call it "Free Pizza." Not really sure how he feels about it. Not really sure we care. Either way, he and I had some fun talking football, including a tease in the final segment to our grand plan for next week. Have a look at the vid, then go read how he wrote about this same video in his blog.

Special thanks to Michelle and Wayne (yes, that Wayne) for opening the doors a few hours early at Chrebet's to let us film the show.

Special thanks also to Glauber for letting me pick him up at the Jets complex, drive him to Chrebet's then back to Jets land, then to lunch, treat him to lunch, drop him off at the train station then work all night editing. Anyway, here's the vid. Enjoy. And yes, I know. I need a haircut.

By Mark La Monica

This week's short list of sports figures who, if we operated in a meritocracy, would be forced to return a portion of their game checks for sub-par performances.

1) Eric Mangini

Quick review: 1:45 left on the clock, Jets at the Browns' 20-yard line, down by 5, all three timeouts left. Mangini elects to kick a field goal. Dumb move. Made even dumber by not kicking deep after that. Seriously? We're still baffled by this. Give up your parking space for the week.

2) Brian Billick

Timeout? Really? No, seriously? Did you and your staff really call timeout after your defense stopped Tom Brady and would have ended all the undefeated Patriots talk. Yep, you did. I just Googled it to confirm because I'm still flabbergasted over that one. Everyone in America knew the QB sneak was coming except for you and your coaches.

3) Anthony Smith

Anthony, we love your enthusiasm and the onions it took to make that guarantee. But you gotta back that up if you wanna work your way off Paybacks and onto Props. Or at least don't bite that bad, that many times on Tom Brady's playfakes.

4) Isiah Thomas

Hmmm, what should we pin on him this week? Ah, yes, getting smoked at home by Philadelphia Sixers and Andre Iguodala, the NBA's answer to Quincy Carter as the human turnover.

Read previous installments of Paybacks

By Mark La Monica

General rule of thumb: Never turn off a football game when the Jets are involved. Regardless of the score, you almost never know who's going to win. And you're guaranteed to have a better-than-average chance of seeing something you've never seen before in football.

But this? This one makes you want to throw your television into your neighbor's pool, then jump out the window after it.

The Jets trailed the Browns, 17-6, late in the fourth quarter. They scored a touchdown but missed the two-point conversion. Then, miraculously yet predictably, the Jets recovered the onside kick.

They got to the Browns' 20-yard-line with three timeouts and 1:45 left. Fourth-and-10. What does Mangini do? He sends in Mike Nugent to kick a freakin' field goal. Are you kidding me? A field goal when you're down five?

Not even Herm Edwards would attempt a field goal in that situation.

Mangenious? Ha! Man-moron!

That's just plain dumb. And you can bet Man-moron will find his way into "Paybacks" this Tuesday.

At best, you're down two and have to recover a second onside kick, or you kick it deep and stop the Browns from getting a first down.

At worst, you don't get the first down and the Browns have the ball deep in their end and you still have three timeouts to stop them.

Final score: 24-18. (Yep, they actually kicked another field goal!)

This is why the Jets are the Jets and will always be the Jets. This is why we need Joe Benigno back on the overnights for WFAN.

By Mark La Monica

Last week, I wrote about the experience of throwing out free T-shirts with the Ice Girls at an Islanders game for an upcoming episode of my Web show, ExploreTV.

Well, it's showtime!

By Karen Bailis

The Bush administration might want to consider replacing Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice with NC State women’s basketball coach Kay Yow.

After all, if she can bring together cold warriors Pat Summitt and Geno Auriemma, achieving Middle East peace should be a cinch.

