Colts 16-0? It Could Happen!

As an athlete I hardly led my teammates to many championships. When I was 12 years old, my Braun-Jeffery Little League squad made the finals at a tournament in Morningside, PA, but, other than that, it was a lot mediocre teams and even less spectacular results.
As a broadcaster, however, my local presence has had a much more positive effect on the teams I've covered and reported for. For the first half of this decade I was in the bay area where the San Francisco Giants would win a pennant, the Oakland Raiders made a Super Bowl and the San Francisco 49ers, Oakland Athletics and even the San Jose Sharks were having playoff success. Not so much since (especially for those Raiders).
The White Sox ended an 86 year World Series drought and the Bears made their first Super Bowl in 21 years during my professional stay in Chicago. (The Chicago Cubs? Well, some curses are seemingly impossible to reverse.) And last season while anchoring the pregame and postgame broadcasts for the Atlanta Falcons Radio Network, the young team made the postseason just one year after their head coach quit and their franchise player went to prison.
With IndySportsNation.com and WXIN-TV, it's the Indianapolis Colts that I will follow and cover. But with an NFL record 6 consecutive seasons (and counting) with 12 or more wins, Peyton Manning and company don't need any good luck vibes from me. The Colts started 7-0 in 2007, 9-0 in 2006 and began the 2005 NFL season 13-0.
But maybe, just maybe, the 2009 Indianapolis Colts can be the 2nd team in NFL history to go undefeated. Don't laugh, it could happen...
Week 1: Sun, Sept. 13 vs. Jacksonville 1 p.m.
The Colts open at Lucas Oil Stadium against the division rivals and their passing game is out of sync. At halftime Anthony Gonzalez learns that "stepping into Marvin Harrison's role" doesn't mean sitting apart from everyone while on the bench, but making plays while on the field. He responds with 2 touchdown grabs from Manning and Colts win, 24-20.
Week 2: Mon, Sept. 21 at Miami Dolphins 8:30 p.m.
The Monday Night matchup becomes a mistake for ESPN when viewers with new HDTV converter boxes are put into trauma with the discovery of how much makeup Ron Jaworski wears. The Colts defense holds Ricky Williams to negative yards rushing at Dolphins Stadium proving that he doesn't play better while on "natural grass". Colts over the 'Fins, 34-16.
Week 3: Sun, Sept. 27 at Arizona Cardinals 8:20 p.m.
It's a terrible night, for both Cardinals fans and for Christians. Kurt Warner throws four interceptions and swears to atheism after being pulled for Matt Leinart (who is sacked 5 times). Worse for Matt, there was no beer or sorority girls in the locker room hot tub. Colts over the (0-3) Cardinals, 41-7.
Week 4: Sun, Oct. 4 vs. Seattle Seahawks 1 p.m.
Coach Jim Caldwell outsmarts Jim Mora Jr. by having Colts interns continually call him on his cell phone all week. Mora runs out of roaming minutes and isn't able to communicate or game plan with his staff. Matt Hasselback and the Seahawks lose in Indianapolis, 20-0.
Week 5: Sun, Oct. 11 at Tennessee Titans 8:20 p.m.
Scheduled to make his first start of 2009 for an injured Kerry Collins, Vince Young refuses to take the field because his feelings are hurt after seeing a fan in a Peyton Manning jersey. With no quarterback the Titans managed to keep it close by starting a new league fad, the "Scaredy-Cat Offense". But not enough as the Colts hold on 34-28.
Week 7: Sun, Oct. 25 at St. Louis Rams 1 p.m.
Returning from the bye week so rested and with no fans left in St. Louis to wake them, the Colts sleep through the first half. They get up in time for 3 Manning to Wayne touchdowns and neither, even better for me, are playing against my fantasy football team this week. Colts come back, 21-20.
Week 8: Nov. 1 vs. San Francisco 49ers 1 p.m.
Disgusted with his team's pass rush, 49ers head coach Mike Singletary puts on shoulder pads and sacks Manning 4 times. Too bad Mike now runs a 6.7 in the 40 yard dash and he's burned for 2 touchdowns by Dallas Clark. Colts roll, 38-21.
Week 9: Nov. 8 vs. Houston Texans 1 p.m.
Houston breaks an NFL record for consecutive seasons of nobody saying anything about them after the month of October. Colts, 27-6.
Week 10: Nov. 15 vs. New England Patriots 8:20 p.m.
Tom Brady is distracted when supermodel wife Gisele Bundchen and his child with actress Bridget Moynahan are seated apart due to a last name screw-up. Gisele said she still loves the kid as if it was her own but attendants at the Lucas Oil Stadium box office had windows shot out of their truck. Colts beat the Pats, 23-17.
Week 11: Sun, Nov. 22 at Baltimore Ravens 1 p.m.
Ray Lewis is publicly embarrassed when he again tries to trash talk Joseph Addai but loses control of his bladder. The Ravens lose a game while Lewis wins an Avodart endorsement. Colts, 34-9.
Week 12: Sun, Nov. 29 at Houston Texans 1 p.m.
The Colts are taken by surprise when Houston doesn't show up for their own home game. The Texans wanted to see if anybody would notice. Nobody did. Colts, 51-0.
Week 13: Sun, Dec. 6 vs. Tennessee Titans 1 p.m.
Jeff Fisher insists on wearing his designer sunglasses inside Lucas Oil Stadium and calls for a 4th down running play to LenDale White. But the Titans were on defense. Manning scores on a naked bootleg and the Colts pull out a close one, 24-21.
Week 14: Sun, Dec. 13 vs. Denver Broncos 1 p.m.
After being held to only 33 yards passing, Broncos owner Pat Bowlen makes head coach Josh McDaniel walk up Intersate-65 and beg Jay Cutler to come back to Denver. Colts shutout Broncos, 23-0.
Week 15: Thu, Dec. 17 at Jacksonville Jaguars 8:20 p.m.
Broadcast on the NFL Network, it's one of the great fourth quarter comebacks as Manning leads 3 scoring drives in the final 5 minutes. No one in America could stay awake to see it due to Bryant Gumbel's monotone delivery. Cris Collinsworth swears it happened, 30-28 the Colts over the Jags.
Week 16: Sun, Dec. 27 vs. New York Jets 4:15 p.m.
Following an injury to Mark Sanchez during practice, a Jets quarterback guarantees a victory the week of the game. It didn't make news because still nobody has ever heard of any of the other quarterbacks on the Jets. Colts crush New York, 41-13.
Week 17: Sun, Jan. 3 at Buffalo Bills 1 p.m.
Stubbornness and senility make them forget the 2007 Patriots so living members of the undefeated 1972 Dolphins team show up to Ralph Wilson Stadium with champagne and liquor hoping for an Indianapolis loss. The Colts don't cooperate but the former 'fins stay out all night getting sauced anyways. Seems Mercury Morris had a little something to keep them awake all night. Colts complete perfect season, 31-17.
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