Keyboard Quarterbacks

Dear Rocket,

Please be telling the truth about all this steroid stuff, Roger.

Not so much for the sake of your reputation or the reputation of the game and all that, but rather to help fans restore their faith in athletes speaking out to the media.

The court of public opinion is already way too slanted toward negativity when it comes to believing what people say. We're guilty until proven innocent in that court, regardless of what the constitution says about that in the real court system. Nick Saban didn't help matters. Neither did Herm Edwards. Most other things athletes say are tough to believe.

But, Rocket, here's hoping you're telling the truth. You've been on YouTube, "60 Minutes" and Monday's press conference denying all the allegations in the Mitchell Report. With each statement, you've been more and more adamant about your non-use of steroids and HGH.

The lidocaine and vitamin B-12 shots may be true, but Rafael Palmeiro made that tough to believe. Again, we're hoping you're telling the truth, just to restore our faith in athletes telling the truth. I don't know how you do it, though, short of Brian McNamee admitting he lied.

The way the media is now, it'll convict Rocket at every turn as a way of making up for looking the other way all those years ago Jose Canseco started this whole thing. Clemens is paying for the sins of all the others, since he's the biggest name in the Mitchell Report and the only one to refute it.

Of course, there's a good chance that McNamee did tell the truth. There's also a chance he lied. We're hoping he lied.

However you do it, Roger, just prove yourself truthful in this matter. It will be tough, simply because of the way human nature is. But, Rocket, find a way to make us all believe what athletes say again.

Best,
Mark La Monica
Keyboard Quarterback

Dear Islanders,

In light of the recent revelations by Garth Snow that the Coliseum is so bad that many of the league’s best players do not want to come there, I was wondering if you will be offering discounted ticket packages this year?

I was so excited when you decided to buy out Yashin’s contract that I renewed the ticket package I share with some friends. We even agreed that this is the season we’d move down a section. Now it seems as if there will not be much to see.

Plus, if players don’t want to go there, imagine how the fans feel. At least the players get star treatment. I’m still waiting for the spackle hanging off the ceiling in 307 to be fixed.

I would suggest that this year, when marketing the team, you highlight who is coming to town. “Come see Daniel Briere battle tonight at the Nassau Coliseum. Oh, and the Islanders will be there too.”

Far be it from me to knock the Coliseum. It is all I’ve ever known as a hockey fan and I have some great memories from there, but if that is the only reason players won’t come I guess it has to go.

It has to be the only reason, right? Garth said he “knows the league,” so that can’t be it. I’m just amazed at how many other teams don’t know the league. Colorado, Philadelphia, St. Louis and the Rangers must not have any idea what they are doing. Who signs free agents these days anyway?

Anyway, good luck with the rest of the off-season. Let me know if there will be a discount. I’ll still be there when the puck drops. Hopefully the roof won’t cave in on us.

Best,
Formerly of Section 307

By Mark La Monica

Dear Bernie,

Don't do it! Please!

Don't go play for another major league baseball team this season. Heck, don't even play in one of those lame independent leagues just to keep fresh in case the Yankees call in June.

You're a Yankee. Although many other teams now have pinstripes on their uniform, there is only one Pinstripes for you.

Most published reports of late have you realizing your Yankee career is ending and that you're likely leaning toward not going elsewhere. Which is good. Of course, if a team comes across with some nice dollars, perhaps after a key injury during spring training, it may be hard to resist. Please, Bernie, resist.

No athlete wants to admit when the time has come to step aside. No human enjoys facing their mortality. We all want to feel bigger than life, athletes especially. But there comes a time when we all must face reality.

Yes, it sucks the way the Yankees handled your situation, Bernie. You've been nothing but a graceful, thoughtful person since you came up with the Yankees in 1991. They tried to make you a leadoff hitter and a base-stealer because you could run fast. Then Joe Torre made you the first non-traditional cleanup hitter the Yankees had seen since before Babe Ruth. You excelled.

We watched you struggle in that position, then flourish elsewhere in the order. You're right up there with all-time greats in many Yankee franchise career statistics. There's something to be said for that, especially in the George Steinbrenner era. You've also hit in every position in the batting order. Few players can say that. You've got a bunch of postseason records, a few Gold Gloves, a batting title and four World Series rings. You've earned to undying respect and admiration of your peers and the people of New York. You've done quite well for yourself.

Even though you swung at the first pitch and popped up in Game 5 of the 1997 ALDS against Cleveland after Paul O'Neill legged out a double with two outs in the ninth, we forgave you because you were Bernie. A homegrown Yankee and a positional descendant of the Combs-DiMaggio-Mantle lineage. A man know for clutch hitting.

(Plus, according to Stats Inc., Bernie, you put the first pitch in play 1,156 times in your career and had 412 hits, including 44 home runs. A .356 average ain't too shabby.)

Your No. 51 jersey likely will find its way to Monument Park one day, perhaps even the first such to be instilled in the new Yankee Stadium in 2009.

Remember what you said on Nov. 25, 1998, just after you stopped flirting with Boston and signed a seven-year deal to stay with the only franchise you've known? "To me, that was a very important thing," you said. "It was going to be hard for me to go somewhere else. I wanted to be a Yankee. I wanted to remain a Yankee for the rest of my career."

That career is coming to a close, barring some strange events in spring training. Don't misunderstand, Bernie. I want to see you play one more year, even in a limited role as a pinch-hitter off the bench. I just don't want to see you do it in a different uniform. I don't want to see your name added to this list:

• Willie Mays, centerfielder, New York Mets
• Joe Namath, quarterback, Los Angeles Rams
• Johnny Unitas, quarterback, San Diego Chargers
• Michael Jordan, guard, Washington Wizards
• Emmitt Smith, running back, Arizona Cardinals
• Muhammad Ali, loser of 1980 fight to Larry Holmes

You're clearly not as broken down as these fellas were when they jumped ship to another team (excluding Jordan and Smith, who are on par with you now), but isn't this list below much nicer?

• Cal Ripken
• Tony Gwynn
• Don Mattingly
• Larry Bird
• Dan Marino

Bernie, you're a Yankee. Stay that way.

Best,
Mark La Monica, longtime Yankee fan

Dear Peyton Manning and Marlon Jackson,

On behalf of every Jets fan and all Americans outside of New England, thank you!

Best,
The Hatriot

P.S. Eat it, Belichick!

Dear Mr. Sutton,

Isn't it amazing what happens when you blitz the quarterback periodically during an NFL game, as opposed to just waiting until the fourth quarter to send the safety in when your team is already down and fighting to get back into the game?

Keep it up.

Sincerely,
Jets fans.