Relations between the winningest coach in NCAA Division I history and her five-time NCAA champ nemesis never have been warm and fuzzy, but lately they’ve made Pervez Musharraf and Benazir Bhutto look like BFFs. Since the summer, when Summitt brought an end to the annual contest between her Tennessee Vols and Auriemma’s Connecticut Huskies for reasons women’s college basketball fans may never know -- but that have reportedly included a) she hates him b) she accused him of dirty recruiting practices c) he told one too many jokes at her expense – it looked unlikely that the two would ever share a sideline unless required by a late-round matchup in the NCAA tournament. And it appeared downright impossible to get them to share a small space in front of camera.

But Kay Yow did it.

Summitt and Auriemma declared a truce and joined forces along with Yow to record a spot to support The V Foundation’s Kay Yow/WBCA Cancer Fund. The fund, the first health initiative launched by the Women’s Basketball Coaches’ Association, was officially announced Monday night during the Jimmy V Classic game between Rutgers and Maryland.

In the spot, Yow, who is battling breast cancer for the third time but continues to coach while receiving chemotherapy, stands between Summitt, in Tennessee orange, and Auriemma, in Connecticut blue.

Summitt says, “There’s nothing I like better than beating Connecticut …”

Auriemma responds, “There’s nothing I like better than beating Tennessee …”

Then, in miraculous unison, “… except beating breast cancer.”

Yow, her chemo-ravaged hair having grown back a whispy white, looks into the camera and says, “Today the only opponent we care about is beating breast cancer, and I’m asking you to help in the fight.”

Click here to see the video.

One of the most universally loved women in the game, Yow is probably one of the few who could have gotten these two sworn foes to unite for a cause. And the V Foundation for Cancer Research is a great one, founded by ESPN and Yow’s NC State coaching counterpart Jim Valvano, who succumbed to cancer 14 years ago. Hell, they might have even kissed and made up if Yow’d asked them to.

Donations can be made here or by calling 1-800-4JimmyV.

By Mark La Monica

This week's short list of sports figures who, if we operated in a meritocracy, would be forced to return a portion of their game checks for sub-par performances.

1) Rich Rodriguez

With nothing to do but beat an extremely inferior team in order to secure a berth in the national championship game, West Virginia crumbled like a cookie dunked in a milk for a few too many seconds. How did Rodriguez, the Mountaineers' head coach, let that happen? It's "Jessica Biel is sitting next to me right now and I'm blogging instead" unfathomable to imagine how West Virginia, begging for legitimacy in an overhyped Big East conference, could tank it like this. Coach Rodriguez should have to make his own car payments for a few months and the players should have to give back their meal plan money next semester.

2) Cam Cameron

This has nothing to do with leading the Dolphins to an 0-12 start to the season, and everything to do with letting the Jets hang 40 points on his team. That's just plain awful. In their previous four games this season, the Jets had amassed a total of 45 points. Cam Cameron is making Tony D'Amato look like a genius.

3) Isiah Thomas

The Knicks coach/GM/team president may earn a permanent spot on this list, sort of like how Norm always sat on the same stool in "Cheers." This time, Isiah should throw a few bucks back to Jimmy Dolan for that 45-point loss/embarrassment to the Celtics. It would have been even worse had Nate Robinson not hit a half-court three at the buzzer.

4) Omar Minaya

Since the media soured on Lastings Milledge this past season, few people raised a stink when Mets GM traded the five-tool prospect for the equivalent of dinner for four at Cipriani's and a year's subscription to Esquire, GQ, ESPN.com Insider and Entertainment Weekly. Consider who Minaya got in return for the most hyped Met prospect in years: Brian Schneider and Ryan Church. Consider who Minaya could have had if he decided he didn't like Milledge before this season: Manny Ramirez, Dan Haren or Dontrelle Willis.

Note: Any other week, Joe Gibbs would top the list for turning the Bills' game-winning 51-yard field goal into a 36-yarder by calling a second timeout. However, Gibbs gets a pass this week because of Sean Taylor.

Send us your nominees this week for next week's edition.

Paybacks appears every Tuesday. Read previous editions of Paybacks.

