College Classes I Needed

Tommy, "You know a lot of people go to college for seven years."
Richard Hayden, "I know, they're called doctors."
[Tommy Boy, 1995]

D.J. Zaccagnini, "I graduated from Indiana University..."

When someone first hears me mention my Alma mater, a gleam momentarily fills their eyes. Then I finish the school's name.

"...of Pennsylvania".

(Their excitement couldn't fade faster had it been kick-off for a Big Ten team to play one from the Pac-10. And expectations are erased quicker than the point spread will be when Ohio State plays Southern California next weekend.)

With a diploma that serves little professional purpose, I'd been better served by taking some different courses during my collegiate years. Not that by attending these classes (or any at all) back then could have furthered my professional career - since no employer has ever asked me once about that degree... NEVER - but the education may be helpful for watching college football.

History 101
Thanks to LeGarrette Blount's postgame meltdown Thursday night, Oregon's season started with some punch. The Ducks 2009 season ends on December 3rd when they host their interstate rival, Oregon State, in the annual "Civil War".

Didn't Oregon become a state (1859) just two years before the U.S. Civil War (1861) began? What battle in between the Union and the Confederacy was ever fought on their soil?

Accounting 101 + 1
How is it that every game I watch is also a new all-time attendance record for that stadium? Whenever a total is announced the commentator almost inevitably says next, "That's the biggest crowd to ever watch a football game at (insert stadium name here)!"

Brent Musburger did it again during the Alabama/Virginia Tech game from Atlanta. I'm looking for a bookie right now who will parlay action that they'll be a new college football attendance record for the Georgia Dome set at the SEC Championship Game in December and then, again, on New Year's Eve for the Chick-fil-A Bowl.

Excuse my limited academic credentials but me thinks they either miscount or secretly add one seat before every televised game.

Statistics 2002
Prior to 2002, individual or team statistics from bowl games were never counted toward season or career numbers. Many astute commentators and analysts will again note that fact when more records are broke this upcoming bowl season.

Why not go back and fix the old totals?

I play fantasy football with a guy who can tell you how much Chris Chandler scored in week seven of the 1998 NFL season but no college football geek can add 247 from the 1980 Rose Bowl to Charles White's career rushing yards?

Advanced Public Relations
It's safe to assume you can't enroll for a master's degree before completing your BS in this department. Only then might I be able to comprehend how a speech that contains so many self-references is considered to be so selfless.