Ken Davidoff's baseball insider

Most of the time, my job is simple enough: Write about baseball players and games, with an occasional needle-moving issue sprinkled in to keep things lively.

But every now and then, a story emerges that is so riveting, so wrought with irony, crazy characters and/or delicious subplots, that I find myself laughing as it unfolds. These are my favorites. Some, I covered more than others. But they all have occurred since I began covering baseball:

5) The Rafael Palmeiro-steroids debacle. On March 17, 2005, while Mark McGwire saw his life go down the toilet, Palmeiro wagged his finger at the House Government Reform Committee and swore that Jose Canseco was wrong to have accused him of steroids usage in "Juiced." It was a convincing performance; Palmeiro scored major PR points.

And when he failed a test for illegal PEDs later that year, he went from Capitol Hill big shot to the subject of a Congressional investigation. And he became persona non grata on the Orioles. He never hit another homer after his test result became public.

And to add another layer of intrigue, Palmeiro blamed his positive test on a substance he received from teammate Miguel Tejada. When Tejada told Congressional investigators that he didn't use illegal PEDs, and when George Mitchell reported that Tejada did violate baseball law, Tejada became the subject in another Congressional investigation that is still ongoing.

What a mess. And it all emanated from the arrogance of Palmeiro, who probably figured he wouldn't get caught in his own web of lies.

4) News breaks that Bud Selig received a loan from Carl Pohlad. The loan occurred in 1995, but news didn't leak until January 2002 - right around the time that Pohlad's Twins had been approved for contraction. Whoever leaked it, wanted a connection to be made between the two: Pohlad helps out Selig with the loan, then Selig helps out Pohlad by liquidating the Twins.

It was a perfectly fair connection to make, given Selig's blatant conflict of interest. What I enjoy most about the linked story is how MLB president Bob Dupuy and Selig's allies Drayton McLane, Jerry Reinsdorf and Fred Wilpon express such "outrage" over the perfectly valid criticism.

3) "Fat, puss-y toad." I was fortunate enough to be at Legends Field on April 1, 1999. It was the last day of spring training, and the Yankees were one out away from wrapping up a victory against the Indians, packing up and boarding a flight to Los Angeles.

But an Indians hitter _ I can't find it, but I'd bet $5 of Richie G.'s money that it was Jolbert Cabrera _ hit a grounder to the right side, and Irabu failed to cover first base - precisely the Irabu sin that set Yankees camp into chaos five days earlier.

I knew what this meant, that my evening flight to LA was in serious jeopardy, and I threw my pen out of the press box in frustration. Then the media pack immediately headed to find George Steinbrenner, and it paid off: The Boss, still in his prime, said that Irabu looked like "a fat, puss-y toad" in not covering first.

We were all in shock: Puss-y? How do you even spell that? As interim manager Don Zimmer and Steinbrenner met with Irabu in the manager's office (Joe Torre was recovering from prostate cancer surgery), reporters played the tape for Yankees players who had heard about the comments. Hysterical laughter abounded. Meanwhile, Irabu held up the entire breaking of camp for a couple of hours, causing someone to call for a pizza delivery to the Yankees' clubhouse.

It didn't end there: Irabu refused to board the plane to California, saying he needed more time to prepare for the season. This was a Thursday night. Friday morning, at Dodger Stadium, Zimmer announced that Ramiro Mendoza, rather than Irabu, would start the third game of the season in Oakland. Saturday morning, in Tampa, Steinbrenner said that Irabu would be departing Tampa, and that The Boss' preference was for Irabu to start that third game. This infuriated Zimmer so much that he uttered this classic if nonsensical line, after a reporter asked Zimmer whether he would resign: "I ain't gonna resign! I'll just quit! He's fired better men than me!"

The post-script was that Mendoza started that third game and won, and Irabu pitched in relief. "He wanted Irabu to pitch on Wednesday, and he did," a smiling Zimmer said afterwards.

The P.P.S. is there still has never been an official decision on how to spell "puss-y." Some went with that, while others went with "puss-ie." I was writing for The Record at the time, and I sent this: "pussy (rhymes with 'fussy')." That wound up getting me in trouble with my boss.

2) WhartonGate. The Mets were playing in Philadelphia in an April 2000 series, and Bobby Valentine, rarely one to turn down an audience, spoke to a class at the University of Pennsylvania's Wharton School. As was not the first time for Bobby V., he spoke a little too honestly, infuriating his nemesis, GM Steve Phillips.

In these nascent days of the Internet, the story came to light because of a message-board poster with the handle of "Brad34," who reported Valentine's comments on a Mets fan site. But the school's newspaper taped Valentine's speech, reported comments that can be seen here and also reported that Valentine had asked for the tape not to be released.

Sensing an opportunity to trump his nemesis, Mets GM Steve Phillips flew to Pittsburgh, where the Mets were by the time the story became public, and confronted Valentine about the comments. But Phillips' power play was so blatant that he, rather than Valentine, wound up being ripped by many New York sports columnists.

As you know, the Mets proceeded to make the World Series that year, and within three years, both Valentine and Phillips were gone.

1) The Jeff Nelson-for-Armando Benitez trade. I'll go point-by-point to explain why this was the funniest trade in baseball history:

a) The Yankees had let Nelson return to Seattle via free agency following the 2000 season. They had never been able to find a suitable replacement, going through such options as Todd Williams, Jay Witasick, Mark Wohlers, Steve Karsay (who was decent for 2002, but injured after that), Juan Acevedo, Dan Miceli ...

b) ...and then Benitez, fresh off his implosion from the Mets. It seemed like everyone besides the Yankees officials realized what a horrible idea it was to try Benitez as Mariano Rivera's setup man. He had built up so much ill will among Yankees fans that, the first time he warmed up in the bullpen, the Yankee Stadium crowd booed him.

c) So Benitez quickly turned into a bust with the Yankees, as he clearly couldn't handle the pressure situations, and the Yankees still needed a setup man.

d) Meanwhile, Nelson played for a still-competitive Seattle team, but he had ripped into team management for not getting anyone at the July 31 non-waivers trade deadline. In other words, Nellie was available largely for the same reason that the Yankees didn't want him anymore back in 2000: He had a big mouth.

So for these two men _ given their rich New York histories, given the backstories behind the teams' motives _ to get dealt for one another, was comedy gold, as Kenny Bania would say.