This week's salute to the bold, brash and outlandish moments in sports

Props to all college football teams that made this season one of the most outrageous and unpredictable ever.

Props to Quentin Richardson, the Knicks forward who after saying he's not afraid to play the Celtics, maintained his position after Kevin Garnett called him out for those comments after a 45-point loss to those same Celtics.

"I still believe the same thing that I said I believed before the game," Richardson said. " . . . Because they have Kevin Garnett, Ray Allen and Paul Pierce, are we supposed to crawl into a corner and say we're afraid to play them? Go ask the other 29 teams and you show me a player that says he's afraid to go play them. I've never heard of that."

Granted, the Knicks got smoked (and keep getting smoked), but we're proud to see him not be a typical athlete and recant the original comment. Nice work, Q-Rich.

Props to the NFL for hooking up America with a live Internet broadcast of the Packers-Cowboys game last Thursday. Smart PR move. Of course, if these teams weren't both 10-1, we wouldn't care. But at least the NFL was smart enough to realize that if the NFL Network is going to televise games and very few cable subscribers are going to clamor for the games to be carried by their cable operators, there needs to be another outlet to air the games. I enjoyed the chance to watch the game, even with a few glitches (my wireless' fault, not theirs, although it seemed to cut out whenever Bryant Gumbel spoke, which is impressive). I enjoyed enough to intentionally click on the Sprint ad to signify my customer satisfaction.

Props to TNT analyst Kenny Smith, who during the fourth quarter of the Knicks' 104-59 loss to Boston last Thursday said, "I don't think, even in darts, I"ve seen guys get beat this bad." Ouch for the Knicks. Joy for everyone else.

Props to Eli Manning, who after being villified all week by New York and national media for his woeful performance against the Vikings, led the Giants on two scoring drives late in the fourth quarter to beat the Bears, 21-16.

Props to Lee Corso and Lou Holtz (I know, I know), who on ESPN's BCS Selection Show offered passionate reasons why recently named Nebraska head coach Bo Pelini should not be the defensive coordinator for LSU in the title game while Kirk Herbstreit could not stop laughing at them. Watching those two was like watching your two grandfathers go at it about a Lincoln vs. a Cadillac on Thanksgiving while your cousin just sits there laughing and eating grapes.

Read past Props

By Karen Bailis

Welcome to the Coquese Washington Era.

Co-who? Call her Coco. Call her CoWa. Just make sure you call her Coach.

Washington is in her first season has a women's basketball head coach. She took over the once proud program at Penn State after coaching legend Rene Portland resigned this year in the wake of dogged allegations that she discriminated against her players based on sexual orientation. She'd taken the team to the Final Four in 2000, but no current player has gone to the NCAA tournament as a Nittany Lion.

Washington, formerly an assistant coach to Muffet McGraw at Notre Dame, took her first giant step toward turning around the Penn State program yesterday when her unranked squad upset No. 10 Duke, 86-84, on a buzzer-beater. It was the first time since 2004 that an unranked team beat Duke.

This Duke team isn't the nearly unbeatable Blue wall of recent years. That program's architect, Gail Goestenkors, moved on to the burnt orange pastures of Texas, and Joanne P. McCallie left Michigan State to take over. McCallie's Duke team doesn't have the sure hands of Lindsey Harding nor the size of 6-7 center Alison Bales, who both graduated to the WNBA. This was the Blue Devils' third loss in a row (they lost to ranked opponents Connecticut and Vanderbilt), its first three-game losing streak since 1996-97.

Still, Washington's Penn State win was impressive. Both teams were 5-2 going into the game. The Nittany Lions took the lead early in the first half on the same run-and-gun style that Washington used as a point guard at Notre Dame and in the WNBA with the New York Liberty, Houston Comets and Indiana Fever. They stretched the lead to as much as 15 behind the gritty play of -- fittingly -- point guard Brianne O'Rourke, who finished with a career-high 23 points. She went 15-15 from the foul line and assisted on the winning shot. Duke charged back in the second half with tough defense and timely shooting by Abby Waner and Chante Black. Waner finished with 23 points and shot 6-for-9 from 3-point range. Black had a career-high 21.

The game was tied at 84 with 8 seconds left when Penn State got the ball and Washington called her team into a huddle. She expected Duke to press. When they didn't, her team looked to the rookie head coach for guidance.

"They just said. 'Well, what do we do,' " Washington said. "I said, 'Well, go!' "

O'Rourke listened and drove the length of the court into the lane and found an open Janessa Wolff.

At the final buzzer, Penn State bounded onto the court with the jubilation of a late-March win. Washington smiled broadly, as she had through much of the game. It's an uncommon countenance for a coach. It was as if she knew something special was about to happen.

And she made it happen. This is a woman who finished her undergrad degree a year early while leading the Irish to their first NCAA tournament berth, in 1992. She went on to earn a law degree at Notre Dame and use those skills to help organize the WNBA players union and serve as its first president. After two years backing up All-Star point guard Teresa Weatherspoon with the Liberty, she went to the Comets and won a WNBA championship in 2000. Eight months later, she helped coach Notre Dame to the NCAA championship, becoming the first woman to hold those two titles simultaneously.

After eight seasons in the second chair on the Notre Dame bench, Washington knew she was ready when Penn State called. Now, she's preparing her team for the big wins. It was the first time in six tries that Penn State defeated Duke.

"It's probably the biggest win any of these players have experienced since they've been here," Washington said.

Expect bigger wins to come.

By Mark La Monica

It's a story that is as sad Sunday night as it was Tuesday morning, even after a few days of grieving and the arrests of four men charged with the murder of Sean Taylor.

The lit candles, the memorial videos on YouTube and elsewhere, the No. 21 towels. All are outpouring signs of emotion for the family of Sean Taylor, including his 1-year-old daughter, Jackie. Yet, nothing could be more fitting and telling than what the Redskins' defense did on the first play of the game Sunday against Buffalo.

They lined up with 10 men on defense. On any other play, the defensive coaches would eat the defense's lunch for it. Not today.

"We were going to let him ride with us one more time," said Greg Williams, the Redskins' defensive coordinator.

I wasn't there to see it and the highlights on TV don't do it justice. Reading about it, however, added so much more to this emotional story.

It evokes the same feelings as when earlier this season, USC lined up for its first extra point of the season without its placekicker, a tribute to Mario Danelo, the team's kicker last season who was found dead at the bottom of a mountain in California after the season.

These stories aren't supposed to happen in sports. Or elsewhere, for that matter. Sadly, though, they happen every day. Except, it's not every day that everyone pays attention to them.

Redskins.com has done an unbelievable job of posting content on its Web site paying tribute to the memory of No. 21. Here's a direct link to one of the those video tributes from the Redskins site.

By Karen Bailis

Fact: The Knicks are 5-10 and on Thursday suffered one of the franchise’s most humiliating losses.

Fact: The Knicks are more painful to watch than an “Ishtar” marathon.

Fact: Next to Eli Manning, Isiah Thomas is the most vilified man in New York sports these days.

Fact: Thomas is an embarrassment to the Knicks and the NBA.

Fact: Anne Donovan, the coach of Seattle’s best basketball team -- the WNBA's Storm – resigned Friday. Donovan led the Storm to a WNBA championship in 2004. She’s the second-winningest coach in league history. The Storm made the playoffs in four of Donovan’s five seasons as coach. She also took the Charlotte Sting to the WNBA Finals. She’s the head coach of the women’s U.S. National Team. The 6-8 center is a two-time Olympic gold medalist and won a national championship in college.

Fact: Donovan’s resignation agreement with the Storm bars her from coaching another WNBA team through 2008, not an NBA team.

Fact: I’m just saying – it couldn’t be worse, right?